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Other side of the looking glass help.


feldy321

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I tend not to blast my personal information out there too much but I really need some different perspectives as I have not talked about this with any of my friends. I just don't feel like they have time to listen.

 

I am 26 years of age and a male. I meet her eight years ago now. We went out for two years in the beginning and have kept in touch after a break up eight years ago.

 

I moved back last year and she was with her boyfriend still at that point. We did some hanging out that was more than it should have been at that time due to her relationship status. No sex but still too much. I still feel rotten for that but I can't change what I did. I do know not to do that ever again. It's just not right.

 

Eight months into me being back in proximity with her I got . I told her that she was this and that, and that I was sick of this back and forth, and she needed to make up her mind. She told me what I had said was hurtful and I needed to not contact her. For four months we didn't speak.

 

Communication started again four months later and I apologized for the nasty things that I had said. I learned my lesson in that sense and that is what life is about.

 

At this point in time she and her boyfriend are on a break and the relationship is ending quickly. She is now on some independent kick where she doesn't want a relationship. I am fine with that as I wouldn't figure she would so soon.

 

I have hung out with her a few times in the last month and each time has been fun. I am always left feeling like I am walking into walls though. An example is one time I kissed her before I left on the cheek and forehead just being cute. She said to give her a call on my way home in which I did but she did not answer. She then said the next day that she was just in a weird place in her head and it was too much too soon. So I took in what she said and noted it.

 

The next time we hung out she seemed she wanted a kiss so I obliged and it went well. She said "I wanted to kiss you more" as I pulled away to leave. I then left but didn't call her because I figured she would be in the same train of thought. The next day I am asked if I am playing games with her and why didn't I call?

 

It just seems like I am if I do and if I don't.

 

She is now interested in this guy she works with once or twice a week. He has a g/f. She says it is just a friendship and that is fine. I know her though and if given the chance it will blossom into something else.

 

We spoke last night and I told her I don't feel like I can ever win with her. I told her that I can't compete with this guy in anyway shape or form. Should I? She says there is nothing to compete with as she is not interested but I don't believe that fully.

 

I am just so confused by this entire ordeal that it blows soooo hard. I have felt I am to be with her in the very core of my body. I know she feels the same but she cuts her emotions off always. She has always been like that. She comes off as cold a lot but I know its just so she doesn't have to get close. Also if she gets too close her career takes a back seat usually and she doesn't want to do that again this time around. She needs to stay focused on her work. It is more like her passion and she refuses to let things mess with that passion and she makes sure not to let things get to close because it could mess with it.

 

She tells me she can see a future with me and all that but at this point I feel like I can never win. I will probably get that advice to move on but after eight years it is not that simple. It is hard to let her go for four months let alone for the rest of my life. I love this girl so much that it sucks. At this point I just don't know what to do. I feel like she hangs out with me only when she is ready to hangout. She over analyzes everything and ruins so much by doing so.

 

What do I do? I am left with knots in my stomach and am reaching out for advice. Thanks in advance.

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She's keeping you dangling in case she can't find anyone she likes more and because your interest is flattering to her ego. But she is not and probably never will be interested in a relationship with you.

 

Drop her completely and move on to someone who returns your interest.

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That's the hard part. Dropping it all completely.

 

Honestly has there ever been a case of anything like this ever working or does it always fail? Is there ever an exception to the rule? (probably not)

 

I just am hoping I might be able to show her ways to live that are not so skewed. Then again you can't really change the way anyone is. Rarely at least.

 

Any females have any thoughts on this?

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