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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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Dear Ex,

 

Tell your new bf about this, I don't care. I'm a changed man and I became a changed man since the day you and I parted ways. The choice you and I made has stuck with me and has made living with myself unbarable, but how long must I hold that over my head. Forever going to feel that my desire to redeem myself will never be enough and I'm not mad at myself or at you for it. I hated the fact that you and I had something truly amazing. So amazing that I never felt that way about anyone I've ever been with. Even the day we left each other you still gave me butterflies. Imagine that. Imagine such a fool I am to have desired someone so badly. The day you walked out that door I wouldn't even look you in the eyes as you walked away because I didn't want you to see me break down. No amount of booze ever could make me forget. That smug look on your face as you left like I was such a detriment to your life that the biggest weight was lifted from your shoulders the day I said good bye. Really? REALLY? It was you who worked so hard to win me over, to shower me with love and vow I was the only one you ever wanted to marry just to what, take that away from me? Make it out like it was ME who wanted it all this time and was pressuring you? BS and you know it... Fine you changed your feelings, but don't make it out like this was all some desire only I had and you couldn't wait to get away. I didn't like who I turned into either, couldn't you have just said that? Or would that mean you'd have to acknowledge you too recognize how great we were and just wanted the excuse to leave. I lied, I hurt you and I've gone on so hard to make up to myself just how much I did no better for you. How mad I was at myself that I tried so hard to be this great guy to you to be the best thing in your life, yet it wasn't enough. Nothing I could ever do could ever make up for what was missing in your life and that was never my fault. Now we both are responsible for this mess and all I kept hoping was that you'd realize it just as much and wander back into my arms. I tore my flesh up with ink, on your birthday of all days imagine that was the only time they were avail, I did it to remind me of the pain I endured, the death of myself and the change that came. It's a permanent reminder of where I came from because YOU meant that much to me I'd endure that pain 1000x over just because of it.

I've written songs about you and I have never and I mean NEVER been that inspired over any girl I've had to get over. How badly I wanted you to come through that door and hold me and tell me you know what I'm going through and felt that same way. Shame on me for ever having loved you so much, that's my biggest tragedy isn't it.

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Right now I wish I just had you in front of me. I want to have sex with you so bad. Is that so wrong?

Probably.

I disgust myself with these thoughts but I can't help it. The worst part is if I called you and asked you if you were down for it, you would probably come running.

 

You know I've tried having sex with other guys and they just don't make me feel the same way. Is that so wrong?

Probably.

I'm scared I won't ever feel this way about anyone sexually. **** it, it's just sex.

 

Whatever, the point is I just wish I had you in front of me.

 

I miss your lips. I miss your smell. I miss your hair. I miss your eyes. I miss your skin. God, those ******* lips. I can picture your lips so vividly. How many times did I kiss your lips and just traced them with my tongue. ****

 

You ************* *******. I wish you hadn't been such a ******* retard.

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jus wanna say for that small d*** you got....you really act like such a big one.....

 

i cant believe i let a spineless, pathetic 'man' into my life....go back to sleep you stupid little boy....dont drag me into your 'confusion' ....ive never heard such BS - youre toying with me - but hope you enjoyed it...games over bud

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I'm a toy. To be played with and then discarded once you grew. I'm not a person. I have no emotions. I feel no pain. I don't hurt. I'm evil because I kept asking you to give us another chance. You did right by showing me who I was. I'm just a toy. To be walked away from. I don't matter. Shame on me for believing otherwise.

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I agree with you.. We're all adults and should understand that we're all different when it comes to expressing ourselves.. so say what's in your heart, shout it out... thanks for starting this post again i like it ... I would like to say about ex--to shut shut up you talk to much, who say your not right all the time,and stop being Mr.Psychiatrist, analyse everything. you make me sick with all that talking... Just SHUT UP...please..lol

