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Well, the dreams of you have followed me to my new house. Last night's dream was different though. Usually, I recognize that I'm dreaming, and I know that when I wake up, you won't be there. But the moment with you in last night's dream was so small and natural and commonplace that, when I woke up, I was truly baffled at the idea that you aren't in my life anymore. My dream state remembers you and our relationship in such vivid detail. But when I wake up, it all gets fuzzy again.

 

I miss you and those small, natural, commonplace moments. I can't help but wonder if you miss me too.

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Caught a glimpse of you today. Just a quick snapshot. As far as I've come and as much effort I've put into being just me and replacing the positive memories with those of your hedonistic, self-destructive behavior, I still felt like running out the door, taking you by the hand, making a grand speech and then running away with you, like some goddammed teen 80s movie.

 

You were so, so bad for me. I lost so much of myself to this and now have to rebuild. You didn't have that problem because you had so little to lose.

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I don't want to miss you tonight but I still do. I miss the way you'd hug me to sleep. How can you be so confident that life will bring you love again? Do you have it with someone else? I don't understand how you could love me very much but not enough to commit. I miss you & I don't want to let you go

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Remember When We Used To Be Close Friends

Remember When The Nights They Would Never End

But Lately We Don't Even Talk

And I Wonder Why

My Heartaches Deep Inside

Name one Reason Why We Can't See Eye To Eye

You Were Wrong I Was Wrong

Who Remembers Why We Even Started Fightin In The First Place

Come Back Now Don't Go Away

 

Can We Get Back?

 

Since You've Been Gone

Things Just Aint The Same

I Feel You don't

Understand My Pain

I Wont Let Another Day Past

Til We Both Can Say That

We Will Work To Get Back

To Where We Were

My First Thought Was I Should Just Give Up

I can't No I can't Cuz I Love You Too Much

I Wont Let Another Day Past

Til We Both Can Say That

We Will Work To Get Back

To Where We Were

 

Can We Get Back?

 

The Minutes Feel Like Hours

And Days Like Years

My Sunshine Turns To Showers

And My Joys To Fears

I Never Knew That Love Could she'd So Vividly

And Im Tired Can You Hear Me?

Im Thinkin Wat We Have

We shouldn't Throw Away

Time Is Precious No Ones Guaranteed Another Day

I Forgive You And I'll Do My Best To Make Things Change

And Im Sorry So Hear Me Say

 

Since You've Been Gone

Things Just Aint The Same

I Feel You don't

Understand My Pain

I Wont Let Another Day Past

Til We Both Can Say That

We Will Work To Get Back

To Where We Were

Edited by lalalollipops
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A year ago, I wanted to break up with you cause I couldn't trust you. I told you my fears and how past girlfriend has made me insecure.

 

How dare you promise me you won't lie and cheat on me, how dare you promise me you won't let me turn into a monster by living in fear all the time.

 

You pulled me back in only to run my heart over twice.

 

I hope he is doing to you what you did to me, cause what goes around comes around.

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B: You were enough for me today, you, by yourself, with no plan, just you. That's all I needed today. Why can you not see how easy this is. We never had to try, it just is, it comes easily all by itself.

 

I miss the dead guy, I feel like no one's got my back but me. I had to make my ex-H not take 50 bucks from my kid today, and I am mourning you, a man I never had. ***. I am effing spent. I almost cried on the drive home today, I think because N was dropping the kids off early. ?? Am exhausted. Why am I telling you this? Because you get it. I really really could have used you today. I would have come home to you today and your crinkle smile and I would have been restored. Somebody, something, somewhere has got to give me a sign, give me a break, lighten my load. Somewhere. I am going to pray, I am, purposefully. For whatever God intends for me to have. Maybe, just maybe, he is trying to give it to me and I am staring it in the face. Maybe somehow, I will find it. It wasn't you, God doesn't send liars to do his work. But it felt like you. Are you an arrow, pointing me somewhere? What is the answer, B. What is it that I need and why did you seem to have it?

