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Girlfriend losing interest


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Short version:

Girlfriend and I have been dating 6+ months. I'm 19, she's 18. We began having sex around the two-month mark, quite frequently (every second night) and after losing her job, she became tired and unmotivated. Now that she has secured herself a new one, the problem has become that sex is painful, which I am beginning to doubt as she isn't very affectionate anymore (won't kiss me more than a simple peck etc). It is affecting my confidence, I've tried talking to her and she replied that she hadn't noticed a change.

 

Detailed version

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over six months. We've been living together since around the three-month mark. I know that three months is generally not considered to be an appropriate time to move in, however I have dated quite a lot, and made this decision after much thought, and it has been going rather well in terms of getting along with eachother. I work from home, administrating two internet sales websites, my girlfriend was doing an apprenticeship in hairdressing, however around the 4-month mark, she lost her job due to the salon at which she worked closing due to money issues. We began having sex at around two months, which I waited for her to initiate as I was aware of bad experiences with past boyfriends. After the first time, we quite consistently had sex every second night up until around the time she lost her job. I understand that it's quite rought losing employment, especially when your employment is also your study, so I was not surprised that our intimate nights dropped off to once or twice a week. Due to her lack of employment, we have spend the majority of days together, as my work is at home and she is currently unemployed (though two weeks ago, she enrolled in a private hairdressing course starting in September). After she lost her job, she became quite lethargic, going to bed quite early and being generally tired. This wasn't really a problem for me as I understood that she was going through a rough time. However, now that she has the promise of a new future, a new problem has also arisen. She now finds sex quite painful, something which was not a problem prior to now. Obviously, we tried using various lubricants etc. to no avail. However, I'm beginning to question the legitimacy of these pains, as the romantic side of our relationship is dying. For example, we barely kiss anymore, and when we do, it's simply a peck. If I try to turn it into something more, she pulls away and cracks a joke about me being greedy.

 

I have no idea what I can do about this problem, sex is NOT the most important part of a relationship to me, by any means, but it is making me question why, after a great start, it dropped off so quickly. It's eating away at me, making me feel very selfconscious about my performance/appearance etc. I've just mentioned to her that I'm feeling this way, and she told me she hadn't noticed, and that the only things that had changed were our sleeping patterns. Any advice would be more than welcome, sorry for the epic post.

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She now finds sex quite painful, something which was not a problem prior to now. Obviously, we tried using various lubricants etc. to no avail. However, I'm beginning to question the legitimacy of these pains, as the romantic side of our relationship is dying. For example, we barely kiss anymore, and when we do, it's simply a peck. If I try to turn it into something more, she pulls away and cracks a joke about me being greedy

 

This is a tricky one as one thing can precede the other and vica versa.. For example if she is getting pain during sex she will avoid sex..due to this she will also then avoid affection with you as she will be concerned it will lead to sex. If this complaint is genuine then she may need to have a laparoscopy and see if she has endometrisiosis.. This is easily treatable should this be the case. or to find if there is some other medical/gyno reason for this pain...Why dont you suggest you both go to the doctors and find out what wrong..she should want to do this...are there any other areas of your relationship that are flagging also??...have a think about this also..start with the doctors talk with her about this...it is a problem that cannot be overlooked indefinitely..it is not fair on you and it will create further distance between you both if left unresolved..good luck

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Aaah, thankyou so much! For some reason I hadn't considered a medical condition being the reason. It just seemed strange to me that it became a problem all of a sudden, indicating (to me anyway) that it isn't due to a lack of experience or similar. I will put this to her tomorrow morning, wish me luck!

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Hey all, but of an update, sorry about the double post, not sure how that sort of thing is looked upon around here. Anyway, last night she initiated sex, and we had some foreplay, then just before the actual act, I felt the need to take the opportunity to make a relevant point. I told her that I feel bad about sex, due to the pain it causes her, and told her that I felt she should go get it checked out. She then told me that the pain ISN'T actually a new thing to her, and that with some of her previous partners (I think she's had 4 or 5) she experienced the same thing. Now, my girlfriend is quite small, she's only around 5 foot 3 and weighs about 100lbs or less (sorry, I live in Australia, we have the metric system, but that's my best mental conversion). She informed me that her previous boyfriend was quite small, and that she was still adjusting to me. However, I am quite honestly finding this hard to believe. I'm not big, I don't believe I'm particularly sub-par either. This isn't some kind of selfconscious denial of my traits, as I honestly don't care too much at all about my size, as I've never had a complaint. However, she worded it as if it should've been compliment to me, which is somewhat worrying, as it makes me think she is trying to cover something up. If anyone could give me some insight into size issues similar to this, that would be excellent, as she has many times assured me that I'm not too rough (which I know I'm not). I can't really say how long the sex lasted for (yes, she assured me it was okay, so it happened), but it's definitely below what I'd consier a reasonable time (estimate, maybe 20 minutes of actual intercourse). I'd very much appreciate tips from anyone who's experienced an issue like this, as our sex used to last much, much longer, and I can't fathom why size would be painful now when it wasn't to begin with.

 

Thanks.

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If she's stating that she is in pain, why not suggest some lubricant to ease her mind? There actually isn't a specific size that you have to be in order for a couple to enjoy sex. A woman's opening will be able to withstand any size, considering that she is comfortable with doing so. It's more mental than anything else. Maybe you should spend more time with foreplay so she can get more aroused before actually having intercourse?

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