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You're a horrible person. Horrible. You have no respect for me and think only about your self. You're one of the most selfish people I've ever met. To think I used to think you were perfect. It honestly makes me laugh at my own idiocy for believing that. After what you did in May? Who the hell cheats on their partner then dumps them to be with the person they cheated with!? That's the lowest thing to do. I still remember how casually you spoke about dumping me "I dumped . It was for the best, besides I kind of like " what did you and your friends do then? YOU LAUGHED. Thinking about it, I'm so close to crossing the line into hatred for you.

 

But of course, he wasn't interested was he? Nope, and your poor little ego was shattered but I took you back anyway because I loved you and wanted to believe you had changed. Learned. Then you did pretty much the same thing again! Hahaha. I've never called you it before and I won't say it here but the word I have right now to describe you is not pretty, but accurate.

 

You honestly confuse me. Who throws away someone who would love them unconditionally in favour of some guy after some quick gratification? You have a lot to learn. I used to think you were the mature one between us but oh god was I wrong. You always wanted to have your cake and eat it, so what would I do? Oblige you. Bend over backwards for you so YOU didn't have to lift a finger. I would have dropped the world at your feet if you had asked. I was so in love with you. Speaking of the world, remember how I was crossing half of it to be with you? I would have given my life for you without a second's hesitation. I've been so blind. WHY would I do this for someone who clearly did not appreciate me in the least?

 

And you think we can stay friends. Hahahaha. Seriously? The nerve of you. I've never been more sure that I NEVER want to see you again. Valentine's day, your first day of Uni, your birthday, I won't be seeing or talking to you. You had your chance for real love. Go pursue your one night stands. Go get your heart broken by the guys who don't care about anything but hook ups. I won't be there to pick you up this time. Karma hasn't hit you nearly hard enough yet. You are the lowest type of person. People can sing your praises all day long if they want. I know your secret. I know what you really are. You are a horrible person.

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No more contact since your last drunk e-mail saying you cried so much ? Hmmm guess you didnt care enough to call me when you sobered up. I have 2 girls waiting in line to do the nasty with me .. Guess you were right, within 2 months ill be ballsdeep with some other girls.

 

Only one i want is you, but you could never understand that. Im single so ill probably do both of them and treat them like objects, funny enough if you treat m like that they keep wanting more.

 

When i treated you good, you didnt want anything to do with me after 3 years. That makes me wonder should i ve treated u like all them other girls ? You would probably be still around if i did. Silly of me thinking that treating the girl you love like a pprincess would make her see how much you love her. Back to player mode it will be a few years until i can trust a woman again, thanks to you. And when i do i wont make the same mistakes i made with you. Not one woman will ever make me feel like you made feel. Misearable, not good enough while all that time you hit the jackpot with me. Im smart, handsome, ambitious, attentive, sensitive at times and a bad boy at other times. But no you chose to let me go for what ? Some bull**** reasons ? Yeah, just admit it, you didnt love me anymore, instead of claiming " youre letting the love of your life slip away" if i was that you wouldnt have dumped me.

 

Anyhow, take care. And when that girl walks in here next week ill give her a slice of heaven in your name

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I'm sad. When I spend time with people they're just not you. You were like a beautiful comfy slipper who I knew so well and even though you were a bit crap sometimes I wouldn't have swapped you for a better pair. I miss you. I really miss you. I feel like a bit of a failure at times being back home and not having that career I planned. It feels like you still have that career, our friends and freedom whereas I'm drifting, lonely and feel trapped. Where did my self belief go?

 

It feels like it was all meant to happen in the future and now I'm here and it didn't. I'm just confused and unsure I suppose. Something I've noticed about me is that I need 'reflection' time otherwise 'I can't see the wood for the trees'.

