Q for guys, will "yellow light" piss you off eventually?

[Lonewing]

My excuse to NOT have sex that night was "Sorry, I don't have a condom." She replied "not a problem," walked over to the kitchen cabinet, fumbled around a bit, and pulled a new one out. I think that was the green light...yes, that was definitely the green light. becasue then I said something to the effect of "well, there goes my last excuse not to do it"...and she was mroe than ready...

[servedcold]

And saying you're not ready for sex is no more of a power game or manipulative tactic than a guy saying he won't stay unless you *do* have sex.

 

Yes, men demanding sex is also a power game and manipulative tactic, and it is equally as bad as women using sex to keep a man around waiting. This thread, though, is titled "Q for guys, will "yellow light" piss you off eventually?" and not "Q for women, do you get pissed off when men demand sex?" But I understand the effort to change the subject, as massive rationalizing and spin are quite the norm here on ENA.

 

Not too long ago, in many western countries where premarital sex was not as readily available as it is today, sex was one of the primary means used to get men interested in marriage. Sure, some wanted a family, wanted other benefits of marriage, but sex played a huge part also and still does.

 

Countless songs, novels and movies and history have focused on this aspect of intergender relations, it isn't anything startling or extraordinary, nor controversial in the least. Just a simple fact. Lots of marriages in the past occurred because they offered guilt free access to sex.

 

I've never been talking about a woman's right to be the gatekeeper of sex, to wait until she is sure that the resulting relationship is what she wants, no argument there at all. But when I see a poster blithely state "I'm not going to be ready for sex for months," bells go off signaling that despite the surface talk, what's really being discussed here is manipulation of men using sex, and as so many women are finding out in this day and age, that control tactic doesn't work so well any more. And talk to the contrary isn't going to change this.

[fatcat1999]

so judgemental.

the question is titled "Q for guys, will "yellow light" piss you off eventually?"

but not "Q for guys, will "no sex for months" piss you off eventually?

 

to be honest, I don't care at all whether "sex or no sex for months" piss off a guy or not, it's my decision and choice to make, it's nothing to do with manipulating guys. If a guy simply can't wait till I'm ready, then he does not deserve my time.

 

I'm more interested in the tacit of whether or not giving yellow light, which might within my boundaries in the near future.

 

no wonder so many marriage and relationships fail in this society.

[Lonewing]

Marriages and relationships fail in this country because people fail to communicate their positions and then fail to compromise for each other.

 

Say he wants it in the first week and you want it in the third month. The Compromise is somewhere in between...

 

If you feel you shouldn't have to compromise this or that, then you should ditch the person and find someone who is more compatible in poisition.

 

yellow light might be a fair compromise, though it may be frustrating and simply push the issue sooner than you are prepared to push the issue - so don't press the yellow light until you know you are ready for the green light, so that if the yellow light DOES go to green light in the heat of the moment, you'll be emotionally ready to go forward and not feel a ton of remorse afterwards.

[servedcold]

so judgemental.

 

Opinionated, yes definitely, judgmental sometimes, not here though.

 

If a guy simply can't wait till I'm ready, then he does not deserve my time.

 

and to the man who says, "if she isn't a virgin, and can't accommodate my sexual desires after a certain amount of time, then she does not deserve my time," what would be your reply?

 

no wonder so many marriage and relationships fail in this society.

 

yes.

[Imprecision]

I recommend that you hold off any touching until you're ready for sex. Yellow light is the same as green light.

 

If you hold off, you will see whether he's really in it for the long haul. "I'm willing to wait" - Words are meaningless. Measure a man by his action, not by his words.

 

You too should prove yourself by your action. "I never do this," "I'm really a very conservative girl" - How many times have we heard this before? If you're a conservative girl, then act like one - Don't waver.

 

******

 

If a guy's mind is set on marriage, then he would not mind waiting. In fact, he would prefer it if you make him wait, because that proves your conservative ethos. Hold off - Not simply to make a guy respect you, or for some romantic notion about the sanctity of sex (although both goals are valid). Hold off - Because this weeds out non-marriage-minded men from marriage-minded men.

[fatcat1999]

thanks, Imprecision, great advices!