Jump to content

Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
 Share

Recommended Posts

I just cant think about you today. Its sunny where you are, your office is closed, you have nothing to do but have sex with A, play, and avoid the mess you made. Even if you are making the decision now to move to her city and commit yourself, that would feel better. I think its the disgust for you that I am resisting, more than anything. I dont want to face the offense of your actions, because that would mean I accepted them. I am trying to not concoct scripts in my head that guess at your actions. But I need scripts in mine that are ready for whatever it is you throw at me next: nothing, marriage, friendship, dating, it could be anything, anytime.

 

I can say this: we did not pledge fidelity to each other.

 

You DID lead me on, lie to me, stand me up, confess to falling in love. Its the standing me up and the dishonesty. It isn't A. It's your manipulation of me, willfully, by withholding the truth and dissembling about the details. I DID accept that, for awhile. Why? Because I could rationalize it. I could understand being stuck in two casual relationships and screwing it up. I could not, could not, hear you pledge "falling in love", hear you arrange for a weekend, hear you make my birthday important, and after all that, observe the same behavior.

 

So, maybe I can look your behavior in the face. Ultimately, I did NOT accept it. I put an end to it.

 

I am struggling with the idea that because of all that, I should throw you away. There is so much about you that I valued and still value. How can I harness that value, without having to mingle with the rest of you? What do you suggest? I have no idea how to accept you, ever, but I want to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it's been a while now, you have been sick and off work. I would take that to mean that you were run down, as you never get sick enough to have so much time off. And now I know that you have just come back from holiday with your son - I am sure that was a good trip. It's funny how you went to the one place I have always wanted to go to. A place that we talked about going, because neither of us had been there before. Oh well, I do know that I will get there one day, and it will be with a very special person that wont be you.

You know that I am leaving this horrible little town now. I am sure you wonder where I am moving to, but you wont know when and where. One day soon I will just be gone and I will make sure that you can not find out where I am.

It's so strange how it came to this after everything we went through. I dont have the feelings for you that I did have but god, I still miss so much of what I thought we had. I feel stupid and let down, hurt and sad and yet, still feel almost relieved. Relieved that you can never make me cry or hurt me as much as you did.

See you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate the fact that you inhabit half my brain. I hate the fact that I get flashbacks of you (happy ones which make things seem like yesterday). I hate the fact that I paid attention to all those times when we we're lay in bed together & you had your arms around me: tried to really be in those moments rather than off in my mind. I hate grieving for my home when it seems like I was only there yesterday. I hate the fact that I saw you as my always but I was just your for now.

 

I hate the way you said we grew apart when really it was only you, if anything I grew more into you. I hate the way you said you've learnt about things for the future hence leaving me in the past. I hate the way that I liked you initially because I thought you were a good & caring guy who would care but you're not.

 

I really missed the old days when you cared about me. I can't help but think that that's because you didn't really know me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, you. I am going on a date.

 

I want you to hear that message through the airwaves, get the vibe, discern it intuitively somehow. You held a diamond in your hand, and you spat on it. You know that. And just in case you forgot, yeah, I am going on a date with a nice, handsome, stable, smart and respectful man. He neither lies, nor hates himself.

 

Gee, you are still stuck under the thumb of that woman you said you didn't want, in fact, if you wanted her you would have sewed that deal up already and would not have wanted me. So, how is that working out for you?

 

Yes, I admit to resentment. And I admit to spite. But I am not bringing any of that out with me right now. Because my date is not about you, its about me.

 

I know that you suck. I hope one day to appreciate that in my guy the way I do in my brain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today is hard, the sky is very gloomy, and I am preparing for this storm. I love in Boston and there is this Sandy storm coming and I have been stuck inside all day. So many people from other cities has messaged me asking how things are and I just wish you would call. I wish you would care about me over here preparing for power outages and whatever will come when the storm hits.

