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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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sometimes like this morning, i wonder if just for even a split second you think about me. What helps me to remember that you don't is to think of the last thing you said to me which was only about 4 days ago since I decided to stupidly contact you. After I sat there like an idiot begging for you yet again you remained so calm and emotionless saying " you are drunk, text me sober". "goodbye". stuff along those lines. And then the next morning when I told you I was sorry and I would block your number and e-mail address which was basically saying to you it's now or never you will have no way of coming into my life again you said "I think that is best for now. See ya." As if I was a little bug trying to suck your blood or a stranger you had never met before. So the answer to my own stupid question is , NO, you don't ever think about me. Therefore, it is a waste of my time and emotions to think about you any longer or further. I think this means I am making progress, or at least I hope so.

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Ex I slept in almost the whole day I was so depressed and I NEVER sleep in I haven't slept this much in years I am truly in a funk and depressed. I took wonder if you miss me for a split second but the answer is no. I wouldn't take you back and maybe you know this. But I run to my cell phone and I check my email- still nothing- no I am sorry- no apology nothing saying you miss me.

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The human heart is a strange, strange thing. I guess time does heal all wounds; four months ago, I was a hysterical wreck. I begged and pleaded and said all kinds of things my mind can't even comprehend now. I'm glad I've used this time to heal. Now, I'm stronger than I ever was before. It's so weird, though, how life goes on; I hang out with friends, rock out to good music, go to yoga, go on long walks, laugh and smile and live. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy. I'm doing pretty well, actually. But there's this corner of my heart that's still searching for you. It's a constant dialogue in the back of my mind. I play through conversations with you as if they're ever likely to happen. I'm no idiot; I know you've moved on. I know that relationships end, and it's just one of those cruel realities of being human. It's like everything is moving but there's this quiet ache, like a ringing in my ears, that reminds me I still miss you. I may be happy, but there's still a piece of me that misses you like crazy.

 

I suppose I should be thankful. In April, I was a mess; I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, spent most of my time crying and staring numbly into space. I decided to use this as a wake up call, so that I could prevent the mistakes I made from happening again. Time has helped me see what you did wrong, as well. Time has supported my healing, shrunk the hurt down to a smaller size. Time has brought me happiness and peace like I have never experienced before. Time has taught me lessons I needed to learn. The one thing time has not brought me, however, is you.

 

I know you're not coming around again. I know you're off, building a new life that doesn't involve me. I no longer rage against it. I accept it. That doesn't diminish that crazy hope, that quiet hurt, that ringing in my ears that means you will not be coming back through that door ever again. The human heart is a strange thing. Love defies all laws of survivalism; the wise thing would be to let go of that which no longer serves us, but love holds on even when it hurts. So strange. All in time, I suppose.

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I wish you weren't so passive. Even though you're a good guy, I just wish--WISH--even when we were together, that you'd have SOME aggression. SOME motivation to go and conquer what you set your mind to. Its not that you're lazy. You have good work ethic. You're just...so. freaking. passive.

 

In the beginning, when you said, "If someone wanted you also, I would just let them have you--just to maintain peace." I should've let you go. What man with any BALLS just lets a woman go that he actually wants. I will not submit myself to being passively wanted. Whatever man I get in the future will ACTIVELY want me, ACTIVELY desire me, and ACTIVELY share that they will do what it takes to keep me, if needed.

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Alcohol makes me miss you, and couples. Seeing couples ESP. It's retarded bc I know you are probably out w your new gf. I need someone new, someone to prove to me you suck.. Bc right now i just want to kiss you and tell you I love you and actually have it reciprocated, but guess what? It can't be and contacting you would just be a screaming reminder that you don't feel a thing for me..

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Went out tonight with my friends and family but all I could think of was you. Saw a waiter who had served you and I the last time WE went there..I hid under the menu because I was so embaressed that you weren't with me. It's just terrible you do realize we are complete failures this time around. I believe i tried much harder, you didn't even apologize. Today I almost caved...day 5 or 6 NC and over a week or so of being broken up. I MISS YOU I feel HORRIBLE. I know if I saw you this horrible withdrawl feeling would just go away. But cannot.

I went to the mall today with my friends & it felt so good to walk around and be goofy and nerdy and a dork and not have you there putting me down for every little move I made...I felt a little cute again for the first time in quite awhile. You just make me feel OLD. Tonight I felt kinda kiddish and just carefree it was really good for me,

I feel so ugly and so old you've really with my head. You really me up! You sick piece of...

