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Nynnja
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I have pretty much one photo of us hidden on FB I can pull it up every now and again One reminder that I was ever married to you

Today kinda sucks I was realizing you will get girl roomates like you did before and you will date other girls like before and go back to your old ways like before because on the inside you never changed

This is what you want

It makes me cry to look deep into your beautiful hazel eyes

I love you

I married a sociopath But it doesn't mean it hurts any less

It doesn't hurt me any less to know you will blow through women in the future and hurt them too and break more hearts and abuse people and use them

Because I wanted you all for myself and I never had your heart, soul, mind and eyes they never belonged to me you never gave them to me

Are you even hurting, do you even care

Why am I hoping that a sociopath can feel?

Do you see how this time is different? We've broken up a million times in 4 years But this time is different because I won't ever go to the hospital again because of you and this time I am committed 100% to CHANGE and healing and recovery...a new ME!

I wonder if you know its over

To you it was already over the last few times I'm just wondering why you bothered coming back only to treat me so cruely

I am kinda surprised you gave up a willing victim if you're a socio path

In the future I have to get rid of everything There's some cards, poems and letters and pics I have to get rid of everything that reminds me of you

I will prob save this one photo so I know I was married to you, so I know this part of my life existed

I will never re-marry

 

I guess the only good thing that came out of this, is that all my life I've spent my life pleasing others but this was a wake up call- pleasing everyone but myself didn't work Now I am going to please myself I will live the next chapter of my life to please myself and do what I love and find myself, try to recover what you stole from me.

 

Today I thought about us shopping at the mall for your shirts and stuff

It made me sad, I knew one day I could run into you shopping with some other 'victim'

Only she won't know you're a sociopath, and she will fall for you and be charmed and lured by your deceit

 

I know one day I will bump into you. I can't look you in the eyes ever again because I can never fall for you again, I will never let myself fall for you

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INVICTUS

Author: William Ernest Henley

 

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

... I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

 

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbow'd.

 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

 

 

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate.

I am the captain of my soul.

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I hope you feel miserable as I do for the rest of the year. I know you're going to be in downtown tonight, but I will be avoiding the venue you'll be at. You're going to see your favorite band, hang out with friends, while I pretend to like Halloween and wear a stupid cat costume and imagine I'm having fun without you. You always used to send me cat videos because you knew how much I liked cats, I miss those e-mails. I just read some of your old e-mails from months ago, I miss the way you talk. I haven't heard your voice in 7 days but I can replay it over in my head, mostly the things you said when u dumped me over text.

 

Maybe you're talking to your ex fiancee and even caught up with her. Maybe you met someone new. If I could just know how you felt about me, I could move on faster. Was breaking up with me something you had been thinking about for awhile and just felt guilty? It felt awful to hear from an acquaintance that you told him we were "on the rocks". Then why didn't you try and work it out? You put no effort into ever communicating when * * * * got real. You wanted the benefits to a relationship, but no future or real commitments. Why did you string me along all this time? Do you regret it? Do you miss me? You're probably drinking your emotions anyway, you were quite the drinker, brought out the worst demons in you. Grow up and get over your ex-fiancee and next time you get into a relationship with somebody, you should be 100% invested than to keep them hanging on.

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I must confess that today I missed you like crazy. I was seriously thinking of going to places where I know you like to hang out, hoping to see your car outside... Then I remembered that you are probably with her. It made me furious and very sad for a moment, but then I realized that it really was "a blessing in disguise", as they say. I know I should be thankful that she took you away from me in time before we moved in together or got married. I can already imagine a few years from now, me being at work and you messing around with another woman in our house.

 

You don't respect her either... oh no. But that's not my problem. You are her problem now. She can deal with your cheating a**. Oh and apparently she did know that you were still my boyfriend when you spent the night at her house. See? You are perfect for each other. You are both scum.

 

You are a 30-year old teenager. I'm glad you are out of my life. I'm just waiting for that day when I feel nothing for you anymore.

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I hate that I feel the need to google you these days.

Eff it. Found some online dating profile of yours LOL. Wish I knew when you joined. Prob when we were together huh?

