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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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3 months now. After all that time together, it is nothing. I don't cry every day now, but there is a dull ache of nothingness and meaningless every second of every day - even in my sleep. I speak, I work, I go out a bit even, but it's there like a sort of soundproof, dull, cloudy bubble around me stopping me from actually existing like I used to. It's as though the last 18 years didn't happen. You've stolen them.

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saw you again today. It's the first I have seen you since the breakup and felt anything but awkwardness and hurt. For the brief moment I saw you, my heart was filled with love again. Maybe it was because you weren't with her, but I guess it was nice to see your smile. I still love you boogie, more than you'll ever care to know.

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I knew you would get with him within a few weeks of leaving me. I ******* knew it. The kid you talked so much crap about. how nasty he was. How he hurt you so much in the past. I took you back even when you had sex with him behind my back a year ago. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You told me it was the biggest mistake ever. And then I go look at your facebook and your kissing him in your default picture. 3 weeks after writing me those letters about how strong we are and how we could make it through anything and how nobody would ever compare to me, 3 weeks after I proposed to you and you told me how excited you were to be my fiance and how glad you were that I took you back after that horrible night a year ago because there wasn't anywhere you would want to be but in my arms....and now all that meant nothing? Your smiling in a picture with him kissing your cheek. Your evil. You honestly are evil. I know I didn't treat you as well as I could have but I damn well treated you better than any other guy ever did. the jealousy in me is writhing and I can't believe that I get to sit here through my birthday and Christmas without you while you get to be happy with the "nasty, jobless loser" in your own words. I still regret the way I treated you during the last few months, but seeing that picture so soon after everything that happened between us, made me regret ever giving you my heart. I still hope you are happy in life, from my heart, but you are evil inside.

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I just watched Warrior and this song that I love was so perfect there and it made me think about you.

 

Today you were far away

and I didn't ask you why

What could I say

I was far away

You just walked away

and I just watched you

What could I say

 

How close am I to losing you

 

Tonight you just close your eyes

and I just watch you

slip away

 

How close am I to losing you

 

Hey, are you awake

Yeah I'm right here

Well can I ask you about today

 

How close am I to losing you

How close am I to losing

 

 

Why did a friend of yours post in my facebook wall a link and said that WE should see it? I mean, we're blocked so I don't know what you're doing there but I do know that you have your status as single. I don't want this to get so awkward that your friends don't interact with me at all, but it's really " * * * ?" that he said!

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I still moss you so so much. Even though we fought a lot I still thin you were always the one for me amd um finding it SO hard to move on CRY CRY. I cry at least once a day for you. I wish so so so so bad that things were different I really really do you were everytging to me, still are and I still want your children, your heart, your love and your life.

I will never forget you I hope that one day we can grow and realize how petty fighting and arguing over stupid things is and stop it and maybe find each other again one day I can't imagine evet being with anyone else, I never met anyone liie yoy who I clicked with liie that ay the very start, on that bus, I felt like I known u a lifetime!

I miss your jokes, your hair, your hands, your body, your kisses and cuddles, your warmth, your smell, your caringness. I miss your way, the way u walk, speak, dress, look at me... I love you with all ly heart and morr and always will

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I'm really sick tonight. My first thought was, "I wish you were here to take care of me!"

 

But you know what? No, I don't. I don't need you to help me. You weren't exactly the best caretaker anyways. Remember that time I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed, and when you finally came over, all you did was call your sister and ignore me? And then you yelled at me for being selfish because I was upset with you?

 

Without my even asking, my friends came over tonight with saltines, three kinds of medicine, and Sprite. There are so many people in my life who love me and care about me. You're a tool. I don't need you. I don't want you. Go be happy with the consequences of the choices you've made. I'm so much better off without you.

 

Someday, I will find someone who genuinely cares about me and treats me right, and even if I don't, I've got plenty of friends and family who make me feel loved. My life is better without you in it.

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I nearly text you drunk last night, instead I imagined doing it and had a little cry and then went to sleep

This is it:

 

Tonight I realised that I am happy without you, possibly even happier. I am definitely happy in a different way to before but I am enjoying my life. I see my friends so much more and I realise just how much I gave up for you. You didn't ask for it, so I don't blame you, but you didn't try to get along with my friends or even my family really. You are so in love with yourself that there wasn't any room for me or anyone else. I do miss you sometimes, but it's getting less and less. I never thought I could even breath without you but I am stronger than I realised. There are greater people ahead for me

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How the * * * * can you still have this effect on me? It's just a stupid * * * * ing picture and yet it's got my head spinning again. You have me living in fear of you getting in touch. I can't even bring myself to block you on fb in case it causes you to text me and tear into me again! At least when I change my number it cuts off one way for you to get at me.

I think it's time you took a long hard look in the mirror. Pretty much everything you've accused me of would appear to be a reflection of your behaviour. I can't wait till I can let you go so that I don't give you the power you currently have over me.

You made me a promise that you wouldn't deliberately hurt me but that has all gone out the window, you're a * * * * ing coward. Let's see you stand in front of me and say the things you have. It's all too easy to tear me down by e-mail or text. I hope for his sake, he never gets to see the dark side of you.