 

Everyone tells me to give nice guy here and kind fellow there a chance. I try. I am trying. Its like trying to plug in a lamp in the dark. I try and I try, but these poor men are stuck on Groundhog Day, forever on a first date. I know there is something there, I just don't really care what it is. I don't want them to touch me, I really dont want to touch them. I just want to laugh and then go home.

 

You had something I wanted to bring out into the light, to touch and to feel.

 

Dang it, it was good. You went into it for a fling, and you fell too, I know. Why you kept at it in the beginning, I don't know. Why, when you commented more than once, if it was just sex, there are easier ways to go about it. It was good dang it and you know it was. And I needed you today. Where were you? Where, indeed.

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I'm tipsy right now ( what do you expect after two bottles of wine) and I just want to say that I'm dying inside, the thought of never talking to you again makes me sick. I miss you C, I am so f upset right now. Thank god for this site and net connection a haha. Im trying to. Hold back my tears and my eyes is f stinging cos of my f makeup. F this sh.

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I got a call just then and it obviously wasn't from you. I'm so f distraught. I miss you so much, I miss you laughs, your to touch, I miss us.

We were so good together.

Now you've just cut me off just like that, do you not miss me even a bit? We were supposed to take a trip together overseas at the end of the year, we had so much to still do damn it!!

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I'm tipsy right now ( what do you expect after two bottles of wine) and I just want to say that I'm dying inside, the thought of never talking to you again makes me sick. I miss you C, I am so f upset right now. Thank god for this site and net connection a haha. Im trying to. Hold back my tears and my eyes is f stinging cos of my f makeup. F this sh.

 

How does one drink two bottles of wine and only be tipsy?

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I turned in the keys to the apartment today. Tears started to well up, as I walked through the rooms one last time. It wasn't because I was sad to leave the apartment; it's because that apartment holds my last memories of you. It's so strange to know that I live somewhere now that you've never seen. If you came looking for me now, I won't be there. You don't know about any of this. It's hard to accept that such significant things are happening in my life, and you have no clue. But you probably don't care about that, do you?

 

I realize that these changes are all for my own good, but that doesn't make them any less painful. It doesn't take away the ache I feel, as one-by-one the days go by, and we grow further apart. I just never thought that would happen. For so long, I thought you'd be in my life always.

 

The worst part about all of this will always be the unending silence. I'm not sure I'll ever understand how you could walk away and not try once to reach out to me. I'm torn between thinking it's because you never loved me and thinking it's because you love me so much. A part of me wants to believe that you don't reach out because you know the pull between us, just as well as I do. Because you know that, if we were in contact, it'd be hard for us to stay apart. But then another part of me thinks that you just cut me out of your mind and your life like a tumor, and now, if you think about me at all, it's with gratitude that you don't have to deal with me anymore. I worry that you're thankful we're apart. I worry that you don't miss me. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it does.

 

I struggle and struggle to move on. I'm working hard to try to better myself and to make changes that will help me through this time. But my thoughts - and my heart - always go back to you, wondering about you, missing you, wishing there was a way we could make things work.

 

It's reached the point now that I can't talk about you to anyone because everyone thinks I should be over it. Everyone thinks you should be a distant memory. They have no idea how present you still are. But how could I erase the past six years of my life and pretend they don't exist? I have to think that it makes sense that I still love you and miss you. Because if love were so easy to stop, what would it be worth?

 

I'll never forget how you would question whether I really loved you or if I was just afraid of being alone. I've been alone for 9.5 months now. I've survived. In some ways, I've even thrived. Being alone doesn't scare me. But the idea of never seeing you or speaking to you again? That. That still scares me. So I guess we know the answer to your question now. I just wish you'd believed me when I'd told you the answer then.

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well i hope your happy,just that everyone else invovled isn,t your children his children both families and friends are thinking w-t-f you doing,hes old enough to be your dad, and your acting like a little girl on her first crush ,well if it works good luck but as far as i am concerned you can both die a horrible death for your selfish actions that have hurt so many people you both love,hope karma works for you both.

