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i am really sorry about the hairstyle. I didn't understand you were trying to change ur appearance. I don't care about your appearance and you know it. I chose you for you, for the person you were.

But you failed miserably in other ways, not in changing ur hairstyle which i really dont care about ( although it is really not flattering for you, you are a very beautiful guy without it)

You've got to change your ways, you've got to find a job and help me and fight for me. These are the real things that I don't like about you. It has nothing to do with your new hairstyle (which is not good for you by the way, you will never get a job with it believe me!!!)

Please think about all that!

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I miss you tonight. IDK why. I've been trying my best to remember all the negative points of our relationship, All the screwed up stuff you did, because I think quite frankly I have forgotten them. I just feel like I'll never be able to live my life again- go to the places I used to, enjoy the things I did- with out thinking of you. It stinks because I know your not still having these issues. Your not thinking of how we went here, or there together every time you go there. Your getting on with your life like you did before me- you've moved on just fine. Part of me likes to think maybe you haven't but I know that's not productive to me moving on....and I honestly don't think its true.

 

I know I'm getting better but I'm still struggling and I wish I wasn't. But there are days where I haven't cried at all, been able to think of you with out really missing you. Never thought I would get there- so I DO know I'm making progress.

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i know you didn't have work today. how was your day? did your new man/friends finally help you get that shelf from ikea? i miss you tonight... weekends were our thing. hitting the bars, eating out, having a good time. ugh. screw you. I'll find someone who's better than you. and you know what? I'll be better than who i was when i met you. I won't just be a great guy. I'll be THE guy women would want... especially YOU. and i'll be so over you i'll be over you 15times.

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Are you lying to me? Are you playing games? You say you love me then you do all these things that point to you really don't. Or is the love you have for me a different kind? Either way, here i am only tring to understand and you just get mad when I ask questions. Well, maybe if I didn't have to ask questions things would be okay. And since I have to ask so much they for sure are not okay. And you jut getting mad at me about it just makes me sad. Why should I be sad? Especially when you are out and have no problems living your day..talking to the bimbo in the next store who blantly came over to make it known she was in your life. How dumb am I? I keep putting myself down and coming up with all these explanations for you. I feel bad when I go out and do my thing just because I care so much about you. What is your deal? WHy wont you share your feelings with me? Are you hiding something that will hurt me or playing games? Hurt me then! For goodness sake it wont last as long as this! The last time I let you go, you never came back. Here I am again. Feeling like a fool.

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You saw me dying inside and breaking down in front of you, I begged you not to leave me alone, yet you turned around and walked out AGAIN. How can you just walk away??? How do you live with yourself? I hope you didn't sleep all night like me. I hope it consumes your every thought today, I hope you feel as ill as I do then maybe you can begin to understand how I feel!

 

NC starts again, one step forward, three back story of my life!

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I don't get it. I was doing so well getting over you & us not being together. Why am I now missing you so much & at this moment crying?? What triggered this? I miss you baby What are you doing? Who did you watch the game with today? Do you miss me at all? Do I cross your mind? What happened to us? It's been almost 2 months since I've seen you, slept with you, held you & almost 2 weeks since we last spoke...Valentine's Day to be exact. I thought I was doing well, really making progress & then all of a sudden I feel this over whelming emptiness & missing you. I'm crying for the first time in a long time. WHY??? I don't want to miss you anymore. You hurt me

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I dreamt of you. It felt so real. The day before you broke things up with me I dreamt you acted indifferent. I dreamt I wanted to go away from you because I felt that you were keeping your distance from me.

 

This dream was different. I saw your sad eyes. I tried to cover my real mood. I tried telling you how great my life has been without you. Well, its not.

 

It's not great. It takes time to be great again. It apparently takes more time than this relationship lasted.

 

I just...

 

I want you to want me.

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