Jump to content

Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
 Share

Recommended Posts

Not an ex, but anyway. Ugh. Is it supposed to be attractive when you play the nice guy to reel me in and then unleash this evil rage? How is that supposed to be different from what you say other people did to you? I mean, you do know that the you allow these people to influence you, or worse still, to define you, the more you risk becoming like them? Oh sorry, I forgot, you know better than me in everything. How dare you treat me as not good enough to ask out honestly or so much as talk to yet stalk my Facebook, blog, etc, etc! That's kind of sick, and what's kind of sick is that my boundaries were so poor that I blamed someone else, ignored it or even, God help me, rationalised it. It's trite, but you've got to start loving yourself, and I don't mean to think you're great, because at this point in time you're kind of an ass. Stop nursing your wounded ego and living in a fantasy world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm full of cold. I had started thinking about letting you go but today is a step back. I don't know who I was to you. A replacement mother? A filler-in before the main event? A nagging woman trying to trap you forever? There and wouldn't go away? I remember when you invited those Mormons into our flat. They kept coming back cause you couldn't say no. Is that what happened to us? You couldn't say no till you had to? I feel disturbed having been with you for 6 1/2 years & not really knowing who you are I feel sad today. Things are changing very slowly. Just sad today. It will pass.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are really more cold and heartless than I thought you were. I did nothing but love you and care for you. All for nothing. I should have been spending my time loving ME, but instead I wasted it on someone who only thinks of himself. Now I have to start back over and love myself again. I have to re-find me. Because loving me is going to be way better than loving you ever was. At least I know it won't be wasted. Worldly things aren't going to bring you true happiness. You're never going to have someone love and put up with you like I did. Good luck with that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How could you cheat on me? How could you say and repeat the same actions that you did to me when we first met? I guess I knew all this time you were a cheater but blinded by our love.

 

I want to share my day with you... I want to know how you are doing. You been my life for the past 3 years and now you checked out of this relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just realising that you never really wanted me, you just wanted a fantasy me, just how I imagine you want women in general. The moment it becomes too real, you repel brutally. I won't enable that anymore. Real life is scary, so is realising most people are a mix of good and bad, and being real means you have the chance of being hurt. The thing is, it needn't kill you. I wasted too many years after being re-traumatised by the psycho I told you about who zoned in on me at the worst time, until it hit me that only I was responsible for my self-esteem, my life and my choices, and I was isolating myself and hurting other people by letting him cast me into depression (glad to be free of that beast). I couldn't trust anyone and became bitter and unrecognisable to myself.

 

I am owning my mistakes and trying to connect with old friends and even making new ones. It is scary at first, but it feels so damn good. The other thing about not letting yourself heal is that you don't protect yourself from psychos, you are just as vulnerable as ever, and when you meet them you feel the trauma again and worse than the first time. You may think no-one will like the authentic you, but you'd be wrong. And do you know what? Knowing the real you, I would respect you immensely if you overcame everything in order to change, because it'd take a huge amount of courage. When you take charge of yourself, it stops here, at this generation. You know, you are taking steps, and I really hope you get there. In fact, I'll be cheering you on if you do.

 

By the way, don't blame me because you feel bad right now, it's not me. It's because you are alienating everyone and you hate what you're doing. Don't sneer at me because I equate my situation with yours. I'm not trying to lecture you, pedantic as I sound. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Why should it matter? Just means I'm fallible like everyone else.

 

You were partially right to feel cautious about me, as I was fully right to be wary of you. But that's ok. I found out that, in fact, I am strong, I'm not the worthless weakling I was led to believe and I'm going to be ok. I also found out that I can acknowledge where I went wrong and apologise. It doesn't mean I'm not vulnerable, I clearly am. But I'm going to sort that stuff out.

 

I'm glad I apologised to you, and you did kind of apologise too. That's something, and I appreciate it.

