Jump to content

Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
 Share

Recommended Posts

Last night I dreamt of you and her. Her. Out of all people. Her. Then I woke up and I've been having such a bad day that I can't even describe it or get anything done. It's so sickening that now I can't stand to dream of you.

 

I'm also really horny for you. I can't believe myself. Why would I want you again? I disgust myself. I've had such good looking guys after we broke up. Hot guys. And I still obsess over you. Who understands me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's so frustrating seeing your FB post debating about Geography with your friends. Seriously? If I remember correctly you thought Oslo was in Hungary, where did that interest/knowledge come from??

 

Ugh, apart from that..I miss your crazy ways I guess. Sad to also read you take multivitamins, they're not good for you that stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yesterday was my birthday, and you e-mailed last night. I'm halfway done writing you a reply, but I don't know if I will, or should, send it. On one hand, I want you back in my life. I miss our friendship. On the other hand, I haven't forgotten the hurtful things you said to me before. And you hadn't really acted like a good friend post-breakup. So...what do I do now? I guess I'll sleep on it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One day I'm going to laugh at how pathetic you are.

And that day was today. You can't make me jealous. You can't make me want you again. I laugh at your stupid games, how sad is your life? Wasn't as good or exciting as you thought it would be without me, huh? Good riddance!

 

I feel on top of the world!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It never fails to amaze me how you REALLY think you look good bald in that picture standing by your car. Seriously when ever I look at it it just makes me chuckle because you look like Mr. Clean's son. I saw you just posted it on your page on the chat forum we're both on. I saw you were online at that moment too. For a split second I got that nervous feeling in my stomach....but it passed. I am kind of okay. You probably saw I was on too. I hope you've look at my page and saw the new pictures I've added recently from my Aunt's wedding and from going out to the bar not long ago. I looked cute in them. And got a few comments from guys. I shouldn't even care but I hope it bothers you.

 

I wonder if you're really sitting there wondering 'Why did she stop talking to me? Why did she delete me from Facebook and block me?' I really didn't think you were that much of an idiot to wonder but you probably are. I wonder if you've texted me at all recently....probably not though. My phone's been off about a week, truth be told I don't even want it back on because I don't want to constantly stare at it and wonder if you are going to get in touch, It was like that for a few weeks after everything, but you never did. In a way I kinda hope you HAVE texted me or something, because then it will seem like I'm ignoring you. And well quite frankly GOOD. I HOPE you think I'm ignoring you. I really do. And I hope it bothers you- a lot.

 

I know how you have this weird need for us to be 'good' no matter what. I was like that at one point, now I don't give a crap after how much you have hurt me. But I KNOW you still want for us to be 'okay' 'good', what ever. That was one of the last things you asked me. Probably because you always want me in the background just incase- as a fall back. I see that now. I used to want us to be 'good no matter what' as you like to say-I don't want that now I realize. For me now I see, it's I can either have you in my life as a lover, or as nothing. It's either I love you or I hate you, there is no middle ground. And I'm stronger when I hate you. I can't be friends with you ever again. Because we were never JUST friends. It was either- I was wanting you to be mine, you were mine, or you were my ex. It was never 'we were friends' and no feelings there. So I can't make the transition now. Glad I finally realize that.

 

I just hope months don't pass by and I get that sad wistful feeling of missing you and wonder 'maybe I can be friends' and think that I would rather have you in my life as a friend then as nothing. Because I got to that place before and I don't ever want to delude myself into thinking that again. I really think I believe it for a while. That we could be friends. It's like I throw ever ounce of sense out the window sometimes when it comes to you. I just want to be able to think smart when it comes to you from now on and use the think in my head and not the thing in my chest to make decisions!

 

And I am all sorts of sentimental right now being Christmas time, so I'm a little weaker then I should be. But thankfully I am stronger then I would have been had you not came back into my life. I don't know how that happened. Had you not come back into my life and hurt me again in October, I think I would be sitting here crying much more then I am, missing the memory of us more then i am. Don't get me wrong, I am very nostalgic right now. How could I not be? December....it was out month. I think back to last year when December came around and we had already sort of broken up and how you told me 'I was in the car today and I heard that Taylor Swift song. Back to December, and I cried. I cried because I go back to December all the time too." Now I wonder if this was part of your game- probably- but regardless you saying that made me cry SO much. It hit me in the gut SO hard. Just like that song. I wonder if you still think of me during December. I wonder if your mind goes back to that first Christmas time....how all I wanted that year was you. How we would talk every day for hours and hours and hours and tell each other how much we meant to each other.

