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Would you marry this guy? Possible cheater..?


Crystal99

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Would you marry this guy? Possible cheater..?

 

What should I do? Should I get serious with this possible cheater?

 

 

My man and I have been together for a bit over a year. WE don't spend every night together-he is busy and sometimes I am too. We went on vacation together last month.

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a girl describing a story about them two in detail. She told me they were exclusive for almost 2 years and they broke up 2 months ago. She said the reason she is writing is to inform me that he has been cheating on her, me, and a third girl in Florida who he visits every couple of months as well. The Florida girl found her through her Myspace and let her know about everything!!

She sent me proof like pics of them together lovey dovey, all his texts to her that she uploaded-some explicitly sexual. Also she sent me an online profile that belongs to him on a dating site PLUS an email from the dating site confirming he has the profile active still!!

She also told me she dumped him bc she caught him with a chick in his house. From what she says he was telling all the girls he wanted a future and he says the same to me.

 

Should I get serious and even think about marriage with this guy?

 

I mean I got all this info-pics, texts with times and dates from him till recently, even the myspace convo where th FLorida girl found her asking her about him and if "she knew him."

 

This girl described such detail of his house, he was with her on his bday got gifts, and then with me as well that same evening! Then four days later he went to Florida for more gifts from the other girl. So many things make sense-gifts in his house from her like picture frames, ties, tie clips, vases, clothes etc. AND from the girl in Florida. Also the other girl told me that he had unprotected sex regularly with the other two, bc they thought he was faithful and were on the pill. I have too!!!

 

Is this guy a player? What should I do? Part of me wants to say "He is with me and MAYBE PREFERS ME OVER OTHERS AND LOVES ME..." but then again why was he with the others too?? He might do it if we get married to right?

 

 

Crystal

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I am sure it is going to take you a bit of time to come to terms with the fact that a man you have been with for a year has actually been lying to you and cheating on you. Its human nature to doubt this type of information at first, because if you have every reason to believe someone, then most people will believe them and not assume there is deception.

 

So, now you have been presented with what sounds like valid information that he has been deceptive. Give yourself some time to just let it sink in over the next few days. Don't do anything drastic for now. Just let yourself think back over the relationship, and most likely little bits and pieces will start to come together for you. I think your gut will start to confirm that he has been deceptive to you.

 

Based on what you've written, it does sound like he is not the man he has been pretending to be. I personally think you would make a huge mistake by marrying him, assuming that all of this information is true.

 

So sorry you are going through this!!!!!

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You know he cheats and are asking advice as to if you should marry him??....

 

Well lets put it this way. I married a guy I didnt rrust....and he cheated on me not once, not twice, but three times that I know of and many more times that came to light, after we divorced...

 

So yeah, if you want a marriage containing mistrust, grief and heartache, that will undoutedly end in eventual divorce and fatherless kids (say you have any)....then sure, go ahead and marry him.

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What more proof do you need? Do you actually need to catch him in bed with another girl or perhaps get a STD from him?

Honestly this sounds a little fishy but I will take you at your word that this is all true.

This is the way he lives his life and WILL NOT CHANGE! Why should he when he has no reason to in his mind. He is a selfish liar that has put your health at risk for his own wants.

That doesn't sound like marriage material to me.

I hope you see this for what it is. A man ( I use that term loosely) that has no problem using and lying his way through life has tricked you into believing he is something different.

 

Lost

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\Part of me wants to say "He is with me and MAYBE PREFERS ME OVER OTHERS AND LOVES ME..." but then again why was he with the others too?? He might do it if we get married to right?

 

Crystal

 

Crystal, that's NOT love. Not even close. Not even a distant relative of love.

 

He is also not "your man", he's more of a collective good around the Eastern seabord, apparently. He has lied to you and to these other girls, put you all at risk of serious STDs (an issue that can never be stressed enough) and this is not the time to get competitive and try to get The Sultan of Hu-Ha to pick you over them. This is the time to get furious, and to dump the manwh*re already.

 

Geez, why is it that I feel like I am more angry with him than you are?

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\Part of me wants to say "He is with me and MAYBE PREFERS ME OVER OTHERS AND LOVES ME..." but then again why was he with the others too?? He might do it if we get married to right?

 

Crystal

 

Crystal, that's NOT love. Not even close. Not even a distant relative of love.