Can't believe I wasted years of my precious life on loving you. Makes me sick to think that once upon a time, I was your bloody fiance. =( But was just a label. Didn't mean anything to you did it?

Edited by lalalollipops
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I don't feel like seeing you today. I never feel like seeing you. Sunday poisons the rest of my week. If you marry her, then please please please stay away from me for the rest of my life. I know we have tons of mutual friends and all that (one of the many problems of dating someone who was first your friend), but the sight of you makes me feel sick.

 

And for the record, this is all on you. You asked me out, you kept insisting when I said no, and then you broke my heart to get back together with her. Sometimes I feel like I just stood there while all of this happened to me. I feel entirely out of control of everything. Did you really think we could just go back to being friends and pretend we had never planned a life together? I've still got your love letters tucked away somewhere safe. There's pure, physical evidence that you promised you'd love me forever. You fed me stupid lines about giving everything you had just to watch me sleep. You disgust me.

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I hate that you are trying to rob my friends from me. You know I hate it and that's exactly why you do it. You're so social and you can have any friends you want.

 

Sometimes I wonder why you tried to convince me to have sex with me. Why you didn' t listen when I told you you are way more conservative than me. All in the beginning. You didn't want to hear it. It's so weird to realize afterwards that I was right, that you couldn't handle experimental me. Go and grab your chances of having the life you want. You have many more chances than I do. You are a pretty, sassy, fun, smart girl. You can have any man you want. So why don't you go and grab'm and leave me alone?

 

I wonder if you are having it just as easy to get over me as with your ex-bf you dumped to get with me. I know that I won't like the man you'll end up with, who will certainly be a responsible, smart, handsome, funny guy. And in a way I do hope that's what the future holds for you, and I do think you deserve that happiness, which you will undoubtedly get. But I am secretly afraid for that boy. I hope you will love him. No man can ever be sure that you truly love him.

 

I sometimes wonder what was true of what you told me. Was I really your true love? Then why did you behave the way you did, trying to damage me and hurt me the way you did... I don't want to be friends with you, I don't ever want to be with you again. I don't hate you, although I do hate you when you invite all my friends without me, when you rob me of good nights out, when you make me look like a loner, a socially awkward nerd, when you control my social life, which in my opinion you have no right to. But I do know that, one day, you will look into the mirror and realize you were wrong for doing this, and will feel like a bad person. I secretly hope you do, but on the other hand, I don't really care how you will feel. Actually, I would secretly want to whisper in your ear that you're just a little (or very) crazy, but that you're not bad. I'd like to console you and help you move on. Get yourself the man you want, be happy, and let me live my life. In the end, none of this all will matter. We will both have moved on, and think back on this great intense but awkwardly weird relation we had. None of us two will ever experience something alike. Good luck. I wish you well.

Edited by manu85
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So was it you that called today from a hidden number, and then hung up when i answered? Its the second one i have had lately. I only believe its you, because you were the only one that used to do that to me.If you have something to say then just say it.

 

Either that or its my other ex, who wants to clear her guilt, but doesnt have the guts, or another fling that seems to be getting hung up on me, but is to scared to say anything.

 

Either way, calls from hidden numbers really do nothing. I dont bother thinking about them much, because who-ever was on the other end not only didnt have the guts to show their ACTUAL NUMBER, but dont have the balls to say anything once i answer. Thats weak haha.

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Back to square one. I was making so much progress last time. But this time is different, since I know you're a cheating Di$#.

Anyway, day 11...No Contact.

Def gonna make it to 21 days this time so I can create new brain waves or whatever they say changes habits

I know one day I will get over you.

I cant say that I love you anymore after seeing you pull up and sneak home last night. I didn't know you, I didn't like what I saw. At all. one bit. you're a charming little snake, a wolf in sheeps clothing.

I am at peace finally. For now.

The suns coming up, you will wake up today and miss me, for the first time in 11 days, I am intuitive don't ask me how I know this. It will be hard for you without me today. You woke up alone...

You ruined your own house and couldn't bring any women over. Did the temporary satisfaction make you feel better? Did it fill the void you have in your heart?