At first I keep thinking you can find all kinds of women but seriously who am I kidding, I am sure I have better chances of finding men than you do hot girls so that made me feel a little bit better

My back hurts so bad tonight and I am glad you're not here to tell me how horrible I am for having a disc problem @ my age...so abusive

I keep thinking over and over again about a month ago at Target when you got pissed at me and sped off going 100 mph while screaming at me and I cried and begged you to not kill me in a car accident and you wouldn't stop and I was bawling my eyes. What kind of a horrible person are you? Have you looked in the mirror lately? You are SO SELFISH! This is horrible of me but I beg God to give you back karma. I cry and pray to God he helps you feel the hurt you bestowed upon me. I have forgiven you I want you to move on and to be happy I just want God to make you feel guilty for ruining my life. Unexpectedly I got an email from one of my hot guy friends (a new one I met after I filed for divorce)

I said- let's go get drinks tonight if you don't have to be up early tomorrow...

It sure does beat contacting you.

Edited by HeartGoesOn
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Who the hell cries when watching Jersey Shore? Oh yea that would be me. Ronnie rejecting Sammi on tonights episode hit me in the gut. Felt similar to how you rejected me in December, and how basically it felt like a rejection all over again from you when you still didn't want me after you broke up with the rebound. Such a horrible feeling. And when she said 'I miss you and just want to cuddle with you' It broke my heart because that's exactly how I feel. Stupid show.

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Hey Robin, I feel like we have been on this site just as long as each other and basically going thru the same thing. we should talk lol.

 

Didn't watch the new Jersey Shore yet, but I'm sure it'll make me think of you because ron and sam used to live our parallel lives just as they seem to be for every messed up couple trying to pretend it's normal to be that way.. I took a stupid relationship assesment test on the very website we met on today ironically in efforts to FORGEt you and meet someone better but the funny thing is it just reminded me of how good we ACTUALLY were or could be. It's funny how I always said we were nothing like each other but in taking that comparison test I feel like I'm growing up to be more like you than I was when we started dating.. And now you hate me. oh boy where's my Ben 2.0?

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i blocked you from my new fb profile....not cos i hate you or dont wanna talk to you, but out of respect for you and your own choice. i hope you didnt see my new profile but hey...

 

still wish you'd contact me, think be nice to jus leave things on a good note....or are you seeing someone new?

 

take care babe xxx

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I love you so so much..I never ever wanted this to happen. If only you could push yourself to make the compromises for me I would be the happiest girl alive. I miss you so desperately. I will never get over you..im so sorry this happened for us. please know Im the one who wants to be with you more than you do me. thats your choice..why wont you make the step and change for me

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i bet you're out with your mates tonight having a great time celebrating moving into your new apartment with your friend T. i FEEL SICK THAT YOU DONT MISS ME OR THINK ABOUT ME. In fact, what keeps going on in my head is the fact that you said you felt BETTER after the break up even though we never argued and you appeared pretty much obsessed with me for over a year. HUH? * * * ? Who was that person? we were in two different relationships obviously... I bet you're messaging that girl you liked when you first met me. I WANT GIVE U SOME OF THE PAIN IM FEELING RIGHT NOW- Please. just be in my shoes for a change.

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UGH. I freaken hate the fact you are talking to my ex best friend.

Gosh, the things she must have told you. DX

I told her everything about how i felt for you. It's drives me mad.

I bet she told you everything! How i missed you, how i cried for you!

Blehhhhh. Blehhhhhhhh. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

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wow alcohol always gets me so close to contacting you. I almost did too but went to our old forum where we met in the fitrst place. I saw you on there and logged on and posted a few things and then logged off. All without having contacted you. Sure it isn't good, but I feel it's better than contacing you directly. I miss you and yet, I am so mad at you. You'd such a loswr. You saw me, I'm sure but I don't even care. I have the poser because I didn't even acknowledge your existence. I may not be happy but at least you're not a part of tonight. That alone makes it a good night. Sweet dreams jerk. Dream of me because you won't be ion my dreams.

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The two people who meant so much to me, now hate me.

It's funny how life works.

If you hate me so much stop talking about me.

Then again why should i care right? Talk all you want.i know who i am.

you can twist my words and actions to whatever you like to justified why i am such a bad person.

I know i am not. I did all i could do. I am a human, last time i check. Am i not allowed to make mistakes? You two hurt me, and instead crying like a little girl. I strike back high and hard into both of your hearts. I am good at hitting hearts. I knew yah for three years of my life. I knew yah weakness and i use it against yous.

I only hit back, because you both ASKED for IT. So, shut the HELL up. I am not TALKING crap! I am just doing me! If you hate it so much, like my other post you can go there.

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So I did someting today that I have only done one other time since we broke up ..... I looked at your page on a social networking site we are both on. Also I put my pic back up after more than a year now !! You have changed your text again. You go on about how your know how to express your feelings !!!!! Yeah right !!! If you do know how to express your feelings then it's something you have learnt since you were with me. Cause with me you didn't tell me how you felt until after you ended the relationship.

 

Why couldn't you just be honest when you were with me ? Why oh why did you wait till you had ended our relationship with me to tell me what you felt ????

 

And how come you think you can express yourself now ? Why didn't you grow up when you were with me ?

 

Your not stupid or daft so why ?????

