Jump to content

Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Recommended Posts

It's been almost 2 months and still, every night I realize fresh that you don't love me anymore and start to cry. I miss you so much. I feel like I did better with the breakup initially than I am doing now.

 

HAHA. You just texted me: "How's it going?"

 

"Not much, doing ok, tired from work, just hanging out. ( crying over you and posting about it on a breakup site,) whats up?"

 

I still felt a stupid happy thrill when I saw your number.

Edited by beaton
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tonight, my new future ex bf said that he hates you. Hate is a strong word filled with passionate emotion, he said, and he uses it carefully, and he hates you. He hates how you played me and left me damaged. He hates how he took a - and then he listed the longest string of compliments about me - person and hurt her, and are laughing about it now. Well I don't think you are laughing about it, no. But the rest of it, they are words I had said myself, how you are not a man but a coward. That a man holds himself accountable, that a man does not start what he can not finish. All of the words he spewed at you, they are accurate. He said, "I hope I never see him because I would have no problem knocking him the f out. And I know that he would kill me, because he's a bad asx, but I would get in a couple of good licks." This is all for retribution, to get back at you on my behalf. Also maybe because you ruined me for him, and he is in love with me for sure.

 

All of that anger that he has? I don't share it. I should, or at least I should know that someone of your questionable character is way beneath me. But I don't. I do, thankfully, have the good sense to not contact you. I do, thankfully, have some sense of pride and respect for myself, and working to protect that, if only for myself. But I have not closed the door on you. I have not said to myself, nope, never, not in a million years. Rather, I still have a fantasy that after you and A break up, that somehow I will float back into your vision front and center, and you will embrace me into that center that you keep safe. This fantasy is amusing. It is obvious that you intend to maintain a holding pattern until the two of you each are free of your parenting obligations, and then you will reconvene in a new city together. Well, bully for you. I am off to a therapist to help me restore my trust in myself, restore my instincts so that next time I fall in love, it will be with someone who respects and loves me and holds my heart safely in his. I wonder how my thoughts of you will evolve, and whether I will finally spew you out as sea water from a rescued lung, able to breathe once freed of your killing presence. And what of the scar tissue left behind. Will I breathe freely?

 

You, sometimes, would look at me and say almost in tragedy "You really are sweet." Seemed a moment of recognition of your own guilt. Yet you carried on, storing your guilt in a crate under the bed never to be seen again.

 

Yeah, I am sweet. But I would make you cheat on her in an instant, if I indulged my desires. I can still feel your hands on me, I can still see you in the dark, I can still see your back at the Mayflower. And so I keep away from you, lest I make my desires known. Why? Because I will not use my body as a weapon, as a scythe to cut down food for my ego. I have a sense of dignity that would well become you.

 

Do you know I think less of her, because she is with you? Because she lets you talk about your sex, brag about it? On FB? As if nobody else on FB has any? Because she grabbed you as hers as if by force, not by will, using your friendship as blackmail? I think less of her, because she accepted your standards and is imposing hers on you. I do not think less of you, because I knew these things about you in the first place; you already are low.

 

Then why oh why would I think you are good enough for me. Really.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's been 6 months since we've broken up, 6 months since I've seen you, and almost at the 90 day mark for NC..Looking back on the threads I've posted in the past, I can't believe how dumb I was and how much I missed you, when in reality, we should have never been together in the first place. It should have never went past the first date, but what's done is done and there's no un-doing the past. Right now, I'm focused on me. I'm finally starting to get more respect from my peers in the music industry because my mind's right and I can focus, while letting the creative juices flow freely. I'm over you, and to be honest, it wouldn't bother me one bit if we've never spoken to each other or seen each other ever again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Txt from him this morning - after two weeks no contact:

'i hope you and your cats and family are as well as can be. You ae a unique and beautiful person x''

 

I would like to write but wont:

It is snowing and an eerie wind is howling. Little Liam hanged himself at the weekend at the age of 15yrs- we are all heartbroken. His dad has lost 4 people he Loved to suicide.......this being the worst -his only son.

 

It is hard not to share this crisis with him BUT I must not.........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ash......

I tried, I really did...and I gave it my all. The negative things you didn't like about me?? I addressed them didn't I...

The negative things I didn't like about you? You did nothing.....

 

I look back on the last 5 years and now know we were done 2 years ago, I should have fled then when I saw all the red flags and my boundaries being trodden upon so disrespectfully.......The last straw and ultimate act which finally made me start releasing you was how you treated me on your birthday in front of our friends, just unforgiveable and you never even validated my feelings.....

 

After that weekend, I braced myself for the implosion of my love for you, and truly realized you don't treat me the way I wish to be treated. You couldn't just do the kind thing and let me go could you? No, you had to string me along and friend-zone me instead.

I will not be your crutch until you find someone new.

