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Another One of My Friends Got Engaged Today!


Ivory_Tower
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I know that I should be thrilled for her, but it makes me keep thinking about my own situation with my ex boyfriend. He told me that he "never wanted to marry me" after dating for a year.

 

I'm hurt and upset.

 

Now, I know that I'm young and I shouldn't be rushing into marriage. I guess I just feel hurt by the fact that many of my friends in their twenties are getting engaged and I myself am supposedly not good enough for marriage.

 

I'm feeling really down about this. I'm not ready to get married right away, but someday. I just want to know that I have value to someone, and that they could even "potentially" see me as someone that is marriage material.

 

I guess not.

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haha, hey there again

 

I have a friend who is 28 and most, if not all of her friends are married

 

aren't you too young to have to think about this stuff anyway?

 

do you really want a guy in your life to tie you down right now?

 

Hey there. Not at this age. I suppose I'm more upset by the fact that my ex said he NEVER WANTED TO MARRY ME rather than the fact I'm not engaged.

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Hey there. Not at this age. I suppose I'm more upset by the fact that my ex said he NEVER WANTED TO MARRY ME rather than the fact I'm not engaged.

 

oh that, I remember weird stuff every now and then

 

aren't you that girl that got hit on by like...5 guys after you and your ex broke up???

 

boy, your ex must have said some pretty nasty things to you

 

what a jerk...

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oh that, I remember weird stuff every now and then

 

aren't you that girl that got hit on by like...5 guys after you and your ex broke up???

 

boy, your ex must have said some pretty nasty things to you

 

what a jerk...

 

Yep, that was me! My ex was really bad. He broke up with me the day I got an ultrasound on a tumor that I later had removed during the summer. Even his brother and best friend have wished me well. And my ex used to say I was "stupid" and "ugly"...

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I know that I should be thrilled for her, but it makes me keep thinking about my own situation with my ex boyfriend. He told me that he "never wanted to marry me" after dating for a year.

 

I'm hurt and upset.

 

Now, I know that I'm young and I shouldn't be rushing into marriage. I guess I just feel hurt by the fact that many of my friends in their twenties are getting engaged and I myself am supposedly not good enough for marriage.

 

I'm feeling really down about this. I'm not ready to get married right away, but someday. I just want to know that I have value to someone, and that they could even "potentially" see me as someone that is marriage material.

 

I guess not.

 

Every person I've been with has told me they wanted to marry me. They all broke up with me or cheated on me. My point is, someone telling you they would or wouldn't marry doesn't really make a difference until they've actually proposed.

 

Do you think you are marriage material?

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Every person I've been with has told me they wanted to marry me. They all broke up with me or cheated on me. My point is, someone telling you they would or wouldn't marry doesn't really make a difference until they've actually proposed.

 

Do you think you are marriage material?

 

Not really. I guess I have a low self-esteem. I have bipolar disorder and an anxiety disorder.

 

My friends have been proposed too and have engagement rings. Some of them even have a date set!

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Not really. I guess I have a low self-esteem. I have bipolar disorder and an anxiety disorder.

 

My friends have been proposed too and have engagement rings. Some of them even have a date set!

 

This is the way I've always seen it. If you don't think you're marriage material, and you know yourself better than anyone else, how can you expect anyone else to think so?

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This is the way I've always seen it. If you don't think you're marriage material, and you know yourself better than anyone else, how can you expect anyone else to think so?

 

Well, my self esteem has kind of taken a beating. I'm sure six months ago I would have said something different.

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I lost count of the number of men who've proposed, but I've never lost sight of their incompatibility. Most of the time it wasn't about me at all (except I was present and female), it was about them (they were desperate). Not much of a compliment.

 

I think I like your statement the best.

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it'll be ok girlie.in all honesty i think its better he told you he didnt want to be with you rather than lying, having you marry him, investing time or CHILDREN with this man only to find out he was a complete a-hole from the beginning. when my ex and i broke up, it seemed like everyone around me was getting engaged. i wanted to hide under my bed for the rest of my life. then i realized, screw my ex. he did me and whatever lucky man in my future a favor. the funny thing? he probably was scared of losing you and thats why he treated you like poop. (see how it worked?) you felt too down on yourself to find another guy.

 

but he moved on and so should you. If you still struggle with his emotional abuse, maybe you should look into a support group. you deserve happiness and until you can find it in yourself, you can not share it with anyone else.

 

GOODLUCK =)!!!! keep your head up!

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Thank you, and I think you are right about me finding someone better than him! He really was a complete jerk to me and its good that we didn't get married if thats how he would have treated me for the rest of my life.

 

Its just hard though. I mean, I really did love the guy and invested a lot of time in the relationship.

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Your worth is not determined by another person! Especially a person who would be so mean and abusive as to say things like you were stupid and ugly.

 

Keep in mind that many people who marry very young, are divorced in their late 20s or 30s. Anyone can get married, the trick is finding a DECENT partner who loves you and will make your life better and make you happier rather than feeling bad about yourself and calling you names.

 

You need to seriously adjust your attitude to realize that being part of a 'couple' doesn't make you any more worthwhile than being single. Some of the most accomplished and worthwhile people I know are single, because they are not willing to settle for just anybody who comes along that isn't right for them.

 

If you don't feel worthwhile, then look at the things you want to do and be in your life, and start working on accomplishing them. Make your goal to life a rich and full life, not land the first abusive guy you come accross who is willing to marry you and trap you into a life of despair and self loathing.

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He will treat you with respect and want to defend you, not abuse you, verbally or otherwise.

 

You also need to take your time getting to know him, and see him in lots of different circumstances to know whether he is a good guy or not.

 

Dating shouldn't be about desperation, it should be about discovery... where you know your ultimate goal is to find someone who you can be with for a long long time, who you can trust and who will encourage you to be happy and really wants you to be as happy as himself.

 

Anytime you discover along the way that the guy makes you anxious, feel bad about yourself etc., then he obviously is not the one. Remember that what you see is what you get, and he won't mutate into a nice person if he isn't one.

 

I think a lot of 'successful' dating is cutting your losses when you recognize the guy is or isn't going not good for you or won't give you what you need, and you don't waste a lot of time on him. If you're wasting time on a BAD guy, you're not out there available to meet a GOOD guy.

 

Most older women I know say their major regret that they would change about dating when they were younger, is that they wouldn't waste so much time with guys who didn't treat them right and make them happy. They wouldn't waste so much time trying to turn a toad into a good guy. It's known as the opportunity cost. If you're wasting time with a bad guy, you aren't out there able to find an opportunity to be with a GOOD guy, which is what you should be doing.

 

Walk away from the bad guy, and don't look back. There are good guys out there, if you'll just make the effort to discover them, and don't waste any time trying to turn a bad guy into a good guy (or try to get that bad guy to marry you).

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That was very good advice. Thank you. How can I know when I've met the right guy?

 

You'll know when you feel it. Sometimes it can take a long while for you until you find the right person for you.

 

I've been through relationships on and off for over 10 years, some good and some bad. However, I always had a problem with commitment - until now. I'm turning 26 soon, still fairly young but if I didn't feel as though the guy was right for me, I would not think twice on settling down with them.

 

You want a person that will be there for you to love you for you, flaws and all. They will be there by your side when you need them the most. Offer their shoulders when you need it and not put you down in any way like your ex did.

 

I know it's difficult to believe - but I guarantee that you will eventually find the right person for you. Don't compare yourself to others relationships because sometimes there's more to than meets the eye.

 

Just have more faith in yourself and first work on your self esteem. If you can't learn to love yourself, how can you expect someone to love you?

 

Keep your chin up!

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