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Nynnja
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You just make me so angry..you're weak and a coward. You blatantly don't love me but are too scared to say it. This isn't love you twit!!! You're a liar and not who I thought you were! Aghhh |I'm so angry with you!!! You don't deserve someone who gave up so much to be with you, someone who would have been there til the end. Just disappear from my life and let me move on

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i'll never understand you or your intentions toward me or my family.

 

it would have been different if you could have properly told me goodbye. anyway, thoughts of you make me sick and every time I think of you I think of how ugly of a person you were. i just wanted you to know this...you don't owe me anything

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for some people....

 

if I was an ignorant, was not in school...had no education...had an unstable family...treat them bad...cheated on her... had no resume... ditch them for my friends...go out to bar and clubs, each one in any different directions...didnt care about their lives......had a criminal record...got out of the house at 6:00 am and returned at 8:00 pm, without any explanation.....

 

BUT...i would bring 1,000.00 dollars home every week for the rest of my life... I would be the best man ever in their life !!

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Apparently, Sundays are my weak days. I make it through every other day okay, but on Sundays, I just want to lie in bed and sleep and forget that you and I aren't together anymore. It has been eleven days. Eleven days since you said I was useless. Eleven days since I told you to leave. Eleven days, and I haven't heard a thing. On Sundays, I sit here and obsess. I wonder if you want to contact me or if you feel fine knowing you might never speak to me again. I wonder if you're also depressed on Sundays. I wonder if you miss me. If you feel bad for what you said. If you feel bad for how you treated me over the years. I wonder if you feel anything at all.

 

I know I won't contact you because that would condone what you said to me. But if you contacted me, I would respond. I would communicate. Because I think that's how you should treat someone you love. But I'm not sure I'll ever hear from you again or see you again, and, on Sundays, that makes me sad.

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I got your email, both of them. On one hand, I'm happy you cared enough to explain why you are in the 'place' you're in within yourself, and on the other it just feels like a cop out. It does bring some closure for me though, but also many mixed emotions. Like why didn't I have this information to work with before? Why did you tell me you wanted a serious relationship, only to tell me now that you've just been running all of your life? And why would you say that all of the running may have been in vain b/c what you're running for is right in front your face? And then say I shouldn't have to clean up the mess that you are? Is this just guilt? You say another 'I love you'? Don't you know the mess that I am? It's all so confusing. I'm so afraid because you're not saying what I need to hear. ie: I know what I want, its you, and here's my plan to make that work. I can't feel this hurt from the beginning again. However, I admire that you put it all in print and sent it to me. Now the hope has grown again, and I'm not so sure that's a good thing either.

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I've had an interesting weekend. The guy friend came to visit me again for weekend number 2. And it was so much better than last weekend. I was much more relaxed, at least most of the time. He's still a little bit too clingy, which is interesting to me, it makes me understand how stressful it is having somebody around who is a tad bit needy. I never meant to be like that with you.

 

This is different though, this is a friend who I am just getting to know. We had a 2 year friendship and then a relationship (instigated by you!). And I wasn't that needy really, it just makes me sad that you may have felt that uneasy around me. I really hope not.

 

But yes, I had some fun times this weekend and didn't really think of you much or compare my new social life to the times when you were part of it. But now it's Sunday night, it's all calm and quiet, I'm thinking about you a bit again.

 

If there was a "getting over you" progress bar, I think I'm around 75% today. I can sit here right now and consciously think of our happy times and...I'm OK with it. I haven't seen you for 3 months now, and we've been apart for 5 months.

 

I'm still a bit uneasy about going certain places in case I see you but I think that is my final hurdle to jump, and that will come in its own time I suppose. There's still a little part of me that would give you a few quid for one more cuddle, our slinky slim bodies seemed to mesh pretty well! Nearly 2 months of NC too...wow...

 

I'm not an ego-boost though. I wouldn't touch you with a 50 foot pole now you're with someone else. I just can't forget that I fell in love with you and because nothing dramatic happened to end the relationship, you just slowly slipped away in front of my eyes, it's taking some time. But I'm getting there.

 

I sometimes think you are the biggest thorn in my side I could ever wish to have known, but you did sweep me away to somewhere I have never been before.

 

You are also a coward.

 

Good luck with your new lass x

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You were an awesome gf Amy, I enjoyed every second with you, you were my best friend, no matter how bad we fought when we were together we always found it easy to get past it. Then we grew distant, trough the distance I became a clingy insecure bf, i lost sight of the man I used to be, you had a lot of stresses in your life and I wasn't helping, you told me our futures just wont work and its too much. I see your facebook still says in a relationship and you have our pictures there still....... maybe you'll come back soon, maybe you are hurting more than I am, you just acting like you don't care. Ill act confident like I have been just fine, but the truth is, is that Im waiting eagerly with open arms, the no contact is killing me, but I have to stay strong, I have to stay strong so I can one day have you back here where you belong, with me.

