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Nynnja
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Sorry, but sending those flowers was just a romantic afterthought and misstep on my part.Thanks for the acknowledgment though.Don't feel obligated to call.I thing it's best we just carry on and find partners that are more suitable.And listen to your mother next time bother with older men.You're not anywhere near as mature as you think you are.

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Wow-pretty much happened to me! Up for a lifetime award and she got hammered and starting hitting me

at one of the events,pretty much destroying the whole weekend for me!3 month mark.Shoulda left then as was recommended by family & friends.

 

(I hope its OK to comment on these posts?)

Edited by mannaguy
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I'm finding it hard to accept that its over. Why am I lying to friends to my friends about all this

I can't be myself ...

what's wrong with me?

 

I can't act normal with anybody ...I can't ...

I put tomoz a show for everybody that I'm ok but I'll not! I'm so stuck ...I can't seems to find closer to let go of you ...I don't know why I'm even holding on to you ...I dreamed about you and that u broke my hear ll over again ..

I know it's over but why can't I accept that?

 

It's going to be a year for me, and i still can't accept it.

So please don't feel bad. it's life... DX

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Today would have been our two-and-a-half year anniversary. Something was bothering me today and I didn't know it was that but once I figured it out, I got punched in the stomach all over again.

 

This is probably just another day for you. Another day where you bury your feelings for me and try to move on with your life. Another day that you're with someone else instead of looking deep within yourself to solve your problems, as I'm trying very hard to do.

 

The day probably means nothing to you. You're not coming back and I've accepted that but these anniversaries/special dates are always the hardest. I feel like I'm back on square one when they come. But that's not true, 6 months ago when you were even so cold and distant on our 2 year anniversary(!), when I had to walk to your house from the train when every single time you picked me up, I should have known you were pulling away from me. But it's not my fault. Your problems are your problems and I made them mine for way too long. I even made apologies for your harsh words and contradictory actions toward me. Well no more of that.

 

The next very tough day will undoubtedly be your birthday. I will reach out but expect nothing in return and if you do try to converse with me I will stand my ground, I will utter the same line over and over: "I apologize but unless you've read the books I've suggested to you or want to get help, there is no reason for me to talk to you." I will say it over and over until it's true. But mostly likely you'll ignore my text or just say something generic "lol thanks" while you try to bury your feelings for the day. You say you feel too guility to ever come back but while away, I wonder if that guilt has lessened. How could it? You chose not to work on yourself and refused to work on our relationship when I offered out my hand, even after you spit in my face every time.

 

You should feel guilty, and I'm not going to be the one to take it away.

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it's puzzling to me for almost a year you been single.

Seriously, you had your little rebounds, and your month relationship.

why can't you find anyone who will stick to you like i did?

I don't know why i am thinking about you. I wish... i wish.. i had you again. but then again not really because geeze! It's been over two months since we last spoke to one another.

I'm thinking if we was to get together the amount of people who would hate you and talk sht. So, even if our problems was to be gone and we could forgive one another we could NEVER BE.

Your AUNT nosy 40 year old woman who needs to get a LIFE! Would make sure to stop you.

Your best friend! Who NEVER had a serious relationship, yet hates me because i don't think he's FUNNY.

AND other numerous of people who can't stand me because well let's face it... YOU MADE ME INTO THIS WITCH FROM HELL.

 

This closes my heart, and pushes me forward to accept we will never be. On less you want to lose tons of people you care about.

I would have to kiss to many butts. That's not my thing.

But for your mother... i would... she was a nice woman. I would do anything to be back in her grace.

HOWEVER YOUR FRIENDS, AND AUNT CAN GO KISS MY BUTT! SERIOUSLY. lol.

 

Bleh. I need another relationshippppppppp.

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you know, I have been thinking for weeks wether to send that stupid happy bday msg or not. I was anxious and still hurt and then I got back just a nice thank you message...I jumped over my big pride to send you that msg....in a way I thought about leaving all the anger behind and the stress and the bad memories with that little text.... and you know what?