And isn't it great how you've forgotten all the good stuff I did for you.

Guess I'll see you in February, I'm hoping not but it may not be helped. But if I do have to see you then I hope beyond hope that I'm in a better place and I'm a stronger me, to show you what it is you nearly destroyed, to show you what you could have had, to show you what you missed out on, what you so easily discarded.

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* * * * you, you gave up and moved on the moment you started a relationship with someone else. And I'm not * * * * ing stupid so don't treat me as such. No I don't know when it started but at least now it makes sense why you got so * * * * ing arsey when I went to Jills wedding. It's cos you met him at that wedding. You really have gotta stop projecting your guilt, jealousy and behaviour onto me!!! * * * * ing sort it out or you're just gonna end up * * * * ing everything up again.

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The reason your not getting a reply to you texts is, funny enough, I don't appreciate being played for a complete MUG. I'm not too bothered that it's your birthday, that you feeling unwell and have pressures at work. Having been broken up for over a year, you never been without me. As, for my own stupidity, I'm one of those nice guys who stuck around and gets trampled on. Not sure how we can spend a day together, and the evening you take my brother's best friend home....to a room that the week before I helped you decorate.

 

I've propped you up when you world collapsed. I'm the first one you call when you have a problem. I'm the one who was always beside you. You've now got to learn to do this on your own.

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Seriously considering what sort of message I'm trying to portray here....leaving my phone at home knowing that you'll have left a message this morning, all happy like you usually. Blissfully unaware that our time as friends is done - and your left to fight your demons alone. It'll make you stronger, and release me from your clutches. I should have done this a year ago.....

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I'm just really lonely without you. You're my best friend and my best buddy. I talk to you all the time! We're always together. I'm alone now and it hurts. I wish I could talk to you about it.

 

You are always good at listening and you always have a hug. I miss your presence. You are like a right arm suddenly gone, leaving me with phantom limb syndrome. I think that at any second you'll call or that in an hour I'll go to see you and sleep in your bed. In your bed and against your body, even when I have to shift around to get comfortable.

 

I even miss the bad things, like trying to eke out conversations and navigating awkward social interactions. I miss them because they, like the rest of you, have been such a HUGE part of my life. They're gone too, and instead of pleasure all I feel right now is a gaping hole where you were.

 

I'm trying not to exaggerate. It's less awful than it was the first time we broke up, and less awful than it was a month ago when I tried again. Still, two years is a lot to come to terms with. Two whole years, love. Two years.

 

I wish you were right!!!!!! Damn! Why aren't you!!?! F***, I wish you were right for me. I wish I could be in love with you. I wish I could be happy with you.

 

This is so terrible. If only we could still be friends. If only we could still talk and hang out all the time. If only we were brother and sister. If only we weren't attracted to each other. If only we could be together and not feel these things!!! F***!

 

But that will never happen. Too much of what we have is attraction, and closeness. I could never stand to be with you and not be close to you. I could never bear to stay at arm's length and pretend that I don't care.

 

I want that closeness more than anything. But we did the right thing. I chose happiness over contentment, even if it means sadness right now. I want that closeness again, although it won't be with you. The thing that sucks, though, is that the trust and loyalty I had with you took over a year to develop, which means it will be a long time before I can have it again. That's IF I can even find someone to try it with. And if I'm not careful, I might have to go through another breakup all over again! I hate this! I hate it so much!

 

Who knows. Maybe this is worse because I've never dated anyone else before. My sister tells me it's stupid to be afraid, because I'm 19 and in college and have my whole future ahead of me. Even so, I've never felt less confident in my life.

 

PS. I've tried the 'just friends' thing twice now and twice we've just ended up back together with nothing any better. This is the first NC I've seriously attempted, and it is killing me. Longest we've gone without contact in the past is about two days. Period.

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The record of genuine non-contact beaten - 2 whole days. For the past 20 months no more than 48 hours has pasted without a text from you. It's not killing me not talking to you, it's my doing after all, if you realise or not.. Assume you figured out the reason why - and most likely making out that I'm the bad guy. But, oddly enough, being made to look like a compete MUG in front of my brother - who you've always hated, is something I'm truly embarrassed about. The fact he has to get the courage to tell me that your sleeping around....seriously makes me question what I ever saw in you.

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I've been missing you so much. I wish it hadn't been this way. It's not even as if I want us to get back together, I just want you in my life.

I just want this over now so that I can move on with my life and I'm not waiting around for something that's not gonna happen.

Edited by dandan78
missed a bit
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I'm so done with feeling unwanted by you. I'm so weary of how you go out till all hours with your friends and their significant others, without you inviting me. I'm tired of you calling me the next day at the crack of noon hoping I'll help your hungover a$$ feel better and ruin my plans for the day. So tired of feeling unwanted......

 

Here's my last act of love for you I perform, understand it is truly out of love that I let you go with grace and dignity. If you are unhappy with me, so be it. I will not feel this way anymore. I've gotten over much, much worse and you know it. I will be fine, will you??

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