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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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I said some pretty awful things to you tonight, but I feel you deserved to be told each and every thing I said to you. You are the only person that has brought me to the lowly level of hatred. I don't even like that word being a part of my vocabulary. You're just a horrible person, you really are.

 

To tell me you "tried" so hard to make everything work and yet, you'd be more than willing to cave to anyone showing interest. Yes...ANYONE. I do believe you're desperate and I know you'll try to contact me again. I hope I'm strong enough to not answer. Hope is such a dangerous thing because I partially hope you'll contact me so I know you still care, but that's wrong. No matter what, we'd continue the ugly cycle of your abuse...yes, abuse. The emotional abuse you have made me endure...I'd never wish that upon anyone.

 

You told me you are now "talking" to someone. Well, do you actually pick up the phone to talk or do you text them and wait until you meet to get drunk in local bars? I think the reason I'm not crying or am seriously upset is because I honestly haven't lost anything. I lost someone who made me miserable, someone who shut me out, someone who played mind games, someone who lacks confidence, someone who has too many problems and issues they aren't willing to correct, someone who didn't appreciate me when I was there. You never really know what you've lost until it's gone. I think once you realize it, I will have completely moved on. I don't want a relationship of any kind with you, meaning no friendship, zero contact.

 

I miss the person whom I thought I knew. That person is no longer there or never truly existed. That is some mask you've got on.

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If the world were to end tomorrow, I want you to know that I loved you for you. I was proud of you and cared for you. I could have fun with you and that was special to me.

 

Our time together wasn't perfect and I've chosen to focus on the good stuff between us because, to me, life is about appreciating what is in front of you not what isn't.

 

It hurts me deeply that you couldn't do this for me. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't think there is. I'm just a human as are you. I will have to let you go. I am angry at you but each to their own. Humpf. You are not for me. There is beauty in imperfection.

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Oh Silver,

I am missing you now. I was doing ok today until now.

I woke up thinking of you and wondering what you were up to. Then i ignored it and went to work, was ok until now.

The problem is that the song you wrote for me (about me) keeps playing through my head and it brings me to tears when i hear the words.

 

'I know that someday love will work for you.

I'm sorry to say, but please be true.

Open your heart to love once more,

and don't be scare when it's your time to fall'

 

That verse keeps going round and round.

I'm going to be ok though. I just need to get through this hard time.

I know you were not right for me. I just sometimes wish you missed me as much as i missed you.

But if that was the case, we wouldn't be where we are right now would we?

 

Much love,

Limiya

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I just wish you would be a kind man for one minute and e-mail me back. I just want the truth of how you felt so I can close you off in my mind. How after 6 years can you not respect me enough to do that? I feel like I've been treated like an object and not a person.

 

I wish you could feel my pain. I am a family based person and have always put the people in my life above work. That is my core. I had always believed that you were the one for me. I thought I was lucky to you as I identified with you in so many ways. I loved you even when we would fight. I took time to appreciate what I had in front of me and made me love you more. Whether I continued in the job I was doing didn't really matter. What mattered was you. And yet, when you drew away from me it hurt more than you'll ever know and added to my stress. You expected me to replace your mother?! I felt under such pressure to care for you, work and be happy as well. Part of what I needed to be happy and stay on top of things was to play with you.

 

Did you really love me? Why did you stay with me for such a long time if you didn't see a future between us? Does everything have to be perfect before you commit? I know feelings change but you have been such a coward about all of this. Of course I was going to hurt. Why did you have to drag it out? Why did it take me getting so stressed that I had to move home to end it? That really hurt by the way. I was burnt out and crying out for your support and you couldn't give it to me. Instead you broke up with me. Thanks for that.

 

I hate that you can't even be a friend to me and tell me what you were thinking. Then at least I could decide if you are worth it. I almost want you to scream at me and tell me I was too moody and unhappy for you. Then I could say to myself that I couldn't love someone who was so insensitive. I used to know a mature person inside that manchild somewhere. Where is he?

