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Ugh.....It's Complicated :(


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So i've been in a 'relationship' with this guy for almost 5 years. We were technically together for a yr and broke up but were still very close. I moved away to go to university and he said he didn't want to get back together because he didn't want 'us' to interfere with my education. Everytime I went home for breaks it was like we never broke up. Now im back home permanently and he still doesn't want to get back together (i've been back home since april). Since i've been back i've seen him every weekend, we go out on dates have sex.....like were in a relationship.


A few weeks ago we talked about it again and he said he wants me to do something before we get back together but he wouldnt tell me what it was because he said he wants it to come naturally. that really irritated me but we still continued the things we normally did.


On friday night we were together and i said "look im your girlfriend and your my boyfriend" and he kind of laughed at it and that really hurt my feelings. at that point i said enough is enough. i told him i cant do it anymore. and he got all touchy feely not wanting me to leave when finally i got upset. i told him that a person can only take so much and he looked really upset like he wanted to cry. i hugged him before i left.


i dont know if he thinks im serious about this but i really am, but at the same time i still want to be with him and i know he wants to be with me but why is he doing this. it's very frustrating. i haven't talked to him since friday and have no intentions on calling him.


do you think that what i did was right? i want him to realize that he is hurting me and pushing me away bu doing what he's doing. It's just so frustratiing and im really hurting right now. any advice on what i should do???


Thanks guys

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I'm sorry that you are hurting right now, but I think that you know this man prefers to have you around for the companionship and physical intimacy without the committment of a relationship. Add up the pattern. Distance while you were in school. Breaking up. Not talking to you for long periods of time. Laughing dismissively when you call him your bf.


He acts this way because you let him. And he believes that with a little remorse, a little effort, he can get you back to where he wants you - convenient booty and comfort. I'm sorry to say this, but you are not his gf.


I would suggest that you cut contact with him completely. BUT, if that is something that you will not do, at least take a few weeks before even considering contacting him again. Talk to your friends and other women to try and understand why you are holding on to someone who is not giving you the love you deserve. This is very sad to hear and I fear that you'll run right back to eat his offerings when he scraps a few crumbs of apology to you off of his table.


Leave the crumbs alone; you will only remain hungry and angry at him. You deserve a more filling relationship.

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I am so sorry that you are hurting right now, but I think you did the right thing. You stood up for yourself and you deserved clarification.


He sounds like hes just playing games and why shouldn't he? I mean if you look at it he had all the perks or being in a relationship yet he knew that since it wasn't official he could hook up with anyone else and he wouldn't be at fault.


I know you care about this guy and you want to be with him but in all honesty it doesn't seem like he wants the same thing...I mean come on he laughed at you in your face!! Need I say more...


I think you are doing the right thing by not contacting him, if he is interested he will contact you. If he doesn't it wasn't meant to be...if he does I am not sure that I would want to be with someone like him but if you do then I would suggest you have a serious talk with him regarding what it is that you want if he can't meet what you want then your better off without him.


Good luck!

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thank you all for the solid advice. i do still care for him but i NEED to get over it. however, i don't care for him as much as i used to. i just need to be away from him and i will NOT contact him. and ms darcy you are right. he acts this way because I let him. it's unfortunate but true. even though im hurting im fed up. a person can only take so much.

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