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Nynnja
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I fell in love with the character you played, and my feelings of love were fuelled by hope of what could be. Oh you are clever. Time for your next side kick to enter the story. How co-incidental that a year ago, you said things to me about her - how selfish and self-absorbed she is - the exact things you said to me when you wanted to be rid of me. I remember thinking it odd how you spoke on how ridiculous she looked when she changed her hair color. You seem to have a thing for women's hair, sayingy that she looked like a "silly bag lady". Well now she is blonde again, very blonde - a prereqisite for the supporting role.

 

Inside you are still that awkward, clumsy, overweight, pimple-faced,red-haired teenager who despaired at never getting the pretty girls. The other boys made your life hell, teasing and bullying you, calling you pansy and poofter. Your family had their problems, a father humiliated and bullied by your ranting mother. Oh if only the world knew, you might not have to hide your rage and hatred. Instead, like a sniper with a silent gun you take your aim and fire.

 

So now, in the disguise of a man, you take the power. You tell yourself you are far better than other men. You became clever at gaining womens trust and biding your time - always having women in the sidelines as possible under-studies, "friends" you called them. Then there there is your ex-wife who you call personality disordered, lesbian, man-hater, vindictive, a villain. She scares you.

 

You fooled me too with your acting - I thought for a while it was real ,silly me, but the price you pay is your soul. You have barely slept through a night for 8 years since she left. Oh she must have so much more on you than you ever disclosed.

 

My time on stage with you is finished. Time for me to exit. Time for respite. Enough of the stage for me.

 

But there is no rest for you. This is just a curtain call. Your next act is about to start, and you are both actor and director. Time to check your costume and take your place before the curtains reopen.

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( ^ beautiful poetry, a pleasure to read.. thanks)

 

Another dream, another day without you. Out of sight, out of mind right? But you are not out of sight when you still appear in my dreams...

Anyhow I miss you but I do think it's better this way. We would not have worked out because of the distance and because of my own insecurity.

I thought you were a stabile factor in my life which is ridiculous after the short amount of time we spent together.

Finally there is less"what if" "what could have been" and more peace with it all.

 

Still though I think I can't have someone better than you

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Its my birthday today. I know you remember as its only been 2 weeks since you abruptly left me to go back to the ex wife you said was a narcisissist!

I keep thinking about our trip we were supposed to go on tomorrow. are you thinking about it too? Another fun thing we would have done, something you and her never did you said.

Are you having regrets yet?

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Why can't I just forget you as easily as you have forgotten me? As much as I want to admit you are a coward and a jerk for the way you have been treating me as of late, the great times we've had still outweigh the bad ones, and I think about how simple it could have been to mend our relationship. But I'm just not important enough to you to do that. And that hurts more than anything.

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I still miss you a lot and think about you often. Still trying to get over you and really want to call you to see how you've been. You seem happy in our mutual friend's photos. I hope you are even though I still feel like I'm in a deep, dark hole. I'll find my way out someday.

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I sit here and go thriugh the bottles! You took eveything from me! Now I drown out my sorrow! But you don't care! You never cared! I sit and I think whats wrong with me! What I did wrong! But I did nothing wrong except love you! I hope you find a job one day! Hope that loser boy of yours gets his crap straight to! Not for you! But for the kids!

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Hey thanks Gina. It was very late when I wrote it. I fell asleep not long afterwards. When I get some more inspiraiton, I'll have another go. Maybe a verse to add on or something different.

 

So you think he is an narcissist? I was actually thinking of calling it "Oedipus". Wondered if he might be borderline with N traits. Well, if a label is important, "Selfish Bastid" might be adequate. Last 2 times I saw him, he listed my multitude of personal defects. The one that has outraged him the most is that I "interrupt" him when he is speaking. Well, I became very conscious of that accusation months ago, and would be very conscious of waiting for him to speak and I would think he had finished. Then when I would speak, he would roll his eyes, saying I had interrupted again, and that he had only paused. I'm pretty certain that is a classic N idiosyncrasy. I know N's are said to hate to be interrupted. Also, in the home and even with his family of origin, he seems to see it as his job to delegate tasks to others, and sometimes he will then micro-manage people.