 

How we made each other little video notes every night, wearing out Santa hats. How you told me I was 'the best Christmas present you could ask for', how when we were finally together that week of Christmas we took tons and tons of silly pictures in our Santa hats. How we exchanged Christmas gifts. I gave you that Soprano's tee shirt and mouse pad and you gave me that pretty heart necklace. I remember there was a picture somewhere- which I think I deleted now- of me first opening it and I look so surprised. It was one of the best feelings ever. The riding in the car with the Christmas music going, sharing holiday coffees, watching movies by the fire with your sister and her boyfriend cuddling. Then finally New Years Eve. Being so in love and ringing in the new year kissing you. There was NOTHING about that week that wasn't perfect. It was the most amazing Christmas/New Years of my life.

 

I wonder if these things ever cross your mind or if I'm just too stuck in the past. I really hope to God your no where near that place for New Years because I will probably loose it if you are. I plan to have fun with my friends and be as drunk as possible. Partly to drown out the memories. I want you out of my system and to start 2012 with out you in my life or heart AT ALL. Here's to making 2012 FREE OF YOU!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad we had tht chat on Sunday. After everything being over text message. I never want to do that again with anyone!!!

 

I'm certain you know that I never wanted to end it, you must know, I want to tell u again just in case you don't know. I have said "it was never over for me. I want you. I can't imagine ever being without you, I miss you so much. Why would u want to throw our love away. U were always the one for me. I will never stop loving you" surely u know? Even though I didn't say it the last time we met?

 

I will never change your mind. But I hope you kbow that if you ever want to try again, get in touch.

 

I know we argued a lot. Maybe one day I can grow out of this argumentative trait and ypu can too. I know lifes too short to argue but I can't help it. we just didn't match because you couldn't help it too.

 

I now feel like.... NOW WHAT? I feel I have nothing really in my life, apart from yhe odd freinds I see. I have anxiety, no job, live at home, am stressed. I want to do so much but I am scared. Dont know why. I wanna go... skiing or climbing but I feel like I cant. You were my life. I always saw you.

 

I won't ever forget you. I just wish I could get the thought that u will find someone else one day and be better with them then you were me. They get to touch you, kiss u and make love to you. I hope that I am over you by the time you do meet someone, I know that's selfish but I can't handle any more hurt and sadness. I'm sick of it.

 

I need to be at peace with the BU. I don't want to think those thpughts about you. I have enough problems, u know like hating my boring empty life and anxiety. I wish I could get you out of my head. I'll always love you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Four years ago today you moved out. December 15th will always be the coldest day of the year to me regardless of temperature. It was that day that our relationship officially died, although we kept it on long distance life support for another three and a half years. You know, the sad thing about that day was that we replicated the one moment from our early long distance phase in which you left at the crack of dawn, leaving the bed still warm but leaving me with the knowledge that this time you were never coming back. It was that day that I knew friends, family and homeland all were more important to you than I would ever be. I should have let the relationship die then and there, but I didn't and now I'm dealing with residual pain from four years ago. You assured me that I was never competing with your family for your affections, but the truth is that I was whether or not you choose to see it that way. And I lost.

 

You have every right to live the life you want. I just wish that you didn't have to move in with me and become an integral part of my life to discover that all you really wanted out of life was to be back where you began. You left your imprint on my life, things that I enjoyed before you, so now I am constantly haunted by your ghost, much as I try to force it to fade. You can convince yourself that it is sheer force of will that allows you to move forward, but the reality is, I've been in your apartment once this summer. You've been in mine for five years. I'm still finding little artifacts with your name on them.

 

I have carried alot of guilt for many years, feeling that I let you down because I couldn't move to your home state and I do appreciate that you relocated to be with me. However, I'm not going to carry that guilt anymore, because I've come to the realization that you share significant responsibility in the failure of our relationship. If you put HALF the effort into trying to embrace our life that you put into pushing for the move "back home," perhaps we would still be together. Ultimately, you showed me for years that I was second priority by looking to the door and constantly pressuring me to move. Much of my hesitation to move came from the fact that you really made it very clear that relocating "back home" was all about your needs. I didn't really factor in, and how true that has proven to be.

 

Some day I will genuinely wish you well, but not today. Today is, I hope, the last day I sink into sadness. I hope that on the 16th, my new life will begin and your ghost will fade and leave me in peace to allow me to find the happiness that I sadly realize now that we were never meant to find together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm really sad this morning for some reason. Sad and wistful. That happened A LOT sooner then I expected. Probably all the discussion of New Years plans is making me just I wish things were different. Its going to be very strange taking the bus up to your state on December 30th.