 

He is also not "your man", he's more of a collective good around the Eastern seabord, apparently. He has lied to you and to these other girls, put you all at risk of serious STDs (an issue that can never be stressed enough) and this is not the time to get competitive and try to get The Sultan of Hu-Ha to pick you over them. This is the time to get furious, and to dump the manwh*re already.

 

Geez, why is it that I feel like I am more angry with him than you are?

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With everything that everyone here has stated, also keep this in mind......

 

You have officially slept with numerous people because of him...Everyone that he has slept with unprotected and all the other men that his other ladies sleep with unprotected have now slept with you....

 

You pretty much just had an orgy with several strangers and didn't even know it.

 

My point is, NO you should not consider marrying him, dating him or anything else with him. What you should consider is going to the local clinic and getting tested for every possible STD known to mankind.

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Ok, I showed him the evidence and he totally denied it!! Well, first he acted like he didn't know what it was. He said, " I don't know...what is all this?? Is someone trying to badmouth me and put down my image? This email could be anything!" I asked who the girls were and he said friends and that the two that wrote it must be crazy.

Then I showed him the online profile and he said 'he forgot to take it down."

 

He continued to say, " I am with you and want a future with you right?"

 

 

I am pissed...somehow I highly doubt he has "picked" me over anyone. I think you are all right. It hurts to split up, but I doubt he will stay faithful after marriage.

 

I am thinking he might be a sociopath-how could all this happen??

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Ok, I showed him the evidence and he totally denied it!! Well, first he acted like he didn't know what it was. He said, " I don't know...what is all this?? Is someone trying to badmouth me and put down my image? This email could be anything!" I asked who the girls were and he said friends and that the two that wrote it must be crazy.

Then I showed him the online profile and he said 'he forgot to take it down."

 

He continued to say, " I am with you and want a future with you right?"

 

 

I am pissed...somehow I highly doubt he has "picked" me over anyone. I think you are all right. It hurts to split up, but I doubt he will stay faithful after marriage.

 

I am thinking he might be a sociopath-how could all this happen??

 

It happens ALL the time, just hard to absorb it the first time it hits home. You still sound as if you are not 100% convinced. I know it is hard to accept this. :sad:

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Ok, I showed him the evidence and he totally denied it!! Well, first he acted like he didn't know what it was. He said, " I don't know...what is all this?? Is someone trying to badmouth me and put down my image? This email could be anything!" I asked who the girls were and he said friends and that the two that wrote it must be crazy.

Then I showed him the online profile and he said 'he forgot to take it down."

 

He continued to say, " I am with you and want a future with you right?"

 

 

I am pissed...somehow I highly doubt he has "picked" me over anyone. I think you are all right. It hurts to split up, but I doubt he will stay faithful after marriage.

 

I am thinking he might be a sociopath-how could all this happen??

 

Of course he's in denial. He just got caught. Why would his "friends" who don't live near each other say the same thing about him? I highly doubt that is the case. As far as the online profile - what a lame excuse that he forgot to take it down.

 

He definitely didn't choose you over the other two girls. If anything he wants to continue having his cake and eating it too. He's just upset that he got caught.

 

You're looking towards the right direction. He's not going to change with you, or for you. He is too caught up in his own world, to worry about anyone else.

 

Please do yourself a favor and just get rid of him now. Do it while you have your dignity intact. Stop letting him walk all over you and show him that you can do it without him.

 

Good riddance, I say! Good luck.

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Ok, I showed him the evidence and he totally denied it!! Well, first he acted like he didn't know what it was. He said, " I don't know...what is all this?? Is someone trying to badmouth me and put down my image? This email could be anything!" I asked who the girls were and he said friends and that the two that wrote it must be crazy.

Then I showed him the online profile and he said 'he forgot to take it down."

 

He continued to say, " I am with you and want a future with you right?"

 

 

I am pissed...somehow I highly doubt he has "picked" me over anyone. I think you are all right. It hurts to split up, but I doubt he will stay faithful after marriage.

 

I am thinking he might be a sociopath-how could all this happen??

 

 

Yes, he denied it. Would you expect this kind of liar to admit to it?

And then to blame his 'friends? As if anyone's 'friends' would do such a thing.

 

It's so sad that there are guys like this out there.

Count your blessings-- it is so much better that you found out now before getting married.

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