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just when i was starting to feel secure


princess5

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Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)
Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)

Hi guys, so I had been taking your advice and was starting to feel comfortable about the fact that my boyfriend lives with this girl who I am a little suspicious of, then he goes on a night out with her last night after a ball game. I had to go home and he went out with two of his friends and her and some of her friends. Now i dont know if anything happened with him, but it bothered me that he went out with her. He rang me to tell me he was going out for a few drinks and also rang me when he got home and said that her and her friends were still out partying but him and his friend came home early. Am i being overly paranoid?

 

Also.. we were talking about being single vs being in a relationship over dinner on Friday night and he brought her up saying " you know X, she is a fab girl, i really hope she finds someone nice, a lot of my friends think she is cool girl".

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

Thanks

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why is he living with another girl that is not his girlfriend?

 

why did he not take you out with them last night?

 

why does he talk about her, or bring her up in conversation?

 

I would be suspicious too. This does not sound right. If they are not doing anything yet there is a good chance they will be soon. Have you talked to him about this?

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he lives with her and 3 other girls and a couple. He and I dont live together because of work, he lives and works 3 hours away from me. We just see each other at weekends.... he asked me to go to the game with him but I had to go home

 

I don't know... it seems like a recipe for disaster. I would not feel comfortable about this. While he is living with her, he does not have the pressure of having a relationship with her. So he gets to know her in this friendly non-committed way. He and she are getting to know each other better than you and him. I think you both are too distant physically... and it's starting to become emotional as well. 3 hours away is bit away. LDR hardly ever work. Do you think he has a problem with being close to someone emotionally?

 

If you are concerned, I would bring it up to him. Tell him how you feel. Try to just be logical about it without being too emotional. Think about how it would look if the roles were reversed. If you talk with him, and he becomes irrational, you know where you stand. I think him bringing her up in conversation is telling you and himself something that he might not realize yet consciously. But don't say that to him... watch his actions.

JMO... I could be wrong. But this does not seem right.

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i kind of talked to him about it over dinner and said to him that it bothers me that you live with so many girls and he said which one bothers you in particular? I didnt mention her but I really wanted to. He said that it wasn't even an issue, that it doesn't matter who he lives with cos he is 100% commited to me and I should trust him with my heart. When we are together, he makes me feel like I am the only one for him and when I go up to see him at weekends, she is in the house sometimes and he doesn;t get awkward or nervous around her. He has involved me in his life so much, introduced me to family, friends etc and never given me any real reason to doubt him.

 

Just dunno what to do

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i kind of talked to him about it over dinner and said to him that it bothers me that you live with so many girls and he said which one bothers you in particular? I didnt mention her but I really wanted to.

 

 

I don't think you had to tell him which one bothers you, seems to me like he suspects it's this girl.

 

Do you like this girl? Maybe you could hang out with her / the group some more and get to know her better too, then you may feel more comfortable with it

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yeah i think he knew it was her i was referring to alright... but just couldn't bring myself to say it.. you know how it is. Guess i;m jsut so scared of what he might say.

 

She is a lovely person and that makes it even harder for me cos she is probably easy to fall in love with and he spends so much time with her.

 

Do you think its possible that it might be platonic and hence nothing to worry about?

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I think it sounds like it's platonic. He's being honest and telling you about what goes on. The night out they had etc, and even that wasn't 1 on 1.

 

If he wanted to be with this girl, then he would be, but guess what, he's with YOU! And that's what you need to remember. You sound very involved in his life so that's great. I bet this other girl hears a hell of a lot more about you, than you hear about her.

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yeah in fact a few weeks ago it all got a bit much for me and i told him that i wanted to end it because of the distance and he started to cry and begged me to change my mind, that he's never felt like this about anyone before. I figure that if he loved her, then me ending it with him wouldn't bother him that much.

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Yes I am a very insecure person in general and this situation is not helping!! Would most of you feel uneasy with this situation?

 

I think the majority of people around here would agree that this is (as has been mentioned already) a recipe for disaster albeit having already occurred or not. It's obviously on your mind a lot and it's probably negating from your everyday life. This is a very unhealthy situation for you and it's imperative that you rectify this because it will only lead to an inner implosion of productivity and healthy growth.

 

If it was I in this situation, I would simply have a long talk and if that talk went in a direction outside my values of which I had already laid out on the table, then I would respectfully terminate the relationship based on irreparable differences.

 

It might hurt if it comes to that, but in the end, you'll save yourself (and him) a load of drama and energy.

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Then you should really let this go. Sounds like you've got a good guy there, he has done nothing to make you mistrust him. Like you say, it's your own insecurity, and that's what you need to work on. Don't let this one little negative out-weigh all the positive things about the relationship. And then maybe one day, you'll be the one and only girl he lives with

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but in your opinion has he done anything wrong? He was living with these people for many months before I met him

 

Stop thinking about it in terms of right-and-wrong because those judgments are derived from YOUR value system--and not HIS. This is why I encourage you to speak to him about this and let him understand where you come from. If he disagrees, then it's obvious that the issue will not be fixed and will most likely keep recurring until the downfall of your relationship with him. And why go through that when you both can agree that the two of you may have irreparable differences?

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She is a lovely person and that makes it even harder for me cos she is probably easy to fall in love with and he spends so much time with her.

QUOTE]

 

That is what I'm referring to.... He spends time with her. A lot of time. That is not normal. Unless there are feelings there. I don't think it can be just friendly. That just dosent sound right to me.

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Hun it's not about wrong or right, it's about how you feel. You need to speak to him about this.

 

I agree with Bella its not that something is wrong or right, what matters is how you feel about the situation.

 

If this situation bothered you then talk to him about it. When you talk to him be honest and mature about it. I am a firm believer that in a relationship the two people should be able to communicate about their issues. Sometimes people do things that they never even thought would bother their SO.

 

If he is such a great guy as you have made him out to be then I am sure he will understand where you are coming from and why this bothered you. However don't make it seem like you are trying to control his friendships and his life.

 

I agree with some of the other posts as well why not try to get to know this girl? Maybe hang out together sometime and see how they interact? Don't let your insecurities get the best of you....

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