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I just honestly can't understand why you haven't even tried to reach out to me still. After all the time we spent together and how close we were? I remember you telling me how in love with me you were, how you knew I was the only girl for you. I never saw the actions to back that up though. I saw the complete opposite.

 

I guess you're happier now because your other friend is moving in with you, now you get to have two of them around to fill the void. Meanwhile I still have no one. I hate how you have so many friends that care about you and have your back, they probably all took your side and reassured you that I was a bad girlfriend. I know they didn't like me, no matter what you would tell me.

 

I have to keep telling myself that it is in the past. I have to move on. I just can't.

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It's been four months and I still think about you all the time. I really regret breaking up with you. I'm sorry I told my family about your eating disorder. I'm sorry that I lied to you for a year and a half about that. I miss all the great times we had together. I feel so hopeless. I never felt so close to anyone as I did with you. I hope that one day you'll find it in your heart to talk to me again. I love you

 

I just want to move on, but I can't.

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This guy i'm talking to is doing wonders with taking my mind off you. He's such a huge distraction, I love it. I'm going on a 'date' with him next weekend and there's a pretty good chance we're going to hook up. We're both down for it. He's been single for the last three months or so and is finally starting to get over his ex. It's funny, he's the one that broke up with her too. So we're basically going to be each others rebounds. This weekend has been pretty good. Unlike the last couple, i've done a pretty good job with keeping my mind off you. I haven't been dreaming about you lately either. I'm at the point where if for some reason you were to contact me, I wouldn't take you back anymore. Ask me a week ago and I would have..in a heartbeat. Weird how fast things change. Oh well, clearly i'm on my way to moving on. I'm actually pretty content right now. Go me.

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Mr bear I'm missing u so much today Miss you hugs so much It's like u don't exist and never did. It's like u were never in my life. It was pointless. I fell in love with you and then you left. I have been pining over you Dior 4 months, bot wanting to wake up, not wanting to do anything and wanting u so bad.

 

I dont understand how u never told me how u felt when we broke up. U didn't even cry!!!!???? U didn't even sound or look emotional or sad. That was devastating to me coz its like u had planned it. Makes me feel sick, a worthless person, a fool. I was DO IN LOVE WITH YOU. When u wrote that letter bot long before we broke up u wrote "...even the not so great times were great because I knew I still had u besides me..." that in itself meant nothing. Because OBVIOUSLY they weren't great because u walked away!!!

 

I can't believe (if!) your with her. She says things to u. She visited all the way from there to see u???? I hope u know how HEARTBROKEN u made me!!! Like everything u said was a lie. It was a lie. AND YOUR A LIAR!!! I do feel bad for whaaa I said in those last emails, but that was 3 months of emotion building up by I not giving me anything, not even a break up conversation face to face!!! I hate you!! U deserved what I said to u because its all true. U really really damaged my heart. I panic when I'm out thinking ill see u or what woupd I do of I did. I think u would blank me. And that would kill me. I hope I never bump into u. Well not at least until I'm over u.

 

I still * * * * in love u so much tho. And miss u so much. Nothings fair and I don't gwt why u treated me like that

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Somewhere along the way Ive lost myself trying to help you. I feel more broken then the day we split. Ive been so worried about you, and helping you, that I forgot how deep the pain is down in my soul. You've broken me. I dont even want to love another. My love for you is so deep. My heart is so broken. I dont think Ill ever be whole again. Ive never loved this much....I dont think I ever will again. One thing you have given me.....the one thing no one else has ever been able to...and thats knowing what true love feels like. Stop coming back. Stop giving me hope that you can and will change.

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I wish I didn't still care at all...I'm so bleh. Been about a week since we talked and things got so weird after that. I've had to fight myself to not text you...it's obvious you don't care like I do, or feel the same way. It hurts still though...you would really think after all the time that's passed, everything that's happened over the last year that I would be alright. I feel like I'm physically addicted to you at times...like I get attached with in one phone conversation, or one day of texting...and it takes EVERYTHING in me to ween myself down again. My issues when it comes to you could probably keep food on the table for a therapist for a very long time...

