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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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Well, its Saturday and I am stopping by my usual coffee place to get breakfast before I clock into work, I walk in and guess who's there? YOU...Ugh. This is the last place I want to see you or at all. Your not suppose to be working this morning I think to myself. You turn to me, smile and say Hi, I say Hi back and look the other way, just so you know I am not gonna start a convo with you any time soon. Oh goodness. I am counting the weeks down so, I can give my resignation and then I will be done. I'm over you, but Im not ready to be your friend or friendly to you. Sorry! Don't have time for that. No more seeing you at work, or bumping into you at places that I frequent. No more of this awkwardness. It's gone on long enough. Oh Lord help me.

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Today when I was looking at my online bank statement, I saw some old debits from all those times I used to call you. I totaled the money I spent on calling you just for the 6 months prior to us breaking up- $300. I don't even want to think about the fact that a lot of that money was spent calling you while you had already found somebody else. Add in all the plane tickets and gifts I brought for you and your family. It's really ridiculous how much I invested, both financially and emotionally, during our relationship. And despite all this, I still feel sad that you're not in my life anymore. You make me feel like it was all a lie.

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I feel so low & lonely today. You really were one of the best things that happened to me in my life. I mourn that you don't seem to think the same about me. Somedays I feel strong but today I feel really weak.

 

I miss you. I'm so upset because if I ever saw you again I wouldn't know how to act. I miss waking up next to you. I miss arguing with you. I miss doing mundane things with you like watching TV. I clearly thought the world of you.

 

I hate how you've treated me. I hate how you can have been in a relationship with me for 6 years & then decide you don't see a future between us. I hate how I always feel it's my fault. I hate that you were always so selfish & could never compromise.

 

I felt that the one thing I understood & could rely upon was us & now I can't. I'm really confused & I don't know where I'm going.

 

I hate being awake today when I sleep I dream of you and you're kind to me in your dreams. I know it will pass but today I feel like a complete failure it will pass, it will pass, nothing is forever.

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A ginger beard, a weird nose, a body like a woman... You're nothing special at all. But for some reason I see you as the most attractive guy in the world. It's laughable. I can't wait until these feelings are gone and I look at a picture of you and think 'Errrr... what the hell did I ever see in him!?'

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It’s raining, it’s pouring

A black sky is falling

It’s cold tonight

 

You gave me your answer

Goodbye

Now I’m all on my own tonight

 

And when the big wheel starts to spin

You can never know the odds

If you don’t play you’ll never win

 

We were in heaven you and I

When I lay with you and close my eyes

Our fingers touch the sky

 

I’m sorry baby

You were the sun and moon to me

I’ll never get over you, you’ll never get over me..

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My mum and brother saw you yesterday walking the dog down near by your mum's.

 

I'm a bit confused because you told me you were moving into your new flat Thursday! Was that a big fib or something? !

 

My Mum and brother said you looked a right mess. mis matching clothes and all worn out. I don't think you saw them.

 

This is the longest we have ever had no contact for. I wonder if you actually care. I wonder what's going on with your flat. I wonder if you are still as miserable as you said you were the last time we had contact?

 

someone kissed me out in town the other night. Other guys are showing interest in me since finding out I'm single.

I'm not interested in any of them.

It should have been you I was kissing.

 

Our relationship was no where near the end for me. There were no petty fights or arguments that made me kind of see what was coming.

 

How you can switch off just like that I will never know.

I must have made you pretty miserable for a long time.

 

I wish you would come running back to me.

I know you wouldn't even if your heart screamed for me.

I have to be ultra strong not to break NC today.

I know it's the only way forward.

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Wish i would not of seen you yesterday,did not mean to bump into you, how can you not have any concept of how i feel after 29years together,want to contact you so bad,i know your moving in with him tomorrow.our daughter told megoing to take a long time to get over you,just cant believe you left2 weeks ago and you are moving in with him,you have leftt me so confused.

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I have had a bad day. My mum had to come over at 2.30pm just to get me out of bed. I didn't want to get up.

 

I washed my bedding. Painted my nails. Wrote a bit about my feelings.

But NC. I survived the NC

 

I haven't had one good weekend since you left.

 

Drinking doesn't help.

 

So I'm giving up the alcohol as well as you.

