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I really tried.   I told you from the get go that I was in the midst of an awakening from monogamy to polyamory which, you were very clear you didnt want.   I told you I wanted to work it out with

I feel so sad having had to leave what was our apartment because of you, for the second time. I feel sad we never invested in buying a few stuff for any apartment we've owned, because you always

dear ex you just left my house and when i dont respond to you know its because i keep seeing you and not getting what i want out the relationship, ive been here trying for 3 and half months to get your attention to work it out, you tell me to go our separate ways but you still continue to come over every other nite and i let you because i truly love you, you cant let go of me but you cant be with me fulll time so if you cant make the decision i will for you.

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I had a really good evening out on Thursday. I'm starting to feel there are times when I feel more like my old self. But why do I always feel dreadful when I wake up? My progress is so slow and so up and down, but I think it is happening.

 

Do you ever think about me? Do you ever wonder? I know you are not a shallow guy. I know it. I wish I didn't get these flashbacks to all the nice things that happened. We got on so well, always had fun and yet you couldn't handle it. I no longer want to be with you, but I still cannot let go of you. I don't understand how I can think those two things at the same time?

 

I really hope I don't bump into you at the game in a few weeks. I keep thinking you will have a girl with you (maybe the one you went on a couple of dates with recently? Or perhaps that was it and it didn't go anywhere?). If you did, I don't know how I would deal with it. Perhaps in some ways it would be what I need. I feel a terrible person saying this but I hope you don't have someone new yet. I guess I know I'm not really over you )-:

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You've been on my mind since the moment I woke up today. I woke up after having a really bad nightmare (nothing to do with you) and I was sweating, breathing heavily, and my heart was beating at probably a 120 beats per minute. The first thing that came to mind was you. Why? Because whenever this would happen, you'd be the one i'd call and you'd comfort me telling me that everything is fine. I almost cried when I was laying in bed and realized that I can't just call you up and tell you anymore. Because you wouldn't care.

 

I'm going to the game tomorrow. It's bittersweet though. I mean, I love the team, but I know the entire time that i'm going to be there i'll be thinking of you. Why? Because you're such a huge fan of theirs. I wish I could tell you i'm going.

 

It's been three days since I sent you that email. I don't know if you checked your inbox yet or not, but each day that passes where I don't get a response, my 'hope' diminishes a little. My gut feeling tells me you already read it, but chose to ignore it. All I can do is wait.

 

Have you totally erased me from your mind? Is it like I never existed to you? How could you not fight for us? How could you let me go so easily? How can you not wonder what i'm up to? How can you not reply to my texts? How can you not pick up your phone and want to call me? I have so many questions that are left unanswered. I guess what i'm trying to say is..I miss you. So much more than you'll ever know.

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GET OUT OF MY MIND. I have a test for a promotion next week and I need to work on it! We are OVER and DONE. You are dating new people. I am dating new people. You are Facebook-friends with the new guy. He is your age. I am not. There is nothing that will ever happen between us. EVER. You weren't even willing to try. That is YOUR LOSS.

 

And I think you know it.

 

Get out of my mind. I have stuff to do tonight.

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I think its time to admit defeat.. as they say i cant make you love me.. or more to the point want me. Ive been reading a book.. its called 'He's just not that into you' and its amazing to see that if i had read this book before i met you i could have avoided alot of wasted time.

 

If you would like to ignore me.. even thou we are supposed to be working on been together.. then ill ignore you.. the only difference been im not a * * * * ing * * * * .

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I guess I could give this a try

 

**** you. You chose to date someone else instead of giving me a second chance. But you want to get all piss off just because I told you that I need some space. You chose this guy who obviously is just being used. But hey if you want some nice guy you can control instead of a challenge then it's your lost. Don't even think I'll give you a free pass this time. You are in the back of the line if you ever come running back, and I'm keeping an eye out for a woman who can appreciate what I can give her. I'm done being understanding and considerate. It's high time I be selfish and focus on making ME happy.

