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I don't know what I want out of this "arrangement" we have right now. On the one hand, it's great that we're getting along so well, and I really am happy when we're together, but on the other hand, I know it's not sustainable and it's stressing me out. It also sucks that I feel like I can't talk to you about this stuff, because I'm afraid you'll freak out and end it again. Very, very frustrating.

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I miss you so much. Lately it seems that im out of luck, like nobody in this world cares about me. I trying hard to be positive and believe that this is the right move and we arent meant to be, I sometimes just dont know if thats true. I hate you a lot some days. Today Im fighting back the tears because im missing you that much. I know the reasons behind the breakup, the ones you never told me. I know that you think we wont work because of my height and my parents background. In so unfair, how can you say something like after we spent two and a half years together. I loved you with all my heart and it still hasn't change. If you would come back and tell that you made terrible mistake i would understand. Sadly i know your happier with your shoes and what i can only assume a taller guy. I tried finding a date only to be turned down multiple times, this sucks. Maybe im just meant to be alone. I dont know anymore. I just want to down a bottle and pretend we are still together. I don't see anything positive in future relationships. Im trying hard not to let this ruin my opportunities with school and work. I wish you were here to help me through this, you always made want to push harder and lately im at a loss. Why am i trying so hard when you are not around anymore. If anything i do it because i hope that somehow you'll notice it. I do it all for you despite all the terrible things you said. I know you don't love me, you said so yourself, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you

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I really miss you.

 

You were one of the most important people in my life at the time.

 

I still can't believe we're not together anymore.

 

Please forgive me - I didn't mean to lie to you about those things. I was immature and being really stupid. At the time I didn't think our relationship would last.

 

I miss seeing you and picking you up from your house. I miss your cute toes.

 

I miss talking to you on the phone.

 

What did I do wrong? I tried to be the best boyfriend I could be. I really did try my best.

 

Do you still think about me? Do you want to get back together? Do you still love me?

 

This breakup has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.

 

You caused me a lot of pain and suffering, but I've learned a lot about myself and I feel stronger now than I did before.

 

If you did ever want to come back and try our relationship again I really hope it would last forever and that we could both be happy.

 

Maybe we're just too young right now... I don't know.

 

Maybe I should just move on and try my best to ignore my thoughts about what could have been.

 

I wish things could have been different.

 

I will still love you but I'll have to store that love deep down in my heart under lock and key in order to keep my sanity and continue to be successful.

 

Maybe i'll see you on the other side... who knows.

 

For now, I'm going to say good bye.

 

Bye.

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I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss telling you everything that is going on in my life so you could help me make a decision or just a simple "everything's gonna be okay". Tomorrow I have a therapy session. I really want to be happy! It hurt when you said you didn't know if you could be happy with someone that is not.

I wonder if we're both playing the same game even though we want to be together or if you're not playing any game and you just don't want to be with me. I wish we could just be honest with each other. I'm so sick of this!

Today I re-watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I cried because if I was given that option I don't know what I would do. We have such good memories, remember when we put a lock at Le Pont des Arts? You said "This will always be a token of our love". I don't want to forget that, but I'm so sad and hurt. When you go to sleep every night do you remember me when you look at the empty pillow?

You are too proud to admit you're wrong, and I'm so scared that we won't get back together because of that.

I love you.

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I'm sorry I didn't respond to your email. I hope you understand. It's not because I don't want to communicate with you...I do. Not a day goes by when I don't want to call you, to hear your voice, share my day with you or hear your opinion on my artwork. There have been many times when I've entered your phone number into my phone, all except the last digit. I think to myself, "all I have to do is press that last number and OK and then I can talk to her." It's so difficult for me to not hear your voice, not share my life with you. I miss "us" and how we were at our best. I miss watching the idiosyncratic "classic" films while snuggled on the couch. I miss you terribly and still love you deeply. You said you understood and would give me the time and space I needed to heal. I hope you meant that and understand.

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What upsets me is the fact that I didn't get my day in court. You made your decision and DID NOT allow me to speak my mind. You put up a wall of anger and selfish immaturity. Because YOU were finished talking, that was all that mattered. You shut down every attempt I made to reach out to you and I turned myself into a pleading, needy fool. You turned into a cold b**ch and every sentence began with "I" and ended with "me." Congratulations on handling things in a selfish and uncaring manner. When you cool off, I hope you are ridden with guilt over your pathetic behaviour.

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Baby,

December 3 would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. This will be my 5th Christmas in our house alone.

They get better bit-by-bit, but still a hard time is December. I probably drink to much to get thru it, but that's what I do.

I didn't question you, don't question me.

 

George Winston "December Album" is still really hard to listen to though, but I make myself remember so I can just try to forget.