 

Today is the first day since our break up that I feel lonely. Despite our fights and what you did to me, I have no one to call to talk to about my feelings anymore. It sucks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why don’t you miss me? Why don’t you want to spend time with me? How have you been able to move on like this? It’s been over a month since we have talked and it has been SO SO SO hard not to see you anymore. I miss you SO much it hurts. Every day is still so hard. I have so many stupid unanswered questions. I’m still not okay with this breakup. I still fantasize every day about the two of us being together again. I really miss you. I really miss all of you. I’m sorry for ever screwing up. I’m sorry for not working on ****. I’m sorry for stressing you out. Please come back to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So... its been pretty much exactly a year since we broke up and what, 7 and a half months since we last spoke. I have seen you three times. Why do we have to work on the same street. You were a few metres away from me each time. So close, but yet so so far away. We were so close once and now we are nothing but strangers, ghosts to each other. I tried to keep you, tried to fight for you, to convince you but you just did not want to know at all. You left me! Then you blocked me on fb, email, deleted me from your life. Got a new gf. So soon after, that made me feel so effing worthless.

I have no idea why i feel sad and slightly heartbroke again recently. Its been a year now, this time last year i stayed in bed till 4pm, i didnt see daylight, it was autumn and it smelt like is does now outside like it did then. It brings back memories and feelings. It makes me feel sick. I went through old messages on my fb and i see that i am still "blocked". Not like i would even want to have a look on your facebook because it would knock me sick!

Who i thought you were, you were not. What you did to her before me, you did to me. And you will probably do the same to her at some point.

I think because its the same time of year that it all happened is why i feel like this. Im still lost i think. I havent met anybody, well ive met lots of people but i just cant let myself love again. It frightens me. If i thought YOU wouldnt leave me and you did, why wouldn't anybody else do the same thing I do not trust love, being with anybody still. Omg the break up with you has made me like this, i hav never been like this before

I have not forgiven, but people say i should for my own sake, but how do i do that? I hate you and i have so much resentment for you, i cant imagine that ever going. I dont think like this half as much as i did last year but sometimes, this is how i feel, because i know deep down i still feel this.

I just wish i had never met you. I wish that my sister and cousin didnt pursuade me to come out for your birthday because we would never have got together, and maybe now id be with someone who did not just completely dissappear.

Anyway, i dont NEED you! I never did!! Ive actaully done a hell of a lot this year then what i did in all the time i was with you! Im learning to drive, im taking spanish lessons, ive been lake district walking and rowing, been to Ireland and got my OWN cup (seeing as though i did say to myself when i smashed the one you got me up from there that i would go and get my own!) i did a team work course with the fire service, i was in the newspaper a few times, i got a job out of 88 applicants, and best of all im going to new zealand next year and will be booking flights soon. So i hope your having a fantastic time doing the same thing that youve always done - act like a 50 year old miserable boring guy in *place* working till 7pm 5 days a week, going to the same pub every friday!, seeing you gf who live about 30 miles away! haha, i dont need you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I finally deleted all the voicemail and messages you left me. Listened to them for the very last time, knowing that will be the last time I really hear your voice. It really hurt, hearing a message you left me in May saying how you missed me so much. It's all a lie!!! I hate you. I hate that it feels like I'm never gonna get over you. I know I will. I know I'm supposed to be happy for you, well I'm not!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda against the point of this thread but I texted you again.

 

I really do wish we can talk and be friends again. My only solace (if you can even call it that) is in new music I discover. The irony though is that occasionally I discover a new band where I'm like "This is so you!" and then try for the rest of the day not to send it to you. Well, you know that that didn't always happen, not that you read my texts anymore.