It f-ing worked!!!

I feel so much better after being able to forgive. I don´t got all the questions and memories haunting me.

I even reached out to the ex i left for you and we talked for hrs about the breakup. Mainly did it for her so that she can get closure...you know she is a good girl.

Forgave my best friend (well not totally but getting there) as well....

 

I just feel relieved the whole day. After the first sting of dissappointment (after 3 month of NC) caused by your kind but cold&short "thank you, hope you are fine" message was gone i started caring a lot less.

It´s like the hurt and anger made me stick to you and since I managed to let go of that I am free.

It feels awesome, I will sleep like a god tonight and life is great, next week i finish uni and then maybe see what happens with that cute little girl i am taking to a festival end of next week.

I don´t need you anymore ex, I wish you a happy life. Grow up, get a lot of ONS, cheat on your next bf and please never ever contact me again. It´s not that I hate you but we two are just not made for each other and I am just not interested in what you are doing; because you know...I gotta take care of my life now and I will enjoy it with everything I can squeeze out of it

But I will still be friends with your sister and your best mate in London....I actually like them so you gotta here from me, but I won´t ever ask them about you, so I will never hear from your life...but as I said I finally found a way to let go

bye

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At times like these where I feel like I need someone to cry to, you're not there. And it makes me want to throw in the towel

but I know that I am stronger than this. I can get by without you. I did before you, although it sucks that it's taking

so long after you. I just wish that we could have worked things out, but that would just be denying what I really

wanted anyways because I realized that I wanted more than you...

 

I wonder why you don't ever call if you keep telling me over and over that you miss me and want me back

every time we talk, you jerk?! I hate this!!!

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I was lonely last night and thought about sending you a postcard with a dinosaur on it and song lyrics written on the other side - we used to joke that the kitten was our little dinosaur with his spikey fluffy fur.

I wanted to send lyrics from an Adele song ''Hiding My Love Away''

 

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

But like everythnig Ive ever known, you disappear one day

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away

 

Im tearful writing this

You wont come back

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Just to let you know, I'm really doing okay. At first, I was devastated, but now I'm a little sad and disappointed.

 

I know you like to think that women don't get over you - I think you need to get over yourself.

 

I didn't think there would be other men interested in me so soon, and whilst I'm not rushing into anything, I'm

certainly impressed with the high standard of interested men. I think this breakup is going to turn out to be a

very good thing for both of us, but MAYBE, BETTER for ME! LOL!

 

How's things out there? Have the pastures been greener?? Well, just keep acting like Mr. Charm, and you might

lucky . . . . for a while.

 

See ya (briefly) when I come to get the final stuff of mine from your place. You might notice I've lost some weight - yes,

back to a perfect size and fitting back into all those designer clothes, new hairdresser and makeover too - everyone is saying I look

great! More importantly, I'm really starting to feel fantastic!

 

Well, it was all for the best! Ciao!

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i want today to let you know that i am finally happy. we broke up last year but you announced the news of having a bf last week but i somehow expected it. I felt at the lowest point in my life during this last week but today i understood many things. i understood why we cannot be together and i am happy. i am happy to see you also enjoying yourself with all the attention of colleagues congratulating you on your new found bf. well i must say i am happy and you know the reason why... i have re found someone i lost because of you. no it's not a rebound relationship but i am now happy. well i cant be friends with you anymore, well not for the moment, perhaps at a later stage. you bumped into me again and i told you i had to speak to you but it was fate that u had an urgent meting to go to and we could not talk. i would have said my apologies etc while there is nothing to apologize. you phoned me to say let us meet to talk and i said i had nothing to say. if you are unhappy with that and if you do not talk to me anymore, that's fine. i can't imagine that only one day has sufficed to make me see clear. i hope you the best in the world as i already found my best in the world. we will meet again but not now. i have more urgent things to do. i have never been so excited as now but i won't announce you what is making me so happy. you had a part to play in that i must admit though and you are right on this one. thank you for opening my eyes. as i told you i wished we could stay friends but not now. we both have our ways to go.

