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each morning i wake up feeling a little happier than the morning before. hopefully that happy feeling extends to an all day every day event.

 

so glad i moved out. am now finally at peace. i could never treat you right and you could never treat me right if i took the easy road to continue to stay with you. living in sin was not worth it at all.

 

there is still sadness within me but i feel so at peace. something i havent had for a long time because i compromised my values by living with you and my sins at me up inside.

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I kissed and cuddled a girl today that wasn't you and I felt good about it. Also going on a date with a chick who is 5"0 which is gonna be the most AWESOME THING EVER

 

Why did you inexplicably send me a photo of yourself via email on Monday? Was I supposed to tell you that you looked good or something? You're so self absorbed and shallow I couldn't give less of a damn if you were the hottest chick on the planet. I didn't honestly think you were the most beautiful girl in the world, I said that because your love made you that beautiful to me. If you catch your face and/or breasts at the right angle, you're definitely above average though.

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My pain is seeing you every day.

 

I have the NC under control and when you talk to me at work I am merely professional and can't wait to get of the phone or out of your face.

I dream of what it would be like to not see you every day, unfortunately it is a dream that will never come true.

It is hard enough getting you out of my heart, but in my face every day is torture!

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I just want you to know that I loved you very much, and was very hurt by what you did. You didn't just break our relationship, you broke my heart and our friendship. That's what's been so tough for me. That you don't care enough to admit your mistakes and apologise. So nothing can be mended.

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Well...granted that we are still living together for a couple of weeks I am going to re-frame from freaking out about who you are talking to right now. It is quite obvious who and I wish I could not think about that kind of stuff. Just find it ironic how much you guys are talking now. She is desperate, yet you don't see it. She is pretending to like everything you do so you find her more interesting. I am glad we ended it so I don't have to deal with wondering what she (and you) are talking about...BUT OF COURSE I DO ANYWAYS. Now you can flirt freely without having the "joking" linked to it. We all know talking about sexual stuff isn't "jokingly". I don't care if you say you joked that way with your guy friends, COMPLETELY different when you are attracted to the girl. UGH! I just don't understand your logic. I am just downright PO'ed and if it wasn't for your stupid flirty gestures with INTERNET FRIENDS THAT LIVE FAR AWAY, we would have worked better. You need to work on your self confidence. So do I.

 

Mixed emotions keep on coming....

 

Gah. I hope it gets easier when I move out and am 2.5 hours away from you...

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Seeing you every day is not healing me, it just makes me want you more.

 

I have started to see a therapist, as all of my mixed emotions are messing up my work and home life.

 

Hopefully they will be able to give me the tools to be able to work with you unemotionally.

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Spent the evening with lovely friends in a lovely place. Tried to look at other men and trying to be attracted to them. Trying to think about what it might be like to kiss them, to have some flirtatious banter with them.

 

Not one of them looked even close to how gorgeous you are. I am so not interested. Might as well as me to be attracted to a woman, I haven't been attracted to anyone else at all since we ended. You were too perfect.

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Skuttles, thinking of you at Christmas time. Thank you so much for the beautiful memories of holidays before, especially our first one that we sat at the kitchen table and made xmas stockings for each other, I cant bear to see them this year. I am not unpacking any Christmas stuff this year. I saw the light parade tonight and had champagne cocktails, in part because the pain of our break up is really lessening. I dont miss you like I did, and its sad. I dont know if I can ever really be your friend, and I dont want to watch you date others. Still, I hope you will be happy and someone will care for you. I hope you arent too lonely and are eating OK. Dopey and Lily miss you. Dopey looked so beautiful tonight with her dusting of snow. Its these small things I miss. I do miss your sense of humor, but I wish you would have tried harder for us, and you just didnt.

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Day 1 of having no contact and my emotion is like a rollercoaster. I thought about you quite a lot today, wondering what you're doing and if you're okay. We said our final goodbye last night and I felt a little disgusted by the way you handle things. You've showed no real emotion to the ending of us and that made me feel like this was all a joke. I don't understand why I love you so much...when I sit back and think about everything, you were never really there for me. you promised me many things that you didn't keep. You didn't take our relationship seriously and we should have ended this a long time ago...rather then continuing to drag this along. I guess, i feared that I won't be able to meet any other man like you...... but I don't care anymore. I don't care if i end up being alone.

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So...alright. We're just friends. You don't need to explain yourself when you don't reply to my txt or email right away.

 

I appreciate you telling me why you failed to respond back immediately, but i understand thaat we all get tied up sometimes so No need to explain. I do expect more from a bf though.

 

Is it healthy to be in contact with the ex- when I'm trying to be OK not being with you or anybody?

 

Currently reading this article link removed

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4 months today. I'm sad. It seems so long ago but my feelings are the same. I still feel as sad as i did the day you said you wanted to split up.

 

I keep thinking if you knew how much I loved you then you'd come back, I know tell you will not change anything and will make me feel worse.

 

I hate that thinking of you causes me pain.

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