 

yep that felt better

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I miss you everyday. This has been one of the most difficult losses. I really don't want to let you go. I'm angry at life and us for letting this happen. Sadly it feels like someone has disproved the existence of God (I don't want to make that comparison). The flashbacks are happy but painful. The child part of me doesn't understand why something I love doesn't love me back: it is very innocent and believes dreams come true. I am safe & warm at least.

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You might be the dumbest smart person I've ever met. Seriously, I now understand why people come and go from your life so frequently. And now, apparently, you're doing it to your best friend who was nice enough move into your house to get you out of a bad situation with your family. He's a great guy but I'm guessing even he will have a breaking point over your hedonistic and inconsiderate behavior.

 

Get help, girl. Those demons aren't going to sort themselves out.

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Happy Halloween. It's been a long time hasn't it? Haven't spoken to you since March, though I spoke to your mom back in the Summer. I'll keep it short because I don't have much to say. I just have thought about you a bit lately, probably because of Halloween. This is the first year in 3 years that you weren't in some way involved in my life for Halloween. 09 was when I first saw you- on Halloween at that Halloween party, and shortly after was when we began talking and well the rest is history as they say. 2010 we spent together, though that was a mixed time because we fought most of that night and then ended soon after. Then last year, never did I think you would come back into my life last Halloween, but you did. And I thought for a small hopeful moment we might try again, but that didn't happen. And this year- you aren't in my life at all. In no way. It's a bit strange I guess, but I'm glad for it. Still I can't help but think of how this holiday, as much as I dislike it will always make me think of you a little bit.

 

The hurricane hit here very bad, and I can't help but wonder if you think of me. With all the mentions of NY on the news if you wonder if I was in anyway affected by it, if I'm okay, have power, or hell am even alive. Do you even care? I guess I don't care as much as I used to, but it still crosses my mind. Because if it was your state I know my mind would be on you. Though maybe not enough to check on you. Somewhere inside of me I kind of yearn for you to see if I'm okay, though maybe you have. Since I don't use my facebook anymore, and have changed my phone number- who knows maybe you have tried. I like not being able to know. I can't help but wonder if you are enjoying the day in your new town today, because I know you moved. Maybe enjoying it with someone...I'm still not at the point where I want to say I wish you were happy with someone, but I do hope your well. I kind of hope you wish the same for me.

 

That's all, just my pondering for the day. I'm going out tonight, going to try to enjoy this holiday with out you this year, and despite this awful hurricane. Happy Halloween M.

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I miss you today. Facebook showed me your Halloween costume and it looked cute. I was talking about past costumes with one of my friends and I remembered that we went as Juno and Bleeker last year and it was a lot of fun. I've really wanted to talk to you this week...to see how you're doing...see if we could talk. I know I've gotta just keep trucking, though, because I feel in my heart that, if anything is to happen, it won't be now. I've accepted that you chose this, but I still know that you're the one that I want. It just takes time, hey? I love you. I hope your Halloween goes well.

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Mr Hope, add me to your list of fans for your one-liners. Made me LOL in my office today.

 

And to my Mr. B: Did you come home today? What did it feel like? How was Stu? Where is your head at? Ahhh, what's it matter. Its your head you gotta fix. I am going about my life without you. You and A can invite me to the wedding. Ha.

 

So my bro asked if you are coming out on Saturday. I just realized that I can't type here what he actually said, its just too offensive. Anyway, you were both acknowledged and thrown under the bus in one grand gesture. Take from that what you will. I would like to have the good part of you back. I would take the bad part of you too, if you get a therapist. I am glad you have to carry your head on shoulders, and I don't.

 

I can be proud of my choices. Can you? Yeah, thought so. You are going to miss me you SOB. You stupid, well I cant say that either. You messed up, and you know it. As you would say, Good luck with that.

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