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Does it matter if a guy gets pissed at his loving girlfriend of 2.5 years if he asks her if she has had a 1 night stand and she says yes, she had one 10 years ago. Is that subject to him telling her she is a disgrace and not a person of high values and morals and breaks up with her as she is not marriage material? P.S. he has had a crazy sexual past himself!

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I dreamt about you again last night. I’m scared that I’ll dream about you tonight. These dreams are the hardest part since no matter how calm I am during the day, they pull me back. Why is it that the you in my dreams is always so clear and the you in reality is so confusing? You send me sweet, caring emails then you disappear. You tell me how hurt you are or how much you regret, but say nothing about what you want or how to fix things. I have no idea what you want or it all means.

 

Sigh, I guess I’m confused too. Sometimes I feel like I want to talk to you, but then I don't know what’s left to say. Sometimes I feel like we were so close, but other times I wonder if it was all just an illusion. Sometimes I remember you as the wonderful guy who desired me so much in the beginning, and then sometimes I see you as the withdrawing guy who abandoned me in the end. Sometimes I am filled with forgiveness when I see your pain and regret and then sometimes I am filled with resentment when I recognize how you avoided me and refused to talk or try to fix things.

 

Still the one constant is that I miss you. I hope at the very least that’s your constant for me too.

Edited by lilypadgirl
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You're doing it wrong! After all that we've both invested into this relationship, you cannot just leave me without comment...over one fight! I know that I have problems, but there are better ways to let me know than to leave me before trying to fix things.

 

Are you scared? I know that we were going to move, but you said you were OK with it. You said I was the only one for you. You comforted me after shattering my heart.

 

Did you leave me so I would get help? That's kind of what you said. THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO COMMUNICATE THAT! A depressed person doesn't always know she's depressed. I had no idea I was hurting you so badly.

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How could you do this? How could you start your new business as I never existed, after so many months dealing with your bad mood, stress, lack of time, I even haled the wounds you had in your hands. And now you open up with a new girl by your side. As I never existed.

Two weeks before the opening.

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Hey,

 

I moved back to the place where I was most miserable and yup, your memory was here like I never left. Right back to square one. I miss you soooooooooo much but I have to think I'm here for a reason otherwise the cosmic order has a cruel sense of humor. Went through the heartbreak but not so bad. I realized that I wish I could still talk to you and when I start recollecting, I did most of the talking. You sat quiet and looked distraught, probably because you had no reference to whatever I was trying to talk about. Wow. Never saw that.

 

That insight makes me sad. Why be with someone you never understood? I understand a little more about why you left. You needed something I could never offer and those punks for a brief moment did. You choose your life and although I wait for you to call me - NO IDEA WHY I FEEL THAT WAY - I won't be waiting long.

 

An old friend once told me stay busy and travel as much as possible. I have done so and in fact am on my way to another adventure. It helps and I think soon.. very soon ... someone else will show up and I will be happy.

 

It was hard and 3 years later, I feel sad but very excited that I will not unhappy much longer. #$#$#$ damn it's been a ride.

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I want to keep in my heart everything you said to me, your smile, your sweet voice on the phone asking for more sleep when I woke you up on early mornings. The joy you had when I took you to America to watch Paramore. When you sang happily all the cute nicknames you gave me. You're beautiful neck, jirafita mia. I want to keep you in my heart forever despite you left and hurted me.

 

I gave myself to you and I will do it again.

 

I've moved on, I don't want you back because I enjoyed giving myself to you and prefer to keep you always within the highest and purest context. Your best self will live in me proving my innocent and purest love.

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NC 1st night was difficult as we used to talk and keep the phone on until we fell asleep. Until I hear your sleeping breath... I thought about you until I fell asleep. I dreamed of you. Awake or asleep you in my sub and conciousness.

 

Are you with her? Making plans with her? Are you happy? I am sad...

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It's been a week and I honestly feel like you're not missing me at all.

 

Mornings are the hardest for me, you know. I always wake up thinking about you.. and then the hurt rips itself through me all over again. I drive to work and I can't stop myself from crying because of how badly it hurts to know you're fine while I'm falling apart.

 

I would give anything in the world if it just meant you coming back and realizing our relationship is WORTH IT. You're worth it. We can make it work, I promise we can.

 

Every time I ever had a thought in my mind of walking away... I pushed it aside. You know why? Because I loved you too much to ever give up on us. We promised each other over and over throughout our three years that we would do anything to make us work.

 

But you still left.. I miss you so much.

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Today you will be happy & proud of me... all those months of you pushing me to start with my daughter's therapy. I've done it. She did very well... She's on the right track. Wish you could have seen her. Of could know that I've already done it.

 

Thank you for the money gave. Thank you for loving my child...

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I don't know what to say. That night while I was staring at you, looking so depressed and full of regret, I can't help but feel miserable. I wish you never told me the things I wanted to hear a long time ago. I wish you never told me that you miss me, and that you regret leaving me. I wish you never told me that everyday you're with her you were thinking of me. I wish you never talked about what we once had, reminding me of our happiest days in the past. I wish you never told me that I was the best you ever had. You should have known that before you did those things to me.

 

Things happen for a reason. You had your chance. You ruined it.

 

You're too late. I have someone else now.

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How's your mom's post birthday celebration? I miss your little escapes from the family to call and talk to me. But those are just those... escapes. How I wish we we're legit and introduced to them.... Is she with you? Are you happy?