When you get over being mad at me, are you gonna be like O MG..........are you gonna miss my warm body? are you gonna miss my pillow beside yours and my feet against yours? Will you miss me kissing you good morning? Will you miss me planning our day? will you miss me bringing you food?

Today was our day together. Always was...

I did not have fun with you two weeks ago though...do you remember what you did? we went to the mountains..............you've been cold and distant for months.

Sweetness you're going to have a very rude awakening when you realize you miss me. When you realize omg she really did move on this time. When you realize I don't believe you anymore. I am free of your lies. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. And so it has.

bye W

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It was J's wedding Friday and I had to say my speech, I never thought I'd worry about doing it cause you said you'd be there to help me through, but you weren't.

 

They were so happy and I toasted them and wished them the best as they now have their whole lives together. The speech went well, but I didn't believe in any of the words that I was saying. Things about the future, things that we had planned to do together, it means nothing to me now. Our own marriage, children even being old together where has that gone? You said those things so easily back then but it seems that they were easy to let go of as well.

 

I loved you more than I thought possible, and I'm trying to forget you and what we had but it's so so hard. I keep thinking you've forgotten about me, that I was so easy for you to just cut off, its been 2 months and I haven't heard a thing from you.

 

There is one thing more than anything that in want you to know. Every part of me has wanted to call, text, email, smash your door down and beg you to come back, to fight for us and try again. But I can't because you left me and that's something I can't get over. After all you said about wanting to grow old with me, you left me and that is how serious you were about leaving. So whats the point in me asking you to come back. I often think sod it you've already broken me so why not try to get her back, but why? You don't want me.

 

I'll leave it now, you wont hear from me again. I know I shouldn't say I love you. But at the moment I still do.

 

Goodbye

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For a year I treated you like royalty. I can honestly look back on our entire relationship and say that AT NO POINT did I ever give you less than 100% of me, physically and emotionally. Can you say that about yourself? No. How could I have been so dumb to be with someone that gave 10% effort, when i gave the other 90%. I would have died for you, any second of any day without question. But you wouldnt do the same. You treated me like I had no worth. You were always my number 1 priority. But I was always your 6-7th.

 

There is a girl out there that will give everything she has to me like I did for you, there is a girl out there that will be loyal, committed, and devoted to me. that will make me her priority. and i will find her one day.

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I can't believe you left me . And had me thinking you wanted space. But really you lost interest in me and just left my alone in the dark confused and depressed. The truths the only thing I wanted to hear from you. Having me think you were the one the whole time I was with you. You are an ass whole for hurting me and playing with my head now I know we are Never going to be together again go ahead and live your life you selfish boy . One day you will feel the same way I feel now and no ones going to be there for you . Not me !!!

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You are on my mind so much. Honestly from the second I wake up until the second I go to bed you are on my mind. Even if i'm busy or something.. its like i can feel you in my mind waiting for me to not be busy so you can make me think about you. It's driving me crazy! I dont want to think about you anymore, i dont want to think about what you are doing, or what your thinking, or if you miss me. You were so fake and you put zero effort into our relationship.. I cant believe i stayed for so long. I can not wait for the day that I am completely over you and I no longer think about you. I wonder if you are thinking about me or what im doing................

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I have no idea why a part of me still hopes, when we have both completely wronged each other now. I know we'll probably never even talk to each other again. I was playing with fire ever even getting together with you when I knew your past. I've always been a staunch believer that past behaviour is the best indication of future behaviour, but for some reason I thought it was different with us. I should've ran 100 miles to get away from you. But I was lonely and you were so nice to me at first. It was the first time I ever really felt loved.

 

Now I'm lonely again. I miss cuddling you at night. I miss who you were to me before you started falling out of love. I'm an emotionless zombie.