 

I miss you and I miss my old job and friends. I'm so gutted that we couldn't work through you 'loving me as a friend a.k.a wanting to go eff someone else'. To me a relationship is hard work and I don't understand how, when there is so much crap in the world already, you could just throw away how deeply we knew each other and all the things we had in common.

 

I know people are messed up and have there own issues but it just seems that I am here looking at what we could have and act accordingly. I miss the fact that it doesn't work that way and I don't seem to reap what I sow? Am I too righteous? I don't know.

 

Massive confused sigh...

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I'm gutted to be posting here as I really want to be over you. I am doing better but I always miss our bond. I find it hard to believe you don't. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't met you, you touched me on a profound level. I don't really want 'new' people but this is what I have to do now, life has it's own turns. I am so sad we didn't make it..I really thought we were inseperable.

 

It's tough to fathom that you are probably over this by now and I am doing better, I am. But there is this void within. And what's worrying me is that this void was there before I met you too, it only filled up when we were together. So I don't know what lies ahead for me. I push myself because we're fighters as we said and because my life must mean something even without our connection. But I won't lie..a lot of times things feel colourless. I try and give them a new colour and be the inspirational woman you loved but it's hard without you, I miss my playmate. I miss G too and I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to feel that you are dead as well.

 

I miss so many of the random things we did. I do it all by myself now and I am pushing forward, really am. I have no idea what life has in store for me but I try hard to be open and positive and sensible. It's hard to be all that when I'm in pain too.

 

It's uncomfortable with new people..it overwhelms me sometimes. But I cannot give up I know..

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Unfortunately, the dreaded Valentine's Day is in 3 days. I remember this day last year and how happy I was to come home to flowers from you. Then you came over that night after work and we exchanged gifts and love letters. Remember in that letter you told me how you were going to love me forever and that your life was meaningless before we met? Well here we are a year later. Just recently you told me you were happier without me around. How devastating is that. We haven't talked in one month and I bet you are happy that you don't have to spend money this year. Well, I say **** that!! I really hope you feel really sad that day.. I keep praying that you will realize the mistake you made. Of course a part of me hopes on Vday that you will contact me or send me flowers, but I know in reality I will be trying my hardest not to contact you and trying to keep myself as busy as possible. Why did you have to screw up everything?? You would be proud of how I'm doing right now. I've been so busy lately that I realized that if we were still together we would probably be seeing each other only 2 days a week, but I bet that would've helped our relationship in a way. Too bad you didn't give me us that chance. I even told you if we got back together I wouldn't even want anything for Vday; I'd just be grateful to be back together, but I guess you'd rather be alone. I just want to call you and say so many things, but what would that do? If you really think about me, you will call someday. Good luck trying to find someone like me because I guarantee you will just end up disappointed!!!

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This is really bad.

 

If I don't stop thinking about you, seriously, I am going to burst.

 

It's enough already. Get OUT of my head. Get OUT of my heart. And, then, please, GET out of my life.

 

Where is the "DELETE" button in life when I need it.

 

I want to DELETE you. Every memory of you. Every anything of you that still invades my head. I want the last 2 months of my life to be DELETED - ERASED from my life. It was a pathetic and wasted 2.5 months.

Edited by ssgirl1010
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A, please come back. My heart has burst. I have migraine headaches. please, just come back. i know you are happy wherever you are, and i know i can't wish for you to come back but...please do. i miss you so much, i have no one else in the world, except family. no one else to love, it would never be the same with anyone else. i live in torment every day. I never had a break up before and i should be able to deal with it and learn (as you said) and move on and find someone else. I know it's been so long now. but A, i just wish you were here, sitting beside me. You don't have to say anything, just sit and let me hold you and hold me.

 

I still hope. I only want one wish to come true in my life, just this one wish. If there is a god, I've prayed and wished for this for so long but I am now writing this, in the last hope that you and god will listen to me (and I'm an athiest which is the irony). Please, god, if you exist, this one wish, in writing. I swear upon my last breath, if you make this come true, if you give me this one thing, I will make the world a better place and serve humanity till I die.