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I don't have to hold my tongue for you anymore, i don't have to pretend that i'm not upset with the stuid stuff that comes out of your mouth that makes me want to scream YOU IDIOT WHAT THE ARE YOU BIT----G ABOUT NOW! Always having to ruin the day with your "constructive criticism" i'm fed up.. i just want to tell himto just sit on it... All reality if this man could have just allowed us to be ourselves and learn to listen and stop analyzing every simple thing we could have grew old together.... but there's only so much we could put up with.. I miss the good we both had.. we were not always feeling unhappy... I loved being with this man he made me smile as much as he made want cry... im tearing up now... I really know I loved this man with all my heart and i still do.. I can put up with so many flaws of a person because we all have them.. you get angry and you get over it, it's simple. why some people hold grudges i'll never understand.. i want to be respected,loved, honored, adored, cherished, and happy..This man i don't think we will ever get back together because he's very stubborn and he has issues that need to be addressed. He's has problems that are not mine.. No one wants to have a man, their man thinking he knows everything and then wants to make you do what he thinks is right. You feel trapped in a certain sense.. you happiness turns into hopeless.... this man wanted to take my thoughts and make them his...

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Ya if you were wondering. I saw M's facebook page with the picture of you two together. Why were you with me for so long if you knew you guys were going to be together. I feel like an idiot and a fool. Thanks for looking at me like I make your skin crawl last week. Made me feel really good about myself. I've never been better to anyone else in my life and quite honestly don't think I will be capable of caring for someone like that again. I wont be going to the work summer retreat this year. once again doing a solid for you so you can bring M. All the best to you, I hope you treat him well.

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Well, this is it, we broke up in January, because of your cheating, and second time..

 

Took you away to Taiwan and China for a tour, in May, and now you tell me that you don't know what you want anymore! Well, guess what, this is my last straw, i lived without you for the last 5 months, why did you have to come back into my life and f'd things up for me! If you didn't wanted to be with me, and was not sure, you could've just left me alone!

 

and i want my money back that i loaned you a few months ago!

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I feel so numb. I just don't feel anymore. Was I really to be treated so poorly? To be told 'I love you etc' one day and then to be left humiliated the next. How could you not have been firm with your decision? Why the constant need to go back and forth? It just made it more painful and hurt me 10 times worst. Was there really no respect for me at all?

Often on this forum, I hear people whose ex's don't ignore them like you did to me. They atleast communicate and answer questions. You left me confused and then slam the door shut on my face. Why? Because, I was having a hard time? You made a mockery out of my pain. I was left to be laughed upon. To be threatened with having my parents involved if I didn't stop my pleas/requests to speak to you? I'm suprised at how easily you decided to forgive yourself. At the least, I'm suprised that you made yourself seem like the victim. How?

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Day whatever

today i had made the decision that i am done with you. i won't guess and think about the whys and how to get you back.

i will not make any effort to get you back, you are not worthy.

i want you out of my life and out of my system, and i am equipped with a powerful technique to do that today.

is over between us, you don't deserve me.

i will stop loving you from today onwards. Good bye and i don't want to ever see you again.

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i keep looking back staring at your face...and you are now gone...forever you are in my heart. Time passes by and yet you are still the person i wish to see more. we are not friends, we are not lovers...we are just acquaintances. we dont talk, we dont see each other, we are..nothing. i keep coming back to you...wishing you were the person that i loved...but no, that person is never coming back. That person who i uses love, has been long gone.....

 

my only wish is for everything to be...ok, I dont hate you, i dont love you. i feel the pain of betrayal and dishonesty for u...

letting go... i want to find closure, i guess i dont know how to find that. I feel like the only way i do is by seeing you again, to talk to you...but yet i feel that might not be what i trully want from the heart. Its gonna break my heart even more and more...i want to prove nothing from you, i want to prove anything to anybody but myself.. i want to stop caring, i want to focus on my life.... i miss you...it seems just so easily to call you and meet u..but i know that it is my sign of weakness...its nothing to be said right. whats done is done. more questions will be asked and more answers means more heart ache . so whats the point right?

 

if i were over you completely i wouldn't need you or think about you..... i suppose im just want to get closer, it ended dead as soon as you broke up with me. There will be no point of seeing you, no contact. you made sure of that we wouldnt cross path. You have no connections from your best friends or so i thought... how could it all be dead and gone? how? make me understand..because i cant right now not ever... they say that things are better left unsaid. But i dont understand....

 

"after all said and done. all roads leave to the same path..."

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Sarah,

What's up?

I picture you riding a bike with your friends laughing and having fun.

I know you're not doing this.

I just like to torture myself sometimes.

Why? oowf, I don't know?

 

Anyway, yes I miss you.

So much.

But I know that you are not the person I thought you were and it kills me to think that I was SO wrong.