 

I am removing myself from this as of today. I am exiting here with grace and dignity knowing I learned how to love again, knowing I am the prize, and knowing there is love that awaites a hopeless romantic. But this time I will not be compromised, the first time the relationship is unbalanced, my logical mind and I will bundle up my fragile heart and hit the off-ramp. I will never again be with someone who makes me feel so unwanted, almost like you were embarassed of me! Ha! Silly how I let myself be trounced by you, I damn sure never had problems with the opposite sex before you! Whey should it be any different now? You flatter yourself too much......good luck with your next BF.

 

The secret to a happy ending is knowing when to roll the credits, better roll em now before something else happens.....

 

 

Peace to all who suffer....

jtg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It amazes me how much you changed me. You really took a lot out of me. I hate how you won't get out of my head. I really don't like you for giving up on us. Honestly. Do you even know what you gave up on? You don't know what you want. You threw away someone who would have done anything for you.

 

I'm a fool for entrusting so much to you, I should have seen you for what you really are. My brain knows you're not the perfect person my heart seems to keep telling me you are. If you were perfect, would you have cheated? But even then, I forgave you. I took you back. Would you have given up over the sake of one bad patch? One bad week where we fought and suddenly you're not happy anymore. Fine, go enjoy your hunt for someone better. I assure you, you'll be hard pressed to find someone else who would move accross the planet for you.

 

You really don't have any right to feel down or hunt for sympathy. This was your choice. I was glad to hear that even your sister and mum thought you made the wrong choice though. At least they can give it to you straight unlike your "friends". It's a shame really. I liked your sister. I got on great with her, I know the reason you didn't get along with her now. Now it's clearer. She tells you how it is. You only want to hear what you want to hear. Sugar coated nothings. She tells the truth. She told you that you ruined everything about this relationship we had. She was right.

 

I'll become even stronger, I'll let this make me stronger. I won't let this heartbreak beat me. I won't let your betrayal keep me down forever. This really is more your loss than mine. The fact I'm so hung up on you proves that. I loved you more than anything, but now I'm finally putting my needs first. I won't be your friend. I won't be your shoulder to cry on. I won't fill the void left in your left by my loss, you'll have to deal with that. This was your choice.

Edited by Snow93
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know yesterday, had we been together, would of been 7 years. I wasn't particularly bother yesterday but for some reason tonight I am. I thought of when we went to look at that house for the mortgage and got confused. I don't see how things could have turned out like they have done. But that's my love isn't it and not yours. You don't love me in that special way. To you I am just a friend.

 

I miss you. I don't want to miss you or cry over your loss but I still do. I couldn't go back because I know that it wouldn't be good for me. You were angry at me for some unknown reason that you wouldn't express. I don't want to love you or miss you. I wish I could take it out of my head. What if I'm just too weird or difficult to be in a relationship with? X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, ITIC, you keep think you want to send him a message. Just what would you say exactly. What, really, do you have to say? "Nothing" Yeah that's right, nothing. But you keep saying you might you might. So if you did what would it be.

 

Well for one, it wouldnt be a message that he can ignore, ruminate over. No. It would be a phone call.

 

BB Umm hey

ITIC Hey. Wanna meet for a friendly beer?

BB I dont think thats a good idea.

ITIC Ok, Well, then, I will just wish you well and go on about my merry way.

BB Thank you for calling.

ITIC Yup. Bye cheerful voice

 

OR

....

BB: Um sure, Thursday you said?

ITIC: I was thinking we could meet at XXX pub nearXx that way its a direct shot home for each of us... ?

 

Then at beer: topics: him: moving, kids lax, IN, work project yay. me: having fun, running is going well, putting up good numbers at work, drums perfect for anna, FL, back to LA in May. Happy. If he asks do I have a bf, I say nope, dont want one. Who knew. Then I can ask, how is life for you in BF-land?

 

And then, should either of us pose the dreaded friends question: I don't know. But if we figure it out, it could be a rich friendship.

 

And if its voicemail?

 

Hey, calling to see if you are up going to get a friendly beer.

 

And what happens afterwards? What does this feel like? Well, it feels like game playing. It feels like, hey, does she really have her hooks in you? For now, or forever? It feels like, Huh, whats that all about? Yeah, no.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if you've found my posts on this board. It wouldn't be that impossible since I mentioned this site a few times while we were together. It makes me nervous to think about that possibility. But also hopeful. Because then I tell myself that you haven't contacted me because you're waiting for "proof" that I've finally gotten over you. You want me to post a message along those lines, or maybe you're just waiting for the day when I stop posting altogether. Maybe that will give you the proof you need. So, sometimes, I try to go days without posting, hoping that you'll think I've healed at last and contact me. But you don't. And I cave and post.

 

Never in a million years did I think you'd ignore me this thoroughly. I don't know how you have it in you. I really don't. How often do I cross your mind? Did you read the letter I sent? Aren't you even the tiniest bit curious about me and my life now? I mean, it's been over a year. Don't you wonder? Don't you just want to reach out?