 

I'm over you, but cannot forget what you took from me.

 

Jon

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Whatever I say or do, you were still going to act the same and do whatever you wanted. You were still going to 'act single' behind my back, doing things you knew would upset me. No matter what I said or did. You only want to hear from me if I'm being 'nice' or offer you you something that you want. You are not at all interested in hearing my anger. Do I want to tell you my pain? I am not generous enough toward you to help you in your next relationship, I've done enough of that already. IF I ever meet someone who genuinely cares for me, who cherishes me, thoughts of you will melt away, probably quite fast. It's weird to think that, and I'm not at all there yet. But I know that is generally what happens. I feel as if I wasted a year with you. That you robbed me of a year of my life. I now feel old, and tired. I'm scared of being bitter and resentful. Of forever being resentful that you took this time from me.

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Bull * * * * you love me. Stop saying that. You are so arrogant and loving the fact that I'm in pieces for you. When will it be over...please I just want to not care about you anymore. Why is it so easy for you?? Were you not in the same relationship as me? Do you not remember actually caring what happened to me, caring that I was ok, happy...now you are so cold and self righteous and cruel. I hate you and I hate me for being so weak. I wish I could get over you and run away from all this pain. I just want my life back. I wish you never came into my life...you've ruined it

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As of now....I am not contacting you ever again unless you say you want me back.

 

I am sick of feeling like dirt. You want our space, you'll get it and plenty of it. Let's see how much you love me when you realise I am not putting up with the * * * * anymore. No contact can't be as difficult as this.

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It's been almost 7 months. I want to stop dreaming of you. Last night, I had this horrible nightmare where I was looking at our photos, and suddenly the images of me were replaced by images of your fiancee.

 

I want to forget. I just want to forget and move on. I don't understand how you can use me like this and get everything that you ever wanted. Why is life so unfair that people who selfishly use others get rewarded?

 

I keep telling myself that I can't wait to get out of the country next year. Just two more months, and I'll be gone. But even though I won't have to worry about running into you, what will change? The nightmares won't stop. The pain won't go away. I'll still know that somewhere out there, even if you're thousands of miles away, you'll be living a life of bliss. You got your fairytale. You got your happy ending. What's left for me?

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I am really trying to fight the urge to text you and make sure you know that I still wanna be friends after we have given each other a little time. When I said I didn't wanna speak to you again, I was just really angry at you. I hate that we left it on bad terms (mainly because of how I was acting). I just hope you know that I still wanna be friends in the future. Maybe I am hoping for us to get back together after we are friends again. I need to not think this way! We both need to grow without each other. I am just so heartbroken.

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I know you're over me.

I just want to get out of this city. In fact, I want to get out of this country. I had the chance to do something different with my life last year and you told me to wait for you and you'd come with me. Well, NOW you're thinking about going to Brazil just because your best friend is there. I hate you for this. I made decisions thinking about our relationship.

Sometimes I just wish we hadn't met at all

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Two weeks ago, you were still telling me we'd always be together. That you'd love me forever and you'd never let me go. Now you tell me you're over me and this is for the best. Bull * * * * . How can this possibly be for the best? I understand you need to put school first. I'm in freaking med school, teacher's college is hardly an excuse. I understand it's hard, believe me I do, my life is just as stressful if not more and I never once threw that in your face. I was so supportive. I was the one who would visit the weekend before an exam. I was the one who would make sure we'd have time to talk and to see each other. We were perfect together. We had the same sense of humour, the same devotions and ambitions to each other and to our individual futures, and we both wanted each other forever. A month ago, you started slipping hints and requests to live together. We talked about marriage. We talked about kids. Yeah, we're young, but we were in love and so perfect for one another and now you're just not into it anymore? You just "fell out of love"? Give me an effing break. That doesn't just happen. You haven't given me a solid reason. I asked for you back and you shot me down. You say you don't want to let go of the possibility of us being best friends again in the future? Or even of us getting back to where we were? We were supposed to be "soulmates". You don't take a break from that. How can you possibly want to? We were happy. You said the happiest you ever thought it might be possible to feel. You don't leave that. Even if over the past couple of months we were falling out of love, it was because we were approaching a long distance relationship the same way we did when we were neighbours. You don't throw us away because of that, you make a decision to try harder. I offered to make that decision with you, and you shot me down. I hate you for ripping my heart out. I don't want to be your friend in the future. I don't want to hold out for you. I just want you back now, and you've made it clear that that's never going to happen. I let you into my life as my first love, my first trust, my first long term commitment, the first person I could truly open up to. You've taken away all of those things, and what's more is you've taken away the best friend who should be here for me during this time. You were my best friend. I was yours. Why do I mean nothing to you anymore??

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