 

Sorry for hijacking this thread.

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in response to her (dumper) asking if she has lost my (dumpee) friendship:

 

 

it's taken me a while to write back to you because your question perplexed me. lost my friendship? you lost more than that. and "lost" is a funny word. it feels to me more like you threw it away. it's not only what happened, but how it happened, that makes me feel very estranged. maybe you'd feel much better if i could just be easy-going-self. "ya, this didn't work for you, but that's cool, let's still be friends." my life was suddenly turned upside down, my heart was suddenly torn apart, i'm still here trying to figure things out, and you'd like for me to hang on to a friendship? tough pill to swallow. a friend in exchange for a wife? don't know if i can manage that switcheroo right now. or ever, to be honest. if you had told me how you were feeling a year ago, or however long ago, like a friend would do, maybe things would be different now. but you kept things to yourself - things that would and did impact me greatly. so here i am. and there you are. i'm grateful that the logistics of this are happening somewhat civilly, and i wish you happiness, but when i think about what friendship means, how friendship looks, then i would say, yes, you've lost my friendship.

 

shipping your things soon.

 

 

hmm...maybe I will send?

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Why haven't you texted me, Paul?? You told me that you wanted to be friends and you haven't responded to my text Friday night and today is Monday night. I'm going crazy baby. I'm sorry for what I did. I need you. I need you so bad. I saw that you're meeting new people...and girls. Ashley Baron huh... I see that you met her on your baseball practices. Please tell me that's not the reason you're ignoring my text. Please tell me you haven't forgot about me. This song -->

 

I know I messed up and I didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive me and come back to me... Nobody is perfect.

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Hi Ex... I hope your fling works out for you... actually, I don't because I hope it hits you in the face one day that you had the best thing in the world but let it go. Speaking of which, how many flings is that now... 4? 5? 6? Geez, way to rebound. You used me, treated me like dirt, and selfishly took and never gave. Stupid me, I kept giving. Never again. You didn't deserve my love, I don't even think you know what love is. How could you disrespect me the way you did? Do you think you can walk over me like a doormat forever? I've got a spine now and I'm getting stronger. Soon, I'll be over you because you just aren't worth the time and energy anymore. Thanks for playing me like a fool, but don't forget, what goes around comes around. Enjoy karma.

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X,

 

Enjoy the pot, enjoy the alcohol, enjoy the nights you don't go to sleep and sleep all day. Enjoy being a disrespectful brat not only to me but your parents, your lifelines, without them you would have nothing and your unstable behavior would cease to exist. You lie to them every day, maybe like you lied to me. Enjoy this new guy you left me for, I am sure he is a really winner with his lack of rhetoric and immature behavior and language. By the looks of him, he couldn't even pick up a hooker of the street let alone you...I hope you realize what your doing to yourself and your parents is wrong and you will snap out of this spiraling course to disaster. Your better than this. But hey...like everyone says including my main man success. What goes around comes around, enjoy karma. Let's hope you don't drop out of school your last year like your sister...she is doing wonders for herself isn't she...I like her too, I feel sorry for her because I know her potential just like I know yours. You seem to have a very bad pattern but let's call it your insecurity for now. I hope you got that big box of stuff and I hoped you ended up deleting the rest of the pictures of me on facebook, god knows how happy I was the day I deleted you from my life...the same day you said goodbye. I am glad I found out everything I needed to know and that was all I needed to move on. Enjoy relying on other to make you happy, because your so miserable by yourself.

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I can't shake off this feeling.

I know you'll never come back.

But what holds me to you?

You changed your number.

Block me on facebook.

Have a GIRLFRIEND in which you are going to LIVE WITH HER.

I mean you have done everything possible to keep me away from you. So, I won't be breaking NC anytime soon. So why can't i shake off this feeling? Am I in denial?