H

Edited by jaded123
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You're hopping cities every weekend it seems, travelling. I'm jealous that you are moving on so quickly. My ego is bruised because clearly you don't miss me as much as I miss you. You wanted to be free and single and you have what you want.

I blocked your twitter and gmail, so I can't visit and see the next place you go, and can't see when you're online.

Maybe I need to do what you did and delete my facebook, too. I need to delete a lot of things. I need to rebuild my life without you. You're not coming back to me. Even if I moved to your city, I can tell that you are enjoying yourself too much. That hurts, but it's a cauterizing kind of pain. Closure.

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I love you. I call you a stupid idiot every time I tell you that because you are causing me pain. I would go so far out of my way for you and you couldn't even have a little patiance with me. why? How can you just not care anymore? You are a dumb bastard and as much as I hope your bitterness consumes you, I do not wish that on you. Because through it all, I stil care.

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I had a dream about you for the first time in a while. The good news is though, I didn't wake up sad from it. Well only for a minute or so. In the dream you were texting me lots begging to have me back. Even in the dream though, I was reluctant to accept. That can only be a good thing. I'm learning you're not good for me. I remember thinking "part of me is almost happy that I don't have to worry about your life now and I can focus on my own". I'm moving on. Slowly but surely.

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I would have never watched you struggle financially and not helped. I would have never sat my lazy butt in your house and not worked for months on end. I only hope one day you realize what you threw away. You are not worth one more tear to fall from my eye. You chose a low class skank, and that is what you got. It may seem great right now, but trust me, you will pay for it in the end.

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This morning I've been on the verge of tears. I want you in my life so badly. I'm trying to give you your space and give me time to just....move on, heal, get over you, whatever. God I miss you. I'm crying now. This kills me. i just want to have to option of you being around for me. You haven't blocked me from FB or deleted me yet, so I take that as a good sign. I know that school is the most important thing to us right now, nobody is arguing with that, but I still want you in my life. I love you.

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I've been thinking about you a lot lately...so frustrating! Just when I think I am getting over you, you creep back into my thoughts. Its sad really...you are wrong for me for so many reasons and yet, you are the one my heart wants for so many reasons. After everything that's been done and said...I still miss you. How pathetic is that huh? To love someone who has been responsible for hurting you the most. I am sure if I reach out to you know, you will reply. But it will not be genuine...it will be out of pity as you sit on the other end feeling justified in walking away. You always liked to have the upper hand...loving how I felt more for you than you...taking for granted the forgiveness I easily gave you. God, I feel like such an idiot wanting someone who is so wrong for me in so many ways. love doesn't even make sense anymore...how is it possible to miss someone who doesn't gave a damn about you? Healing is too much work...I miss the anger phase...this acceptance phase is too painful.

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Today would have been very different. You know it could have been our 2 years anniv. I have been doing well, as well as today. It's okay, but I am a bit more emotional than other days.

I have been nc with you now more than 2 months. You have been nc with me the whole time too. We both are quite stubborn I thought.

I don't know if I ever wish to see you without any feeling in future now. I know theoretically, and by my own experiences, that it will come. But the fact that the person who was so much involved in my life has become just a stranger makes me feel so sad and strange. Life is weird.

I haven't been drinking at all. We used to have one beer per night. This was something that I learnt from you. I never had it like this before I met you.

After we broke up, I stopped it.

Today, I got a beer for myself. Today I decided to recall some of good memories with you, and I will celebrate my own courage on continuing doing my best after this touch days.

I hope near the future, I would be able to wish you the happiness. Now still I cannot do that.

I know you are well. But you hurt me so badly. And you just tried to become a victim.

Fine. You live like that. I am moving on from the past. I will wash out all the dirt. But I don't want to loose the good memories that I had, not with you, but the person I loved so much, and was everything for me.

Bye.

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