I'm never wrong!

But I was this time hey.

 

When I come home I will see you at one point.

I don't know when or where but in the same town we are bound to bump in to each other.

When I do see you, you'd better be ready for some world class acting, I mean some marlen brando s**t.

I'm gonna be so fly you're gonna go week at the knees just having seen me for a few seconds!

You know me, you know that out of the two of us, I have the social skills of legend!

 

You're gonna miss me so much more than you already do.

 

We are NEVER gonna be together again but I want to ease this bitter feeling I have inside me for you.

 

So when I see you again, watch out.

Coz I'm comin home in 4-5 months and you're not gonna know what's hit you.

 

Yes this is childish.

But I will see you again and have only two options when I do.

Cry like a b**ch - Be super cool.

 

I'll take the latter.

You can have the former this time.

 

I done my cryin.

For 3 effing months Sarah.

 

Now it's your turn.

I wanna be happy now.

 

I never thought we'd end up like this.

 

You promised "forever"

 

I can't stand to think of you anymore.

The thoughts of you in my head are probably so far from the reality of you it's insane!

You were boring when I met you and then you livend up and became amazing as I gave you so much love you felt on top of the world!

Now it's all gone, you'll go back to who you were.

 

How I let you hurt me so bad I will never know.

 

I hope you learn one day.

I just hope you learn.

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Well Laura, our little dog was a year old today and not peep from you, you cold callous ****. You brought that dog here, you treated him like a baby and now not only did you not even enquire about him today you left ME to rehome him now. I saw you today driving past. I ignored you. Did check my phone when I got in as was half expecting something, but no.

 

I will never, ever forgive you for putting me through this with him. Having to rehome him is on my mind 24 hrs a day, and will be the most hearwrenchin thing I have ever done. I can't even pet him without feeling guilty. It's been like a weight around my neck for the past 2 months. I'm done with worrying and stressing and fretting. I'm done with being lonely. I'm done with hoping for calls and texts that never come. God I hate you so much. My sim card is broken and in the bin now. I will never hear from you again, I can tell. If you wern't going to give in over your beloved dogs birthday, you ain't gunna give in for anything.

 

I hope you are happy in your new life, with your new guy without a care in the world. But let me tell you this, I hope to god any feelings of guilt you have about putting me through this, bringing an animal into my life which I didnt ask for and now I have to get rid of after getting attached to him, I hope and pray those feelings of guilt are at least equivalent to what ive been through the last two months, ****.

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I changed my number I blocked you every where, so I guess right now when I'm talking, I'm only talking to a ghost from the past..

I feel like I have nothing to say to you, you were never the man I made you to be in my mind, you were much much less! About time i took off the rose tinted glasses, but I'm not hurt because you're gone, I'm glad you are I'm relieved that it's over, I'm hurt over the whole roller coaster of relationship and how I let you manipulate and mind game me... I felt so so down and so depressed because of someone who is not worth the gum on my shoes! For so long every time yu disappeared you made me feel like nothing, feel worthless and over and over again I'd think it's me, I did something wrong, I'd text you over and over and you just ignored, you have zero empathy, it angers me so much..That's the hardest part to get over, not you...

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I got to my Summer classes today. I have the same professor I had back in Winter 09 for a Consumer Behavior class. That was when we first were together, I remember how happy I was then. It's kind of messed up because when I was sitting there listening to him lecture he really reminded me of you. It was almost like It was January 2010 again and no time had passed. When I listen to him lecture, it's pretty messed up because all I can think of is you lol. Kind of like the universe playing a prank on me or something. I just remember all the days i was in that class, texting you secretly, missing you, how you would come to see me, take me to class in the morning, how we would kiss and hug outside of my school before I had to go in and how I would be later to that class. Wearing the coat you bought me that Winter. I remember I would pack a suitcase often and bring it with me to that class and then go get the bus to go see you for the weekend right after that. Just brings me back.

 

I am missing you less though, maybe because I have so much else to worry about these days. Doing a bit better with missing you lately...first time I've said that in well over a month. It's going to be 2 months since we've been NC very soon. If it goes that long that will be the longest ever I think. It actually hasn't even felt that long surprisingly....I will feel good when I get to 3 months complete NC. I think the time will pass easier then....maybe next thing I know it will be a year NC and I will forget all about you. One can hope!

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