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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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For once, I feel strong - its been a long time since Ive felt ok. Im sure its only momentary, and that it will pass, but it feels nice to know that its still possible. I spoke to J - she helped to make me feel good again. That was your job, not hers. I know I should be trying to make myself happy, but it seems that I still need help. Either way, you were not there, and she was. Why? I hope that, whatever you are doing, it is making you happy, because if you only knew what you are missing out on with me - fall is coming, our favorite time of year. We could reconcile. But I dont see that happening. Somehow, fate deems it ok to let the girl that ruined me initially, brighten my day. Hell, maybe some years down the road, you will do the same for me. Until then, remember the last time we saw eachother, the most pure moment of my life.

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Sigh...

 

Looks like you're really over me aren't you.

 

You know, I could be here and whinge how I miss you, complain about how I still love you and say how much I want to back.

 

I've been pretty much like that on and off since the break up.

 

But right now, I'm getting a bit more self confidence and I don't regret breaking up with you.

 

Really, just thinking back; you were never worth my time. I wasted so much on you that I could've given to any other girl.

 

But I guess this is just what love is.

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PLEASE give me peace. Get out of my heart and mind, or come back to me. If you miss me, tell me. I spend every second of every day thinking about you, how you are feeling, and wondering what you are thinking. I pray ever day now for God to take this heartbreak away and just let me breathe...and smile again. I'm trying to be as strong as I can so I can take care of our son. God has handed me this task and I'll do my best. I wonder how long it'll be until I can honestly say that I don't love or care for you anymore...and that I don't care where you are or what you're doing? I can't believe what kind of person you are now. I want to hate you, but I can't. I swore my life to you and we took vows together, twice. Doesn't that mean anything to you?

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- i saw pictures of you and her at the party..... i wanted to reach in those pictures and smack you in the face. who are you?

- you can sugar coat your affair, but I know that you were sneaking around meeting her even before our vacation

- i cry every night- you broke my heart and trust- i miss you so

- it seems like you are so happy now, you are free to find the girl of your dreams "the one" since i am not

- you keep texting me about things... I can handle fixiing the pressure washer I do not need your advice, your words are complete BS to me b/c your actions are horrible.

- when you were w/ me you "missed the hell out of her", well I hope karma gets you and you miss me so much you cant breathe, that you feel even an ounce of the pain and loss and betrayal I am feeling and it knocks you over

- you are flawed and broken, you were happiest with me than anytime in your life.. you self sabotage yourself-- the grass is always greener

- i hope you destroy this relationship with your porn use and cheating and lies

- I hope she leaves her hiusband and you get stuck w/ no money and 2 young kids and an ex husband and all that misery. I wil be sitting on the beach with a cocktail and my new sexy boyfriend that adores me.

- you have no control over me anymore and i will not respond to your emails or texts.. you are on your own with yourself now have fun

- you hurt me so bad you put me in therapy for chrissakes

-i am stronger than you... i will find myself again.. you never knew yourself

 

YOU ARE NOT THE GOOD GUY!!!

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I miss you - Im so hurt by you.

 

Squeege boy told you he thought you were coming back to me because you were lonely. He was right all along. I was just the filler. That thought hurts

 

And the more and more time that passes where I dont hear from you to know I meant something, the more and more I hurt and the deeper and deeper I sink.

 

I hate that I am letting you do this to me. I feel so broken by your actions.

 

All I did was loved you for who you were beneath it all. All you did was take advantage of me until you broke me.

 

But i still miss your smile, your soft skin and hearing you call me my nicknames.

 

* * * * this hurts.

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I am so sorry for that text I sent, I was jus so hurt, and angry. I had lost you again you see, and you seem so OK with it all. I really wished we could have made it work, so much. I dont think you will ever know just how much I loved you. I guess you were wrong, I wasnt the one, I cant have been cos I wouldnt be here now, again, weeks of not seeing each other, same pattern time and time again. Thats not love in my eyes, but hey. Im not quite ready to say that I hope you meet the one who will make you happy, but in time I will. But I am at the stage to say that I will let you go, in love, because if I cant make you happy, or be the one for you, then its best Im not in your life at all, even tho that hurts me more than it hurts you. I dont wanna ever be your source of pain. I hope that when my pain passes I can look back fondly and remember your gaze, your hands, your soft voice, your expressions, your hair, your laugh, your stature, your boots

 

I jus wanted to say that, babe

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I hope you're miserable for the rest of your life. I really do. I hope you never find a girl "exactly" like you, that you don't lose the weight you gained (in fact, I hope you gain MORE), that you realize those bimbos that you date will never come close to measuring up to me.

 

You're a self-centered, lazy, selfish (in a BAD way), condescending, arrogant bastard.

 

F&^* you, C. Seriously. I did nothing but love you and be the best damn girlfriend anyone could ever ask for. Good luck ever finding someone who will love you like I did.

 

Good riddance.

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Love, how you been these days? I've been thinking about you alot.

I still miss you...

I really can't wait to be happy again.

I know I will be, very very soon.

You no longer have that power over me. The shackles on my feet and hands are gone.

Now I'm just slowly healing my heart and my soul- the cracked and empty one you left me with.

I wish you showed some remorse.

But guess I'm asking for too much.