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I still can't feel for anyone, 2 years later. I just run through women, one after another, hoping that one will reawaken the flame I had with you. It feels like I am starting to collect them. And still, nothing. I don't care if they stay or leave - it really doesn't matter. I just still love you. I hate you so much for what you did, but I love you all the same.

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You were in my dreams, again. It seems as though after the break-up, i've been dreaming about you every couple days or so. In the dream, we both saw each other and ended up getting back together. We were so happy. It felt so real. I woke up this morning feeling kind of jittery, but then I realized it had just been a dream and I almost started crying again. I wish it were for real. Now i'm in a withdrawn mood. I should be excited today, i'm going to the game. But when I have these dreams with you in it, they end up ruining my day. Because from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, you're on my mind. It's been three weeks now since I broke up with you and over a month since i've seen you. It's starting to get to me more and more each day. I don't know how much longer i'll be able to handle this without cracking and having a huge breakdown. I miss you. Come back.

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I am still here...and I am not doing great...thought i was so over you and everything....thought I was moving on...I am soo sad now, sadder than ever...not only sad, now I am scared. I freaked out the other day, I freak out about small things and big things...I don't know what I want anymore. It's crazy. I don't even know if this is about you...whatever I have been doing to improve myself is not working very well. I still worry, i still get angry, I still can't see the beauty of life in the small things. I am sad. I miss my family. This is getting a bit too overwhelming. I don't want to give up, i am a grown up woman, I can't give up, but I am a bit tired. And no, being with someone else is not the answer...not now anyway...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I guess the melancholic weekends are back! Who would have thought that January could be worse than Xmas!!

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I miss you terribbly.. even when i found someone new. Hes just not you. I cant find the happiness i once had with you. We fought constantly but no matter what you made me happy. I loved you more than ive ever loved anyone. And now we have been apart for almost a year and i still love you even more than i did then. I wish you would come rescue me and tell me how much you still love me and want to make things work. I hope one day ee find each other again. Idk how else to be happy..without you there is nothing..

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Remember when i used to call you in the middle of the night because i had a bad dream and was too scared to go back to sleep? I miss that. I loved that i could always come to you and you would tell me everything is okay and it was just a dream. I loved that. I had a bad dream the other night and mu first instinct was to call you. But then i remembered you stopped picking up. And were no longer together. it hurts so bad.

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Bad day today. I feel like my feelings for you will never go away. I don't even want a relationship with you. I just can't believe I'm heading for 5 months since I saw you and I still can't imagine never seeing you again. I cannot believe you have just forgotten me. You know I reached a part of you that no-one had before - surely that meant something. You told me it meant a great deal. That means you sometimes think of me, right? I just wish I knew that you think of me. Yesterday was such a good day, but I miss your company so much today. This up and down of emotions is getting to be exhausting. I loved you but didn't know it till after, because I was scared too. God I just want to cry again. This is SO hard. I'm going to be alright T. Are you really alright? Are you still running away from something. I will go into the church in town in my lunch break tomorrow and light a candle for some sort of strength or meditation or whatever. I haven't done it for a few weeks. Please don't ever forget me. Always think of me as your cebollita xxx

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It's a crappy overcast day and not one to make anyone happy. It was our kind of day though, we almost seemed to be doing something crazy and fun on days like this. I truly miss our little adventures together and buying snacks at the most out of the way places imaginable.

 

It has been awhile .. almost 30 months.. or a month if we go by that awful contact in December. I don't know why or how long I'll feel this #$#$$ but I imagine it has to go away sooner or later. You live your life and I know it won't be a great or memorable as with me but you made those decisions.

 

Me? I've been through worse and sooner or later someone just as great will fill your spot and I won't ever have those memories again.

 

Ugh. Be gone already.

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Remember when i used to call you in the middle of the night because i had a bad dream and was too scared to go back to sleep? I miss that. I loved that i could always come to you and you would tell me everything is okay and it was just a dream. I loved that. I had a bad dream the other night and mu first instinct was to call you. But then i remembered you stopped picking up. And were no longer together. it hurts so bad.

