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should i leave this alone?


flashf0cus
When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
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i met up with this guy quite a few times and there was a lot of playing around but, no sexual intercourse. the last time i saw him, things got hot and i said that "we should do it". he pauses for a second and says that he doesn't have any condoms. FINE. he says, "next time, i'll be prepared." i was a little taken aback because guys usually want to have sex right off the bat. FINE.

 

THAT WAS A FEW MONTHS AGO. i haven't heard from him since.

 

he is the first guy to ever do this to me, and after months it's still driving me nuts because i can't figure it out. he's an itch that i feel i need to scratch for some reason.

 

is he pushing my buttons? not interested? should i call after months of no contact? or just forget him?

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why did you use that an excuse though? you didn't want to have sex?

 

There was once a time that was MY excuse to not have sex; "Sorry, no condom"

 

My ex solved that problem; she pulled one out and took away my red flag. After that there was no question what we wanted to do or when we were goign to do it!!

 

Damnit!

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why did you use that an excuse though? you didn't want to have sex?

 

It's a convienient hurdle. I wasn't ready to be actively pursing sex yet, and it was a way of maintianing a barrier should the event arise.

 

It was also a way of making it blatantly clear that the girl I was with wanted sex. That was important to me - no amibuity about what we wanted.

 

If she didn't have one, and she still wanted to, I would have gone and got some - but she was ready...who knows why, maybe habit? All I know is that it provided a very easy way to communicate somethign that at that time [and even now] is a touchy subject. Then, I wasn't even sure how to even broach the issue.

 

But the problem was solved so quickly...V-Card Punched!!!

 

It was a great night that led to Many many MANY great nights...and one hell of a fianl breakup!

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why did you use that an excuse though? you didn't want to have sex?

 

Maybe he thought it was a polite way for him not to have to say no to your face. If he would have said " no I don't want to have sex with you" you might have been offended right? He was probably trying to avoid "drama". I agree with crazy about dogs move on and find someone else.

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Maybe he thought it was a polite way for him not to have to say no to your face. If he would have said " no I don't want to have sex with you" you might have been offended right? He was probably trying to avoid "drama". I agree with crazy about dogs move on and find someone else.

 

It's more of a "I really want to be sure you want to have sex with me" obstacle. Because you are either going to tell me to get up and go get one or you are going to call my bluff and pull one out yourself.

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It's more of a "I really want to be sure you want to have sex with me" obstacle. Because you are either going to tell me to get up and go get one or you are going to call my bluff and pull one out yourself.

 

I see your point but isn't he telling her what he wants by not contacting her? I mean he could have pulled one out right? If he really wanted to have had sex with her he could have gone to a convenience store and purchase one right?

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why would he make all of these moves (he initiates) if he does not want to have sex? it makes no sense to me.

 

Maybe he thought it was a polite way for him not to have to say no to your face. If he would have said " no I don't want to have sex with you" you might have been offended right? He was probably trying to avoid "drama". I agree with crazy about dogs move on and find someone else.
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She could have made it plain he needed to go buy one - or they could have put each other in a similar place again sometime soon later with one. The matter is, it didn't happen.

 

Not all of us guys are so completely horny that we will jump through the halls of hell in order to get sex. He played hard to get.

 

The part that sticks here is the time since the last time she was with him. Maybe he's avoiding her, maybe...she just need to talk to him. But you know, he might not give her anything More than sex even if she had a condom, which means its a good thing she didn't.

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Yep, something more than sex = relationship.

 

And he might want something more than just sex, so by not having the condom, he was putting a hurdle in the way of your temporary fix.

 

You further showed your interest in the relationship with your behavior these past 2 monhts. In short, you showed him you just wanted to have sex, but you didn't want to be with him. Otherwsie you would have been with him - and yes, you would have had sex, eventually.

 

Like I said, you made the assumption that every boy will jump for any opportunity for wild crazy casual sex every time it comes their way. Some if us have hearts too ya know??

 

It sounds like he saved himself a bit of a heart ache.

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I don't think the op is as concerned about why he didn't want to have sex as much as she is about why she hasn't heard from him.

 

op: have you tried contacting him?

 

 

He flipped the tables on her is what he did - instead of playing the direct man role, he's playing the typical woman passive aggressive role. He's gauging HER interest for him - he might be interested in her, but he might also know or have a hunch that she's not interested in a relationship or isn't relationship material. Or he's finding out just how interested she is in him. And no contact in a month sugests....nope, she's not interested in me, she just wanted to have sex!

 

The Op could have played his game, if she wanted to, and got what she wanted and leave him low. she was hoping, I think, tht he'd swallow her bait hook line and sinker...and yet it is HIM who's doing the fishing!!!

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no, i have not contacted him. i've waited so long so, i'm not sure if i should contact him at this point. that's the issue that i'm grappling with right now.

 

I don't think the op is as concerned about why he didn't want to have sex as much as she is about why she hasn't heard from him.

 

op: have you tried contacting him?

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lol, i think you're right. i haven't contacted him because i didn't want to seem needy and desperate. besides, i've never chased after sex, i think that it is beneath me

 

He flipped the tables on her is what he did - instead of playing the direct man role, he's playing the typical woman passive aggressive role. He's gauging HER interest for him - he might be interested in her, but he might also know or have a hunch that she's not interested in a relationship or isn't relationship material. Or he's finding out just how interested she is in him. And no contact in a month sugests....nope, she's not interested in me, she just wanted to have sex!

 

The Op could have played his game, if she wanted to, and got what she wanted and leave him low. she was hoping, I think, tht he'd swallow her bait hook line and sinker...and yet it is HIM who's doing the fishing!!!

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i met up with this guy quite a few times and there was a lot of playing around but, no sexual intercourse. the last time i saw him, things got hot and i said that "we should do it". he pauses for a second and says that he doesn't have any condoms. FINE. he says, "next time, i'll be prepared." i was a little taken aback because guys usually want to have sex right off the bat. FINE.

 

THAT WAS A FEW MONTHS AGO. i haven't heard from him since.

 

he is the first guy to ever do this to me, and after months it's still driving me nuts because i can't figure it out. he's an itch that i feel i need to scratch for some reason.

 

is he pushing my buttons? not interested? should i call after months of no contact? or just forget him?

 

I actually do this to a girl I'm dating on purpose the first time we hook up. I say I don't have a condom or something and say we will next time. I only do this once however, and I don't wait months to call them, but I do this for the same reason it's driving you nuts. Women never get rejected for sex, but guys do all the time. Makes the woman more crazy about you.

 

In your case, he hasn't called, maybe met someone, maybe didn't like you that much, who really cares? He's not interested, why do you want someone who isn't interested in you? Move on, I'm sure there's plenty of men willing to have sex with you.

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I actually do this to a girl I'm dating on purpose the first time we hook up. I say I don't have a condom or something and say we will next time. I only do this once however, and I don't wait months to call them, but I do this for the same reason it's driving you nuts. Women never get rejected for sex, but guys do all the time. Makes the woman more crazy about you.

 

In your case, he hasn't called, maybe met someone, maybe didn't like you that much, who really cares? He's not interested, why do you want someone who isn't interested in you? Move on, I'm sure there's plenty of men willing to have sex with you.

 

Or simply makes her crazy period. Good luck with that. Maybe it's an age thing.

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