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Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you're always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

 

I LOVE this!! So true! I might have to steal it from you!!

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You know something I realized today? Well I mean it's not like I didn't already know this, but guess reminded myself. You have nothing going for you in life....I'm not saying it to be mean, but I mean I think about it. 5 years from now, I know where I want to be. I have direction, I have a goal, I have things I want and i am making them happen. I'm in school, focusing on that, I know where I want to be and am taking the steps to make it happen. But you? You were the complete opposite of that. You never did have a plan. I know why, and I know there are things in your life that held you back....but you really didn't have anything did you? No job, no motivation to get one. You could have done something productive with yourself. I know it, you knew it. Your mom made so many excuses for you. The only thing you did was your working out- its pretty sad actually. Because years from now I will have grown up, have a good job, a good life, hopefully someone special in my life....and you? You will still be floating around aimlessly. Probably still living at home with no future. It's sad to say but your mom told me once your step dad used to say 'Oh he will never move on, he'll live at home forever.' I thought that was dreadful thing to say- but now I think it's true.

 

That's why you float aimlessly from girl to girl, meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship. Your looking for a purpose, something to define you. Its very sad you need someone in your life to define you but I see now you are definitely the type of person who does. In a way I feel sorry for you. Your going to keep jumping girl to girl, hoping, praying that this is the one. Your not going to find it though, not until you fix yourself. I do believe that our relationship was the most meaningful one you have had thus far- I know it was the longest for you. I question often if it mean as much to you as I thought it did....I guess I will never really know. I don't think you'll ever find happiness.....it might be smug to say, but I think you had the best days of your life with me.

 

Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind

From the day we met till you were making me cry

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

 

I hope some day you look back and you realize that, and you want to come back home. You want that feeling back, and i hope I am so far passed it that I could care less.

 

And I hope the sun shines

And it's a beautiful day

And something reminds you

You wish you had stayed

 

3

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Hey what's up, you no-good son of a *****? Sorry, I didn't mean to sound bitter but you honestly deserve no better treatment. You know what I've been realizing lately? That you're a disrespectful son of a ******* *****. I don't know why I wasted any of my time on you when you did not even deserve a minute of my time. Is that what you really thought? That we were more like good friends rather than a couple? How do you dare tell M that about us? As far as I know, you were the one that was always pushing for us to be official and all that bull**** but I guess now that you've made yourself look like such a retard, you decided to change your stance. I don't miss you, I don't love you, I don't want you anymore but I do miss that feeling of being in love. How could I have been stupid enough to love you and let myself fall in love with you when you were such a ******* *******? I miss being a fool I guess. I miss that feeling of actually thinking I loved you. I miss being in love. But at the same time, I am glad I am free. I don't miss all of your ******* lies, I don't miss you flirting with that ******* ****. I don't miss you disrespecting me. I don't miss you choosing to spend time with her rather than with me. I don't miss having to spend all day looking at your FB to see if you were on, and she was on and wondering if you were talking to her. I don't miss having to wait for you and wondering if you missed me when I went away. I don't miss all that ****. I guess I am angry, and I guess I almost hate you. I guess that burns in my chest. How can I still have such strong feelings for you? It's always either love or hate, and I guess that confirms what people say that love is only one step away from hate and vice-versa. Both hurt all the same because they're for you. Why does my heart insist in giving a **** about you? Why does my mind insist in thinking about you all day when you probably don't even think about me anymore? I hate myself for this but at least now I don't check your FB. I have better things to do these days but I still come on here and I have SO MANY things to say to you. Sometimes I feel like they're building up in my chest and sometimes I fall to my knees and I cry because no matter what my mind says, I still have some ******* strong feelings for you. I sometimes just wanna kiss you, and sometimes I want to go back in time just for a minute to change everything, but have that feeling I had for you. All you had to do was touch me and there I was, melting in your arms. Too bad you couldn't appreciate that enough to respect me a little more. And I don't regret dumping you, it was probably one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I couldn't keep allowing you to toy with my emotions.

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I want to get off this roller coaster ride. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know what to think or how to feel. I dont know why you pushed me away, why you thought you werent worth loving.

I know my behaviour caused you to leave, but you need to sit back and look at your own behaviour.

I am getting tired of feeling like this. Didnt cry last night, but couldnt sleep either. Woke up this morning after 3 whole hours of sleep. I kept trying to go back to sleep. No such luck. My mind is wandering and I just feel numb. I just want to sleep my day away. Woke up at the same time this morning when we used to - when you had to get to work early. made coffee, but you werent here to sit with me and watch the news. I feel empty.

