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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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How you treated your ex and child was outrageous, and that's my future if I'm not careful. Does it not shame you? Do you not want to provide a good future for your child? Words are just that - words. You've got to face your past. You know it. The real changes in your life have to come from within as well as without. Would you rather go on living in misery? You can pine away all you want, but I need proof that you wouldn't make me the next victim.

 

And if that other thing she said is true - just go to hell.

Edited by Miss Bennet
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Can't believe we haven't spoken since that uncomfortable conversation on Wednesday night. It feels like forever ago. I'm sorry for the aggressive approach I seem to keep taking, but I honestly think I deserve a bit more respect from someone who at one time wanted to spend their life with me. I want to be friends, but not in the way you seem to want. I feel like you know me better than anyone, save for my family and perhaps a couple of my best friends. I've shared things with you that I've never shared with anyone else. I would think that would allow us to have a deep friendship, rather than the sort of "acquaintance" friendship you seem to think we should have.

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Argh. You are smart, sexy, talented, fabulous with my kids, adventurous, well traveled. I would trust you to make the doctors attend to me in a busy hospital, to protect us on an open water sailing adventure, to play with me, to support my kids success in their endeavors.

 

Also, you are a two-timing lying sack of sxxt who has come up with every excuse in the book. You somehow became the boyfriend of two people? Gee, like you just woke up one day and you had this new limb? "But we've been friends since I was 12!" you say. Fine, then let her own you. But you can't own me you SOB. Really, I am so angry. Lets not forget when I broke up with you-- which time was it-- when weeks apart caused you to admit you were falling in love with me.

 

I believe you actually. It felt like it. Maybe my belief of you is my own sickness.

 

Iraq has stolen your ability to hope.

 

Excuse. I dont mean to demean what it does to you, shooting somebody, bearing the weight of it. Trying to still be human. Okay. Fine. Its been 5 years. Get a therapist.

 

She is just a friend.

 

Well, at least now we can all call bull on that one.

 

Its hard to downshift.

 

Then downshift this.

 

How many times have I told you that the truth is sexy. But you pull your set right up within yourself and lie to me like a silly high schooler. Not sexy.

 

Tooling around on this site helped me learn what I need: FAITH IN MYSELF. I can do this. I deserve better, we both agree. Better will be there for me, only if I am available to receive it. I am throwing you out of my head. I am. I am. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

 

Please, Self, succeed at this.

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I'm not out to do anything to you, really. Your life is your business, I'm neither the scorned woman nor the bitter ex. I'm just disappointed in you because you led me on. People are just pawns to you. Just stop making me out to be some kind of psycho, ok? Because you could cause real problems for me, and that's the only reason I'd think of retaliating or asserting myself. I hope you get it together, I really do. I wish you all the best. I really wish you'd see this as an opportunity for a new start. When you're out there trying to find yourself, maybe give a thought to how you are affecting other people too.

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I have a stinking cold. I wish I could hug you & feel better. I felt safe with you. But you don't want my sniffling cold or me. It's not attractive to you. Man, now I can't even have a cold without feeling like I'd drive someone away I never got colds this bad when I was with you because you did something to my immune system. Garr.

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Glad I said "My man will not make me wonder. If you make me wonder, you are not my man." Could hear the pain as you said "That's clear." Ok, so you sent me an email and you have expressed your desire to have two friendships and one romance result from your involvement with two women. Funny. Things I wanted to say to you this afternoon but didnt. (1) That I liked your letter, and of course I will respond if you contact me with "something of import". But it better damn well be important. (2) That we could see a fire in town from our balcony. (3) My C said "He likes someone else? So you're not all that special after all?" I said, no he says all that stuff. "Guys always say that." She is 12. (4) The joke that Y sent me. Right up your alley. (5) I really don't want to be friends with you. I have friends. I want you as my lover and mine alone, and nothing less.

