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I realize now that I was just a rebound to you. I hope it helped you get through the heartbreak. I know I was used but I thought there was more to our relationship than what was really there. I think what hurts the most is not the fact that I lost someone who meant a lot to me, but that fact that I didn't mean that much to you. You were caring at times, and you were affectionate at times, and you did treat me well at times. I just think that maybe I should've just concentrated on being a good friend to get you through your bad time instead of trying to be your boyfriend. I don't know if you think about me, if you care about me, or what is going on in your life now. But what we had for 4 months meant a lot to me and I miss you. I'm glad I was able to help you get your feet on the ground. I know you could've done it on your own but I'm glad I was there to help. I know that you have told me that I was so what you needed at that point in your life, but in the end you also told me you were fine and what we had was fun. I hope you are happy and take care of yourself.

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ex,

 

One day you will realize that no girl would ever put up with you how I did. Do you think you will find someone better? Ha! Let's see, you have no job, you're bipolar and have ADHD AND anger issues, you're in therapy, you're on meds. And you are just psycho. No girl will ever put up with your crap. You think *I* have issues? Ughh, take a look in the mirror. But you are so mentally ill you just don't get it.

 

You are a little boy, not a man. Everything you did to me (verbal and emotional abuse) and you cannot apologize? No remorse? No sorrow? Wow you are so messed up in the head. You breaking up with me was a favor! I don't think I truly loved you, I was jus infatuated. I would have eventually dumped you anyway.

 

I mean who are you to leave and criticize me? Like you're perfect? Aside from all your mental issues, you will be in school until you're 30 with no job, you're short, you're a hypocrite, you look like you're 15 when you are 25. You go around calling everyone a piece of ****. That is some major projection you got going on! Projection = criticizing others when you are really unhappy with yourself. That's you.

 

I am so glad for the new year. You will not be in this new year. You had 100000 chances. No more. If your feelings change and you once again come back I will not answer. The only way I would answer is if you give me a very lengthy apology. But you will not do that because you're not a real man. I'll find someone sooner or later. You? Good luck. You have more baggage than an airport!

 

And I will not ever contact you. I said all I had to say. Now I am continuing my journey of moving on and meeting new men.

 

Hopefully one day you will see.

 

One day.

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I should have known better, i knew not to look on facebook, to snoop in your profile. And then I saw the picture. It hit me hard. I didnt see you at first. So you write me you still love me and 6 weeks later you make it into the xmas family photo of some family? The girl might be 15 years younger than you. And she has real bad skin. You hate bad skin, I would have never expected her with you. That means you're not serious? Was that ring on her hand an engagement ring or just some ring? It hurts. I dont want i to hurt no more. You cant be serious with her but you're not serious with me either. Maybe thats the last kick I need. But I still cant block you. I tried, but I cant. I'm afraid you'll contact me again and I will be trapped again. I'm afraid you come back here again and I want you to come back here again. I still want us to work out, its so stupid. I still love you. Not as much anymore maybe but I definetly still miss you. And I wish you would tell me about her. So I can get it into my head you are gone for good. I hate you for making me the bad guy, that I'm the one not beeing available. I didnt go with a guy to his family. Just treat her better than me. I hope she knows what she is getting into. I hope I can move on from you. I hope I dont think of you anymore and I hope that I dont want to be with you anymore. I hope I find a guy with whom I can have the life I want. What would Lisa say if she knew about us. About your texts you send me. Just be aware that next time you contact me I will ask you about her. Thats what you did on Thanksgiving?? It would explain a lot. You need to grow a pair dear. You really do. Well if you havent learned it by now you probably never will. I dont know if I can stay off your profile on Valentines Day to see whats happening with you 2. I hope I will be able by then. Good night and have a good life!