 

I know you do not want to be in a relationship with me now. You've said this before. You can't do it, your not ready at this time. It almost makes it HARDER for me because in that same breath you tell me you still love me very much, that you still miss me, think of me all the time. I see you standing there and you have tears in your eyes talking about our past relationship...but yet you don't want me. At least not how I still want you. You have told me multiple times it's the distance. You went from saying it was partly because of that...to the last time we spoke saying it was mostly because of that. But my best friend made a good point- if he still loved you enough the distance wouldn't matter. He would move heaven and earth to be with you. He did it before. But it's obvious that your feelings are not the same as they were. It's obvious you are still attracted to me though, that's clear by what happened on New Years. I may have initiated that 'mess around', but you could have stopped it. You didn't. And despite you reassuring me that it wasn't just some 'hook up' that it meant something to you....deep down I do still feel used. I still feel like your feelings for me are maybe only purely sexual. That kinda hurts a lot...

 

But STILL. STILL after ALL of that...I still missed you. And then you told me you missed me, asked me if I wanted to ever come up. I don't know what in the world would make me think that would be a good idea. But then we talked about it and....and now haven't heard from you in over a week. I was a little bi polar, saying I wanted to come see you one minute...then being all 'I don't know if it's a good idea' the next. And telling you that how we acted on New Years was a 'huge mistake' maybe I hurt your feelings or something...or maybe I am just over thinking. But after that talk you started making excuses for me not to come...guess reality hit you on how bad of an idea it was. And now I haven't heard a word. When the following week you were texting me just to say 'hi' and to 'wish me a good day'. Maybe it's better this way because I was getting attached again when I KNOW I shouldn't... I wish things were different...I wish you loved me more then you do, because I do believe you love me, I do....I wish I knew if things would be different if I lived closer. Maybe I'm crazy but I fantasize about moving to your city to see if it would change things...would you want me then? Part of me wonders if it would change anything or if you would still not want to be with me. Or would you only be with me because I was convenient.

 

I feel all sorts of ways.....I wish I could turn my emotions off...

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In case anyone is actually reading these... I see that most of these are from people still quite hurt by their relationships, and in an early on stage. I havent posted in this thread in a while, but I thought why not, its been nearly 2 and a half years, might be interesting to see what I would say.

 

------

 

You told me during the breakup that I should go find someone else, someone else who could make me happier than you could. At the time I didnt believe it was possible and thought you were saying that just to be selfish to get me to leave you alone so you could go off with your new guy.

 

Its been 2 and a half years... I still think you are selfish, but I did find someone else and she makes me happier than you ever could.

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In case anyone is actually reading these... I see that most of these are from people still quite hurt by their relationships, and in an early on stage. I havent posted in this thread in a while, but I thought why not, its been nearly 2 and a half years, might be interesting to see what I would say.

 

------

 

You told me during the breakup that I should go find someone else, someone else who could make me happier than you could. At the time I didnt believe it was possible and thought you were saying that just to be selfish to get me to leave you alone so you could go off with your new guy.

 

Its been 2 and a half years... I still think you are selfish, but I did find someone else and she makes me happier than you ever could.

 

I remember your threads. Im so happy youve found someone whos good to you.

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I thought you were the "one." I thought you were it and finally, my happily ever after. I'm not sure why god put you in my life. Is it another lesson/s learned? How many lessons do I have to go through until we finally end up with the right one. It was just so hard being with you. I was happy and in love in the beginning but you are not the person I fell in love with. Was I a rebound? I've asked you that before and you claim you were ready. I already had my doubts, "red flag." I gave everything you dished out to me a chance. Everything that I had to put up with, a chance. Just couldn't do it anymore. Am I a "dumper." No, I just initiated the BU that should have occurred a while back.

 

My life is moving forward. Accomplishing goals as I type. Yeah, I do miss certain things but not enough. All I can hear in my mind are those cruel words you have said to me the past 6 months while we were still together. It hurt when you put me down, called me names, belittle my character. That keeps me away. That keeps me from not contacting you at all. I miss the dog we saved from the shelter very much. He was like my son. I miss the walks I would take him. I'm sure he misses me.

Memories suck right now. Right now though because I now it gets easier. I've been through this before with others. It does get better. In fact, when I broke up with the girl before you and found you, I posted about you. I posted how you came into my life and I thought you were the best thing ever. Now here I am because it has been a month over. Life is moving forward, it is, without you, slowly but surely. I have my days but I know what to expect and the reasons why I feel these emotions. This is easier than other BUs because ENOTALONE has taught me what to expect, why I feel these emotions, that I am not alone, and that one day I will be happy again, we will all be happy again.

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I had a really good weekend T. It was busy and fun and although you slipped in and out of my mind, as you always do, I felt pretty o.k. Had a big family gathering Sunday afternoon/evening and it's funny but it has set me back today. When I got into bed, I imagined how you would have fit into these occasions and you would have loved it - the banter, the conversations my family have about everything from religion to politics. My folks thought you were a lovely guy, but god how I wish you could have met my three brothers. I know they would have thought you were great and a good guy for their little sis (-: You'dhave felt truly at home and they would have welcomed you with open arms. My family are a big part of my life, as yours are.