 

I can truly say I don't know who you are. I'm not your mum. I'm not your enemy. I'm not some crazed ex who will stalk you for all eternity. I want to be treated like a person. At least do that for me. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. Show me some respect.

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Instead of her I text her best friend today (her friends are still on my side). Was only a quick one to tell her I'd got four job offers (I was applying whilst still with the ex) and I guess if my ex ever wonders (I could be going back to England for all she knows) then her friend will be able to let her know. I guess it's kinda breaking NC but it felt right to atleast put the seed there.

 

She replied pleasantly as always but didn't mention my ex at all...

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I don't know how things manage to get this far. you and i are strangers now.

 

I miss you. I am moving on. I am feeling better with time but I feel it's by force. I never would thought for a second that we were going to end.

I'm here wondering what you are up too, and if I cross your mind as much as you do in mine.

 

Sometimes I have hope you would miss us and realize what we had, but it's too late anyway the damaged caused is way too much.

 

take care _____ ....

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6th day of NC. It was so bloody hard to get through this week. Apart from being sick I also had to deal with the breakup. Sure it was great to have work to distract me all week but at the same time I was just so TIRED. Physically and emotionally drained. I just wanted to be home in bed, warm, and cry to myself. I didn't want to be at work surrounded by hundreds of people and put on a happy face and say that I'm fine when they asked how I am.

 

This is the first weekend that we've been apart since the breakup.

 

Doing NC has been relatively easy for me as I was starting to do it even before we broke up and he was doing all the contacting. I guess in a way it's easy for him too as he was emotionally unavailable. I keep hoping he'll contact me just to show some emotion but I guess that'll never happen.

 

Luckily I've got a fairly good female friend to help me through all this but at the same time she's always telling me how great her boyfriend is and how this weekend he planned a surprise trip (no special occasion). I know she's not but I feel like she's rubbing it in my face and I just don't want to talk to her anymore. I poured my heart out to her and all she could tell me was that her boyfriend is so great and does xyz for her. Can't she tell I'm hurting?

 

F**k. I just hate everyone at the moment.

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My heart doesn't understand the situation I'm in. It is unfair that after 6 years we end because you can't see a future with me and don't think that can change. I want to understand so I can move on. I know feelings change and I know that we have to do the best for ourselves. I understand, I really do. I'm just so used to having you as my bestfriend: even though you did not treat me like someone you loved near the end. Even an apology - I'm sorry for being such a douche - would be nice. Do you see me as a person at all? I'm so annoyed at loving you, I wish I felt free from you. The child in me wants to know who you are with. She wants to know what is wrong with her? All she wanted to do was love you. Is there any empathy left for me? I miss you so much, I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you x

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Hello my darling. My love, my sweet soulmate. I wish you could see what you've become now. You'd see how badly you've hurt me; left me to die like a wounded animal. You'd see how much pain I go through every day.

 

Do you remember the sweet things you promised me? Do you remember how much you used to adore me? You were supposed to be here until I ordered you away. I didn't, but you still left.

 

I miss you. So much, all the time, every day. You were such a beautiful person. How could you have done this to me?

 

My love, my wolf, I miss you.

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What hurts the most is that I still love you and care for you. I don't want you to come to harm. Maybe you are right, maybe it is me who wasn't right for you. I think your mum's illness & death has affected you more than you'll ever know. I'm confused as to how you were treated as a child. My counsellor suggested that some of the things you said to me were actually to her. You called me a wh**e which I pointed out was a bit bizarre as I've only ever been with you. When your mother cheats on your father & only you know then I suppose all women are secret wh**es. Was my depression initially attractive to you? You would be able to fix me where you couldn't in your past. Yet when you couldn't you became frustrated at me. Why could I not help myself? You craved my constant attention. To me that's not healthy. You acted spoilt (and so did I), it always had to be your way. You blamed me for all our problems. Did you blame your mum for not being able to give you a happy family? The world is not your childhood. Where does all this take you? Maybe you will find someone who is right for you. What I found difficult was your need for a mother figure (endless praise and homely duties) but I was your equal. When I put forward my ideas I was not trying to control you. You always had to rebel just for the sake of not being told what to do by a woman. You were never right to dismiss my feelings because I was a woman. Who was dismissing your mothers feelings? Your father?