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I had a horrible dream about u last night p I couldn't get any words put, I was trying to scream amd cry but I couldn't and u didn't know how I felt and y were right in front of me. It was like I wasn't there. Horrible. I've been Thu.king about u so so much today

 

I hope u don't forget me, I hope u know that I am sorry for the mean things I said to you, u hope u contact me one day again. Atm I hope ur not with her, nd I hope u still think of me as I do u so much. I keep thinking about ur touch, your body and how beautiful u were. I really miss it everything reminds me of u, I can't even put the radio on still in case I hear songs that remind me of u which always seems to happen when I do be brave and put it on, u cane even bear to see someone in a utd shirt or watch even the tiniest clip of football because it reminds me of u. I can't look at a couple, and children without thinking of u and what we could have been if u didn't GIVE UP.

 

I hope u REALLY realise what u lost. And what u had. And could have had.

 

I don't want to stay in this country forever, or if I can't move country I am not staying living here forever, so I will be gone one day. That could have been with you but that wad your choice. I'm sure ull be happy forever staying where you are now with that job of yours you never shut up about. Good luck.

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I HATE you so much right now. Guess what? I'm finally moving on with my life. So you know the restaurant industry we have both been in? Ya know, since you graduated in 2009??? Well I graduated in 2011 and I QUIT my night club job. I am SO happy!!! I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am finally moving on with me life, while you stay stuck in the restaurant industry because you have no drive to get out. I'm not sure why I feel so much anger towards you right now. Maybe because for the last 2 1/2 years I could tell you everything. I thought you loved me. I thought you cared. But now I wonder if you ever even did. I'm sure I'll cry myself to sleep tonight because I'm sad, but it is so much better than calling you.

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I saw you last night. You still love me, you told me so. I could see it in your eyes that there's a part of you that doesn't want this. The chemistry is still there. You want to see me again next week, yet you have slept with someone else, been on a date with her and have been texting her. Why? You're not over me. I love you more than ever, and miss you so much. I'd do anything for one chance to see if things can ever be rectified. You are so hard to get over. Every day it hurts.

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I'm very sad and confused. Starting to possibly understand things better. That you don't believe in this enough. That it is too much for you. That I possibly make excuses for you. Maybe I don't value myself enough. Maybe I've been in this situation with you for so long now that I can't seem to think of anything different for myself. It keeps feeling unfinished..I wish that feeling went. I am naturally drawn to intensity and complexity and it seems like I can handle it. Until I can't. I am very confused..

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I had yet ANOTHER dream about u last night I'm sick of it. They're just horrible!!! I wish u knew how much u meant to me and how much i was in love with you. I woupd have done ANYTHING for you to save us. It's been nearly a week since the last text u sent. It makes me sick still having in my kind that your with her and how much more u like her then u did me, how she gets to have u and I don't

 

I wish you knew.

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I just blocked you on facebook, that's such a relief. Now I no longer have to wonder whether you check my fb or not and whether you see my profile pic and info or not. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my chest

 

It's a great feeling when the weight has been lifted off, I felt like that when I ended the relationship almost euphoric

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Today is the day i've accepted it's over. You have led me down a garden path that led to absolutely no where. You claim you don't remember telling me you wanted to see me to see if there was anything we can do, you must have intuitively known that this was in fact the only reason that I did decide to meet, because I thought you were thinking there was a way back for us. There never was. You sweet talked me, told me you loved me, you're not over me and misses me then had sex with me AND it lasted probably less than a minute. Yeah, that was memorable I've seen your new girl and she looks like a push over, she'd have to be to put up with you. She also looks painfully thin, almost skeleton like, i can't imagine you sticking with that one but hey, you move from one to the other so fast, you barely have time to reflect upon anything so you'll never know what you want or what to look for in a woman. One day I hope you look back and realise what you lost. Hopefully a day when i'm happily married, with a beautiful house and children - children that you wanted with me but that I didn't want with you. This is so poignant to me now, as if you truly love someone you naturally want to have children with them. My biology was telling me there was something not right with you, my instincts were spot on. I hope you look back and think you made a mistake, I hope you try and get in touch with me, when i'm happy and healed and doing just fine without you. I hope at that point that you'd be lucky to get the time of day from me and for me to completely blow you off or better still. Ignore you completely. You used me yesterday, you're not the person i thought you were. Good luck to your new lady friend, she'll certainly need it, you've already cheated on her with me. Bravo.