 

I hope you somehow come to this realisation yourself, because as I said, I'm not going to enable your bad side any more. That stuff stops right here, right now. I hope you'll want to embrace flawed humankind (and that includes you) rather than fantasy land. You know, it's better on this side.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I could be talking out of my hat. I don't know. I think in a way I'm so embedded in my own issues that it's hard to view other people's objectively. Still projecting, maybe. I wish I could help you, but I don't know how, and maybe I'm still not in a good place to. I just wish I understood better so I'm not judging based on my fears rather than the reality. Everything has to be so damn black and white with me.

Edited by Miss Bennet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You snooped through my phone with the intention of finding something, so you did. You demanded an explanation, and I readily gave it to you along with assurances of my love for you. You completely disregarded it and continued to degrade my feelings, calling me a liar and telling me you wanted to end it. And yet I still tried to prove to you how much I cared. And what makes me so angry is that if the shoe was on the other foot... If I had gone through YOUR phone and didn't like what I saw, I would have gotten anger from you and absolutely NO explanation. You are so unfair and immature.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ugh. There is no damn reason why I should ever get back with you. You did everything possible to turn me off - turn me away and yet I still wait for some kind of contact. What the hell??

 

Anyway, bad week. Lots of stuff going and I miss you. Maybe too much ENA and I got to get out of here and start living life in a different manner. I don't know. Feel stuck in place and have no interest in anything other than the boy. Probably just another phase to muddle through and one more step to being done. Getting impatient. Enough time has passed.

 

I wish I could talk to someone that has been here, someone with my background so he will know just what to say or how to say it. Doubtful though. Have bleated in awhile, doesn't feel any better but it's off my chest for now. Gonna spend some time away. Maybe that will help.

 

I miss you.. but I should've left the moment I knew it was going bad. Ugh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The past 3 months have been all over the place for me. Downs, ups, downs...and most recently...some very amazing ups. Small in the grand scheme of things, but I know they are the small steps of the foundation I so desperately need.

 

I'm not a fatalist, but... I won't ignore cause and effect when I see it. And I doubt I would have the mentality, and spiritual growth without having gone through this breakup with you.

 

I'm able to understand more of the posts that I read about when I first came here...and accept them.

 

I do miss you, but not all of you, the you we got to experience when you weren't addicted and obsessed with WoW. I can't really blame you, since in my younger days, I did something similar as well. I can only hope that you'll come to the same realization I did. That you can't keep running from your problems and reality in a virtual world if you want an emotional healthy life.

 

I say that...but I also know that some people won't ever ask the same questions of their lives, or feel the same way. It's saddens me greatly though...because I know how genuinely happy you were to connect to another human soul on the levels we did.

 

I know what I'm working for. It would be great to share that with you, but the timing is off, and may never come again. But that's ok. I'm doing what I need to do, and am looking forward to each day as they come.

 

I do hope one day we'll be able to meet again, but I won't put my life on hold (not that I have been since Janurary) for that moment.

 

 

I love you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my dear. Am I right this time? You poor, poor thing. How I wish I knew what to do, to try for some contact with you or give you space. You know this intense stuff frightened me and that's why I felt I couldn't trust you. It triggers me. If it's part of the issue, I can deal with that, but you have to get treatment (I know you know this) and, eventually, if we were going anywhere together, make me part of it. Those are my conditions, because my family was completely torn apart due to a personality disorder. Yours (if I am right about this) is different, I think, not one of the malignant ones, but it's nearly ruined things for you. You know my issues, and I will be open about those.