 

I am confident that later, I will reflect on my old posts with horror. For now, this is how unhealthy I have become. Gotta fix it. Glad you're gone.

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Gosh you suck. The biggest mistake I ever made in life was giving you my number. I ask God "what did I ever do that was so bad in life that caused me to have the misfortune of meeting you?" I must have done something extremely wrong that Im not aware of, right? I cant believe you just threw me away for that girl so quickly, so coldly. What did I do to you? I know I should move on but as for now I just cant, Im so full of resentment that it hinders my breathing at times. I find it so hard to believe you no longer love me, but hey, I actually believed at one time that you did, so Im prone to being completely wrong it seems! If you everrrrr came back(and I truly want you to, just so I can break you down) you would need an ambulance ready because I would literally beat you to a pulp. That is a promise. But I know you wont, you couldnt possibly come back expecting anything from me after what you did, if so you have a MAJOR set of balls. I may not even see you when you come back, you treated me so bad throughout this that if I were you I would stay away. At the same time with the way you treated me it would indicate that you couldnt care less about me and wouldnt wanna see me anyway. Guess I will have to wait and see, you were always full of surprises. The day youre back in town will be the turning point for me, unfortunately I still care for you( because my feelings were real) and it will be a little over a month since the BU when you do return. Right now I am just miserable, angry and broken, but my true healing will be forced, whether I like it or not, when you arrive and make a move/or not. I am looking forward to having the last shred of hope snatched away from my fingertips by you. I miss you still.

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I'm feeling really down right now, as I'm starting to realize there might be a chance you're really not ever going to speak to me again. It's hard to handle obviously, and I'm trying to keep strong but I just really want to cry.

Today my dad blew up on me again, and as I stood in my room crying I remembered back to the time you dropped me off home and as you always stayed on the phone with me to make sure I got in the door ok, you heard my dad while he was losing it on me. I stopped replying, you kept texting and eventually you drove all the way back and waited outside my place for over an hour just to make sure I was safe. Just cos I stopped replying. It was 1am. I knew how exhausted you were.

That meant alot.

The way you were always so protective of me.

I gave my ex my new number and this morning at 630am he texts me with a 'morning babe this is __' which made me quite puzzled; he never used to talk like that. Probably wasn't a good idea for him to be all 'chummy' when we've been out of contact for quite a while. It's just weird.

C, I miss you terribly. I have so much crap I wanna talk to you about, I just feel saddened.

Edited by lalalollipops
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grr, I'm having one of those moments where nothing would make me happier than hearing the sound of your voice. I wish there was some kind of magic pill I could take that would let me move on. I've had a few girlfriends in my life, loved a couple, but didn't love them the way I loved you. It's ironic how things ended, because when we first got together it was so meant to be. I was seriously convinced I was gonna put a ring on you and spend the rest of my life with you by my side. I often wonder if I cross your mind as much as you cross mine. It's been 10 days since we've last spoken..the longest we've gone without talking since we've known each other. 2 months since I've seen your beautiful face. I miss you, N. I miss our long walks in the park on a Sunday afternoon. I miss making you laugh until you snort. I miss your touch. I miss how you can bring me some light even on my darkest days. Despite what I've found out and how different our goals and aspirations are, I still have feelings for you. Don't know why. Sometimes I wish it was you when my phone would start ringing, other times I wish I never met you because I wouldn't be down like this...well, maybe that's taking it a little too far. We did have some great times and you managed to make me smile. I wonder if you'll call me or come see me when you have to pass through my town next month..my birthday's coming up, do you remember that? I know I should really get a move on with my life especially after our last conversation when you told me you didn't love me anymore and didn't feel the same way I did about you...made me wanna break down and just cry. Maybe that's all I need to do..just break down and let out a good cry...I hope your doing well love....

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What a great idea..