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You know I don't want you tell me that you miss me, I don't want you to tell me that you love me, those are empty words to me now.

 

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I was feeling like I could melt right in front of you just by seeing you.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I would skip a heartbeat when you kissed me.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when my heart would sink to my stomach when I would hear your voice.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you make love to me like you meant it because for once I felt complete.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I felt you were my world when you would hug me.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I would get all nervous just being around you. Then you would hug me, and everything would feel alright again.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I felt like I was home in your arms.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you woke up next to me because when I woke up next to you, all I thought was that that was the smile I wanted to see every time I woke up.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you thought of the possibility of us never being together. The thought alone scared the * * * * out of me.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you would play with my hair and right there and then, I thought it was just you and me.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you would tell me how beautiful I was.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you told me no other girl could compare to me.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you saw me with other guys. Did it hurt just as much as it hurt me to see you with her? Did it?

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you broke my heart. Was it ever as broken as mine?

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when I told you it was over.

I just want you to look me in the face and tell me what the hell you felt when you realized that it wasn't ever gonna be the same between us.

 

What did you feel? And why is it so * * * * ing hard to tell me?

 

Was it just me that felt like those moments should never end? Was it just me that undeniable connection? Was it just me that felt like I could spend my life with you? Was it just me that thought nothing mattered but us? Was it just me that felt that? Was it? Did you not ever feel like I could touch you, and you were in love all over again? Because every single time you touched me, it felt like I was alive all over again. And now? It feels like I am all dead and without a purpose in life.

 

And I know that's just how I feel and not the reality but does your world feel shattered now that I'm not in your life?

Do you ever wonder what it would have been like had we not been so damn childish?

 

It's so hard to believe that these feelings were just in me. Did it really mean absolutely nothing to you? Did you really feel just as how much you expressed? Nothing?

Edited by Tryptophan
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i wonder if you've REALLY thought this through. on a deep level. you're probably reveling in the honeymoon period. everything's wonderful and great and he's so great and fun and OMG wow this is so much better than it was when you were with me.

 

and you have a huge ego, so you are probably thinking he's totally into you for real. but i bet you he's not. in fact, i'm almost certain that you're just a piece of *** to a guy who doesn't seem like he gets much action.

 

MEANWHILE

 

i was so so so proud to call you mine, even though at the moment it seems like you never really were. if we walked into wal-mart while you were sick, with your hair a mess and dressed in sweats, i KNEW i was the luckiest guy there because i was there with the most beautiful girl in the store. anywhere i went with you i was with the most beautiful, special girl in the room. that meant something to me. i wasn't looking for anything when i found you. i just happened to be conversing with an old friend on facebook and just happened to look through her friends list and just happened to come accross the most amazing face i'd ever seen.

 

it makes me sad that you literally have NO ONE to tell you when you're doing something wrong. i don't expect anyone to call you out specifically for leaving, even if they did think it was wrong it was your decision. but friends, family...they're supposed to tell you when you're wrong. and the way you treated me was wrong. how could you tell your friends, your family you loved me and wanted to marry me and then a month later just ditch me...and have NO ONE ask you why?

 

your mother is too afraid you'll leave her.

your good time friends don't care.

you don't talk to your real friends who'd ask

your cousin just doesn't talk to you when y'all are annoyed at each other.

 

so sad.

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I hate how I feel about you even after all that has happened. I guess that's why I was so afraid to let go of the anger, I knew what would come after I let it go. It isn't as strong as it was before, the missing you, but its presence is bothersome because I know it isn't mutual. I know you don't wish that you could tell me funny things you encounter and then realize that you can't. I can't tell you how my terrible A's surprisingly beat the Yanks 4-3, I know you would've taken joy in that as well. But you have someone else for that now.