 

I thank you for not taking things further when you were doubtful - you are a guy with values that match mine - but I also feel you were cowardly to not take a bigger leap and try. Everyone has doubts, hon. I had loads, but only because I was apprehensive. I asked you when you dumped me to think about whether it was simply that you were not sure you could have a serious relationship (i.e. letting someone in after what you told me) or whether you were not sure about me. I think you came to the conclusion that you weren't sure about me. But deep down, you and I know it is more the former than the latter. Maybe I wasn't right for you - I never really got the chance to find out for sure. I know I have never in my life met someone whom I hit it off with so well, someone who thinks about stuff in the same way as me, cares passionately about the same things.

 

There is more than one person out there for everyone, but honest to God, special people do not come along that often.

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I have no idea what I'm so sad about but I just can't stop crying since I received your email. Teared up at work for a minute but I made sure no one noticed. I've been remarkably composed, well maybe it's not so remarkable given our propensity to forget things eventually but I wanted what you said you wanted SO MUCH, much more than you ever did.

 

I wish I could tell you how much I care about you but it's pointless. You don't seem very self aware and that type of behavior seems light years away from where I'm at right now. I wish I could love you but you always seem to act unlovable.

 

By the way, I don't think I'm in love with you anymore. I love you very much, but I am really not in love with you. I honestly have no idea if you even care about that. I am really feeling somewhat starry eyed about my future and enjoying all my adventures along the way. I don't know if I let you down. I let you get away so easily, even though you were horrible, I could have put up a better fight couldn't I have? I was basically completely broken down at that point so it's hard to say what the truth is.

 

I'm finally getting to that point where I accept the ambiguity. I even accept that you might have even loved me as much as you said you did. I'm okay with that even if you failed me. I feel very affected by this loss and it's changed me completely. I honestly see something really sad about my eyes that was never there before, but I am proud that it gives me depth. It's probably something only I notice anyway.

 

I still love you so much--but I guess I just have to let myself love you even if I still plan on continuing to get over this completely.

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In case anyone is actually reading these... I see that most of these are from people still quite hurt by their relationships, and in an early on stage. I havent posted in this thread in a while, but I thought why not, its been nearly 2 and a half years, might be interesting to see what I would say.

 

------

 

You told me during the breakup that I should go find someone else, someone else who could make me happier than you could. At the time I didnt believe it was possible and thought you were saying that just to be selfish to get me to leave you alone so you could go off with your new guy.

 

Its been 2 and a half years... I still think you are selfish, but I did find someone else and she makes me happier than you ever could.

 

Interesting timing as I've been wanting to post on this thread for a week now but didn't. Glad you found someone new Mustachio. I know how difficult that is after so much hurt. Anyway....

 

 

So you got...married. Wow. I have to admit that stung - a lot. For the women who was always against marriage that was quite a shock. I guess that was just against marriage with me. You looked happy so that's a good thing. You looked nice as well. I wish I could say I've found happy. I wish things worked out for me. I do try. I'm still very surprised you never reached out, not once in 2 1/2 years. You were always stubborn but damn, that's something else. I guess you never missed me. Gawd that sounds pathetic. I wish it was as easy for me, I really do.

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It's going here since I can't send my reply in real life

 

*******,

 

It's surprising to hear from you. I assume you must have been drunk or something. It's been well over a year since we last spoke, and I guess that's the first thing that came to mind. To tell you the truth, the first thing I actually noticed about your message was that you couldn't be bothered to fix that typo--in a letter to someone you haven't even heard from in so long.

 

Life is just grand, but I don't think we should be in further contact. I hope you understand and that (his city) is treating you well.

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oh and by the way, it's not even remotely romantic to reminisce about our trip to ****!!

 

are you kidding? You made me cry half the time because you were so cold and mean to me. How the hell is that supposed to make me want to talk to you? You are insane. I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion on that trip while in bed next to you, you 'almost' cheated on me on the way back, I had to stomach you acting like chauvinistic douche around your friends so you wouldn't feel totally whipped. And you acted like I was some uneducated pleb that you were ashamed of, AND screamed at me when I accidently dropped your parent's crappy P&S. It was cold and miserable, and I got the worst stomach bug I have ever gotten in my life and there is no point in my life where I have ever felt more unloved by anyone I was dating and I hope that was the last time I ever feel that uncomfortable and pathetic.

 

Some great memories right there. Thanks for that.

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