 

I talked to A*drin last night. I'm sorry I told him about us. He said exactly what you have said. Except for the reason why you can't just leave her. Well one of the reasons...

 

But now that he has reiterated how kind you are, yes.... I wasn't there 100% I always met your kindness with a grain of salt and suspicion.... I'm sorry.

 

Still missing you. Still worried about you. Still scared and still loving you...

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Now that my job is on the rocks so to say, I wish I picked the other training, so I'd be with you on your birthday. Then you wouldn't have been with her. We'd spend 5 nights together... We could have went fishing... show me where you grew up... Then I wouldn't have gotten sick and cranky and treated you bad. It would have been heavenly.

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We both knew our story was difficult. Everything was against us. Everybody was against us.

But you...you didn't have to give up.

And most of all, you didn't have to treat me the way you did. No, you didn't have.

You made me feel so low as I've never felt in my life before. I didn't know what depression was. Before you.

You ended our story treating me as if we never had something important.

And even if you said I'm a wonderful guy, bla bla bla and that you still want to be friends with me, you keep on treating me like a stranger.

 

But....despite all this.... I cannot hate you. I still miss you like the air I breath.

And because of this I hate myself to death

F*ck it

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It seems like no matter what, you've always come out on top in this situation. You even told me yourself, in full arrogance that you would.

 

I lost my job, I lost all my friends, and you cheated on me all along...and yet you are living happy. You told me you were never able to sleep at night during your year with me, you were plagued with insomnia. Now I am plagued with insomnia, and you told me you have never slept better.

 

You are happier than you have ever been. Surrounded by friends, surrounded by the love you left me for, and you even claim yourself to be the king.

 

I will never understand why life works out this way, and why people who are so cruel have wonderful lives. I will never understand how you could deliberately lie to me for a year, yet have your life work out so perfectly. It will never make sense to me.

 

I know if I dared to even say any of this to you, your response would be "Well,what do you want me to do about it?" or "What do you expect me to say?", in a sarcastic tone.

 

You are happier than you have ever been. I am rock bottom. I don't understand it, and probably never will. I hope someday though you reap what you've sown. I hope someday all your lies catch up with you, and everyone realizes what a scumbag you really are. You are so good at lying, i've never met anyone who could talk their way out of anything to way you are able to.

 

I never want to wish evil on anyone, but I do hope that one day you learn your lesson, and it hits you hard. Right now I am dead to you, and you are rejoicing that you won over me, and you have your love and your friends and your job and I have nothing. But the only last bit of dignity i have left is that you will never have my respect or blind compassion and forgiveness again. These choices you have made have given me full authority to never speak to you again. So you've made it so clear how happy you are without me in your life, continue to see what it is like.

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It's been a while...

 

You no longer take up so much space in my thoughts throughout the day. I still think of you at random times, but I don't focus on the BU or the bad times. Just you.

 

I'm glad I'm finally starting to feel okay. It was one hell of a ride...but I realized today it has been one half of a year now. You've been gone since day one and you will never come back. I feel like I have accepted this. I'm sick of playing the victim when I allowed you to treat me with disrespect time and time again.

 

So hope you are having a great summer. Hope you have a great life.

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Weird. We broke up on 7/9/08, four years ago tomorrow. We were apart for three months before we reconciled. I contacted you every few weeks, and it wasn't until I said it would be the last time I contacted you that you replied. When we started talking again, you told me that everyone in your life told you not to respond to me. But you did.

 

But now we're broken up again. This time, it's been six months. I only contacted you once. You never contacted me at all. It makes me wonder what would have happened four years ago, if I had gone NC. Would I have ever heard from you? I suspect you would've stayed away, and we would have never reconciled. We would have never had those 3 more years together.

 

I wouldn't give them back for the world.

 

It's hard not to wonder if things would be different this time, if I had contacted you like last time. Would you reciprocate eventually? Would we get back together? Would we break up again? Would it work out this time? Would we at least get more years together?

 

It makes me think I should be reaching out. At least trying. It worked last time, after all. But I know better. I can't do all of the work. I guess, if it's meant to be, it's your turn this time.

 

It's your turn this time.

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What would you do with them? Would you view them to reminisce? To remember the good times. On how much we loved each other? Hoping you'd remember. Hoping you'd miss me. Hoping you'd hurry to come back to me...

 

You said I, it was the only time you ask for them.

 

Or would you use them to jack off?!? Or to turn yourself on just to make HER happy?!?

 

I don't think you're capable of that. You were so innocent. Seemingly as you are impish at times.

 

Please don't.

Edited by BoxerShorts
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Such rollercoaster of emotions. You'd be happy with the progress am having with baby's therapy. I know you wanted to be here and beside and help me when this is happening. To hold my hand like you used to, hug me when I start crying... I wish you could see... Help me fill in the questionaire, give me a nudge if I procrastinate. Help me fill it out as honest as I can.

 

I know you'd want to be a part of this. As you fell in love with our baby the 1st time she held your hand and then she became your baby. I wish you were here.

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I feel like I'm not over anyone I've ever been in love with, even when I'm not in love with them or remotely attracted to them anymore

I feel like I'm kind of in love with a thousand different people at once even the cute guys I see on the subway

I want to feel less restless and I definitely want to be completely independent

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