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Sometimes I really regret giving up all that I did when we were together. I came accross an old friend's Twitter page today, a friendship I lost because of our relationship. I put SO much focus on us that I completely ignored her during a time she needed me the most. I didn't see it then, but I do now. I was a bad friend to her. Because of you, because I was SO consumed with you and us. I regret that a lot. I miss that friendship. Not as much as I miss our relationship though. I came accross an old picture on there too that I tweeted after my 21st birthday. Of us. So cute and silly and happy, at dinner with my family and friends. We had only been together about a week at that point, but I just remember I was SO happy and in love. I miss that feeling so much...

 

Almost 2 months since I've heard a word from you. Makes me feel pretty crappy. I tell myself that I have no reason to be in touch with you anymore- which is very true. There IS no reason, your out of my life, we have no connection what so ever. Best to keep our lives completely separate. And I doubt I will hear from you again after how we left things- in such a weird place. I feel like you think I am some sad pathetic girl who is still hung up on you. Even if it's true, I hate that you know that. My bad there. Part of me hopes you stay away, but part of me SO badly wants you to reach out to me. Some days I will check my phone in vain, if I see a text I will get some sort of hope that its you....it never is. I guess the true test will come if you do ever contact me again- which I really doubt. I'm already wondering to your birthday, I have to make sure I don't say happy birthday....its going to be tough...

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Robin it's like we're in sync lol....you always write what I'm thinking (well what you're thinking too!).

 

Dear Ex,

Are you happy?! You know what, when I go on this month retreat with no electronics, I hope it shows how strong I am.

Because every day, I wait near the phone, wondering if it's you who is calling and it never is. I check my email excessively,

wondering if you will email but you never do!!

 

The sad part is, every day that it is hell living with my family, it makes me want to run back to you. It reminds me that I left you.

And then I have to remember, I hate your family just as much as I hate mine but I'd rather suffer with my own than be stuck with yours.

 

I wonder who you're dating now? Who you're flirting with? What * * * * * you picked up and brought home to your family?!

I hope that by the time I return from my trip, I would have gotten over you and every thing else...

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What is going on with you?! You make me feel like quite the ass sometimes. I do so well and get on track, then you wander back in and eff everything all up for me.

 

Today should have been a good day because I went out and had so many distractions to keep me preoccupied, but you were somehow everywhere. You were in music, games, simply walking around and I heard your name left and right.

 

You're bad for me but I can't give you up. I don't know why I can't just shut you out after all you've done to me with the mind games and making me feel the way you do. I'm trying so hard, but I wish I could go into the future and get a hold of that feeling...what it's like without you hurting me. By that time, I hope we both find happiness even though we won't be together. Just now, I wish you weren't quite so stubborn. The games, lies and hiding must stop. I want you in my life with all my heart, but you are making it the most trying chore ever. At some point you need to figure out you live your life for yourself and no one else. You only have yourself to judge and no other opinion should matter.

 

For the time being, I miss you. I just wish you'd let go of everything you carry on your back.

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Just finished the rough work on my bachelorthesis....pretty much the last work I did mainly for you (so that I can end the LDR, I was pushing uni to the limit) Worked my ass of this month with 300 hrs in 3 weeks so I can manage to get it done....mainly because I was an emotional wreck after you left me a week before I started with my thesis....so I got distractions...went out like hell, had fun with a girl which left me for my best friend....but it´s not that bad. I don´t really care about her anyway. She is attractive, sporty and fun but quite a b****.

Well guess thats part of all auzzie girls I met so far.

Anyway I am almost through the hard part, lost weight like mad ( since I am working so much and not really eating a lot.....cigs and coffee are a good substitute....) From next month on, all work is for myself.

Looking forward to a lot of sports, will finally quit smoking and hell I will enjoy myself

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Having a rough time tonight. Can't find anything to distract me or sleep yet. All I want to do is text you and beg you to take me back and tell you how much I love you. I know I deserve better, but you are my best friend and the only person whos made me feel not alone. Not talking to you is the hardest thing I've ever done.

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I think I passed to the other side. I don't especially care about you anymore. It took me almost two years to get here and it was motherloving hard two years. If I had known that, I wouldn't have even answered your plea to come comfort you that long ago winter night. Ugh.