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You are such a cold * * * * * . I hate you....pure hate! You are the most cowardly person I have ever met... You want goodbye...you got it....I have never been so neglected by anyone....I have never been treated the way you do...and someday you will get this back to you 3 fold.... I wish I never laid eyes on you...you are the most useless person that ever walked....you are pitied by your friends....you are coddled by your parents...and its no wonder all your boyfriends left you to pursue their lives... I'm glad for this because my hate will die right now with you! You are such a disgrace to the human race....and a failure! A failure at being a lover...a friend....a woman, and a professional... You try so hard to convince yourself your someone...but when you look into the mirror...know that your parents are all you got and the reason they coddle you is because they know your so weak and pathetic, that if they weren't there you would be nothing... As you are now...nothing...that's why you lie that's why you can't talk to me...because you are weak and pathetic......I know it....you always said " oh I'm supposed to be the smart one , the beautiful one, but you know that inside your the ugliest thing there is....and all guys want is to * * * * you....because you have nothing else to offer anyone....your a pathetic excuse for life..your friends and family always blow smoke up your ass...they say thinga like. Oh its ok, you'll be ok, he wasn't worth it, you'll find a job, but the truth is they have to because your so weak you can't handle the truth...same reason your parent don't want you to move...cause deep down they pity you...they know you have no chance on your own...you need crutches in life... You can try to convince yourself that I'm just saying this to hurt you....but your gonna look in the mirror and know I'm right...and that's what terrifies

You.... Oh and 1 more thing...I have slept with 4 different women since we been together.. its nice to not a have a clinically * * * * up dry vagina once in awhile. Oh sorry I forgot. It's the psycho drug you take! Cause your such a lost cause you have no inner strength you need a pill to help you in life....take away your happy drug and your left with nothing more than a little girl alone in a room because no one wants her....the only reason people indulge you is out of sheer pity.

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Dear sarah,

I will never forgive you for quitting on our relationship.

You have torn our future family limb from limb with your actions.

But, I understand you were confused and your loss was horrible.

I just wish you would have done the right thing during your grief.

We will both live with this decision for the rest of our lives.x

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You used to complain about your last relationship and how you were treated, how mean he was to you etc. I really wonder now how YOU were in that relationship??? These things are never one-sided, and you've shown me the one side that most likely contributed to the demise of your past relationships.

 

I've gone through feelings of love, hate, even pity toward you. You said you wanted to remain friends. What a load of rubbish! You haven't even treated me like a friend, let alone a lover, for the past 7 months! Why suddenly do you want us to be friends now??? And what in the world makes you think I want to be your friend???

 

You cried and I actually felt bad for you, even though you just took and took and took and never gave anything back, not even your precious time. But if you truly were hurting at that moment, you only brought that upon yourself. I've fixed myself; you should think about doing the same before diving right into the arms of someone else. Probably a little too late this time around though.

 

You are not my friend and you never will be. Plain and simple, I dislike you, but good luck to you nonetheless.

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Ex, I know you're with your new fling for a few weeks, can you look at yourself in the mirror for basically who*&ng yourself out? I never thought I'd come accross anyone so selfish and manipulative, boy was I wrong. You are a master manipulator and took me for a ride. Are you able to sleep with yourself at night? Can you look at your reflection in the mirror? What do you see, an ugly monster I hope. I'm angry, very angry with you and myself. You tought me a hard life lesson, but did you have to be so cruel in doing so? What ever happened to integrity, honesty, respect? Part of me hopes one day your world comes crumbling down so fast you don't have time to blink, but I know that wishing the worst on someone, even my worst enemy, is not the right way to think. Instead, I'll wish that I can heal quickly from this and move forward onto better things. I wish for me to find happiness, true love and respect. I gave you a chance, I gave you multiple chances in fact, don't ever say I never tried. Thank you for hurting me, but thank you even moreso for motivating me to take that next big step in my life. I feel sorry for you.

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Today, my family left to go back to Texas, I am sad... the only person I want and need is you.. i need that hug and that "its ok" speech. I miss you.. but you left, you quit us, you didn't love me more than your work to give me the time of day, I will just wait until the day I am happy again.. and I have a man who will love me for me and be my best friend, not just a good looking smart man, but actually have a fun personality

 

i win, you lose.

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