Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Snow93]

Finally caved and contacted you. I hate myself for it but I guess I have to let it be yet another reminder that it will only cause me pain. It's so hard to stop once I start. It just reopens the wounds. I get the desire to ask so many questions again. Questions I know the answer to, looking for answers I know won't satisfy me. I don't understand you. It's so frustrating. I'm stupid for going back to talk to you and making it clear that I'm not over you yet. You're just so cold...So different. All I can do is be happy knowing I gave it my best shot..you on the other hand...you didn't. It's not my fault but I'm the one beating myself up.

[kz91]

I went to the place where me and you would go, "our spot" is what we used to call it. I cried and everything.

 

Hope you're okay and happy, I miss you everyday.

[beaton]

I shouldn't have messaged you today but we did have a friendly chat about something that held both our interests. Then you faded away again. Even when we were together it was always you who ended the conversation. I expected it and didn't let it sting. I got to talk to you about something I knew you were pumped about and we had a good conversation. That was all I wanted. I felt stupid at the end. I talked too much and felt like I was bugging you. I hate that feeling. You once completely loved and validated me and I nearly forgot today that that it is no longer your place. I didn't freak out or ask about it though. I just took the hint and signed off.

 

However if I'm honest with myself, you were single even when we were together. You never completely opened yourself to me. You were always doing your own thing and I chalked it up to just the way you were. Now I wonder if you did it on purpose to protect yourself. Did you know deep down that we were never going to make it together?

 

When you talked about the future it was always "I," rarely "we". I find myself doing the same thing now. Me, without you.

[Scott Joyner]

It's been 11 days since we've spoken. Do you ever even think about me? You haven't left my mind once. Days are getting easier but I can't help but wonder if i'm ever on your mind. Do you ever remember the memories we had together? Does anything in our old room remind you of me? Does laying in the bed we shared for so long bring back any memories at all? DO you ever creep on my facebook? twitter? This seems so much easier for you than it is me. You're already moving on. Talking to other guys, flirting. I can't even look or think about another girl in that way. I know that this is for the better; but i can't help but to still love you. Even after the things that you said to me. Maybe the love i feel is fake. Just my hurt ego, or my need for affection and intimacy, or maybe it's the fact that I basically made you my whole world. You were my best friend. I lost my other friends to spend all my time with you. I just miss you AH. I hope that you are doing well.

[tryharder83]

ive just been crying my eyes out today.. my head hurts from it.

 

after months of trying to be ok and thinking im ok.. some not so good news about a family member which is of most importance suddenly made me vulnerable with the hurt im trying to steer clear from..

 

why???! im hating myself for this ;(

 

im missing you..

 

and its not right, anymore i dont have a hold of you. you are someone from my past who wouldnt care what ever happens to me.

[Robin2904]

Its strange that your mom called me the other night out of the blue, then I texted her the next day and told her I would give her a call that night and I said 'hope your okay' and she texted back 'u too' and I called her that night and no answer- which is unlike her. Then I left her a voicemail and didn't hear anything from her after that. So I texted her a few days later saying I tried to call you back, let me know when your free and I'll try again hope your well. And heard nothing back. It's weird and kind of unlike her, I genuinely hope she's okay. I got the feeling she wanted to talk about something specific. I worry about her because I know her living situation had been up in the air. I sincerely hope she's okay. I wondered if maybe you found out she wanted to talk to me and made her not do it- that's possible. I kind of hope its that and not something really wrong with her. I kind of debated texting you to ask if she was okay, but maybe that's a line that shouldn't get crossed and it might open up a can of worm- you'll be mad at her for still talking to me, and mad at me for still talking to her maybe. I just hope she is okay....I don't know WHY in the world I still care about ANY of you people! Arg.

[Snow93]

It sucks how I think I finally got through to you and you chose to ignore the realisation by flying completely off the handle. I think I made you realise now. You told me it was only the fact that other guys were there that gave you attention that made you realise you need that physical side of things. I was coming for you, I was going to allow that physical connection soon.

 

When I told you how the guys you've tried with have all been physical with you and then ignored you, used you, you didn't know what to say. I told you how I gave you all that. I gave you love, attention and, when possible, my physical side. You had it all from me but just couldn't hold off a little while longer while I made the last adjustments in moving. That's when you blew up. I think it made you realise...Or maybe I'm fooling myself. Either way, I said what I needed to.

