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I dont know why Im here crying right now. You havent seen our son in almost a month after you strangled me and went to jail. Your case is on Tuesday and I somehow hope that they give you jail time for what you did to me/us. I can never forgive you. In a flash you made me hate you. I am so upset because my world has changed and I cant stay home with our son like we planned and you havent given me a dime since you left. I am so hurt that you were even able to hurt me while you were drunk. Even drunk people know who they love. You didnt love me. You got what you wanted. I hope you are having fun in the streets, bars or with someone else. I hope you and your co-worker never talk again, I know you wanted her. You choked me when I was 7 months pregnant over her. I really hope you live with the pain of what you did to me forever.

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After exchanging some PMs with a poster about a BU issue, it's hitting me like a sledgehammer that my ex never loved me. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't love. I've been denying that this whole time. I've been convincing myself he loves me but thinks it's best for me if he stays away. I never wanted to accept the possibility that he didn't love me at all. But I'm really starting to believe he didn't.

 

My heart is broken all over again.

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I'm completely tempted to text my ex. I still miss her like crazy. I miss my best friend. I miss being able to share my life with her. I miss her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her touch...just everything that she was (is). I wish I could text her - "I love you and I miss you."

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Shiiiit I have the same issue here...she is on a rebound with a complete loser...I want to call for 8th of March...it's been 20 days of NC...Im still thinking she misses me a little bit...but she has suppressed her feelings Im sure...what if I call and she hangs up the phone???

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Sometimes it is said that the rejection of a break-up would be easier if that person had died. I can understand that: the rejection added to the loneliness is painful. But I'm so glad you haven't died. Even though your rejection hurts I am glad I am going through a living grief.

 

One of the things I find the hardest is the void that has been left. I feel that I cannot know enough people to replace your loss. It was easier sitting on my own & knowing you were there and loved me than...well...knowing you don't. I know, I know you love me as a 'friend' & I'm sure if I went through a horrific tragedy you wouldn't spit on me. There is a void though and it feels like I can only be distracted from it. I miss you. I don't know why as our relationship was not working...but life is like that.

 

I feel sad today. That is part of life. It too will pass.

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Your mom called me tonight and left me a message just saying she missed me and asking me to give her a call when I have a chance. Been about a month since I spoke to her, 2 months since I was last there with you guys. I talk to her more then I talk to you, its been a month and a half since we spoke- since 2 weeks after I left there. She just wanted to catch up with me, asked me how my internship was going and told me she found an internship online that reminded her of me. It was sweet to hear from her, though I'm debating on whether I should call her back. I feel like it just prolongs the agony for everyone staying in touch with her, though I do miss her and care about her. Was just wondering how she was doing the other day....but it makes me miss you by talking to her. It makes me sad that she probably cares about and misses me more then you do. But I can't just ignore her, I would feel awful to do that to her. Blehhh. I wonder if she tells you she's talked to me. Probably not. Maybe in passing. I wonder if you even care. Sitting here having a cocktail tonight by myself- which I never do- and just thinking.

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Just wanted to let you know the babies miss you - they ask about you every now and again. I told them you don't want to live here anymore and that you don't love/like me anymore. I don't they think they understand. K said even A asks about you, yeah he remembers his aunt J too. *shrug* Guess none of that matters now though, you're not with me anymore and you have your god babies. I suppose it's okay though, they're all young and hopefully won't remember their aunt J forever....

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A, I feel utterly alone without you. We come from nothingness and go into nothingness, and for the little time we have, what we call being alive, that time for me, was made fulfilled by your presence. I always wanted us to be together and like I kept saying, I never left you..ever. I just wanted to get a sign that you prioritized me. It was stupid/immature/hurtful for me to do that (and I never meant to hurt you, I thought it was obvious I was being melodramatic, I was wrong). I made amends and I've grown as a person since then but one thing never changed, I always loved you. I just really wanted you to believe in me, that I would put you first too, you know?

 

Now, I don't feel so well anymore, and I just wish things had worked out differently and you were sitting here beside me. Maybe it doesn't matter in the end, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. But while we are still alive, I do believe in love and in two people who complete each other. I remember and miss you very very much.

H

Edited by jaded123
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been a year.. im having a bad day., a bad week just like any other day that im not over with what happened between us.. im mostly scared of the unknown.. trying to be positive that ill get out of this in one piece, and yet i highly doubt it. what else is there.. i hate you.,

im tired of thinking i do.. you have every right to be happy.. i just wish for mine to come before its too late..

 

goodluck

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It's been over 2 weeks and you haven't even contacted me. Where did you go? Where did those feelings we shared go? Remember when we hiked with the dogs, climbed up on the cliff together and had lunch. Remember when we saw the kite festival? Remember the nights we drove around trying to find tennis courts to play on, and we giggled for hours one the way. You sometimes made me laugh so hard that I couldn't stand up. What happened?

 

I saw you have a facebook now. That's just great. Well, I guess I do too. It's so weird to see you from that side now. I promised myself tonight that i will never ever check your facebook again. It hurts so much to see that you are doing absolutely fine without me.