 

To be fair, I did have some good times and some bad. Mostly bad but I was a different person. The big test is when or if you call me again. I'm in a good place, ready to move on and find someone that will fall in love with my smile. Be kind and keep right on walking when you see me. You had your chance, two years worth. Goodbye.

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The fact of the matter is that you threw away a rewarding, evolving and intensely close relationship with someone very special and rare all because you didn't think you had the courage to look inside yourself. I had a hard time letting go of you, of losing any perceived control over you because I knew that you'd always take the comfortable and easy way out. I guess it's just bad luck that you had another microcosm to delve into once your problems caused you to distance yourself from me and from life. And while I'm still angry that you were able to replace me physically and emotionally in so little time, I'm more disappointed in your choice than anything else. I fell in love with you because you were strong, resolute, knew what you wanted and went about getting it. But with what you've done, it shows me how weak and immature you really are. You had a perfect opportunity to look inside yourself to address problems that have plagued you for your whole life. But instead you chose to jump into another situation where you feel loved and wanted, where you can control who you see and how they see you. You're a very special girl but until you become a woman, I can't have anything to do with you.

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I have debated sending the ex a letter. I want him back but I know that this won't happen anytime soon. So I want to tell him what I want, explain I've heard his wants and tell him that I am stepping back. This is my first draft. Please give me comments and suggestions.

 

S-

Here it is...this is what I want. In the simplest terms:

I want support.

I want communication.

I want love.

I want a commitment to a future.

I want all these things and currently I want them with you...but I have also realize I have been hurting myself by compromising these wants.

 

I heard you when you expressed your wants, and I know I overstepped them. I did hear you when you said you wanted space. I did hear you say you want to prove that you can accomplish the work stuff on your own. I did hear you say you want seperation from me. I choose to cling to you saying you loved me and you'd want to try again. I have wanted those things to happen right away and I have been selfish by asking you to compromise your other wants before you are ready...I have not given you the time or space you have asked for. I'm sorry. So, you take your time. Do the work thing on your own. Figure out what is best for you when it comes to the future...really think about if your other wants match what I want...and if you want those things them with me.

 

I have always been strong on my own, I still am. I know I don't need a partner. But over the last few years I've realized I am good at giving love, support and encouragement in an intimate realtionship. It made me happy to have someone to be there for...and who was there for me in return. There are many things I still have to learn about life and love, things that will make me even more amazing. I know I'm not quick to let someone in. I am picky...and I have the right to be, because I don't want to settle for only half of what I want. I'm over the one night stands and bar flings.

 

So at this time, as much as I wish I could be friends with you, my heart is still too involved. Our wants, being so different, make friendship too difficult and I feel I would not be a good friend and I don't want to fail at that. Therfore, I am stepping back. Please understand that I'd like to say I'll be here when you're ready (quitting isn't something I'm good at or want to do) but I don't know if that'll be the case in the future. I have started to take steps to move on. I have to see what's out there as well. I am putting me first and choosing to be happy.

-C

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I love you so much...god how I hate tormenting myself sometimes. Listening to these break up love songs just makes me want to fall deeper in love with you. Maybe it's a sign that I need to stop listening to Taylor Swift's songs...because it certainly brings back those memories and feelings of the good times we had and how I want them back so much right now and remembering the feel of your lips on mine. I know that what I want, you can't offer though. We're walking separate paths now. I know and keep telling myself that this is for the best. I wonder how your really doing. Wondering why you haven't called or emailed me to pour your heart out to me before I'm completely gone. I guess I'm still living in a romance novel, wanting a love that feels so intense and emotional and full of want for a happy ending.

 

I wonder when I'll stop loving you? Finally getting over you...are you over me? Are you done loving me? Is the new woman in your life better than me? Do you love her more than me? It's pointless and vain to think of you moving on so soon to another woman when it hasn't even been that long. Because I know that you're still someone's else' left overs anyways.

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