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I know you don't think that we're 'right' for each other and maybe we're not. It doesn't stop me feeling like I'm missing an arm. My mum always said of her love for my dad that there was no romance anymore but comfort. I suppose I was really happy with comfort. I miss you. I miss your face. How can you be so resolute that this is what you want? Do you ever miss me? I miss you just being irritating. Why did you change for the worse? I miss you still. I need to go out & find someone who deserves my love & not someone who wastes it. You're a silly boy. I mean that with love.

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I miss you. I miss finding out how your day has gone and you asking about mine. I miss pottering around the kitchen cooking together. I miss the look of delight on your face as we found the perfect cheese in Blain. I miss the way we moved together as we slept, you wrapping around me, me wrapping around you. I miss your ridiculous but endearing porridge ritual in the morning. I miss the smell of you. I miss the way you consider everything before launching into an opinion. I miss the music. I miss watching you play and feeling such awe at how talented you are. I miss how tall you are (what a stupid thing to say but it's true!). I miss the fun. I miss the gardens. I miss feeling useful and needed. I miss feeling desirable. You gave me a voice and I'm really grateful for that but I don't know where it's safe to say the things I feel like saying.

 

I'm trying not to dissect every last word too much. You've chosen to get out & there's no point me chasing...it's undignified (and after all, if I can't be with you, I do have to find a way of being with myself) and if, ("IF" such a small word and yet so much invested in it) there's ever to be a chance of some sort of "us" again, then the worst thing I can do is make you feel bad every time you hear from me.

 

So, go with love. Explore all the things you've never felt free to explore before. On a good day, I sincerely hope you find whatever it is you think is out there. On a bad day, I hope that you miss me so much that you find a way back to me.

 

But however romantically inclined I am, I'm also a pragmatist. You decided to go (and I pushed you - although very gently). You can't even decide what to have for lunch without an internal struggle so if you decided to leave me, it must have been after a lot of soul-searching. It's sad that you couldn't talk to me about the process, that you had to be so cruel in your withdrawal. But things are as they are.

 

I'm getting there. I can believe for at least part of each day that we are over, that there isn't going to be any kind of Hollywoodesque reunion. But there's still a part of me that thinks you asked yourself all the right questions and came up with the wrong answer. I do I hope I'm wrong about that. I hope it was the right answer for you because if it was, then it'll be the right answer for me too, even if it takes some getting used to.

 

Today (5 weeks after break up) I'm philosophical. Yesterday I couldn't stop crying. The week before I was fine. So, I won't be contacting you just yet because I can't trust what I feel to be consistently true (apart from the missing you bit - that seems to be constant). If I'm not sure how I will be feeling from minute to minute, then I'm not safe to have a conversation with you.

 

So, good luck in all that aspire you to do. Please don't waste this opportunity to do all the things you never had the chance to do in the 30 years before your wife died. She is gone, your children have flown the nest. Grasp your chances before they are too late. Live. Feel. Love. - and of course what I want you to do is love ME! But if you can't love me, then please do go and love someone - don't just moulder in that sad, sorry, cold and ugly house.

 

I love you so profoundly I can't find the words. You're part of me. And I just have to hold onto the fact that it was more than 2 years of unbelievably good, that you showed me all sorts of stuff (and I did for you too) but it's over. Probably for ever, maybe just for now. Who knows? I'm trying really hard not to think it's just a blip and all will be alright in the end. It was good while it lasted & I need to accept it was what it was and nothing more.

 

Thanks for the music, for the fun, for the kindness. I miss it all.

 

I miss you.

xxx

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It still hurts. You posted public posts on your wall today. All about politics. Still, unusual for you. I know, I shouldn't be looking. It hurts babe, it just does. I have dates lining up like crazy, I don't know why. I am doing my best. I imagined seeing you on the train today. I had no smile for you, I had nothing for you. Yet, it still hurts. I feel like you have moved on. I didn't feel like that before. I wish I would get a sign, and I know I will get none. How I did this to myself, I just don't know.

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I can't believe you poked fun at my pain. You shouldn't make fun of someone whose heart you ripped out. Not after 3 years. Not after everything we've been through together. It's not funny that I'm hurting. It's pretty disgusting that you even get a kick out of it. I'm glad I didn't feed your assumption, but you're very right.

 

I hope in time you realize you can't hurt people like that. Just leave me alone, you're insensitive and I'm sensitive, and I just can't handle it anymore. I'm finding happiness on my own and I don't need you mucking it up anymore. I wish it could be with you, but I know after everything that's happened, it would just never be the same again. So what other choice do I have but to let go?