 

I worry for you. I worry that you will become infatuated and it will settle and again you'll feel like something is missing. Maybe you will marry and have kids before you get to that point. Maybe you will die before all those feelings you've swallowed affect you. You are so special to me. My first love. A relationship of 6 years. I was very simplistic in thinking that you were the one. You will always be in my heart. I miss you so much. It probably wouldn't work though as you don't seem to understand how to compromise or appreciate what you had in front of you. I'm so happy for the memories. I hope you find your perfect one who completes you. I don't believe in that stuff. I need to be with someone who appreciates me. It hurts a lot when you care for someone but receive nothing back. You don't deserve it but I love you. I miss you.

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So it's october, and despite all the insanity and stress and fear, with regards to you I no longer feel this grip hold on me. It is over and i'm not fighting it. I actually think that I will never be able to fully view you the same. I think back to all the other traumatic breakups i've had in my life, and realize you are on the list including other bipolar people who ultimately I cut out of my life. There isn't this sense of that though. I think I have just let it all fizzle out with time because I realize that nothing you have ever said was credible, and the moment I chose to ignore my conscience and tune out my inner voice, I knew I was making a major mistake. I just didn't know what it ultimately would cost me. I think i'll always care about you, even though I will never be with you or trust you again. My life is no longer run by hatred of you. What was a gaping,swelling wound, is now a fading bruise. It is weird. I find it still weird how i'm amazed when people call me attractive, or flirt.I'm amazed by my work ethic, when given a chance. I just believe I wasted time on you because you did not appreciate me or my personality, and that was your call. In hindsight I would have never gotten involved with you, and I don't say that with malice, I say that with the knowledge of knowing I completely disregarded my opinions and deep convictions, and tried to convince myself of things I clearly knew were not true. If there is karma or a sense of order to the universe, I do hope that one day you will feel sorry for that. Sorry for trying to convince me of things when you clearly knew they were lies. I know now though what it means to be in a destructive relationship, and quite honestly, it can only go uphill from the mess you left. I know now that I will never put my entire self worth into another person, and I knew better than to do that, but once again was persuaded of otherwise. I know now that different personalities can benefit one another, and even destructive personalities can mistakingly join together for what they think is good. I think that has more to do with your current life, but at the end of the day, you would never learn that or even be open to the idea that you are wrong. Regardless, yea, I'm pretty bruised up, but I can walk...and even if it's a slow limp, at least I have to desire to get up and move forward. I knew these days would eventually come. I knew that I really can trust myself now. I can trust my judgement, because I have always had good discernment of character, and it is only when I was too hard on myself that everything fell apart and I listened to other peoples voices and not my own.I wanted to live a life without regrets, and unfortunately I have many, but today, I stand with more confidence, knowing that even if I want to take risks, I will not allow anyone to take away from my self worth.

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The urge to look you up and find out what you're doing sometimes doesn't leave me alone, but I want to do things differently! B/c only by doing things differently I will have a better outcome. The hurt you caused me is worst than not hearing from you. It has been 2 weeks, and I'm okay. If you were to contact me it would cause anger in me, and it's best if you don't. This month marks another year of life for me, but I hope you don't decide to congratulate me. I don't need it or want it.

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Silver,

Please call me. Text me. Anything. I'm so hurting right now. Missing you badly.

What are you doing now? Who are you with? Are you with HER??? Do you think about me at all? Have you forgotten me?

 

How could you have done this?

I miss you. I miss your stupid dimples and smile and long eye lashes. I miss you.

I want to cry

 

Limiya

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I'm feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Would you care to know that? I love you and I miss you more than ever. Wake up. Realize I'm special. I don't know if you can. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. How long does it take for missing you to go away? Xx

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I don't want to contact you. But I do want to know if it was me or you. Or both. You were not perfect despite thinking that you were. You didn't let your guard down once but you sure worked hard to break mine down, and then take every ounce self esteem that I had just to turn around and view me as weak because I couldn't stay as strong as you thought I needed to be. You and your head games and manipulation, hot and cold behavior and convenient forgetfulness of your own actions.