 

You said you weren't ready to think about an exchange for a year. Why was I ready to then? Why I was I ready to commit for that year and, assuming it worked, stay with you forever? You need to learn that you can't just stick to your comfort zone all your life. You need to get out there, take risks, be scared. I was terrified at the thought of changing countries but I was more than willing. I was excited. It would have been an adventure. With you. I shouldn't have any regrets. I knew I was ready for it and I knew I did all I could for us. The onus isn't on me.

 

Maybe it would have been naive of me. Maybe it would have been foolish. But it would have been a hell of an experience. A story. Some things you just do. One day I will come to your country, I don't know in how many years now but one day I will. Once I'm healed, maybe even with a new girlfriend, but I will come. Assuming I'm over this completely, I might even hit you up like you said. If I ever forgive you, I'll let you know I'm coming.

[Monkey ai]

It was nice talk with you, I still felt so close to you, I don't know how you felt, why you always try to contact me... and why you call my pet name... I realized that I need keep remind myself that you are just a friend no more and less, no day dream and expectation... I am not going to see you, and I am continuing move on my life... one day I will find someone that I love, it could be u and other man... bye!

[DepthOfField]

I can't believe how someone so special to me is now a complete stranger.

It's still so weird coming home to an empty house without you there.

I hope you're not mad at me. Please remember the good times.

 

I miss so much you Kitty Kat.

[bittersweet871]

I've decided to give you a break today. Instead of contacting you I'll just do my own thing. Being off of FB helps me worry less about you. I still wonder what you are up too. I'm not really sure what is happening between us right now. You finally expressed your feelings and laid it all out on the table and I really appropriate that, but why so late? I realize that if we were to ever get back together it would be a long ways out and that's OK. I still question some of the things you have said to me, but I won't argue with it and right now, I just want to continue on. I hate rehashing the last 6 months. The conversation last night makes me question you. I'm not sure if you were just in a mood or if we are falling back into old habits.

I've stopped talking about you to my friends and it really has taken a load off my mind. It helps that I know you would respond and actually hang out with me if I asked. I feel like perhaps NC is not for us. We didn't break up over typical relationship drama and honestly, in a few months or years I seriously think you would date me again. That's what your rant was about the past two days anyways...

Suffice it to say, you and I are an interesting duo.

[lovepugs86]

I'm really sad that you didn't end up texting me for my birthday. That was pretty low of you. I hope when your mom mentions that she saw me that you really can't get me off your mind. I feel like you never really loved me at all... or maybe you did but you are just trying to block everything out of your mind. You need to step up and realize that you made a huge mistake and own up to it. You are missing out.

[Throwaway999]

I still have a box of your crap. I want to give it to you, just to be rid of it. It is sitting in my closet right now. It is all stuff you left in my apartment and I don't want to throw it away, because it is perfectly good stuff. I already threw out a bunch of other stuff that you left, but it seems a shame to waste the crap in this particular box of crap. Already wasted several years of my life, so why should it bother me to throw out some books and dvds, your hiking boots that you only wore that one time we went to the national park... just random stuff that was lying around. The boots are still perfectly good, and they cost like 50 bucks.

 

I feel like I should just be able to drop this stuff off at your place like an adult, and be able to exchange pleasantries with you like it is no big deal. Like we are both mature enough to realize that, hey, too bad that didn't work out, but we are both good people at heart and there's no hard feelings between us... But I haven't seen you since we broke up and I honestly don't know how I would react. I suspect that seeing you wouldn't make me feel very good. But I also think throwing away perfectly good stuff that you might want or could use, just because I don't want to face you yet, would make me feel like a coward.

 

So... I still have a box of your crap.

[Snow93]

You know you make it pretty tough for me to make it through the day sometimes. The lecture I had today at Uni was on counselling and it reminded me how you wanted to go into social work. You. Helping people? What right do you have to make people feel at ease, to make them feel better? Great job so far, all you've done is break the heart of one of the people closest to you. Made me feel my lowest through your betrayals. How could YOU ever help people when all you know how to do is hurt them?

 

Remember when we were together at first and you used to call me nearly every night you were travelling to work? The cost was so high and we didn't even care. You once asked me never to turn my back on you, never to cheat. It was you who ended up doing all of it though. You stopped caring entirely, forgot our plans, our conversations. Things I used to love about you were the things you began to change. You became this completely changed person that you are now.

