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Attracting the opposite race


katalust

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Hi, I am pretty much new here, and I was quite interested at the topics that was created in this section of the forum. You see, I needed some tips and advices on how to become socially active in a society where white people dominates the scene. I used to think that Asians should just stick with their own and Caucasian stick with theirs, but as time passes, I feel like that was not the case, there has to be some kind of mixture to bring up an astonishing chemistry, what is even more, is the type of feelings you wouldn't normally have with your own type of people.

 

I live in Canada, Calgary to be exact and I have just started to engage into the University lifestyle, and I started to notice that unlike from high school, there are actually a lot of Caucasian students in the campus, mostly they tend to stick in a group with their own during clubbing, very rare have I seen few hardcore Asians hanging around with them. Not that I am trying to bring up the whole "Asian-are-shy-wussies" or "Asians-cannot-handle-the-big-guns" controversies, and to be honest, I think Asians have the capability to be at the same social level as an average white boy. Personally, I think that because between Asian and Caucasian, their culture and values, along with world views are differ from each other. Perhaps people like me just needed some time and experience to bring their inner game forward in a whole new place. And that is why I am here... make friends and looking for some opinions on being perfectly active in the new social scene.

 

Unlike from China (I am from Beijing), I mostly hang around with my own people (There is some Caucasian in Beijing and Shanghai who loves to party hard with us, and I love that) clubbing around in the underground parties, having a good casual social and sex life with my boyfriends and girlfriends... The thing is when I moved to Canada, I feel like I have been placed in a totally mysterious place where everyone don't know much about you nor care about you, or even guiding you to a good social life in Canada. At times, I do felt like all my effort of being the social center of attraction has gone to waste and returning back to base one.

 

The reason why I wanted to come to Canada was to bond with many types of people, expanding my social network, and not just with the same olds all over again. I have never been in a decent and consistent relationship with Caucasians before, and when I arrived to Canada, the society somewhat put upon pressure on me to re-establish my social reputation with only Asians. At first, I thought its alright, but after awhile, the feeling was just not right. I mean, living in a white men's land socializing with your own people doesn't seem like expanding my social network, it's just another miniature China.

 

Ever since I am in University, I have this urge to meet more people than just Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Vietnamese etc., but what is even more weird, surprising or even puzzling was that I'm starting to have an urge to meet non-Asian girls (rather it be white/latino/black etc.), I wanted to party with them, getting to know them better... even more, I wanted to date one of them. I guess too much of the same old routine is not always a good thing, and therefore I wanted to add some spices to my life.

 

I read quite a few post and got me interested (That is why I created an account), I especially find Imprecision's post to be quite a read, his experiences and views are somewhat similar to mine. Better yet, he had the same origin as me but yet he interact successfully with any types of people around him. I was amazed.

 

What I want is to meet new people, chill around, socialize and party hard! I would be glad to look for some input from you, any tips to help me around this place, or even get along as close buds, perhaps I can show you around all the nice parties or clubs in China someday haha! Anyways, I am looking forward for all of your feedback!

 

(Not sure if this topic is in the right category of the forum.)

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I read quite a few post and got me interested (That is why I created an account), I especially find Imprecision's post to be quite a read, his experiences and views are somewhat similar to mine. Better yet, he had the same origin as me but yet he interact successfully with any types of people around him. I was amazed.

 

Nice, Beijingren.

 

Haha, yes, I do interact successfully with any types of people around me.

 

You should know that I've lived in Vancouver ever since I was eight. When I first moved to Canada, I lived in a neighbourhood where there were no other Chinese family. Thus, up until I was sixteen or seventeen, I had few Chinese friends - All of my friends were white.

 

For this reason, I am thoroughly fluent in Canadian culture. And even though I prefer speaking Chinese - it feels so much more intimate - my English is probably better.

 

Nevertheless, I consider myself 100% Chinese. One of my life-goals is to be able to work in the mainland. Also, to make friends and build connections in each Chinese community around the world, including the new diasporic communities in Africa and the Middle East. Also, to visit the frontier regions, especially between Burma and Yunnan, and to see the descendants of the Chinese settler-armies who still hold out there.

 

But I do understand your wish to make friends outside of our people. And to date outside of our people. After all, that's what you came to Canada for.

 

I've only visited Calgary for a few short times. So I don't know the environment over there very well. But here in Vancouver at least, you should be able to make friends easily with anyone, regardless of origin or ethnicity. Over here, it's quite common for exchange students to hang out with local Vancouverites.

 

In terms of dating, while certain cultural assumptions and protocols differ, again there's no reason why you should not be able to date anyone, regardless of origin or ethnicity. I have friends who only ever date white girls - Some are even planning to get married. I think it's awesome.

 

Anyway, if you have any specific question, feel free to pm me. I would love to make friends.

 

Btw, where do you go for clubbing these days in Beijing? I've been to Sanlitun, Houhai, and Gongti. Any other good places to go?

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I've only visited Calgary for a few short times. So I don't know the environment over there very well. But here in Vancouver at least, you should be able to make friends easily with anyone, regardless of origin or ethnicity. Over here, it's quite common for exchange students to hang out with local Vancouverites.

It's the same way in the Okanagan. People here just hang out with whoever - everybody co-mingles accross ethnic and cultural lines...I don't think anyone here even thinks about it, it's just normal.

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It's the same way in the Okanagan. People here just hang out with whoever - everybody co-mingles accross ethnic and cultural lines...I don't think anyone here even thinks about it, it's just normal.

 

Yes, I would imagine so. Canada is a very hospitable place. And especially in the small towns, people are friendly and welcoming. It's something I've always been thankful for.

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Btw, where do you go for clubbing these days in Beijing? I've been to Sanlitun, Houhai, and Gongti. Any other good places to go?

