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Its been 9 months since my wife left and I find myself stuck in a rut! I miss the companionship of a partner, I miss having someone to confide in... I just really miss my wife! A couple of my friends have tried setting me up on dates, I've even been on a dating site and met some really nice girls but I find no matter how great the company is... I just think of her. I still see her from time to time, we talk, we laugh, we get on great and I just find myself thinking how much I want her back. I know in reality the chances of us getting back together are slim, she is enjoying her new single life and moving forward and I just can't seem to get there. My mind always wanders to her and I can't help but picture us back together. Is it normal to still feel this way so long after a breakup? Is it normal to still not be able to imagine myself with anyone else? I've tried no contact, I've tried being there for her, I've tried everything I can think of to win her back but shes just not interested so why can't I just let it be and get on with my life?

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because you try to be their for her.. if u want to get over her and on with your life try no contect period.. dont text her dont call her throw or get rid of pictures whatever u can do to pull her away from u. that love u have thats lingering.. put it into something else.. like a pet or a friend... or yourself.. and then as time goes by u slowly stitch your heart back together and u start feeling alot better... im surpirsed alot of people looking at your post but didnt say anything but i just wanted to help u out

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I don't know how long you were together, but nine months doesn't sound like much time to get over a marriage. You thought you would be together forever so of course you're still hurting. I understand about the dating and it making it worse. I felt that way too. I would cry after every date until one date that was not too bad. Even when I started dating the new guy, I would still feel longings for my ex sometimes. It just takes time. It sounds so hokey but it is really the only thing that works....just time. I really hope you feel better soon.

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Viper,

This kind of thing doesn't just happen. Acceptance is the key and you have not even tried to accept that she is never coming back. NC means absolutely no contact! You need time totally away from her so your vision can clear. Try and be brutally honest with yourself why your marriage ended. Then start learning who you really are and what you want out of life. You are very young and are still finding your way. Once you begin to learn about yourself you will see that you have more power over you life.

Let her know that you will be cutting all contact with her so you can heal from the breakup. You can't be there for her or be her friend. It just isn't healthy as you have found out. That kind of thing is like picking at a scab just as it starts to heal.

 

Lost

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Viper I feel for you, im 10 months on from a 6 year relationship and the reason your still feeling so bad is that she is still in your life. I had 9 months of constant contact doing all the things you have done, even though she was with someone. Eventually I realised that she was never coming back and I had to cut all ties or I would never get over her.

 

Walking away from her was, and is, the hardest thing I have had to do in my life but I know its the only way for me to get my life back on track. Its been 5 weeks of pure no contact now. Do I feel better.. not at all, I still miss her but i know you basically have to go through the grief process, work through the stages and come out the other side. Its not an easy process but I'm afraid you are going to have to do this at some stage or you will be permanently stuck in a rut.

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Thanks for the replies guys/girls. I know its just a process that I have to go through, it just doesn't seem to get any better... just have to stick it out i suppose... no choice!

 

Lilly - We were together 5 years and married for 10 months before she left, I know it doesn't seem like a long time to get over her but I just thought things would get better and I would be able to start moving on.

 

Lost - I got the same advice a few months ago and I have tried to do that (find myself), I've got back into the gym, martial arts, I'm DJing again and just generally trying to do the things that make ME happy. It works most of the time but it seems its purely because I keep so busy that I can't think about her but then as soon as I stop it all comes back. I wish I could go no contact completely but she takes the dog some weekends as we bought it together as a pup and I still work for her parents... and before you say it yes i know I should quit but I can't.... I mean really, I can't! I wish I could!

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What about a divorce support group, is that an option?

 

9 months is not a long time at all. My ex just left me after 5 years, and I know it will be a year (probably more) before I'm over her.

 

Don't date if you're not ready. Don't let people pressure you into moving on too fast. You've been coupled for over 5 years, so try being single for some time.

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Viper,

The contact is what is making this go so slowly. Jobs are hard to come by for sure so quitting wouldn't be smart. The dog thing can be mitigated though. When she wants to take the dog make arrangements so you do not have to see her. A friend or family member can drop off the dog for you. You are doing everything else right from what it sounds.

This will not get easier until you make it easier. While all this is going on look for a new job. You may not find one but you will be taking control back of your life.

 

Lost

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I'm in the same boat, my councilor says I haven't accepted the end of the relationship, intellectually I know that it's over and I will be better for it, but there is still something there that will not let me go. she has made it clear to me, has a new boyfriend, told me the divorce papers are on the way in nov, on our 1 yr mark. she has been nasty and spiteful, and still there is something there.

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