 

I'm just as much to blame and it hurts and is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to admit. You were emotionally unavailable. I was emotionally unavailable, trying to right the wrongs of the past. What a terrible combination we were. I let you walk all over my boundaries just so I could feel the crumbs of love that you gave when you felt like it. Who WAS that girl?

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I miss you. I wish you would have stayed like you promised and helped each other thru our loss. I still love you. I want you happy so I let you go as you said you needed. Know I love you. You are the one I want to spend my life with.. even possibly have more children with. Never wanted that with anyone but you. I love you so I set you free only because you wanted it. I hope you contact me. You call me. You put your arms back around me and kiss me and make me laugh like you do. I miss cuddling on the couch. I miss....YOU.

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It hurts when I know I loved you more than you loved me. You were my one true love. I did have some of the best times with you.

 

But we have our moments. We have fights. You drive like a maniac. You lose your temper at insignificant things. And I looked past all that, why? I must be mad.

 

It's almost 3 months now and my mind's at peace as we no longer have the absolute mentally exhausting fights. But my world seems to be just black and white. I try to put you out of my mind but you are here with me, more often than not and my heart breaks all over again.

 

I know you'll have a new girl now. You never stay alone for long. She would probably be that girl who keeps messaging you all the time who you say is no one. I need to get over you.

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I just booked two stand up comedy tickets to see both Russell Brand and Stephen Merchant. That used to be our thing. I was in awe at how smart you are and funny too. You just have the most gorgeous laugh.

 

I'm not sure who i'm going with but it's something i must do now. Without you.

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I hate that I'm missing you more than ever now. I miss the sharing of comedy shows at night before bed. I miss the small whinging talks about colleagues. I miss your ability to choose fine tasting foods. I miss how you made me laugh the hardest. I miss the emotional closeness I had with you.

 

But I don't miss your temper, and I don't miss how you look distracted. I also don't miss how every little thing seem to set you off. I don't miss how you send me off to do your errands. I dont miss how you kick gravel into my shoe and think it's funny.

 

I dont miss how you used to think you can control the lights turning red just by being closeby. I dont miss how you protect your phone from me when Im around. I don't miss you asking me for money because you haven't got a chance to go to an ATM yet. I dont miss you constantly waking me up because you can't get to sleep yet. I don't miss you talking me into horror shows and amusement rides even when you know it's not my thing.

 

I don't miss waiting for you to come online during the weekends. Most of all, I don't miss that most things that is wrong is my fault.

 

I often wonder why do I stay that long when the situation is like this. I honestly can't answer. I knew I was in love with you and I hope in time, things would become better. When things are good they are really good, but when things are bad, it gets really bad. A relationship shouldnt be like that. I hate how I am when things decend to maddness. Why is it when I try to be more understanding and put less pressure on you, things dont get better?

 

If anything, things became that much worse. If we are fighting so cruelly and fiercely now when we have just each other, what happens if there are kids involved? A mortgage?

 

Perhaps I was important to you ....but not as important as you crashing Raves at 34 nor you needing the constant assurance of other girls. Am I just holding the title of 'girlfriend' but doing the duties of 'friends with benefits'?

 

I need to let you go, because you and I, we are at different places in our lives right now.

 

I miss you though and I wish you all the best.

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Manipulating someone's trust, sincerity for your own entertainment is unimaginably low.

 

Now I see what you meant by "pretending to be friends", what you were trying to 'achieve'. Wow, I thought it's just petty grudges. So,

 

The fact that you speak of morality doesn't prove you have it.

 

What's more, I kept your name confidential when I talked to ppl (until you no longer deserved such respect) but you played dirty from the very beginning by starting a smear campaign. Feel free to continue that dirty game if you think it helps cure your self-debased character.

 

PS: Feel free to fantasize on cover pics, 'cause that's all you got.

Just b/c I don't bother blocking haters doesn't mean I want trash around me. '**** you!' msg. meant anything other than, 'You're the lowest of the low'.

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