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Why did he keep telling me he loves me?


margins

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My exboyfriend and I were together for ten months, and have been broken up for two.

 

We had an intense relationship. He's the first man I've ever been in love with. He's 26 and I'm 22. Before me, he'd only been in one other serious relationship that lasted two years on/off because he broke up with her three times. They were long distance for most of the relationship, and they fought a lot. His friends have told me that they've never seen him so affectionate with any other girl before, and that I've gotten him to open up. They said he's different around me.

 

Long story short, he got really stressed out in the last two months of our relationship, as he got promoted without a salary raise, on top of having financial difficulties, plus he doesn't like his job and is on Zoloft because he has anxiety, especially when he gets stressed out. The time we spent together greatly diminished, and I started to feel like we weren't even in a relationship anymore. Yes, we hung out, but he would do work all night into the morning, and then wake up three hours later to do more. Sometimes, I wouldn't hear from him for two or three days. I tried to give him space, but after awhile, I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

I'd called him over to talk because I was at a breaking point with the relationship and I knew we needed to work on spending more time together. After I told him I wasn't getting what I needed and I didn't feel like he had time for someone like me in his life right now, he responded by breaking up with me and saying that something's missing, but he doesn't know what it is. He doesn't think we're at a place where we should be after so much time together, and doesn't know that we can work longterm. I know I should believe him and accept it, but it all came out of nowhere. The weekend prior, he'd taken me away with his friends for a mini vacation. It was a going away party for his best friend, who was about to be deployed to Iraq. It was a great vacation. He kept telling me how happy he was that I came, and that it made everything even better. He also lay with me in bed, holding me, telling me how much he loves me.

 

This is what confuses me. I know that sometimes men can lie to make the breakup easier on the woman, but it honestly didn't feel like he just stopped having feelings for me. How can he still be in love with me and then claim something's missing, and not want to be with me? Am I just being naive? I ran into him four days after we broke up, and he was incredibly awkward and defeated. He hugged me so intensely, like he didn't want to let go, breathing me in and rubbing my back. We went outside to talk, per his request, and he didn't really have anything to say to me. I got a little passive aggressive and said something like, "you obviously don't have feelings for me anymore, right?" and he responded with, "I don't know...I guess not." That hurt me so deeply. Then he kept telling me how incredible he thinks I am, and that I can't blame myself. He also said, "I feel like you're supposed to say f*** you." We've never fought; we've always had open and honest discussions. I told him I couldn't get angry at him for not having feelings for me. He didn't say anything to that.

 

When he came over to my apartment that day, after he broke up with me, I asked him if he loves me. He looked at me intensely, took my hands, stared in my eyes, and said, "I love you like my family." I was confused, so I asked if he's still attracted to me, to which he wholeheartedly agreed and then asked why I would even need to ask him that. I said I didn't get why he said he loves me like family, to which he responded, "Obviously, I love you romantically, too." I really don't understand that.

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I would remain patient on this one. I cannot help but wonder if he is feeling a little overwhelmed trying to balance his promotion a girlfriend. his limited time and anxiety all at once..I would give him space and cut your contact for now. he needs to know that your not available/ waiting for him. he needs to live without you. ..live his decision not to be with you to actually miss you and feel what he is missing. I was curious if he kept contact with the ex?? i cant help but wonder if something has triggered his confusion, or if this was a slow onset...regardless im sorry your hurting but if you are meant to be together he will seek you out in no time should he suddenly find he has a big hole in his life that is missing and he has made a rash decision.. and that is you... In the meantime try to remain positive and keep yourself busy and active...Cut all contact for now or have very little or be slow to respond.. and do not make any conversation about your relationship..Dont try to understand a confused man..leave him be and let him figure it out for himself, you will become an unwanted pressure for him, if you go chasing more answers now.....time will sort this one out..good luck

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When he came over to my apartment that day, after he broke up with me, I asked him if he loves me. He looked at me intensely, took my hands, stared in my eyes, and said, "I love you like my family." I was confused, so I asked if he's still attracted to me, to which he wholeheartedly agreed and then asked why I would even need to ask him that. I said I didn't get why he said he loves me like family, to which he responded, "Obviously, I love you romantically, too." I really don't understand that.

 

No comment on everything else, but this is a good sign.

 

This means that he sees you as someone who will always be important in his life.