 

I woke up 5 times last night- each time i cried myself back to sleep, I know you are not crying- I know you are fine without me.. but when did this happen.. when did you switch from being crazy in love with me to not giving a damn.. ? you rang me / text me all day and all evening, you liked to know where i was, you cared how i was.. up until last week yo remembered me every hour... and now.. God- how is it so easy for you ?? how can you be so cold and uncaring.. ok- i know ive started the NC- but- .. you havent contacted me regardless.. I hate you for doing this to me- i hate what you've become and i wish a world of unhappiness on you- i hope you struggle to smile again, i hope you forget to laugh the way i have.. i hope you start crying all of a sudden, and i hope you lose your sleep and the nightmares you had come back to haunt you again.. what you did to me was not ok- leading me on and lying to me was not ok and i hope karma finds you and punishes you. i hate you so much.

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I was doing ok without you for a while. NC really helped. Everyday I was being strong, getting up, doing my hair going to work, keeping my dignity then BANG! you contact me.

You now hate that I'm coping without you. You slagged me off for seeing my friends who are just being there for me. And now you refuse to pay your debts and have left me with them all.

why are you doing this? I gave you your freedom as you wanted. I didn't beg or make your life hard. I listened to your feelings so let you walk away from me without clinging on. So why are you doing this now? Haven't you taken enough from me? haven't you made

me cry enough? are you trying to kill me?

 

I have nothing left only a world of mess I'm trying to clear up. I contemplated ending my life. I cannot take anymore from anyone. I cannot take anymore from you.

You got what you wanted so leave me the frick alone.

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Him, with my translation: "My heart tells me that you are much better for me romantically. But I also know I don't want to lose either of you as friends. ["I want to sleep with you. But Ann MAKES me sleep with her. What do I do? How about I sleep with Ann and call you later?" You *******. Just submit to your dom, and don't be a cheater.] I let my feelings of a lack of permanance [sic] regarding my overall situation here cloud my mind and seriously damage my friendship with you.['I assumed you were just a temporary thing, and as such, did not deserve basic politeness or respect.' So you missed the lesson that respecting others is just a reflection of how we respect ourselves? Where's your mother? Oh yeah, she's on meds. Sorry.] And now I am pretty scared that what I did was irreparable. [Gee, ya think?] I am trying to sort it all out. ["I'm afraid to tell you the truth. Are you sure I can't sleep with you AND sleep with Ann?"] I know I definitely need to have a long "State of the Union" talk with Ann. [No time like the present! Or maybe, last winter when you embarked on your two-faced journey might have been the time?] I guess I am just hoping that while I figure it out, that even if you distance yourself from me, you won't up and move away, put my email in your "Spam list", or ask your mobile carrier to permanently block my phone number. [Nah. Why bother. I look forward to hearing your rationalizations when you gather up your nuts and try to return to the nest.]

 

This is my "beer" of the day. Thank goodness for this forum!

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You were right and it took me ages to get there. We are toxic and we needed to set boundaries. I thought if you hadn't always taken offence at me, everything would have worked out, but it would have been a disaster! It still would! Everything was always a tragedy to me, but it was only my co-dependence. I was wrong - I can have a separate existence, I need one. I need to heal and build my sense of self. I need to be single, I need to be comfortable with it.

 

The truth is, I caused you as much hurt as you caused me, and I'm constantly impelled to do so. I'm sorry. I know you don't mean to hurt me, and I don't mean to hurt you but I do it anyway. Railing against you because I never did it to the person who really hurt me. You're right, we both have issues.

 

You know I miss you too, and I love you to bits, really, wrongly skewed as it may be at the moment. I hope if you can forgive me we might be friends - I think we could be great friends. I'm not just trying to cling on to you - I think we were only meant to be friends in the first place. I think perhaps we're in each other's lives for a reason.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you again. It's been hard for me to know that weakness in myself so I can go and heal it. I have a lot to do, but I'd never have been confronted so starkly with it, which is what I needed. I'd never have known, emotionally, where to start, even if intellectually I knew about abuse and co-dependence and all that. I might have been doomed to years more of blindness.