 

I miss the way I thought you were.

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You have isolated everyone now you are on this journey you always talked about! Over 20 years we had, yes there were bad times, sad times and downright heartache !! But there was love, I loved you and love you still.

You loved me, but don't love me any more! It has been so hard to accept, but you have to do what you think is best.

 

I hope that if you falter and want me back I will still be here for you, but I have to have a journey of my own now and you are not my priority any more ! I have to be my priority and have to look after me, I just need to be loved and be in love, I miss that !! Take care xxxxx

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6 days of either crying...tears.. oh im in pain im being crap.. my work is crap, productivity down..im short tempered, cant get my head together.. I miss not speaking every day, i miss the safety of being in your arms or knowing i would be in your arms, i hate knowing you miss me too- yet- you would rather miss me than be with me!!!! i dreamt i saw you standing back together with your ex.., you're friends with all of them.. except... the one who died.. and me.. even tho you said you wanted to be friends, you havent called, you havent text, you are doing NC as surely as I am, what are you eating babe? how are you sleeping? who do you speak to when you're not speaking to me? who texts you? who keeps you company throughout your long night shifts. My heart aches with longing for you, how long until this longing goes away. How long until the pain passes. please let me go... let me go. I love you, let me go.

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*sigh*, Silver,

I was hoping i never had to post in this thread again.

But here i am. I'm having a bumpy day today. One of my friends told me they were going to be a father yesterday. It hurt like hell. After all, i thought we were planning for the same thing soon. I feel jealous, that's right. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell you. I won't, obviously.

You're too busy playing happy families with someone else. Planning your future together. It kills me. I know you don't even miss me. Why would you? You have her to keep you company.

I've been doing better recently, and i have to keep reminding myself of what was wrong with out relationship. Lots of things. I still miss you though. You drove me mad, but i loved you.

I can't wait till i feel indifference. I can't deal with knowing you live so close, and yet so far away!

Was she really worth it? Is she as fantastic as you thought she was?

 

Limiya

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I hung out with the ex again yesterday. It was ok, I made sure I kept physical distance at all times. In the end we sat in his car and I told him about you and what happened. Started getting really sad, cos it made me realise you really aren't coming back. ;( I'm still holding on though, cos I love you and last night was hard. I got home at midnight and wanted so badly just to stop the emptiness, the confusion, the aching. I don't want this to be a goodbye, I'm not ready.

 

I listened to your voicemails this morning, like always. Maybe it's time to delete them.

Soon, I will.

I'll try.

 

P.s you really did alot to me.

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The question is...do I even want you back? I couldn't take it as you are now. You have become selfish, uncaring & unwilling to see my viewpoints. Yes, you are right you do need to learn to compromise.

 

I miss the old you before you dehumanized me. I think you are weak for believing the only way to be is strong.

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I was hoping I wouldn't run into you. I was almost out the door, turned the corner, and then bang, there you were. I said good morning, you mumbled a hey. First word I've heard come out of your mouth in person in 40 days.

 

I wish it could be some other way. I miss you in my life and I still really care about you. But I care about me more and you are just plain bad for me. I have to continue down this path.

 

I'm sorry things happened the way they did. I promise you I'm hurt too. Give it time and maybe one day it will be different. If not, at least we tried.

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I miss you. I miss being in love. Every day I remember a different special memory that I really treasured. I'm sorry for going so crazy after the breakup. I'm trying to convince myself that there's somebody better out there for me, and that this is it for us forever, but I can't help that I still want you. I love you. I'm sorry that accepting it isn't as easy as it sounds.

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It's true that I wanted you to reach out. You did. And to be honest, it has left me feeling very confused. It stirred up feelings in me that I have been trying very hard to let go of. Its been a constant struggle. I bottle it up inside because I know no one wants to hear it anymore, I don't even want to think about it anymore, but it's still there.

 

Yeah, I felt strong that day you messaged me. I felt like I had the upper hand in the situation. But a week later, I'm back-peddling a bit. I was so convinced that you didn't care...for 10 months...so sure that I was forgotten. Then out of no where, you show me what I've been dying to see all this time and in that same moment, its gone.

 

Why did you have to "check up" on me just to disappear again? Seems incredibly cruel and unfair. But then again, that's all you know how to be, right?

 

You knew what you were doing.

 

You knew it was going to shake me up.

 

Still manipulative after all this time.

 

I got what I wanted but it seems pointless now. It has been simmering inside of me these past few days...I was trying to brush it off. But it just hit me like a ton of bricks today.

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