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can anyone give me some advice? I'm going out of mind. I know the following is long and boring but I really need some help! The situation is I recently split up with my boyfriend. We were together for about 1 1/2 years but everything happened so quickly.

 

We moved in together pratically straight away. This wasn't planned it just happened that my living arrangments weren't working out and 'for the mean time' I stayed at his. He pratically lives next door though and thats how we met.

 

From the start he had just come out of a relationship and didn't want to get into another one and I thought he wasn't really my type but as time wore on we ended up falling in love with each other but getting into a bit of trouble along the way. He is a heavy dope smoker and I found myself smoking everyday with him. My personality changed, I was always happy and positive and I became really down and negative about everything. I got pregnant and lost the baby. we argued a lot of the time, he had an enormous amount of worry due to debt and not having a job, and we never really had fun together but I couldn't seem to get out of the relatinship because I had fallen in love with him.

 

I ended up having enough with it all and broke up with him moved out immediately and told my family everything that had happened. They disliked him from the start and now they are determined for me and him not to get back together. We see each other pratically everyday as we live so close. After the split my live turned around, I got a good job and went straight back to being the happy person who laughed a lot. It hasn't been long at all (it's been 4 weeks!) and I have met someone else, although this guy is much more suited to me I can't help but thinking about my ex when I'm with him.

 

My ex has really tried to get me back, telling me constantly that he has changed and wants to marry me, although I never see it happening and felt free and relieved when I got out of the relationship I find my self thinking about him all the time, I keep secretely contacting him as I don't want him to go away and the thought of him being with someone else is killing me. I guess these are all normal things in a break-up, he was my first love. Does anyone have any advice? I've tried no contact and it went a week but we inevitably bumped into each other, we did just say hi and pass, but then he texted me and we ended up meeting and sleeping with each other.

 

This new guy is great but the sex is no where near as good as it ever was with my ex, it feels like it is making me want to go back to him more than get over him and get on with my life.I can't think clearly but I know that getting back with him would ruin relationships with my close family and although he says things will be totally diffferent I feel like my life will go completely downhill as it did before.

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It sounds to me like you need to take a giant step back and look at how you have handled things up until now:

1. Meet the first guy and immediately (without really getting to know him well) move in with him.

2. He is fresh out of a relationship and hasn't had a chance to deal with the ending of that relationship before jumping straight into a live-in relationship with you.

3. He is a drug addict so you decide to start doing drugs as well.

4. Your life takes a nosedive.

5. You broke up with him and within a few weeks are involved with someone else who doesn't really strike your fancy too much but you decide it is better than being alone..in the meantime, behind this guy's back you are in contact with your ex and still have feelings for him.

 

Time for you to break up with the current guy because you are clearly not interested in him and it is not fair to him to be with a woman who is secretly pining for and contacting her ex. As for the ex, well, he is bad news..do you really want a life of drugs and all that goes with it. Remember how unhappy you were in that relationship. It sounds to me like you need to be happy on your own first, without any man..only when you can truly be happy on your own will you be ready to be in a healthy relationship.

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First, the new guy just needs some training. Let him know what you like and prefer. Men want to please.

 

Second, you need to make a list of all the reasons that the other guy wasn't good for you and why you're better off without him. I did that recently regarding why I'm happy not to be married to my ex anymore. My goal was 50 reasons. I stopped at 115. Whenever I think about him in a fond way or get the urge to call him, I look at that list. It's a great reminder of why I'm so much better off and he's such a loser.

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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