 

It's so incredibly hard to let you go, but I don't want to hurt you any more, and I don't want to hurt myself. I want to get better, and I want that for you too. Bye for now. I'll miss you, but I'll hope that we can have a healthy relationship from now on instead of a mockery of one - if that's what you want too. I hope I haven't caused terrible trouble.

 

P.S. As a friend - be single! Maybe focus on the little one too. Have a rest. Have some fun. Have courage. Make a new start.

Edited by Miss Bennet
grammar
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Darling,

 

We could have something so much better than how things are now. It's not as if I'm asking no contact - not at all. Please, if you love me, think about everything I said to you. It's the only way forward. I can't do this any more. We can have something good, but not like this. Why miss each other when we can do things properly? We need to change, we both do.

 

Just friends, OK? But real friends, good friends. Close friends, even.

Edited by Miss Bennet
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I have learned much: one, that I am not in control and that's okay. two, that I CAN manage a relationship. three, that I HAVE to set my own rules.

 

What I still am wondering, is, IF you were to come back to me, and I know, I should not even think this, but if you were, what would I do? When you were with me, you were as close to what I want as I have felt in a long time. LONG time. But there are major red flags here. Your YouTube vitriol, your capacity to lie, your capacity to treat me disrespectfully without feeling ashamed of yourself. these are MAJOR RED FLAGS! Why do they not bother me? Why do I feel, in my private self, that I would accept these about you?

 

Because I remember the night you came over at 10, sat at my dining room table and wrote out two pages of step by step guidance for my daughters homework, talked with me, and then left. I remember how you taught one to ride a bike in 10 minutes, something her father could not accomplish all year but said he did. I remember how we rocked out all the way to the beach. Who lets me rock out like that? Everyone wants me to turn it down, or is simply amused at how music takes me over. You, you get it. You like the same stuff. You played drums for me. I remember how you taught the other new moves in lacrosse. The result? She is the only among her friends to make the elite team, not even the daughter of the man who played for stanford. the way your eyes crinkle at me when we are with them. Like you couldnt be happier anywhere on the planet. the night we played chess on your balcony, smoked cigars, and talked about public health care policy, iraq, and the view of the airport.

 

I really really want to remind you of these things, knowing that this weekend Ann will be trying to keep you and that you will be -- who knows -- probably just going along to get along and having great sex. You have known her since you were 12. You and your brother dont speak. Your mother is nuts. She is, kind of, all you have. I SO get it.

 

I feel like I am sending you into battle ill-equipped. But, it takes two. I can't coach you through this, and I can't even know that you want me in the end. I think you want my friendship only. Who was the poster here who said not to hold your hand through to the end? She was right. I hope you are missing me and finding your resolve. And if you do, I hope I then find the right thing to do with you.

 

Argh. I just dont know if I should run away.

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Heard this song earlier, and it made me think of you. So hard not to send you a text with the link to it..so here it goes..

 

Tritonal- "Sometimes I Wish"

 

Only you took me there

To the place where I live still

No one else could see me whole

But this thing you’ve built with care has been sold

 

Before you I was well

Now I’m weak but I need to break this spell

Time is not on my side

It stands still, it lingers, it just hides

 

Oh, I’m dying and I’m done

Nothing here

I am done

 

Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you

Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you

Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you

Oh oh oh

 

I would have my heart still

I would have my mind still

I would have some peace

 

Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you

Sometimes I wish I’ve never met you

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Okay im posting here so i get some feedback about the situation cos no one replied earlier. Im having a lot of trouble blocking thoughts about her and a part of me wants her to text or call but i know that would be disastrous because shes an emotional abuser Heres the entire story.

