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boyfriend talking to ex behind back


stardream

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So i've been with my boyfriend almost five years, since i was a junior in high school... a year ago about from this date, I found out that he had created a facebook (which he is totally against) so i looked through emails and found out it was because his ex invited him to... i confronted him and he claimed i was overreacting and it was nothing and he didnt want to bring it up to me because i would flip and i did... not to mention the fact that in his biography of his life to her that he emailed he talked about jobs school...nothing about me.... i emailed her back from him with his permission stating that he didnt want to speak to her again and that it would hurt his relationship.... soooo i never gave him back my full trust, you cant blame me... soo phone bill comes up today, about a year later exactly from last years finding and i see tons of calls from a weird area code (204 minutes and 37 calls withing 15 days) i call the number and a girl answers i call him and flip and he wont just say it i have to tell him of course... turns out he talked to friends and family (whom i felt like i was a part of and now feel betrayed) and they all said just talk to her theres no problem and if it'll create one dont tell your girlfriend... i called her and she said theres nothing and she has a boyfriend... but i talked to him and found out not only was he talking to her at all hours of the night, but he saw her twice... once with a friend... once at applebees alone.... he doesnt get it!!!!!!!!! i am so pissed we talk about a marriage and all this and this is what it comes down to... i asked him if talking to her would be worth ending our relationship and he said no... i said maybe you should think more about that... im meeting with him tonight to talk to him with tons of questions... luckily the ex is cooperative and i emailed her tons of questions and am waiting a reply... my b/f was anti me having friends my first three years of college now he doesnt care now that its too late and hell be happy because he is just starting and wants to make friends.... we never talk to people of opposite sex other than as aquantices and weve talked about exes not being part of our lives... seeing as they werent a current part when we started dating... in fact the last time the emails happened i told him the only way id "let it go" was if he promised to tell me if anything came up, he promised, and he betrayed.... what do i do?

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I think you need to seriously let him know that his betrayal has taken a toll on your relationship. He is telling you one thing, and doing something the other. How can you possibly be able to trust him when he is constantly lying to you? He is looking even more suspicious when he is seeing her and talking to her behind your back. I think you need to see where he is coming from. If he loves you and truly wants to make things work, he will have to do whatever means necessary to make the relationship work. Otherwise, the relationship will always have problems.

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Well, let's start with the fact that you have every right to feel betrayed. Not only did he start talking to this ex out of the blue, but he did it behind your back and--are you for real, 37 times in two weeks?

 

You need to explain why you feel the way you do, and then establish that this behavior will not be accepted from this point on. Once you've really communicated your feelings and established what the boundaries are in your relationship, then he should have a clear idea of what you consider "betrayal," and if he crosses the line after that, then you know it's a real problem.

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I think you need to seriously let him know that his betrayal has taken a toll on your relationship. He is telling you one thing, and doing something the other. How can you possibly be able to trust him when he is constantly lying to you? He is looking even more suspicious when he is seeing her and talking to her behind your back. I think you need to see where he is coming from. If he loves you and truly wants to make things work, he will have to do whatever means necessary to make the relationship work. Otherwise, the relationship will always have problems.

 

 

I agree with JD. He has broken your trust before...why do you want to keep coming back to this?

 

He has been doing this to you for over a year. What makes you think that you can trust him again. I know that everyone makes mistakes and its ok to forgive. Everyone deserves a second chance but this guy seems to make a habit to lie to you. If there can't be honest and complete trust then in my opinion its not worth it to stay.

 

I feel like if your forgive him again and you guys stay together he will keep ding this, you won't ever trust him completely and its just a matter of time before you guys break up anyways....

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I can relate to this situation. One of my best friends was engaged to a guy who went to war over in Iraq. She waited on him the whole three years he was over there. He came back over and broke it off with her only to marry the next girl he dated. He calls her/text her nearly every day telling her how he messed up and made the wrong decision. She has not agreed to do much of what he has asked of her but she was so in love with him she says she cant stop talking to him because he was such a huge part of her life. She decided she didnt want him anymore after he showed up and "got back together" with her only so she found out later from his uncle that he was engaged that whole time. Isn't that awful. I think it sounds like the start of the grass is greener syndrome- in both cases.

 

You are justified in your anger and leaving him if that is what will make you happy in the end.

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I agree with JD. He has broken your trust before...why do you want to keep coming back to this?

 

He has been doing this to you for over a year. What makes you think that you can trust him again. I know that everyone makes mistakes and its ok to forgive. Everyone deserves a second chance but this guy seems to make a habit to lie to you. If there can't be honest and complete trust then in my opinion its not worth it to stay.

 

I feel like if your forgive him again and you guys stay together he will keep ding this, you won't ever trust him completely and its just a matter of time before you guys break up anyways....

 

I agree with this. You can fume all you want, but that's not going to change anything. It didn't last year, so why put yourself through all this?

 

I'd make this less about him and more about where you stand. Since the guy demos that no matter what kind of blue-in-the-face pretzels you pull off, he's simply going to do whatever he wants anyway, you get to decide whether you can live with that or not.

 

My heart goes out to you.

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He broke your trust in him. Don't stay with someone who would repeatedly lie to you and do disrespectful things like that behind your back. He doesn't care about you at all to be doing selfish things like that. If he did it once and apologized to you about it, I would give him a pass, but this is like leading a double life, constantly deceiving you every step of the way. Get your power back and don't put up with that bull.

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