 

Call me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm in bed randomly watching the roulette thing remembering when we used to bet on it and eat pizza haha. wish that didn't pop into my head then, wish i could just forget everything. i hate you. i actually hate you, get out of my head. can't go one day without thinking about you i wish i could let go, teach me your ways haha

god i love you. i keep telling myself i dont need you, and for the most part i don't, but i'm scared of a lot of things and i need you to hold my hand and be there, but youre not and you're not going to be. i can't even sleep, i miss you and your beard. you're so perfect to me. you'll always be my baby, or maybe thats just the disarrono talking.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me just say this: on one level, I could have taken him upstairs, hosted him for a cozy evening in, and I would have enjoyed that. On the other hand, I am rather enjoying being alone at home. I am rather enjoying the loneliness of it. No, the alone-ness of it.

 

You called me to ask me out in June, but I was on my way to a date, do you remember? Still exchanging texts with him, and with several others too, and they came over my phone while I was at the bar down the street. You know the bar. Its where you said you were falling in love with me you two faced coward.

 

So, I went on my date, I put up my little barriers, I wished for a cozy and passionate night in the storm, but I didn't make it happen.

 

The fact is, I like you better. It took me 7 dates to kiss you. 7 dates! Do you remember kissing in the parking lot of the Italian restaurant? Do you remember that electricity? And then I liked your brain, your energy, your athleticism. I liked and still like the fact that you are like nobody else I have ever met. You took me out on bikes for goodness sakes, more than once. I am lucky to have eaten in some of America's best restaurants, to have been offered a car and driver more than once, yet this did not intimidate you. You, with no car, met me downtown at least three times, put us on bikes. You took me to the one bar that I have always wished a man would bring me to, why it took so long I have no idea. We went biking down the middle of town with traffic and the wind in our faces. It was exhilarating, freeing. We went to the beach in the cold drizzle. We rocked out, laughed in the bumper cars, got stuck on a ride. Being with you is like being perpetually 15. Yet, we sat on your balcony, and I loved how you put out the table and the candles and set my place for me, and then we played chess. I loved it, I loved all of it. And, I could physically consume you like an addict to crack.

 

You said, well, we have never seen each other pay bills, have real life. No, we haven't. But you have been in my house, seen us have dinner, do homework, hang out. I have seen you watch tv, cruise the net, read a book. What is it you are missing, and how could it exist between us if you sabotage us constantly? I suppose you will come back from Texas, where you have had a great time perhaps, with your head full of A. When you get here, you will wait to see what you feel. You will feel both of us. You will be confused. Maybe you and I can be friends you think. Yeah right. Try to be friends with me and I will not discourage you from wanting me physically, and you will. You will want me, and you will be confused. Sorry dear. I want you, on my terms. Not to share.

 

I just had a fantasy of you just showing up at my door. There is no hello, only a passionate kiss.

 

I only will have to rid myself of you. You, you have a lot of karma to contend with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I seriously wish you never texted me yesterday..or should I say, I seriously wish I never even wasted my time replying to you. All it did was piss me off. I'm not as stupid as you think I am, N. I know why you're trying to "keep me around". And whenever this new guy in your life breaks your heart and you try to come crawling back to me, all I'm gonna do is tell you to go **** yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I cried again, over a year, read so many articles and had so many talks with friends but still think of you almost every minute and mention about you every other hour. every time i sort out one thing , you said another thing that you need me to do.. and you never rush me.. why? is that your way to reach me? just tell me you miss me okay...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So 3 years you have thrown away.

I remember the time u said you would never leave or hurt me. I remember the amazing times we shared. The times that obviously ment nothing to you. I Had many grounds to stand on to leave you, your lack of love and affection, the lack of interest, and the times you would call me names and made me feel so small... infact you once said to me that no guy would ever put up with my crap... well I can assure u no one would put up with yours!!! But thru all that I stood by you. And nevrt considered leaving... that was because I loved you with all my heart and soul. You packed your bags and left me after coming home from work and declaring you were no longer happy with our relationship and that you couldn't be bothered to try anymore. You left with no remorse, not a single tear you Shed. Whilst I was there crying buckets, watching my whole life crumble infront of me. But u didn't care. Your too in love with yourself to love me. We barely Had any time together but yet you said we Had to much. Thank you for leading me on for three years. For proposing to Me and leading me to believe you would be with me until my last breath. You ripped my heart out and threw everything I gave you in my face. I don't know why I let u walk all over me for so long. You waited until my father spent hours fixing up a motorbike for you and then you no longer had to rely on me dropping and picking u up from work or wherever u wanted to go. Infact thinking about it now you never thankedme for doing that. I worked such long shifts yet evry night there was food on the table as soon as u stepped thru the door. Yoy took me for granted. Massively. And then u Have the cheek to finish with me.