There was this girl who i loved a lot and I used to do everything for her and we got physical many times but she was in a relationship. I stopped her many times and told her that i don’t want her that way and i had a lot of love for her but after a point even I gave in (I know i am wrong too) She would relentlessly go on and on and would literally jump on me despite me saying No many times.We were very very emotionally close. She told me about all her problems and she did have a lot of family problems and was abused as a child too so i made it a point to be there for her whenever she needed me irrespective of what i was doing. As we got closer we spent a lot of time and got really close. We would talk all day and all night and text a lot too. We were literally talking all day. All this while she was dating him. She told me that was a namesake relationship but still was close to him. I have been reading a lot about emotional abuse and i think she was subject to it from him. Now coming to the point, She gave me a lot of trouble for not being there once for her because all I said was i will call you in 15 minutes.

 

They then weren’t together and she told me i don’t want a relationship with anyone because it gets complicated.Just a few days before that she said she wanted to be with me. I was fine with it and said okay. She then got back with him after a few months. My friends then stopped talking to her and told me to keep my distance but i never listened to them cos i felt very close to this woman and didn’t wanna abandon her just cos she wasn’t dating me.And once I told her I have to move on from you. She gave me a lot of trouble for all these things. I was blinded so never saw through all this. I felt her need was so huge and she always made me feel like only Im there for her and can be there for her. I assumed since we talked all day and she told me everything, It was true. I never ever doubted what she said. I called her family. We were that close. She would often speak to my mom too on the phone. Now in hindsight, Something i notice is that every time i would go out she would come up with something and do emotional blackmail and be very needy. I happily gave in cos i never thought that she was being manipulative. She threatened suicide many many times because that would always get me very very worked up. I was scared that she would do something, I would always try to cheer her up and give her hope, Most of the time she would be pacified but then she started using that when i would go out also and i would feel very guilty for going out and i had stopped going for birthdays, dinners and all other outings with friends. I never never realised it but i was completely isolated from the world. It never bothered me cos i had her. She then started with this thing that i dont do enough and sometimes im not there for her when i have gone to lengths of staying up till 4am to finish her work presentation and travel to the other end of the city multiple times because she needed me.

Since a few months she had stopped opening up to me and told me that i dont get her when infact i would do everything to try and understand her problems. When i asked her to explain what i dont get, she never actually did that.Everyday i would wonder where Ive gone wrong because she would get all my attention and love and care. I tried many times to get things better. I thought i was doing something majorly wrong because she would keep telling me i don’t understand anymore and the fear of losing her was unthinkable at that time for me and i think she knew that.Whenever i brought my fears and discomforts and insecurities she always put me down. Because of this i was always on tenterhooks always wondering if im saying the right thing or not.And she had this thing that she alwasy had a set answer of mine in her head and if i didnt say that same thing she would flip. I didnt understand what i was doing wrong because i was still trying to comfort her all day.I never realized then. Now that I am distanced i see all the flaws. I would say sorry for things that weren't even my fault, when i confronted her with her mistakes she would somehow turn it back onto me and i would at the end be apologizing.I always had to give her constant attention or it would spell trouble for me.There have been times where ive gone for a movie but dont even remember one scene cos she would keep texting and i would feel compelled to reply cos more often that not she would be talking about her problems and i always wanted to be there for her and not let her feel alone. I was very scared of losing her because i honestly felt like it was perfect. Now i realise it was fake from her side. All this while she had me hooked because she would always be leading me on in a subtle way.

 

Recently, I felt she was hiding something, then i guessed that her boyfriend was coming.(He was in another country) I got very insecure and affected and told her u wont be there for me and wont care about me.