 

I know I'm supposed to wish you the best, but I really don't want to. I hope you have a horrible time. I hope you find a new girl who will leave you and break your heart. I hope you will feel twice the pain i feel now. I hate what you have done to us. I hate you. I can't believe you let us go.

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My phone rang with a text alert a couple hours ago. I typically don't get texts around that time of night. I actually knew who it was before I looked....but, subconsciously, I hoped it was you. I can't believe myself. Every day that passes I try to convince myself that I'm getting used to being without you, getting used to not hearing from you at all, etc; and then, something small happens that totally reminds me of you, and I realize I'm still not close to being over you. I have no idea how long this is going to take. I'm sick of this. Sick of you still having such an influence over my life, meanwhile I know I have zero impact on yours anymore.

 

I know if I told you these things you'd call me pathetic and you'd tell me to grow up and get over it....and it would be at that moment that I would pray your new man does what you did to me later on down the line so you can experience just what its like to love someone and watch them walk away without a care in the world. Screw you. I'm doing just fine. Just fine....

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You will NEVER realise what you ahve thrown away. I have a heart of gold and I was ALWAYS there when you needed me. Even after the break up. After the abuse and the things you said that night I know I am a much better person than you'll ever be.

You're just a user and a manipulator who only cares for herself. You needed me when something was wrong but as soon as the sun was shining sgain I never mattered. And you had the nerve to tell me I only think of myself. You are pathetic and you deserve to be miserable. You try to hide how pathetic and sad you are and most people buy it but I know better and so do you. You are the most miserable person I know and you deserve to be.

I gave you everything and was there for you always. You jst couldn't be bothered unless everything was your way. Well good luck. you're never gonna be happy. I know you'll find yourself with other people but none of them will be there for you like I was. Even though I know you'll come to regret this one day, I also know you'll never admit it even to yourself because you were never wrong were you. You're a joke. Good riddnace

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I knew I'd finally have to tell you I'm done, that you'd try to keep me in that weird former-lovers-limbo-land....

Back in 2008, I tried not to fall in love with you. The scars from the marriage/divorce were so thick, why did I even let you in?

 

You coaxed me back into being able to love, only to ultimately reject what you had achieved,why would you do this to me.

I fell so far in love with you, I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, why did you all of a sudden do a 180°??

 

You aren't even my type? Why did I fall so hard for you only to be rejected.........

 

I told you last Friday, that if we are through, I would not and could not be your friend......I thought I got that point accross, I was speaking english....

 

When you came by Sunday and asked me to cuddle and nap with you, I said again that I could not be your friend, and you said you knew and you seemed like you wanted to try.....and when you invited me over, it seemed like you wanted to try, you even said how "nice it would be to be on a date".....what was I to think?

 

Well, yesterday when you stated you "like being with me, but don't want anything romantic", I had my epiphany moment. I knew I had to do it, just walk.....no RUN from this tomb you tried to put me in.

 

I'm stronger than this, you've seen how over the last 2 months I've focused inward, improved, learned, grown, gotten back in good shape, back in my 31" Luckys and looking good.....

 

You'll see me out and my head will be high, I'll be the one cool and above the BS, the one with a new girl on his arm, and you'll wonder if you non-decision was the best one.........

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I am not sure why you keeping contact me in last mins to ask to hung out last few weeks, you have GF...why? Are you feeling bored... have you ever consider my feeling and needs? You are really selfish!

Since last time that we met, I felt so much resentments toward to you, I know it is unhealthy for me,and I do not like that! I want to let it go, but was so hard, I have felt that you have take advantage on me big time, I was always proud of myself that I have a very big heart and I can forgive everything with people that I care, I have done over 40 years, but this time I felt been used...but from today I want to change and for me only, I want everything go. If you have any heart, at least be sincerer and maybe a apology? I use think good people always be rewarded, bad people will be punished, but now I am wondering...

from today- I will reminder myself to stand up for myself every time, I will only care the people who deserve be care, even can be a stranger, I still believe the good in human, and I love myself and the people who care and have heart.

I hope you will realize what you have done, but I am not count it any more...

Edited by Monkey ai
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How could u change ur mind so quick? U loved me wanted to marry me have a home with me 1 week and the next u had no feelings for me at all? I did everything I could for u in our 5years together and u just walked away as If I meant nothing to u. U never looked back at me. How could u be so nice and so madly in love with me then just walk away for no reason? I feel like u never truly loved me if u can just walk away like this. How could u do this to me. It feels like the love I have for u will never go away but ur love for me went within a week.....

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I think about you everyday and miss you. Although I know it's ridiculous to want things back to the way they were, it's what I want more than anything. I think you'd be proud of me and the progress I've made with my counseling and stuff. Or maybe you wouldn't be proud of me, after all, you left me, you gave up on me. I wish I knew the real reason why. Or that I could accept the reason you gave me. I love you. Always.

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