 

Did I see you last week? I only realised well after I'd passed you. I wish you'd texted me though I had to go back on Thursday. It's not all a fantasy, you know. It doesn't have to be. You know how I feel. I'm always just a text or a call or an email or a letter away. It's not as insurmountable as you think and besides I travel quite well myself nowadays. No need to worry about what to do or say - I will take on the burden this time. You needn't be afraid of the real me. I'm quite harmless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe now u might be ejoying ur life, but definitely Karma is a B***h ... I can believe u could do this to me at a time like this, when i needed you the most in my life. But as they say ''Life goes on" . Am pretty sure u were easily convienced by this wack friend of yours to make that decision but one day when i might be too late, u'll realise that u made the biggest mistake and u wont have nobody to blame but urself . I was always there for you in ur most difficult times in life and u broke up with me by TEXT after 2yrs of being together . ''What goes around comes around'' .

 

Its been 3months now and i am much better. Probably u thought i could live my life further without you huh ? ... I only feel resentment towards you now and nothing more, You hurt me really bad .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really wish you would just talk to me. That's it, really. Just let us both explain our side of things and really figure out where we go from here.

 

You won't do that, though. Maybe you're just a liar. I don't want to believe that but you definitely lied about loving me, and you lied with the reassurance you gave me a week before you ended it. Perhaps you even lied about the reasons for doing it, I don't know. I don't think you did... I know the stress you're going through right now. I really wish you'd give me the opportunity to take that all away from you and to make you happy again.

 

I realize I've said and asked some things that you simply don't want on your mind. That was selfish of me and I apologize. You should really think deeply about how you'd feel if the roles were reversed, though.

 

Meh, life is not fair though. If you've decided you really want to just erase me from memory and pretend I don't exist, fine, I can't do anything about that. It would be such a shame if that's really what you feel you must do.

 

I miss you...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is it that when we broke up in grade 12, you really wanted to be friends? You were honest with me and you shared with me and we were stillbest friends? Why is it that you couldn't even toss me a "hey" 6 weeks after the breakup? I was going to come to your dad's birthday (because you did say that you wanted me to come) and then I just sucked it out of you that you wanted time and space...what does that even mean? Time and space to do what? And you don't talk to me because it's too hard? How come when you were breaking up with me you couldn't look at me? And you wouldn't let me touch you? Why was that? Were you just sad and ashamed? You were really sad that night but somehow strong enough to tell me straight up that you didn't want to be with me. I don't understand that. You hoed and hummed all week and then you emailed me the next day saying that it was more the issue of indecision and you didn't know what was wrong....and then you just stopped talking to me. And now I've initiated this period of no contact...which kills me. It KILLS me. And it's been almost a month. I don't know how many days....since the 27th last month and almost 4 weeks, so however many that is. I've wondered if you've wanted to break it - to say hi, to ask how I'm doing, to tell me how you're doing...but you haven't. I don't know if it's really good self control, or if you've buried your thoughts and aren't feeling much, or if you feel like you need to respect my space now. And then there was the time I asked if you had wanted to contact me and you said you did but you felt like we shouldn't right now...I just don't know how it all got so broken. I miss you so much. I miss my best friend. It's been too long and I am not doing so well without you. I want to be, I really do, but that doesn't stop this pain and hurt and empty spot where you had been for the past 5 years of my life...and now....and now for you who knows what's there? Evidently not this because I dont think you'd put yourself through this....and you decided on this through a feeling you couldn't shake and nothing to back it up. I keep hoping you'll give me a call or something, but I think you've got yourself pretty convinced...and nobody seems to know why. Awww....babes, I'm really sad this morning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm still hurting. I thought it was getting better. It is I suppose. I'm just really sad. I know deep down that you loved and cared for me but you just couldn't see yourself with me in the future. I've given up trying to understand. I'm just devastated that it happened to us. I don't know if there is something going on with another person but I keep imagining them to be perfect. She cooks better, throws dinner parties and is always loving towards you. I feel disgusted at myself sometimes for being mean to you. I feel guilty for not being this 'perfect' woman. I know that that is unrealistic. I know I was very stressed with work.