You are a selfish and unloving ***** and I hope u realise in time that no1 will ever love or care for u the way I did. And when that moment comes I hope I am the happiest girl in the world with someone who treats me the way I deserve to b treated. I wonder if u can't stop thinking about me... the way I can't stop thinking of you. I wonder if u lay awake each night pining for me to be by your side? Well I highly doubt it. Your far too self obsessed and you like to believe you never do anything wrong.

You Have messed with my emotions good and proper. I hope this makes you proud.

Goodbye forever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please talk to me, i miss you so much. Even if it's to tell me you hate me and don't love me anymore, why did you tell me you loved me, i love you so much. I can't go on today, i'm scared and i can't even talk to anyone about it. I need your arms around me, i need to tell you i love you and i'm sorry, i need to look into your big perfect eyes again. I'm having a weak day, but that's okay. I'll bounce back, i know how to deal with things now. I want you to be proud of me, i want you to notice the change, but you won't.

I want to be your baby, i'll always be there for you, any time.

I love you. So much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Katie... Sheree...

 

You wanted this, you did not want to be tied down by me. You wanted the freedom to leave the state and have a fresh start. You wanted a life without the responsibilities of dating someone with a child. You wanted to be with your spiritual group. You may have even met someone on that retreat. It doesnt matter.. If this is what you want I support you finding it. I wish we could still be in each others lives. Like I told you on the night you left when you asked if you could call, you have my number.. use it.

 

Tomorrows my birthday, I would love to hear from you but I know I wont. You were my best friend for 5 years and now you treat me like a stranger.

 

I know you are moving, you probably dont know that I know. I know you are moving to Minnesota to be with them.. Please know I am always open to reconnecting with you and reforming a friendship. You have caused me so much pain in the last few months, but that doesnt erase the last 5 years and all it would take is effort on your part to call.

 

Good luck with your move, and the fresh start that you want. I honestly hope when you get there you realize what you gave up for that group, but even if you find that its the life you want I will be here if you ever need a friend to talk to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stronger today. Gonna train hard tonight and kick some serious tail. It's days like this that I really don't mind that you're in my head. It gives me fuel to get through tonight's 2 hr grueling "welcome back to training" session. I don't care what happens to me...how bruised and battered I get, or even how many bones are broken tonight.....ill train to the end and finish.

 

Blooooooooooooooowwwww me!

 

That is all.

 

Chama

Edited by chamachama
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You were SO MUCH FUN. WE were fun. You know full well that many women would not ride around on bikes with you, in their work/date clothes and with all their stuff, to go out to dinner. You know women, in general and certainly in this town, will want you to knuckle under, get a car, get a plan. Buy a house, give us a nest. But I didn't expect that of you, require it of you, need it from you. WTH is wrong with you that you would be so cavalier with what you found in me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you look miserable. you sound miserable.

you say you just want to jump off a cliff

 

so why have you done any of this.

 

I'm desperate to contact you. Even just use the dog as an excuse.

 

but I won't.

 

I'm doing so much better than last week.

Last week I was a wreck.

 

I feeling better about my future. Even without you in it.

 

I still miss you. I still love you. But I don't need you anymore.

 

One of my friends has just got with a lovely new guy a few months after she had a horrible BU with the father of Her two boys.

She feels really happy. Happier than she thought she ever could be again.

 

Its good to see it happens.

I hope it's me in the not so distant future

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...