 

December 30th 2009. I still remember it like it was yesterday. That day will forever be drilled into my memory. The smell of the air, the cold wind against my skin. I still remember what I wore. A green tee shirt, black cardi, my favorite jeans at the time and boots, and a pink scarf. And I remember you waiting for me in the bus station that day. I had SO MANY butterflies in my stomach I was literally SHAKING. I was so nervous but SO excited to see you. And I got off the bus, and couldn't find you at first, were on the phone and then I just remember spotting you standing there, in the middle of South Station. And we saw each other and it was just....magic. I can't even begin to EXPLAIN that feeling. And we got to each other and just hugged and it felt SO AMAZING! My mind was screaming a MILLION things! You told me how good I looked and i was grinning like a school girl from ear to ear. And you took my hand as we walked to the car. It was- electfifying. I felt so many sparks I thought I would light on fire. There isn't a detail about that day I DON'T remember. And we got off the elevator by the parking lot and walked outside, and right there you stopped and you kissed me. Our first kiss. It was perfect. The most amazing thing ever. I don't think I've ever been happier then I was in that moment in my entire life.

 

And so we rode in the car hand in hand. We kept kissing like two love stuck kids. It was amazing. Kissing in the isles of the supermarket as we got food for later, making it home before your family did so we could cuddle and spend time together. I was SO nervous still. I didn't want to do the wrong thing, act the wrong way. I was SO scared to meet your family. I remember we ate lunch and watched Orphan in your room on your bed. And cuddled. My stomach was still SO full of butterflies. We cuddled, and kissed, and then full out made out- a lot. And as we layed there you couldn't keep your eyes or your hands off of me. And that was when you officially asked me to be your girlfriend. As we layed on our stomachs facing the TV, your arm around my back you said 'Will you be my girlfriend?' like a shy little boy. It was so cute! And my heart soared when I said 'yes!'

 

The rest of the day was still so perfect. Just spent it with you, and as we were tangled up in each others arms that night and we played Lady Antebellum 'Can't take my eyes off of you' we went from passionate heated kisses, to moments of just looking into each others eyes. I can't even put those feelings into words- its like this deep love, mixed with burning desire and passion all in one. It was the perfect day. And I remember laying there and both of us getting emotional. We both cried. I cried because I felt like I found the love of my life. I felt connected to you, to your soul in a way I never thought would be possible with another human being. I have always been closed off and guarded, afraid of love and to let anyone in. And I told that to you, and you told me you wanted to know me, all of me. And we just cried a little. And I remember telling you 'This scares me. Because I've known you for such a short time, and I care about you so much' I was already head over heels in love with you at this point. And you looked at me and said 'I care about you too." And with a pause said...."Robin I love you' I thought I had died. I told you I loved you too and we cried together some more.

 

That day. December 30th 2009. It meant so much to me. It feels like a life time ago now, yet just like yesterday in some way. I remember every minute detail. Right down to the brown thermal shirt you wore and what I ate for lunch- turkey breast on a tortilla wrap with shredded cheese and mayo. It might be really silly to some people to remember these things but that day, it changed my life forever. In SO many ways. Some amazing- I have some of the best memories of my life with you....and some not so amazing. Because here I am 2 years later mourning the loss of a day in time.

 

So yes it will be very hard for me to make that bus ride again in a few weeks. This time not going to see you, but to spend New Years with some of my amazing friends and hopefully have a blast- and pray you don't show up to that party. That party we attended two years ago together. This year, it's about making new memories and ringing in the new year differently. It's about reclaiming the holiday so I am not sad on every New Years from now on. Last year was not a good one. Despite being apart and how you treated me over Christmas we still texted on New Years Eve. And I was drunk and made the mistake of telling you New Years would always remind me of you, and probably some other stupid stuff I shouldn't have. And that was a huge mistake because you hurt me deeply by not answering me. But this year, I'll be damned if I do that. No matter how drunk I get, I will not text you.

 

This year I am taking back my life. I am taking back December 30th and 31st. They are just days, like any other days on a calendar. I will make new memories so you will not forever be associated with the old.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robin - I have now got the hugest lump in my throat from reading your post. I can remember some days just like that, every tiny detail still so vivid. May you have the best New Year ever

 

Thanks Northpickle!

 

I didn't realize how nostalgic I was going to get until I started typing, it just kind of all flooded out. That is one of those days I will never forget. Those days where you can still smell the air, still feel the breeze and you can close your eyes and your right back there. Was definitely a worldwind for me at the time.