 

It was your coldness that hurt so much. I wish you could have said something positive about us. I said to you that even if we parted ways that I would appreciate our relationship & the part you played in my life. You said nothing. You said the house would be cleaner without me. Would it be easier for me if I knew that you cared for me and respected me as a person: it would. I feel like someone who moaned too much & wasn't interesting enough.

 

It hurt so much when I said that what we had was special & enough to work for. It hurt that you didn't agree. It hurt everytime our friends called me your wife or asked when you would propose. It hurts that you haven't contacted me at all over the past 3 months not even to see how I am. It hurts to think of you going out with our friends. It hurts to think of you maybe even dating another woman (comparing her to me: how great she must seem). It hurts that I let myself love you & told you about it. It hurts that I was proud of you and told you about it. It hurts that I cared for you. It hurts that you could do none of these things for me.

 

I don't have very high expectations in life. Just realistic ones. I was happy appreciating who you were & I really did. I would have moments where I looked at you (normal moments) and loved you.

 

It hurts to know that I gave you such love & I get nothing in return. I gave you such devotion and receive none in return.

 

So is this it? Is this the end of us? Is this the end of our close friendship & long relationship? You tell me we have no future and can't make it work. That is all I get after 6 years. What is wrong with me? Will I check up on you in a few months time to find you engaged?

 

Whatever. It hurts to love. Don't completely trust. Don't believe you are worthy of a marriage. These are the messages that life is sending me?

 

You are free now. Yaaaaaaaay!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why didn't you text me? How was I supposed to know? You're still dealing with fantasy me, projecting imaginary slights and creating reasons to distrust me. I am reality, deal with me. Why the hell do you think I've been waiting around so long? Use your rational mind. Step away for a while and think about it.

 

I said I wasn't going to enable you anymore and I mean it. You've got to take a risk. You thought you were last week, but you've got to go one step further. I can't read your mind! You were right to believe me, but you have to see it from my perspective also, I don't understand yours yet. Or do you want me to contact you? Because you've ignored me so far. I have no idea what you want, but I will if you want me to. It's been hard for me to reach out, you know that. I don't know why you would prefer a fantasy to a reality. I think we could create some pretty good realities.

Edited by Miss Bennet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

By the way, I need reassurance too that I'm not some kind of plaster that you'll use to make you feel good for a while and then discard. This is a huge risk for me, I need to have evidence you're serious about changing and not preying on me. This is it, I'm not doing the push-pull thing any more.

Edited by Miss Bennet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think I can ever get over you. You were the one. You have forgotten us and all we shared. You moved on so fast. Now you have someone else how makes you happy and is your priority. How did you lose what you felt for me? How can you think she is it when you hardly know her? Why wouldn't you try for us? You just threw it away and gave up.

 

My life is at rock bottom. I don't know how to fix it. It's not just what happened with us, there is so much else I have to put back together. It is too much for one to do. All of these things happening at once. Too much for one person. Why? I can't do this. When I try and get help no one can help me. I am lost and scared.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I miss you. I miss you so much. I've dated a lot of people and have had a few relationships, but the only two guys I ever really cared about was you and that ex from two and half years back. It's always easy for me to distance myself, easy to detach and not feel much when feelings aren't particularly invested, but I really seem to turn to mush when I love. I mean it took what, 15+ months to get over that other guy?

Then you came along, you acted in a way that really spoke to my heart. I grew to love you.

I just don't know what to do, you're all I think about. I can't escape from these relentless thoughts, my heart's in pieces.

I still keep that metal box you made me on the other pillow-in plain view (and the card you made under it).

I should really put it away.

Edited by lalalollipops
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex J emailed me a couple days ago (haven't talked to him since what, start of Feb?). He's back in town, wants to see if I want to catch up. I haven't seen him in over 15 months. Strange how he's emailing now. Weird timing, since we just broke up a week ago and all. Sigh can we just talk? I want to hear your voice. I want your arms around me, I want to just drink wine, eat chips and chat.

Edited by lalalollipops
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...