 

I can totally relate

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Day six no contact. I hear that she is running around with a bunch of loosers and doing bad stuff. ie drinking everynight and doing drugs which is not like her. It kills me my friends. I am so sad because there is nothing I can do to help her anymore. Her new guy is a complete looser and I know she knows that. It just sucks. Hard day

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YOU have been unfailrly treated? After all thats been said and done and you have the nerve to say that? Just admit it: you want to live single but have me at home waiting for you, cooking for you, serving you your meals, doing your laundry while you do as you please. Staying out until almost 3 in the morning on more than one occasion within a 10 day period. REALLY? Sex once every 10 days??? REALLY? And then do I even get my rocks off from those "seesions"? NO. I have been emotionally and physically unfulfiled by you the last TWO years. Oh. Except when we break up and you come back and I stupidly take you back then for about a week you communicate and touch me. Then you go tepid. So because I nipped it in the bud before YOU could dump me again YOU have been unfairly treated. BWAHAHAHA! I deserve better. Being without a man is better than being with the man that you have become. You can't come back. I'm not angry BUT if you disturb my healing this time by knocking on my bedroom window in the middle of the night I WILL call my brother. And if he is not at Alma's then I WILL call the police. Be in peace and please let ME be in peace. I do not love you anymore.

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It's been almost 10 days since I sent you that text...asking you if you were ever going to grow up and keep your promises or just continue to be a cold-hearted * * * * * to anyone who gets close to you....I foolishly re-friended you on FB...only to see you so "happy" with your life now. Talking to other guys. Everything is just so peachy keen, isn't it? I know the truth. I know you're a miserable pile of secrets.

 

I took the bait you threw out and fell hard when you left me high and dry. No more of that. You already know I love you and want you back. You win, OK? I know I screwed up. It wasn't just me though. You had your share of problems. The thing is that I actually wanted to work through them. I wanted to put in the effort to make things "right". You didn't. Apparently spending time tending your crops in Frontierville and taking pictures of your cats was more worthy of your time. Hanging out with other guys and keeping it a secret was more worthy of your time. What did you think was going to happen?? I would just be OK with it?? You don't keep secrets. If you want to hang out with friends, fine, but at least let me know. The fact that you thought it would cause a problem would lead almost anyone to think that something suspicious was going on.

 

The point is this. We both screwed up. I wanted to give things another shot. You failed to follow through, just like you always do. You're a waste of a person. I don't know why I gave my heart to you, but you have it. You're "moving on" like you want everyone to believe and out screwing some other guy to make you feel loved. You don't know what love is. You said so yourself! I flat out asked you and you said you didn't know!!!! LOL how stupid can I be?

 

Yet here I am. In love with you. Missing you. Wishing I was holding you. Your favorite songs stuck in my head in an endless loop of pain. I'm doing everything I can to banish them from my thought. I play my own music. You won't take that from me. I'm in control, not you.

 

I was prepared to share my whole life with you. I know I wasn't perfect, but I wanted it to work for "us". Now I can't wait until you are completely erased from my memory. Rot in hell.

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I'm home from the game. I tried my best to have a good time and enjoy it, and don't get me wrong..I did. But there you were, still lurking in the back of my mind. I know you were watching the game from home, you hardly ever miss any. Just knowing that we were both watching the same game, kind of put my heart at ease. Weird, I know. There were couples everywhere, I felt left out..knowing that we weren't one anymore. I saw a guy that looked like you, he was sitting two rows in front of me. I couldn't stop staring at him and after I noticed he looked similar to you, I couldn't get my mind off you. I hope you're doing well, probably a lot better than me. Time to call it a night. I pray that I don't see you in my dreams tonight because I want to be able to escape you, at least while i'm sleeping. It hasn't happened yet, but here's hoping! Goodnight.

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