 

Anyway....thank you very much! I hope so too lol, and I hope you have a great one too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been crying more often these past weeks. I am trying to be strong. I am determined that I will get through this. And everytime I feel like I want to scream I tell myself: remember this, because this is why you should never ever forgive or forget. The day will come when you will reach out, just to be friends I know. Or maybe you won't. It doesn't really matter. I ask God for one this. Please please spare me any information about him until I am fully healed. Please. I have enough to deal with at the moment. I really don't know to know what he is doing, who he is seeing, etc. I am doing my best and it is being so bloody difficult being alone in this big city that was the love of my life and it's now my grave. But I keep carry on because I have no other option. But I promise I will never forget this. These posts are my testament to myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sometimes feels like I'm living in an alternative reality.

 

I'm getting on with my life and doing OK - but really, as other people (and I mean men) start showing me interest in little ways by coming out of the woodwork gently now I'm single, it just reinforces the fact that I'm still in love with you.

 

I don't want anyone else. But I don't want you. You're with another girl. But I still love you. And you're out of my life. So confusing! I'm sat here confused really. I guess this is healing. Long drawn out but ultimately healthy healing.

 

Keep on keeping on Northpickle And I'll give three kisses to myself like you used to do after every email or text. Hell, I'll give myself double that, because I'm worth at least double xxxxxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ahhh... I finally feel like I have a bit of closure after finding out all these things recently. It's almost embarrassing to think that while you were out there exploiting other people for an ego boost (and a little bit of game-playing I would assume), I was trying to move on without any answers.

 

There really is nothing special about you. The only good traits you possess are your semi-good looks and your super tall height. I remember when we were still working together and one of our co-workers told us how people were talking behind our backs, saying they didn't understand how I ended up with you. But I was so blinded by 'love' that I didn't really care. But now when I think about it, holy crap they were right.

 

What on earth was I thinking? Guys hit on me and stare at me all the time. You witnessed it with your own eyes. You know I could have picked anyone that I wanted but I picked you. Let's be honest here. The only reason you went out with me is because you wanted to show off your 'hot girlfriend' to everyone. You didn't actually care about being in a relationship with me. It's a shame because I'm also intelligent, loyal, have a good personality, a great sense of humor and I was a damn good girlfriend to you before you betrayed my trust. Then you saw the fierce side of me, the side that bruised your ego tremendously and caused you to blame me for everything.

 

Deny it all you want, but you contributed to the mess in our relationship and gave up on a good girl. I'm not sure if you're going out with your best friends female friend, but if you are then what a shame that is. Instead of finding someone better than me, you (would) have picked a girl who does different kinds of drugs and sells weed. Good for you! You can get free weed whenever you want. Oh, wait a minute... Is it possible that you are actually using her because there are benefits involved? I forgot that you're not actually capable of loving someone - at least not at this point in your life.

 

Oh, and it's funny how you're hanging out with our female co-worker again. The one who had a crush on you. Remember when you said she was kind of fat and that she shouldn't be liking other peoples boyfriends? Her feelings sure would be crushed if she knew all the things you said. But even if someone told her about the real you, she probably wouldn't believe it because you're such a manipulator. She is pretty naive though. After all, she doesn't mind hanging out with you and her boyfriend in the same room so what does that really say about her?

 

It is kind of sad because her boyfriend hit on almost every girl (including me) before they even went out. She thinks she's special but she doesn't realize that he only settled for her because no one else gave him a chance. All I would have to do is send him a text, flirt with him a little bit and he would probably ditch her in a day. There's no point in doing that though.

 

To think I wasted so much time thinking about you. Ugh...

Edited by GreenCupcake
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well here I am again, it'll be a year since you decided I wasn't the one on Saturday. Im sure you won't and don't spare me a thought these days but sadly that cannot be said my end, I miss you Sooo much still baby, I sob as I write this wishing I wasn't alive anymore, this time last year we were buying our forever home, talking marriage and children abd sitting by the fire wrapping presents, this year im a broken man ill always love you Justine, merry Christmas. X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christmas is usually a time for us to get back together, but 2011 is different.

 

You're not going to spill the bean, tell me you love me, kneel and beg my forgiveness this time. You're not even going to wish me anything and I know it. On Christmas Day I'll wake up in an empty bed, to an empty flat, and you won't be there to whisper "happy birthday my darling, you're getting old you know" like you always do.

 

It's like you were dead, except that I know you're alive.

 

I haven't touched you in 11 months, well except for the awkward greetings when we bumped in each other at the supermarket and in the metro. About that, why did you blush so violently when we were talking? I know why I did, but you??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...