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It's all gone. NO matter what happens in the future, ther's simply no chance for us. As bad as I may want that now. I'll never feel the same about lliving in the house again, i'll never feel the same about you. I'll never see your body in the same way and be able to touch it so purely, like i did before. So much damage has been done. You gave yourself to another man, a lesser man, with a slightly bigger paycheck and a more party lifestyle. He'll most likely leave you. I trulyhope he does. Soon. You have a young child and your a child still yourself. I feel like I was the only one that would have stayed with you, and been patient with you, once your true self is exposed. You were selfish, and inconsiderate. you were insecure and stubborn. You didn't participate, and though you said you loved me all the time, you never ever showed it. Not in a real way that demonstrated vulnerability and trust. You thought only of yourself. Before me and before your child...our child, who I raised for 5 years from age 2 to 7. She doesn't have a full time parent now because of your selfish, impulsive decision to f around with someone from your work. I pray that the grass isnt anywhere near as green as time moves forward. I do pray for your misery right now, though I try to forgive for my own sake. I hate that you are so beautiful. It only makes things too easy for you and it's not fair. You dont have to work for anything and now that you have fake breasts, its even worse. I would never have been able to keep you without keeping you at home, and it's not because of me. You couldnot turn down any attention because of your insecurity. There's no way I could make you feel good enough to stop you from looking for it everywhere/anywhere else. I know there is good in you but it was a choice you made to ignore it and use your body to further your lifestyle. Part of me doesn't blame you, because society lets you win this way. The other part of me knows that this will not last forever adn you will have no character or self worth to fall back on. I miss you. This is true. NOt sure if I love you still. So much damage has been done.

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Does having her back solve all of your problems? Does it make you happy? Does it make you feel like you have worth?

 

I promise it won't last. This honeymoon period will fade too. Soon it won't be enough. You'll crave more attention, more validation that you are a desirable person. You'll have fights and arguments. You'll think, "This isn't true love! My soul mate would never fight with me!"

 

Maybe she'll get bored and ditch you like she did last time. You'll just want her even more then. She never satisfies you. She always leaves you wanting more.

 

I may never have met her, but I can tell by her actions that you will never come first. She will always put her wants and desires above yours and do whatever it takes for selfish gain.

 

She didn't even want you back until she thought you had moved on!

 

Is that really the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? She cut you completely out of her life until she heard you had a new girlfriend, and then she was all over you!

 

As horrible as it is, I hope and pray that she'll get bored with you and dump you again. I don't want you back, but I certainly don't want you with her.

 

I know I will never ever get you back. So why should you be able to get your ex back? Why shouldn't you have to lie awake at night simply because your chest hurts too much to sleep? Why shouldn't you have to learn the hard way that sometimes you just have to close the door and never look back?

 

You're too self-centered of a person to have the prize of keeping your first love forever. It isn't fair. I said goodbye to mine years ago, and now I've said goodbye to my second love too. Why should you deserve to have your life work out so perfectly?

 

How can she even take you back after you were with me? Doesn't it bother her that you declared your love for someone else? Doesn't she care that you tried to keep me in your life? Didn't she consider my feelings at all when she stole you back?

 

I'm a person too. I have feelings and hopes and dreams. I didn't deserve to be used like that by the both of you.

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Today I just wish I had some hope. I miss you terribly, I hate being in this flat by myself, you are everywhere. I wish you missed me too. But I know whatever you feel now it's not enough to make you come back or even reach out to me. You are a good person but also one of the coldest people I have ever come accross. I hope at least the BU has made one of us happy. I ask god to give me strength but I feel shamed because this is nothing compared to what other people go through. And yet, I feel like the world has ended. I don't want to give you this power. You said it is a good thing for me too in the long run. Who are you to decide what is for me? You are not doing this for me, you are doing it for your precious self. If you really wanted to do somethingfor ME, you would have made me feel loved and cherised, you would have given me the security I lacked in the relationship. But you couldn't do that, it was too much effort. So please, don't say you are doing this for me.

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I just looked at the photos of a trip we took in the summer of 2009. It was the beginning, you looked much healthier and like you were of love for me. I know someone is going to win your suspicious heart sooner or later, someone smarter than I ever was and will. I wear my hear on my sleave and that's my problem. I never meant to cause pain or do harm. I truly love you and would have never left you, you know that and said it yourself, that I would never leave you. God, why do I still love you so much, why can't my heart just rest and find some peace?

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