 

The reason I struggle to let go is because I still look through those rose tinted glasses. I still have that image of the person I once knew. I have to realise that you aren't "you" anymore. You're so different. You're the person who chases guys for attention just for validation. You sacrificed my love, my attention for your petty desire to feel wanted by other guys. Apparently physical attention is what you really care for most. I gave you everything. Love, attention, physicality when possible. But you just wanted it from every random ****** at a club. Enjoy your lust then. I can tell you right now it wasn't worth sacrificing my love and dedication for.

[jaded123]

A:

 

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

-Ambrose Bierce

 

Does anyone deserve anything in life ? Deserve implies a certain fairness in life, cause and effect. But life doesn't work that way.

 

“There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.” - George Sand

 

I wanted to share my work with you, but I felt it would make me look incapable somehow.

 

You know, you changed when you came back from your retreat up north. I was counting the days because you were gone for a longish time and then you decided to go down to DC after that, instead of coming back to see me. I should have told you how that made me feel, instead of being surly about it. I felt very hurt and I should have verbalized it better.

 

You turned me away from your house once, preferring someone from your organization over me. I took it in stride then, because I guess you had a reason, but in reality, it was so painful to be turned away from your door like that.

 

I'm human too. I lashed out and acting immaturely. I should have been more communicative about it but I ended up just being upset and surly about it.

 

But you know, I tried to make amends. Not just once or twice but over and over again. I had accepted you fully for whatever you did and I was never ever going to be judgemental or controlling about anything again...not in any way that would upset you.

 

I have tried to behave in a way you would have wanted me to behave ever since you went away.

 

The philosopher Schopenhauer observed that we are all bound to a primordial "will to live", it is life's will, a primordial force to extend itself. Maybe that's what love is, an evolved instinct. But I don't care. I believe in it. And I don't know what to do. I love you very much.

 

I have realized that love is conditional in most cases. People grow apart because of how the other person behaves. But I also realize, that sometimes in life, for some people and some paths in life, one can fall in love unconditionally. It may falter or wobble but if it survives, it survives forever.

 

I fell in love with your essence, your spirit, *you*. It was not conditional in the beginning, but as I worked through my feelings, it did become unconditional in the end.

 

I don't know what to do now. When I saw your wedding pic on Facebook, in december, seeing a visual representation of that, it brought the end of it into clear focus. I thought upon jumping onto the subway track that night because I had been utterly rejected and left alone, by someone who loved me very much once.

 

I never ever left you, ever. I would never have left you, ever. I am sorry I hurt you. I beat myself about it every day. I am sorry.

 

Deserve ? Yeah, no one deserves anything but still, I ask the universe sometimes, did I deserve to lose someone who made me so happy, strong and complete ? Did I ever do something so terrible in a past life?

 

How do I change the world now ? How can I change anything when I'm all alone and old and tired and broken ? How can I help anyone ?

 

-H

[Hennie]

I wish I could talk to you. I miss you like crazy. I love you no less than the day I first told you I loved you. I know you've moved on but (unfortunately? for me) my heart is stubborn. I'm still here. Still trying to work on myself, haven't totally given up on that. It's a daily struggle.

[Robin2904]

I miss you. I really have wanted to reach out to you the last few days...but I won't. But it doesn't stop how I feel, it just means I'm strong enough to fight those feelings. I just wish I could talk to you, I miss your presence in my life....

[Tinkie9901]

Why have you been going through my facebook page and all the photo albums? I haven't looked at yours once since we split, hid all your updates from my news feed. But last night I get an alert on my phone, you liked one of the photos on my page. A picture from the deck of our holiday cabin the week before we broke up. Why do that? Now all I have is thoughts of you and that trip going round and round in my head.

[lovepugs86]

Why do I still feel this pain... it's not fair. You are probably so happy without me around and not missing me at all... why does my gut still tell me that we should be together? It's so stupid because you've been rejecting me over and over for the last 6 months. Even when we talked last night you just seemed like a stranger and I had to watch what I said the whole time because I didn't want to be vulnerable again. Why can't you show up my door and tell me you still love me? I will always love you... even though you are not the same person I loved once before.

[MasterPo]

Having a bleh night. Drove through a snowstorm, twice, to square away stuff at our old place. It was bad. I swear I could still smell your apple blossom shampoo and finding your cross trainers inside the closet hurt me bad. I bought those for you, for our walks, didn't know you left them behind. I hate you and I miss you. God, how screwed is that.