Is it time for me to try? Do you want me to tell you how I feel? How much I miss you and want you? Cause once I do, and if you say no, then I have to walk away. Once I do that, there will be no excuses for you to contact me.

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I thought we actually had something between us. I felt something and I only wish you had told me that you never did before I started to fall for you. Instead you strung me along and broke my heart and i'm still devastated by it and while you are out there with your new guy as happy as a pig in * * * * . What kind of a person are you that you can just change your feelings at a drop of a hat and just kick me out of your life? In the span of 3 months we have gone from spending every day together to complete and utter strangers and in that same time you have gone from me being the most important person in your life to having someone else fill that hole. An ugly immature guy over me who you know would have done everything for you and now i'm sitting here mouring a girl who probably doesn't even think about me anymore.

 

You ruined everything. Our future was decided the second you took off for him. Any chance for a future friendship or relationship is out the window and it truly sucks because you are making the same stupid mistake you made time and time again. Everyone told me after the break up that they saw us getting together and hoped that we wouldn't. I was upset to hear this because it seemed like they were saying I wasn't good enough for you. Turns out it was the opposite. They all think i'm a great and wonderful guy and they knew you were going to break my heart because you are the type of girl that jumps from guy to guy and, according to your past boyfriends, you have absolutely horrible taste in men. It's a pattern you are continuing right now. You had a great guy there right in front of you and you couldn't see it. Instead you left for him...FOR HIM!!! What a f'ing joke. I can only imagine what your parents thought when you brought him to florida for the gold tournament. They probably thought "oh god...not another one".

 

Why did you do this? Why are you such an idiot?! Don't you even know what you have lost? Will you ever?

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hmmmmmmm. Guess its getting easier for you. Yup I expected something from you today. I guess technically its still early but maybe youre mad at me, cause I am not playing your game. Well yeah I guess I am playing your game. But dont think I dont see through your emails. I know youre wondering how come Im really not begging and pleading and blowing up your phone huh?

Is this going to make a difference? Are you missing it? lol

Cause you know I would always come back to you after a fight. Our last breakup I was the one hounding you. You told me you missed me but pride wouldnt let you come back.

Is that what I'm doing wrong this time? Should I be hassling you? You say it annoys you, but I think secretly, you liked me chasing you. Nah. I KNOW you did. It made you feel loved. I always made you feel loved. No matter what. So what I spoke my mind. Doesnt mean I love you any less. I dont know how much longer I can hold out you know. Funny thing is, I know I could call you anytime and I could go see you, or you'd come here if I asked. I know you cant say no to me. I should proably be using that to my advantage. Im trying to show you that Im not needy. But really I do need you. But more importantly - I just want you. But I want so bad for you to work for us too.

Oh well hold out..............I will probably cave.

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(I know this all sounds so childish, but I'm still angry...I've been angry for an entire year and a half now!)

 

It's getting easier to deal with the pain. It's becoming more numb and I am starting to feel like I no longer miss you as much. I think I just miss you out of boredom.

Today, I am going to make an effort to forget you, starting by not obsessing over your social networking sites, not checking my email so many times a day, and making a bet

with my friend that if I end up losing and caving in to check up on you, I'll have to write him a love poem. I didn't think I would get over you so quickly. Get over you as in,

the pain is almost completely gone, but not the attachment. Yes, it's still killing me inside that I'm not hearing from you, how you're doing, what you're doing, etc, but

I am going to move forward with my life. I even took care of myself properly today after these three hellish weeks crying and wondering if I made the right choice. And when

you do decide to see me again, I'll make you regret every thing you did and regret what you're missing out on, regret that you didn't treat me better and regret that you will

never have me ever again.

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Well... We closed that deal Ive been telling you about. Big paycheck coming for me, and we were supposed to go on a trip. I knew you were stressed and wanted to get away but I cant tell you this because it wont matter.... You ignored every text about everything I had planned for your birthday. IDK why you hate me so much. I never hit you, yelled at you. You called it fighting but I saw it as passionate about you. O well, probably better this money for into savings for the next girl. Blows but... owell.