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No comment on everything else, but this is a good sign.

 

This means that he sees you as someone who will always be important in his life.

 

I see it as meaning that he doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore.

 

If I'm so important to him, then why hasn't he contacted me in almost two months?

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I see it as meaning that he doesn't have romantic feelings for me anymore.

 

If I'm so important to him, then why hasn't he contacted me in almost two months?

 

Two things to understand:

 

1. It's perfectly within your right to demand a daily phone-call.

 

2. Men are like that. Even if you love someone, sometimes you don't call them for ages. Especially if you're stressed, because you want to fix your personal problems before you see them again.

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He broke up with me. It's not like he said, "Can we slow things down a little, because I'm really stressed out and can't handle a relationship right now." He said he felt something was missing but didn't know what, he doesn't know if we're at a place we should be after so much time together, and he thinks we should breakup.

 

I can't demand a daily phonecall. When we ran into each other, he said that it's too weird to talk to me or see me right now, but he doesn't want me to fall out of his life or never be a part of his life again. Yet he hasn't so much has texted me since then. I sent him a facebook message on his birthday, which was two weeks ago. I never got a response.

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He broke up with me. It's not like he said, "Can we slow things down a little, because I'm really stressed out and can't handle a relationship right now." He said he felt something was missing but didn't know what, he doesn't know if we're at a place we should be after so much time together, and he thinks we should breakup.

 

I can't demand a daily phonecall. When we ran into each other, he said that it's too weird to talk to me or see me right now, but he doesn't want me to fall out of his life or never be a part of his life again. Yet he hasn't so much has texted me since then. I sent him a facebook message on his birthday, which was two weeks ago. I never got a response.

 

Oops, my bad... I didn't see that part.

 

Go find someone else. If he really loves you, he'll come back to you.

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I know he loved me. I had a lot of personal anxiety issues, and he forced me to open up to him about them. He never let me push him away. One time, after I left his place abruptly because I was having a bit of a breakdown, he ran after me in the rain while he was in his pajamas. We're both on Zoloft for anxiety, although my case is a bit more extreme than his. I was never dependent on him, but he was amazing. I think it was partly because his sister attempted suicide several times when he was in high school, so he's dealt with some serious things before.

 

Back in May, I told him I needed time to think, i.e. a break, because I was going through some emotional issues. I didn't want to become dependent on him or use him as an emotional pillar, so I pushed him away. I know it wasn't the right thing to do. He responded by breaking up with me, because he was hurt and angry. We reconciled three days later, and both agreed to be more communicative.

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I miss him so much. I know I'm not supposed to contact him, and I haven't since we ran into each other. I can't fathom not having him in my life. I want to know what he's up to and how he's doing. When we got together, he didn't have his facebook wall enabled. Then he opened up the wall and basically used it to communicate with me like one time he posted a status update that he didn't have his phone and to call him at work.

 

After we broke up, he disabled his wall again. It's like he's completely cutting me out.

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you obviously don't have feelings for me anymore, right?" and he responded with, "I don't know...I guess not."

 

I'm really sorry that, that was his answer & that it hurt you. It seems like he was honestly telling you how he feels.

 

When he came over to my apartment that day, after he broke up with me, I asked him if he loves me. He looked at me intensely, took my hands, stared in my eyes, and said, "I love you like my family." I was confused, so I asked if he's still attracted to me, to which he wholeheartedly agreed and then asked why I would even need to ask him that. I said I didn't get why he said he loves me like family, to which he responded, "Obviously, I love you romantically, too." I really don't understand that.

 

I think his first response was his honest one and he was a bit put on the spot with your second question. Not saying he is not attracted to you though if it had changed I wonder if he would have had the heart to tell you, already seeing on your face how hurt you were.

 

He could also be responding to chaos in his own life by ending the relationship. But just by the feeling of the way you describe everything, to me it seems as though for whatever reason, he has decided the relationship needed to end.

 

He may have a said/done all of those loving things that wknd. prior in order to see how he felt. Perhaps he'd been considering ending it some time beforehand, was confused on whether this was the right thing to do and wanted to give it one last try during that wknd. away. Sort of "give it all you've got" during that time and see how you feel after the wknd.

 

I think you are best not to contact him after all that has transpired.

 

Warm thoughts to you and I very much wish you well in this....

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