 

Ridding all the negative things in my life

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Stupid iPhone!!

 

Anyway, I thought I should say your reasons for leaving me just make me sad. You couldn't propose to me while you doubted your love. I agree & I'm glad you didn't. To answer your question if anyone knows if they can love for a lifetime is that they don't. It takes a bit of delusion as no one knows the future. But if you doubted from the onset, then you would just have those feeling in the marriage rather than trusting that we were going through a bad time if things went wrong.

 

Please don't limit yourself to having to travel before marriage. It feels like in thinking of commitment you see yourself with a family instantaneously but life doesn't work like that.

 

I'm glad you are enjoying playing lots of sports & seeing all your friends. I'm glad you don't have to feel guilty doing these things now I'm gone. If having lots of friends & playing lots of sport fulfills you then this is what you should do. I'm sorry I didn't understand your need to do these things. Maybe you should have explained. I didn't mind you doing these things or forbid you. But I did want for us to spend time together having fun. You didn't seem to want to.

 

I'm curious that it is only after 6 years that you decide you don't like certain aspects of my personality. Will you have to have another 6 year relationship in the future before you decide to commit? I am angry at you for saying this in your e-mail. I wonder if you have difficulty expressing clearly when things hurt you. I'm glad you respect me for loving all of you including your faults. I did this because I identified with your faults and saw them as human & I'm angry you couldn't do that for me. It hurts because it feels like I'm not a good enough person for you. The more time I spend away from you the more I realize this isn't necessarily the whole truth: I'm fed up of you making me feel like I'm not up to your standards. I feel that I am okay & that you could be a little more empathetic.

 

I'm glad you admit that it really matters to you to make a good social impression. I have seen you ***** about your friends to make a good impression. To me, that was not acceptable. To me that was disgusting.

 

It really hurts me to see who you are today because you used to be kind and caring. I'm glad you think about me everyday: I hope one day you realize that I am worth a lot & regret treating me like ****. I really cared for you. I was loyal to you & proud to call you my boyfriend. I was patient and understanding. I was supportive.

 

I stick by what I said at the end of our relationship: I don't know who you are anymore. Is the boy I fell in love with still there? I'm sorry I'm all about the safety & security. I hate who you've become. I want you to hurt. I wish I didn't.

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You'll come back

When it's over

No need to say goodbye

 

You'll come back

When it's over

No need to say goodbye

 

Now, we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget

 

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

'Til they're before your eyes

 

You'll come back

When they call you

No need to say goodbye

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The poems people are posting on this thread has made me decide to post the lyrics of a beautiful song. I think they describe our failed relationship quite well...

 

So let's face it, this was never what you wanted

But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats

Are all I have

They’re all I have…

 

So drown me if you can

Or we could just have conversation

and I fall, I fall, I falter.

But I found you before I drift away

 

Now you still speak of day old hate

Though your whole world has gone up into flames

And isn’t it great to find that you’re really worth nothing

And how safe it is to feel safe

 

So drown me if you can

Or we could just have conversation

And I fall, I fall, I falter.

But I found you before I drift away

 

The things we do just to stay alive

The things we do just to stay alive

The things we do just to stay alive

 

The things we do just to keep ourselves alive.

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If you never contact me again, does it mean I wasn't all that you thought I was for you? I don't want to believe that. And, I don't think its true. But, it is time for me to acknowledge that your behavior was SO duplicitous, SO inconsistent, that maybe, maybe, maybe... maybe all you were doing is manipulating me. You knew you were leading me on, and it made you feel guilty. How confusing it must have been for you to discover that you cared.

 

I am not ashamed. I admit, I am. I am. I gave my heart to a con man. I am ashamed that I was had like that, and I am proud that I spoke my truth.

 

Tonight, at dinner, I came upon a new concern: first, it was good that they saw me draw boundaries. Now, if you never return, if I never pull the rabbit out of the hat with a great guy, have i only showed them that by having standards I/we/they cant get a man? A scary thought indeed.

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After 7 days of NC, I broke again. I had a dream last night that you started seeing someone else. My guts telling me that's correct. It's 2:30 in the morning and I just tried to call you. No answer, figured you'd be sleeping. I need some kind of closure. Yet I feel so stupid for calling you... Grrrrr back to square one

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