 

You must think your so cool to have an older guy chasing you. Must feel good, I remember when we started talking you telling me this guys ignoring you was driving you crazy and thats probably what I should have done. I just didnt want to play games, I thought I could just be up front with you. You must think im needy, I dont really need you I just wanted you by my side. O well

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what a crzy last few weeks. I thought I was over you. But I clearly am not. I like this new guy, but I realized, I am not ready. When I saw you today, you were so cute. And our hug, it was like coming home. You were so sweet. And when you asked me, is he treating you good, my heart melted. You weren't even looking at me. what was going on behind those eyes? When I said it was too soon, the smile on your face....I know I can't make assumptions. You were glad to see me and wanted to talk even when you thought I was with someone else. When I told you I missed you and you said you missed me too, it felt so good. I really just wanted to hold you for hours. Do you still love me? I forgive you. I forgive you. I messed up. I know you forgive me too. But is there any hope left after all the damage we caused? I wanted you to move on so I could. But you aren't even looking for anyone new. I would be so sad, so very sad. Cause I should have been happy, but I thought of you, the loss of us, and I mourned more. you want me to call. we hugged again and again. Honestly, I don't feel any better or worse after seeing you. I still just miss you. I want you to come home. If not, I want to be over you. I love you. I always will, I know this now.

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I guess I cant post here anymore huh? oh well four more hours till youre up for work. I should sleep now so I dont get disappointed if you dont answer. man Im gonna need a wake up call wed... ............I should call you and ask! LOL

You promised you would. GAWD I am missing you like crazy. You'd think this would get easier!

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I seriously cant believe you. First you lied to me for months, you cheated, you strung me along, you shattered my heart, asked for foregiveness and then decided to move on when you got it. Nothing but one lie after another about you and your "friend" not having a thing for eachother, what BS!!! Its been 7 weeks of NC and you cant stop texting me for some reason even though i wont reply to you, ever! You and your "friend" are bf and gf now, why do you STILL text me? Why do you text my parents and friends saying you are worried about me? You couldnt give a rats ass whats going on with me! you never cared, because if you cared you wouldnt have been sick enough in the head to toy with me so much and so long you worthless * * * * * ! How could you even say you are worried, when you had no problem letting me go and moving on instantly??? You are just a user, a liar, a cheater, a coward! I will never forgive you for what you have put me through! If you really do cry yourself to sleep because of how sorry you claim to be, then i hope you remain crying 10 times longer than i did for you. If i ever see you face to face you better turn around and leave or i will spit in your face. I have never been so disgusted by another human being in my life, and to think i loved you more than anyone in the world?! i mustve been beyond stupid for believing your lies. All i know is the world has its ways of straightening things out, sooner or later you will get whats coming to you. I wish i could wish you happiness and joy, but at this point i couldnt give a damn what happens to you. Hope to never see or hear of you again!

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Hi. It's good to see you today.

Finally able to chat with you without getting nervous. Heehee

I miss you. Still miss you. But I don't want to be with you any longer.

You're free to marry whoever you want HAHAHAHAH

I know we'll probably have more fun being just friends.

I'm fine with that. Lunch or dinner one of these days?

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every single time i want to click your page i come here.

I'm re-directing my urges!

I like that...same thing goes through my head too....

 

You know what I've realized: that you were never that interested in me to begin with despite your claim of loving me and wanting to marry me. I bet you purposely pick women

to be with who you know will do all the work. I can't believe I almost wanted you back so badly today that I almost called you, but had to stop myself because I remembered that it has been 5 days with no contact from you and in three days, it will be an entire month of being single. I only miss what I thought we had. I only miss being in someone's company, but I know I certainly don't miss you.

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I can't believe you dumped me so quickly after my miscarriage because it was too much for you to handle.

I haven't loved anyone the way I loved you since my exH that I split with 10 years ago.

I trusted you, I allowed myself to be vulnerable with you- and you turned your back on me when I needed you the most.

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I miss you.

 

I miss your lips. "Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose."

 

No matter how much I pretend to not care about you, every night my bed just feels so big. I feel this knot in my stomach and it just doesn't go away. I miss when you'd turn up behind me and put your arms around my waist. I just really miss those arms.

 

I hate myself for this. I'm supposed to be really busy, getting my life together. And yet, all I can think about is you.

 

Why did we have to go so wrong?

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I guess i stalk your page to feel connected to you.

I know i shouldn't do that. And i been a goodie girl so far.

It's sicken how hard i have to fight to not check up on you. seriously.

I just can't keep hurting myself anymore for you.

I need to let go.

Can i do it? I know i can. I just need to be stronger.

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