 

He infact was coming down. He stays in a different country. This woman put a status on Blackberry messenger for HIM saying that she loves him more than anything. and the very next day she told me that she loves and cares about me more than anything so i was very very confused. I was getting very very affected and my studies were suffering very badly cos all i would think about is her. One morning she told me that she was touching herself the last night when she was talking to me. I was wondering why she would do that and wondered what kind of a girl is she doing that when her boyfriend is in town. That same afternoon she told me that she has feelings for me. I told a friend of mine and she told me that it is best to end this because its in the best interest of everyone. I thought that too but didn't act on it yet. I got suicidal that evening and called her but she once hung up cos she was with him and she told me these words " i don't want your blood on my hands"

 

That did it for me and I stopped talking to her after that. It has been a month and 7 days now and i have come accross your website and it has really really helped me but to be honest i dont know why i keep thinking of her, dreaming of her and missing her. I am truly trying but i miss her a lot. There is a huge huge void because my entire day would go spending time or talking to her. I am not able to focus on anything. Please help me as to what I should do to move on and please reaffirm my decision of not talking to her if that is the right one.

I am much better realising what she actually was but now i isolated myself in order to be there for her so now I have one huge void with no one left to fill it. I dont think there's any chance I will initiate communication or entertain it but she had or maybe has this power over me and i always used to succumb to her needs and problems till the day i stopped it completely and began no contact. In this period she has surprisingly called only once. She called from someone elses number so i didnt know it was her but I didnt talk for long. It was my birthday a few days ago and deep down I expected her to call but now I realise that she doesnt truly care about anything or anyone. In hindsight there have been many instances where i can safely say she has been very selfish or hard hearted or self centred but a part of me maybe still holds on to a small belief.

 

I dont want to give her that power anymore. I know i have done something wrong too by aiding her in cheating but trust me i genuinely loved her a lot and my entire life revolved around her till the day i stopped talking. I told her many times that i didnt want it this way and i look at her in a different light and i wanted to be with her and share our lives as one. There was this one time we were talkng dirty she actually told me “U can have me in bed.” I was thinking to myself. I have been literally longing to be with this girl but she wont give me a relationship but she has no problems sleeping with me which i pointed out to her. Obviously i never slept with her because i would be disrespecting my own feelings for her but yes many other things happened physically before that.

Please help me out cos i dont want to have weak moments and please help me with the isolation aspect because its the the only thing that i cannot handle and i dont want it to make me msg or call her.

 

Particular instances i want to highlight: I liked her in the earlier years of college and she knew that. After confessing her i broke off contact cos i wanted to move on. We started talking again 8 months later. Within a month she wanted to get physical with me when she was at that time dating the guy. I pointed this out to her. She said nothing. She sent me a text saying i want to kiss you an hour after she was on the phone with her boyfriend and that poor guy was crying due to some of his issues.

She always had different rules for me and her. If i went out i had to text her no matter what. If my battery died. I had to take a friends phone and do it cos i had done it once.

She threatened suicide many times and said scary things like “your kids will play with my ghost”

In hindsight, I feel that she always drifted topics when i opened up about my problems. She used to cut me in the middle of my conversations almost every day.

 

Coming to the point, I obsess a lot and I don’t know how to overcome it. Please help me out.My entire life is at a stand still. I cannot eat cannot sleep and have forgotten the last time i even smiled. May sound corny but she really was everything to me and i don’t know how to get my life back on track.

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And i would say this to her: I know u dont have an explanation cos you cant feel emotions like a normal person.I gave you everything and my life revolved around you from morning to night. Took all your troubles away and put your happiness before anything else in my life. I realise that it was a mistake cos youre not capable of appreciating or seeing the good things. You're never going to find someone who loved you and cared for you like I did. I wish u all the best in life.

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When we first met, you felt like you wanted to be with me for the rest of your life, loved me so much that I was considered as a priority, you used to send me those beautiful good morning texts, saying those 3 little words "I love you" in it to start my day off right & now that doesn't even exist..I don't even exist to you anymore..Times change,and so do people..I was there when nobody else was..physically & emotionally. I just wish you loved me when it hurts..remember who was there through it ALL. I don't understand how you could not be in love with me anymore and not have any feelings after everything we've been through and everything I've done for you..it's just not fair

Edited by ideal87
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