sunlovingme Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 My first love and I reconnected after 20 years apart. The ex husband ruined things by contacting this new guy and telling him that him and I (the ex-husband) were going to reconcile and go to counseling etc and could he please butt out. So not true. The new guy was really hurt, (after all he had gone on and on about how I broke his heart 20 years ago and now again) and ended up going nc on me, a month later met someone else (I heard this thorugh the grapevine) and pretty much has ignored me for 5 months. We live in separate towns, and use to spend 6-8 hours a night talking on the phone. I missed that, but tried to give him space. I would send a text or something once every other week at first, then I cut it down to once a month. After the last month of nc (on his part).I finally sent him an email that said, How are you? I couldnt believe it, he responded... we started email small talk....etc. No talk about relationships etc. He asked me for some advise in a field that I work in, I gave it to him and then heard nothing more. A couple days later, I sent him a friend request on face book and he ignored it... (I know he logged in). I have accepted that we wont be together again, but I am not sure why the fact that he ignored my friend request has hurt me. Should I just ignore this, should I block him on facebook and go no contact, or just forget about this. I'd really like to have him as a friend, if nothing else. P>S> I personally think nc is hurtful, unless the other person doesnt want you back and you want them back. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 He didnt even wait to hear your side of the story and moved on? Sheesh thats horrible!!! I'd go no contact again. He doesnt deserve your time. Link to comment
DN Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Did you tell him that you did not intend to reconcile with your ex? If so, why did he not believe you? Link to comment
pivotal Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 It was a respectful decision to ignore your request knowing that if he accepted, it may potentially cause more emotional turmoil in your mind. Link to comment
sunlovingme Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 I really have no idea, alls I know is he had an hour conversation with my ex My ex has laughed and said that he knew that he could send the new guy running... and I dont know what all was said). This is a pattern in my life. It has happened to me two more times since this... I have given up dating.... am in tears just thinking about the fact that I will probably never be able to date again, as my ex will ruin it... I cant just ignore my ex as we have kids together.......and I dont want to file charges against him as hed lose his job. I wont say what job he is in, but it would definatly make him lose his job.... which in turn would financially not be good for the kids.... I'd like this new guy to just tell me, why he doesnt want to be friends etc... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Dont let him ruin it. If a guy REALLY loves you and likes you he wont listen to some crazy ex. If i was you I'd warn guys at the start that your ex likes to intefere, that you talk to him for the kids sake but it is nothing more. Link to comment
sunlovingme Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks for the replys. It is hard not to get discouraged. If I was a guy I wouldnt want to date me either...... with my stupid ex..... too much baggage. Before I got married and had kids, I had friends galore, had dates galore etc... and now no friends and no one wants to date me..... I give up. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Its a state of mind. If you act defeated and sad then thats how life will be. You have to try and be positive. You havent changed, your still you, you can be happy and confident. You can move on. One person cant ruin your life. dont let him. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 It has happened to me two more times since this... I have given up dating.... am in tears just thinking about the fact that I will probably never be able to date again, as my ex will ruin it... How on earth is your ex getting hold of the contact details for current partners? Link to comment
sunlovingme Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Well that is the shortened version of it.... I havent gotten the courage to get his boss involved etc. as we have a ton of joint bills that I want paid off first. He is incredibly hurt by me walking out. I walked out due to him not being a communicator or financial provider. Now he thinks that he should have me back as has made some changes.... I feel bad for him, but... I know I have to do something as it makes me miserable. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 How does he know you're actually seeing other people? And how on earth is he getting hold of their names? I see what you're saying about joint bills, but if they're joint bills isn't he liable anyway? After all, he won't be paying them as a charitable gesture towards you, but as a contractual agreement with whoever provided the services/goods etc. Are you in a situation where you can contact them, pay your share and give instructions that he can be pursued for the rest? If you walked out on him because he was not a financial provider, has something happened which makes you think he will have a different attitude to these bills? If he works in law enforcement, he should be well aware that using privileged information to harass someone else, whether directly or indirectly, is completely inappropriate. You could always tell him this, and that if he persists in this kind of behaviour you WILL be contacting his boss. I know your original post was about your 'lost love'; but I really think you need to go NC to work on yourself, own your own power and stop feeling helpless in the face of others' behaviour. Otherwise you are likely to attract the kind of guy who will walk all over you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I agree with this. Also, I would be hard pressed to believe that your ex husband, would put his job at risk over that. How did he even get a hint that you were talking to this other guy? Link to comment
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