 

But your profile sounds angry, so somebody has pissed you off recently that's for sure.

 

Tonight is the closest I have come to asking the above question, but instead I post here. I just want to know why you couldn't be honest with meuntil you ended the relationship ? You say you are honest now...... but I don't buy it. But I so much want to break 13 mths of no contact to find out why ????

 

I know it doesn't make any differece and I know I shouldn't care ..... but I do. I have had a wee glass of wine so I feel weak tonight. But why couldn't you talk to me ? Am I such a bad or unapproachable person ???

 

I wish I could find the answer without talking to you

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UGH. I freaken hate the fact you are talking to my ex best friend.

Gosh, the things she must have told you. DX

I told her everything about how i felt for you. It's drives me mad.

I bet she told you everything! How i missed you, how i cried for you!

Blehhhhh. Blehhhhhhhh. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That sucks BALLS.

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Dear Ex,

 

Maybe I'm in denial. Or maybe it's because I've been processing our break up WAY before the NC. I blogged my eyes out about how you hurt me, how you werent the one for me, and how I should've left you a LONNNGGG time ago. When I asked about grieving relationships, one girl told me, "People grieve in different ways. Some cry. Others * * * * * ." I'm starting to feel "ok" now. I'm 65% over you. I dont think I want YOU anymore, I just miss what you give me: that companionship-relationship-boyfriend feeling. If I had done NC off the bat, I probably wouldve been getting over you by now. Screw hope and trying to fix a broken thing. Screw settling for a dumper, who only passively wants to get what he thinks is valuable.

 

I still fantasize about you.I even wonder what your reaction is to my NC, and how you're taking it. I wonder how much you want me. I wonder how much you cry--if you cry at all. One part of me wants to kick myself in the ass for waiting so long to NC. Not just to heal. But also, because I want you to still want me--to show me that you want me. You never really did that aggressively in the relationship we had. You were so passive. As far as it depends on me, you've taught me to avoid settling for such a passive man. If he won't aggressively seek to pursue me, instead of getting me by default, then that he simply isnt worth my time.

Edited by RitaTrue
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Dear Husband,

 

It's hard to believe I am married to you. I don't feel like I even know you. I wish to God we shared the same beliefs. I wish to God you treated me right. I wish to God you never abused me or laid a finger on me. I wish to GOD I was in your bed tonight. I wish to God we were spooning in your cool bedroom on our nice bed. I miss my bed so much. I did take my pillow with me when I left you. I hope I didn't take yours, I really think about you and your well being. I feel like you died though. In my heart, I am grieving. I am going to go try to get a counselor for grief because in my heart, you are dead, you are dead to me, and I am grieving the loss of you. How am I going to live? I want to die.

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I have to keep blogging to make myself feel better. I am so very miserable (don't worry if anyone is reading this I won't go hurting myself btw)

 

Dear Husband, how and why have you brought such grief upon the woman you married? You asked me to be your wife, and you're not young and stupid you made this choice. You made a vow to love, honor and cherish me. Til death do us part, And you crushed me by what you did, and you did not apologize. I am devastated. You could of apologized and made things right. But you don't love me, you love yourself and your sex drive. For other women, not your wife.

WHY. Why did you marry me. Why did you bother asking. I gave up EVERYTHING for you. I just don't understand. I never asked you to marry me. I never said marry me. I always was the one hard to get, the one that didn't want to fall for anyone. You get a player to fall in love, you get a player to be faithful and loyal and you changed me, I gave up everything for you- I loved you- then you broke me into a million little pieces. I never loved anyone more than you. Why did you hurt me

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well, I finally get that you've moved on. Which is amazing. I must have really loved you because I just feel okay with all. I used to think this letting go with love stuff was frankly a bunch of bs but maybe I've actually become a better person. I even thought briefly about being friends with you and your girlfriend, but that's a little premature.

 

Anyway, I guess I'm okay with having you inhabit the back of my mind for a while. I just hate that it feels like some creepy obsession. That doesn't seem like love. To be honest, I think I have some major issues about intimacy. It freaks me out. The most amazing thing that happened when I accepted it's actually over was that I was able to overcome some sexual issues I had with you. (That I don't really want to go public with.) So I hopefully I'll get past the feeling that loving someone is kind of icky. It's a childish way of putting it, but I know deep down loving someone makes me feel gross because of some bad stuff that happened to me when I was a kid.

 

I'm finally finding out what normal feels like for the first time in my life. It was because I loved you. I know you weren't the greatest boyfriend to me but at least I've changed.

 

I'm afraid to write this but I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. (If I actually did.) I hope it's not pathetic of me to think you are a good person after all and your girlfriend will help bring that out in you. I feel like we have some things we haven't worked out but maybe I'll see what this is all leading to in time...I'm sorry I can't even think about that right now, I just have to get through the next few months until I start my new life.

Edited by meoww
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