 

Someday, maybe I'll become the type of person who can understand your behavior. I'm definitely not that person yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ey you

 

Been up all night, thinking about you a little too. I really wonder if i should contact you but what do i have left to say?

 

We made the mistake to hope for the old relationship to be back when in fact we should have been working on a new better relationship. The love was there, the years of being together was ther but the trust is gone. I get that, and dont want it to be like that but i cant change how you feel.

 

Im sorry for the hurt you feel. Whether its my or your fault doesnt matter anymore. I do miss you, i do love you and wish things were different. Its better to have lost and loved then to not loved at all.

 

Take care my surinam princess

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We've been able to hold some friendly emails as of lately. She even emailed very sweetly with my mother. I felt the sudden need, two nights ago, to write the following: "What do you say we run away and start all over". I know it's cliché but that's what my heart was telling me. I haven't received a reply and I fear I won't. Is that worse than receiving a negative reply? I'm not even sure which one hurts more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Respect for myself is the only barrier I have that keeps me from calling you. What keeps you from calling me: pride, and no intensions for me. Fundamentally you have accepted that we will never speak again.

 

If you accept that, then I should as well.

 

Still, isn't this just your habit of cutting everyone out?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So after 14 days of NC (ur choice) you text me to ask what happened to the photo albums on fb of our golf outings. What happened to Viniterra...an hour late...what happed to Viniterra & Albamarle... and hour and half later...Ok...Well? Bye Bec....... REALLY!!!! I text you for 5 days no response...you text me for 3 hours and I don't respond so its goodbye??? Then you tell me you'll let me be so I can geet on with my life?? ***...Then when I ask if u miss me...you say of course I miss being with you...but then you blow kinda cold again...

 

I found an article about Narcissistic Personality Disorder under a link called link removed....it describes the last 2 years of my life with you...the affection..the pulling away...searching out your ex...then coming back...then looking around again...then keeping me hanging with a little of attention..then blowing cold again...

After reading this article I see that you for who you are...you are someone who is incapable of ever loving me or anyone else...you are textbook for NPD and that makes me really sad because I always thought you had a good heart but the truth is you have always been self-centerd you even told me that!!!

I see you are dating that pretty girl you befriended back in OCT while you were still keeping in contact w/me. I wonder how long before you start treating her like you did me. I wonder how many other girls are going thru what I did with you...thinking it was THEM or you moved on to someone you thought was BETTER ....when the whole time to problem lies within you...YOU have NPD and are so in love with yourself that you can't feel for anyone else...we are merely objects to you and someone to stroke your ego and feed all your needs...especially sex..you crave that.

Its' been a day now of NC and I'm hoping I can resist the temptation of you the next time you try to reach out to me. They say NC is the only way to ever break free of someone who with NPD...GOD help me...but I'm ready to get off the roller coaster ride I have been on for the last 2 years...however...I will always ADORE u!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I miss you so much ! Something strange happened yesterday, since you didn't have the decency of wishing my son a happy birthday it really hit me how you just don't care anymore , its like, you killed all hope I still had! Made me feel quite good to be honest ... I'm feeling much better now, thank you for not caring as it is helping me move on

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We've been able to hold some friendly emails as of lately. She even emailed very sweetly with my mother. I felt the sudden need, two nights ago, to write the following: "What do you say we run away and start all over". I know it's cliché but that's what my heart was telling me. I haven't received a reply and I fear I won't. Is that worse than receiving a negative reply? I'm not even sure which one hurts more.

 

I guess the negative reply hurts less - at least then you know, rather than go through the pain of suspense and guesswork. I've been there too. I know what it feels like.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three things to remember, lest I contact you: (1) I want to use you for an escape, which is not the same as wanting you, (2) I must not do anything until I see a therapist, so that I will not want to escape perhaps and (3) usually, when I begin to really want to contact you, you also are resisting same. If I hold strong, this dynamic will solve itself better than if I take action now.

 

I admit that with my revelations of today, I have considered your purpose in a whole new light and I rather wonder if I should use you for my own purposes. I know that I could have taken that path at one time; I am now trying a different route.

 

You? Yes, there is a shoe. I can't shake that feeling. You have boxed it up, I know. But you know the shoe is out there and you are just waiting for it too. I think you will muck it up; have her with you, not show. I think you are running from the shoe.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I still haven't lost all hope.....but why? There isn't a single sign of any hope left. I'm probably holding my breath for a miracle. If I "meant the world to you" and all those other sentiments you've claimed....what is HE giving now that I cannot? Nothing has ever hurt so much. I never knew I could love so much. What about the child? Why can't I be her "daddy" anymore. Do you know how hard it was to open up to adopting a little person and actually learning to love her as my own? Where does this cruelty come from? Why are you always running away from challenges? Why do others influence you so easily? You'll never fully understand what you are to me. You are my world, my music...my family. I love you. I hope some day I can even come close to loving another woman this much because any degree less would be unfair to that person. Maybe I'll remain alone. You know perfectly well that i don't open up my door to just anyone. You must know what I'm going through.....right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...