 

It's been a long time and today set me back quite a bit. Storm was ugly but it didn't phase me. Couldn't see out the windshield my eyes were blurry and wiping the glass didn't help.

 

Took a deep breath. Thought about breaking NC and calling you. No number, thank god for that. Bleh, it'll pass and I'm glad I stayed the course. Wondering if you miss me? Wondering when this tired old pain will just go away. Tired. Go away.

[oolaa]

R, today is my birthday. I miss you so bad. We have been in NC for 2 months, it is painful that you didn't even send me a greeting on my birthday. Am I reli mean nothing to you at all? You probably move on and living so happily without me now. I was the one who gave and loved more in our relationship, why it's so unfair that I'm the one who suffer now? Why a selfish jerk like you could have everything and living without guilty on dumping me who loved you wholeheartedly? You just disappeared suddenly without saying a good bye, why you have to do it like that?

[Snow93]

This day 9 months ago, I remember how happy I was, we had only just gotten back together. I had forgiven you and I was showing you the sights around my city...You couldn't stand to be away from me. You kept holding my hand, hugging and kissing me every chance you got. I see couples like that now and it hurts so bad. Why did you have to turn out to be like this? What was wrong with what we had that you had to cheat?

 

I struggle daily, it's so hard to forget what you used to be. I miss how we could make each other laugh, how I could look at you and instantly smile and just get the urge to hug you. When I think of you now I just get this hollow feeling in my stomach. I never thought that the idea of you would make me feel this way. I keep telling myself to let you go and wipe you from my life. You were such a huge chunk of my life though, everything reminds me of you.

 

It isn't fair that you did this to me. If you added the amount of time it's been since you broke up with me again it would be July-ish. I would be with you and we would have that happiness again...Now I don't have anything to look forward to. I worked so hard and saved so much money for you. What is it good for now? What am I good for now? I don't understand why you would have done this.

[beaton]

It's spring break here and I see people our age walkin around holding hands, sitting at the beach, etc. I visited the beach the other day and recalled how we spent all day playing in the the ocean like kids. My brothers gf is coming to visit for the week. It hurts to see their long distance relationship blossom. How come they can handle it?

 

It doesn't help to dwell on this. I know that you had your reasons, and I accept that I'm never fully going to understand them. Sometimes I see what we could have been and feel a pang. I want to visit your area for my friends, without contacting you, but I still want you to know that I visited and that I didn't tell you. Isn't that childish? I would like to see you but I know that it would only mess me up. If I saw you I would want you back. I would be broken at how casual our interactions have become. I'm not ready to be just friends. I can play at it over texts and online, but in real life? To be directly exposed to your face and smell and familiarity? My heart would break again.

[Mike80]

For a few minutes, I seriously considered texting you. Then I read the slew of texts you sent me in January. You were so cold at the end. You basically strung me along for god knows how long until you found a "suitable" replacement (a legally married man with 2 kids = suitable? lolz).

 

Thank god I didnt delete those texts. They only serve to remind me that you made it perfectly clear just how little I mean to you now.

 

I deleted the message I was about to send you and continued on with my day.

[jaded123]

A, I don't want to be that guy. But I do miss you so much every day. Just wanted to share all these books I've read, movies seen, songs written and heard. I just wish it had turned out differently. I almost texted you today, every single atom in my body is crying out for it, but I won't of course. You made your choice, you are married. Every night, you are the last thing I think about, every morning, as I wake up, you are the first thing that comes to mind. I don't know why you gave up on me, I don't know....I had changed for you and become 100% tolerant and non judgemental (even though I didn't agree with it) of the whole thing. I wanted kids so badly and I had just wanted some reassurance in my mind that they wouldn't be indoctrinated, but I did accept whatever you chose to do. I loved you completely and I know you loved me so much too...I am sorry for hurting your feelings and causing you so much pain. I am sorry and have been right from the day after I said some of those things. I was young, brash, inexperienced in relationships. And very very stressed at work too. None of those are excuses of course...I did hurt you and I am unconditionally sorry. I keep going over and over it in my mind.

--H

[jaded123]

..(and to continue the above)

I keep going over and over it in my mind, and I feel both utterly humiliated (for the way you treated me after the breakup), devastated (for losing you) and guilty (because it was my fault).

-H