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Don't know if you recognized my motorcycle and I know how you hate "tools" who lane split, but the guy who rolled up next to you, looked left and blew you a kiss was me. No hard feelings cutie. But you know how big of an ego I have, so I won't contact you first. Hope you're happy and the new guy never has to feel the way I did. P.S. You owe me dinner.

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Dear ex,

 

Sometimes I wonder how long it will take to be finally over you. As each week gets easier for me, I'm still very hurt inside. How can I not be? If someone had said to me 6 months ago "What would be the worst situation you could find yourself in with regards to [ex]?" this would probably be it.

 

We are now not on speaking terms, you are with someone else and apparently living the dream and doing exactly what you did with me, a very heavy, very fast whirlwind of a beginning of a relationship...Pah! I remember how that felt and it was the most beautiful feeling on Earth, quite seriously.

 

Although I know virtually nothing about your new life, the little bits I do know sting. I absolutely adored you, you knew that. I treated you so very well but it wasn't enough. I know very little and it must stay this way. Knowing nothing would be better!

 

I wonder what will happen in your new relationship, I wish I was a fortune teller! I'm seriously interested...will the whirlwind burn itself out like it did with us? Or is she "the one" for you? God, I wish I didn't care! But I'd like to know now. Maybe you'll propose to her on this holiday, haha! I quite honestly wouldn't be surprised, nothing surprises me any more when it comes to you because you're not the person I thought I knew. The man who was single for years and took all that time to tell me he had feelings for me and who has now jumped straight into a new relationship.

 

Does she even know about me? How much does she know? I bet my life she knows virtually nothing and that you've skimmed over details.

 

I realised yesterday that I've more or less forgotten what it was like to be your partner. I haven't forgotten you or all those memories. I mean what it's like to live my life knowing that you were there, how I felt day to day. I suppose I've forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship generally. Everything I do now is for myself and my daughter only, there's no-one else in the equation. And although that's not a bad thing in itself, it's quite a sobering realisation.

 

I do wish things could have been different - a lot of things. Mainly, I wish you loved me more than you actually did.

 

I do know you still had feelings for me after breaking up but I don't think those feelings were strong enough to make it worthwhile ever getting back together, I realised that relatively early on. Unless you were lying when we had that talk by the river, I don't think you were though. You had time for me for two months after breaking up then cut me down like a dead limb! I remember those post-breakup conversations and ha! when Miss New Girl comes along none of that matters now it seems! What a jerk!

 

OK, I don't want to be in touch with you in lots of ways because you're with someone else and it wouldn't be fair on anyone really. But I hope it was worth cutting off the one person in your life that would have done anything for you because if she's not "the one" you're going to end up feeling very very silly

 

But also, when time has passed and whatever happens happens, a part of me would still like to know you. We had something special once and we never really fell out. Who knows what will happen though. I might not feel like that in the future. I might meet someone else and never think of you again. I doubt that though!

 

But listen, I will never contact you again. I respect your decision that you "can't be in touch". It hurts but I accept it. I seriously hope this is what you want because I know for a FACT you've lost your best friend, me. I've lost mine but it wasn't my choice. For all the similarities we have I could never work you out. If you ever want me back in your life in the future, in whatever way, it has to be down to you. Whether you ever want to, or would swallow your pride and do it even if you did, I don't know.

 

Rambling again...I just feel dizzy today, lost in it all. This will pass. Just so many mixed thoughts.

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The same thoughts keep running through my head..'how could you let it go?' 'what is it I haven't got?' 'how can you possibly accept it?'. I don't understand..why can't I just understand? That's all I want, to understand. The past days are hard, I'm just missing people. I feel very lost. I don't know whether I should see you, I feel more and more that it's pointless.

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Is it possible that I don't miss you really, right now? I'm unhappy yes. I'm withdrawn yes. It even feels odd to say 'you', just typing it here. What you put me through, and continued to put me through after we broke up is clouding over the good memories. Maybe I can see a little more clearly these days, that the good memories and the very bad memories are all you. I couldn't trust you again. So I couldn't live with that again.

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