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ex messages me on facebook...


Murderface

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Hey ENA, it's been awhile...

 

So, needless to say I need some advice. My ex just messaged me on Facebook... (I'll copy/paste the message)

 

'Hey Jamie, sorry about the last message but there's something I need to know. Do you still have any feelings about me? I know that the timing is random but I've never stopped caring. I'm drunk right now and feel like I can freely express my feelings. I didn't give you the relationship I should have before and I want to give it another chance. Let me know how you feel'

 

I broke up with him almost two years ago and haven't been with anyone since. He was a overall good guy. We only dated for seven months. We didn't have sex or anything like that. We just hung out, went places, and mostly just had fun. I broke up with him because I felt like he was relationship illiterate, because he couldn't tell when I was upset with him, etc. I was a teenager... in all reality I know the problem was that I didn't talk to him when I was upset. After we broke up I found out that he intentionally tried to piss me off because he felt that the lack of fights in our relationship was unhealthy. My friends didn't like him either and as much as I hate to admit it I know that played a huge roll in my choice to dump him.

I really don't know what I should do because if I give him another chance that will change everything... It will really hurt my best friend who has feelings for me (I don't share the same feelings), it will piss off some people, and he goes to college which is like 3 hours away so on top of all that we wouldn't even have much time for each other.

 

Gah, help...

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Well how do you feel about it? Do you think enough time has passed where there has been growth and maturity? Do you think things will be better second time around? Don't worry about what other people will think and what they will say. This is your choice, your life. Do what you believe will make you happy.

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Well how do you feel about it? Do you think enough time has passed where there has been growth and maturity? Do you think things will be better second time around? Don't worry about what other people will think and what they will say. This is your choice, your life. Do what you believe will make you happy.

 

I feel positive and negative about the idea....

I don't think there has been much maturity on his part because since he's started college he drinks all the time, and I hate that.

I would like to think that things would be better second time around but the idea of him being so far away doesn't sound to great.

I just don't know...

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If you're not sure, give some time to yourself to think about what it is you really want. Getting back with someone is not an easy decision so just give yourself a couple days or so to think out. Make a pros and cons list if that helps( like you did above).

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If you're not sure, give some time to yourself to think about what it is you really want. Getting back with someone is not an easy decision so just give yourself a couple days or so to think out. Make a pros and cons list if that helps( like you did above).

 

Yeah, I was rushed to reply to his message... but I agree I should give it a couple of days... I'm just scared that I'll give him another chance only because I've been so lonely... especially lately. Or an even scarier thought... maybe he only wants me back because he's lonely.

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It doesnt matter other people think it's your life to live and your choice to make and it should be all about what makes you happy not others!

 

The other thing is i would be concerned that it takes him getting drunk to be able to openly express how he feels about you, if you took him back this might be a sign of how things will be e.g not being able to show you love unless he is drunk.

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The other thing is i would be concerned that it takes him getting drunk to be able to openly express how he feels about you, if you took him back this might be a sign of how things will be e.g not being able to show you love unless he is drunk.

 

Good point... And I've never really met the drunk him before... All I know for sure is that he can be really immature when he's drunk.

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I'd be careful with this one. What if he's just pulling out the "let's get back together!" card just to reel you in and then he can be like, "Ehhh, you know what, nevermind, it won't work out."

 

Some people are that immature sometimes. Be cautious.

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There is no decision to make at this time about whether you get back with him or not..you control your destiny,,have you considered just going out with him once or twice and see how you are feeling then..as for giving him an answer any time soon thats entirely up to you. you can wait as long as you like he isnt going anywhere is he? have a think, you cant really know how he has grown until you spend some time with him.. so the real decision is perhaps if you merely want to do just that..good luck with it...

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Wow that must have been a bit of a surprise! The fact he says he was drunk is a bit of a red flag really. How to tell if it just gave him the confidence to come clean about his real feelings or whether it was just a drunken nostalgic moment on his part....hard to tell from the one message...

 

Two years is a long long time and you must have both changed in that period...I don't see that you can just suddenly be expected to say you will go back and try again...as you will both be different people to the way you were in the past. If you are interested at all, and you do seem to be, then maybe you should just take it slowly and try reconnecting gradually, get to know each other again before any talk of relationships.

 

You obviously have some residual feelings otherwise you would have just have ignored the message and not given it any brainspace. Might be worth exploring further but in a cautious way. You don't need to be commital to him just now but if you would like to open up the possibility then you should maybe meet up, hang out as freinds for a bit and see how it goes. I understand this isn't so easy if you are so far apart but unless you meet up then you can't really tell anything....

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I would not wait too long to call him. It is not fair to leave someone dangling. However, I would call him and ask him if he meant what he said when he called you while drunk. Then discuss what broke up the relationship and how things would change on your part and on his part. Then you can try dating for a while and see if his drinking is a problem. Forget about what others think...you need to follow your own heart and brain.

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Maybe it is possible he just said "I'm really drunk" as an excuse to be so open. If he could spell and write in literate sentences he couldn't have been that drunk.

 

I wouldn't respond to the message & say "Sure, lets be a couple now!" with a relationship request. But if you would really be willing to give it another go, tell him that maybe you guys can start hanging out & talking more & see where it goes from there.

 

Who cares what everyone else thinks. You say "a bunch of people will be mad if we date again" but really, it's none of their business! And yeah, your friend that has feelings for you might be hurt, but if you don't want to date him anyway it is inevitable you will eventually date someone else, unless you plan on being single the rest of your life to avoid hurting his feelings.

 

I would give him a chance, spend a few weekends together & see how it goes.

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