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Dear ex,

 

Are you alive? Do you hate me? Is this what you wanted? Is this what I want? I think God is protecting me from not having seen you a single time since I've been on campus. Seems kind of weird don't you think? Were we really that incompatible? Everyone thinks you were no good for me. I thought there was some really special bond there, even if we had our problems... like every couple does. I guess I wasn't worth it to you to work through problems. I'm definitely more open to dating around, but you still linger in the back of my head. I literally know nothing of you and your life now.

 

I wonder what your new car looks like? I'm glad you're rid of that other piece of crap. I wonder if you've done any comedy routines? I wonder if you're back at work? I wonder if you're with someone else, but I try to not wonder about that. I wonder how your classes/radio show are going? I don't dare to listen to it at night, knowing it would hurt me. I wonder how your family is? I wonder if you've gone to that one breakfast restaurant.

 

For whatever reason you left me, it was a decision I have to respect. That's why I haven't directly contacted you not ONE SINGLE TIME. I have to respect you saw something that I didn't, so I'm trying to listen to you. You showed me I need to move on. I am trying... it's just hard. I'm having a bad day.

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Carrie,

 

Well, you really mind * * * * ed me. You stay with me for five years. You break up with me, then want me back, break up with me, want me back. Now you do it again. A week after our cruise. The cruise where you are telling me how much you love me, what you love about us. You are scared as usual. You crashed from not having your self medicating depression meds for four days. You freak out and refuse to talk. You don't want my help. You say you want to take the next step, but can't. You break up with me out of the blue. You say you do not love me anymore. Two weeks later you can't stand being lonely and go off to have sex on a weekend with your boss who is 20 years older than you and married. Something that started years before I met you and you lied to me about. Lied to me who he was. Did you cheat? You say never. But you still run off to him after we were done. He is always someone you can lean on you said. That you love him as a friend all these years. That he was there for you during your divorce and when your father died. Before me. Well, you went back to the same destructive patterns. And hurt me bad. The picture I saw of you two together really hurt. But you justify it all. It was after we went on our break. He is just a friend to talk to and lean on after we were over. Even if it is true, it still hurts. It hurts that you are not the same person. That you never got the therapy I urged you to get. That you did not let me help you. Instead you ran away. From me. From my daughter who you claimed was like your own. The girl you refused to say goodbye to because you just can't handle it, can you? My family you never emailed a goodbye. Then you tell me 3 weeks ago part of you still loves me. Then you break no contact again, telling me you still love me but this was the right decision for us. That we are not right in the end. I think you are not right. How could we have had a chance when you refused to help yourself? When you still won't deal with the same issues that plagued you for years? You ruined what we were. And you really hurt me in the process. Good luck with your new life. Now people at your work knows. His wife knows. He is staying clear of you now for awhile. And you go on public forums telling everyone how happy you are and how great things are when you are falling apart inside. It is hard to be clear of you when you keep contacting me for strange reasons. I know you'll contact me again. I just want to move on. Why do you want to keep me around? Why do you want to keep a door open that is closed?

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i cant believe i let you treat me like this for 3 1/2 years. to hear the words "i'm not sure i've ever loved anyone" after i pour my heart out to you is beyond unbearable. i know that you care for me and want me in your life still, but it is not fair to me that you still text and accidentally "pocket call" me whenever you want. all i ever wanted from you was love. i wanted to be more important than video games, beer pong, going to the bars, football, anything. i just wanted you to notice that i loved you more then anything. i would have done and did do everything for you. you were my life. i made sacrifices for you and you did nothing in return. you were sweet here and there but mostly distant. you said i love you twice and i'm not sure you meant it. what kind of person thinks it's ok to date someone for 3 years and never say you love them? you don't deserve me. i realize now that all you did was drag me down and make me feel unwanted. however, with that said why cant i get you out of my head? why do i want to reply every time you text me? why do i still think there is hope for us? i know someday soon i will be over this and you and i will move on and find someone wonderful who loves me the way i need to be loved. until then, i wish you well, but i want you to know that you seriously need to work on yourself before you lead someone else to think they they are good enough to spend the rest of their life with you. please don't contact me anymore.

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I wish that there was an easier way to free myself from you. There are times when I forget that we aren't together. I'll be on my way to what use to be our home, or punching in the pin number that use to be our birthday years (8588) that I've since changed... I know I left you, and for all the right reasons, but there are days where the only thing I think of were the good times and its so hard to believe that its over

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We would have been preparing for our little boy to come into the world very soon. But it was taken away, I'll never know why and just have to accept it wasn't mean to be at that time.

 

It hurts so much tonight. I've been laying on the bed, staining the sheets with my tears and you should be here. You should have been here with me through this. I shouldn't have had to go through it by myself. You'll forget. You won't wonder what could have been because that's not in your nature. So I'll carry it. For both of us. You left it all for me, anyway.

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How are we going to look at each other next time we see each other? Why something so nice had to become so bad and awkward? Why don't you let us be, I don't understand why? Why don't you answer to me? Why? Is it so hard? Was what we had not worth an answer?

 

But I am finally letting you go and letting you be... No more contact, no more messages or emails until you show what we had was worth it, until you show that we are worth it for you. I don't even know that... from what I see, we were not because all you want is to be alone... you are self-sufficient. You are one of those self-sufficient people and it is scary that I am in love with a person like that.

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