 

Yo, I've been to Sanlitun too! The clubs I went in Beijing are BabyFace, Lan, Club P and GT Banana, they are amazing there, lots of performance, djs, hot girls and good food! I also went clubbing in shanghai as well, my friends recommended Bon Bon and G+, you should go there whenever you have the chance! If you want to travel, the sceneries in Southwest part of China is the best. Can you speak Chinese fully well, or understand well?

 

Calgary is pretty much dead to me man... And while in school, I'm trying hard to make some white friends, you know to build connections here. I wish I can move to Vancouver like right now! I heard there is always something goin' on, nightlife is pretty decent. (I am moving there soon after I graduate tho) I guess it made sense for you because you were here for such a long time. Well, than I'm guessing it is the language barrier that's affecting me...

 

Btw how do I pm here? haha

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You can send a PM by clicking on the person's name (next to their post) and selecting the private message option in the drop down menu. Or go [url=" and click "Send New Message"

 

 

I think moving around and experiencing new things is a great step to meeting all sorts of people. At the very least, it gives you stories to tell!

 

Perhaps the language barrier is making it extra difficult, as you guessed in your last post. Are you reluctant to talk to people at all? I'm a Caucasian female... so hopefully my perspective can help you a bit! Personally, I sometimes feel shy talking to someone from another country. If I have trouble understanding them, I feel embarrassed and worried that I might be offending them (it's silly, I know). Maybe saying something like "My English is not quite as good as my Chinese" and laughing would help put people at ease. I'm not saying you need a disclaimer, but some people (especially shy ladies like me) can get quite flustered if there's even the tiniest language barrier.

 

On the other hand, your English seems more than excellent from your posts. So maybe you need to have confidence in your language abilities I know that's often easier said than done, though.

 

Off topic/back to the clubbing topic... did you ever go to Tango in Beijing? I mainly spent my time at Tango and BabyFace.

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Yo, I've been to Sanlitun too! The clubs I went in Beijing are BabyFace, Lan, Club P and GT Banana, they are amazing there, lots of performance, djs, hot girls and good food! I also went clubbing in shanghai as well, my friends recommended Bon Bon and G+, you should go there whenever you have the chance! If you want to travel, the sceneries in Southwest part of China is the best. Can you speak Chinese fully well, or understand well?

 

Yes, Sanlitun is classic. Too bad it's all changed now. All the bartenders there say that business is really bad.

 

I've been to Shanghai, but never for clubbing. I might go next summer, though. My girlfriend is originally from Shanghai, so I look forward to revisiting it with her.

 

Yes, I speak Chinese fluently. I speak Mandarin, Cantonese, Shanghainese, as well as Chaozhouese, haha.

 

Guangzhou nightlife is good, too. But I think I've changed - A few years ago, I really enjoyed clubbing and barhopping. Not so much anymore. These days, I prefer just to hang out with friends - maybe dinner and then a drink on the beach.

 

Calgary is pretty much dead to me man... And while in school, I'm trying hard to make some white friends, you know to build connections here. I wish I can move to Vancouver like right now! I heard there is always something goin' on, nightlife is pretty decent. (I am moving there soon after I graduate tho) I guess it made sense for you because you were here for such a long time. Well, than I'm guessing it is the language barrier that's affecting me...

 

Well, in terms of guy friends and connections - the best way is probably to join a sports team, an exercise group, a hiking group, etc. Guys bond by doing things together.

 

Vancouver nightlife is okay. It's not spectacular, though. Montreal nightlife is probably much better.

 

Vancouver is a very downhome and casual city. To give you an idea of what people do in Vancouver - A few days ago, my friends and I - four guys and one girl - went out to the beach around 10:00 pm. We took a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of vodka, and some beer. We finished off all the alcohol. Then, we went night-swimming. I went into the water first. The other guys threw the girl into the water. She screamed. When I got out of the water, my friend tackled me onto the ground. We wrestled for half an hour. Then, we went back to my place at 4:00 and drank some more.

 

So, I don't know about other circles. But this is quite typical of what we do for fun in Vancouver. The other main recreational activity is smoking weed.

 

Btw how do I pm here? haha

 

Just click on the name and a menu will show up.

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You can hang with others, but dating is a different story, especially if you're a guy trying to date someone of another race. It's an uphill battle, particularly for some racial groups more than others.

 

I've lived in Canada all of my life, immersed in what was once a totally white community and never received much attention from women of other races. Granted I am not the "clubbing" type (I hate that scene), nor was it something I was looking for, but I know it's just a lot tougher than dating within your own. The women just don't expect you to hit on them, nor are many that willing to date outside of their "cultural" group, and the ones that are willing, can be weird.......(generalization so not true in every case)

 

I'm not saying it's impossible, obviously it is, but you will have to step out of your comfort zone, and expect a higher than average rate of rejection...at least, that's what I think based on what I see and observe.

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OP, a few things came into my mind while reading your post.

 

- I guess in western society, there is more emphasis on having a laugh and being more open, hence clubbing and partying. but not everybody even enjoys clubbing/partying, even though in our culture these are seen as "normal" things for younger people/college-aged people to do. My point is this - is your personality geared to clubbing/partying? Do you naturally enjoy being more raucous and loud? If so, then make friends and go ahead. If not, then ask yourself what your interests are, and join a club on campus based on your interests.

 

- In college, nobody would judge you if you didn't go clubbing. Even if they did, they're probably jerks anyhow. I think in college and upward, people are more mature and start to realise that people have different likes/dislikes. In high school, students who like nerdy things may get laughed at, but in college I think people are more open to it, and realise it's just another preference like any other.

 

My overall point is that you don't have to go clubbing/partying to necessarily fit in to Western culture. Everybody is different, so find people who gel with you and you should be OK.

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