I dont want to be so antisocial

[ATLstudent]

So i was really emotional last night, friends, or ex friends really pissed me off, and i realized these people do not have any real interest in me, no one really talks to me, or cares about me, but i dont really care about them, so why do we continue to hang out. ''

 

Anyway being pissed i get into a loner metality where i go off and walk down my cities busy streets to the local coffee shop, and just write to myself about crazy just stream of consciousness, free form writing,.....Anyway i didnt want to really talk to anyone, but when i see attractive girls i want to get to know them, but i just sit by myself and read or something.

 

I dont want to be the weird guy in the corner , i just want to find someone else who is like me, and someone to relate to...... but i get so antisocial at times

 

Does this completely turn girls off, and make them unattrached to me??

[easyguy]

When you are about to approach someone and turn around and sit (or just think about approaching someone), what is the fear that arises in your mind?

[ATLstudent]

I dont know,i just have this reaction to avoid the people i am attrached too, when i am really attrached to someone i get really shy. Its just like this instictual thing. Plus i am not always a conversationist, i generally dont take interest in other people....in terms of light hearted conversation, when people get down to the deep stuff then i am really into it, but when its about the weather my mind simply cannot focus, so i guess also i just dont have much to say at times

[easyguy]

For me, it was (or is) a matter of filling myself up with things to share.. but not with the intention of filling myself up with things to share, if that makes sense. Filling yourself up with things that you enjoy doing and can't help but share because you have so much love for yourself. The more I fill myself up with love and peace, the more interested I am in engaging in conversations with people, as well as decreasing the amount of fear. If you haven't done anything with your life, there won't be much to share. I know it sounds cruel, but it is true to an extent. If you want to develop an interest in people, become more interesting yourself.

 

Also, it helps to expand your social circle to more that just men/guys. The more female friends you have, the more you realize that you can't judge a book by its cover. Not saying I don't get nervous around some people, but it shatters when the ice is broken and you realize that women are people.

[Wolf_22]

I would never speak for everyone, but from my experience in this sort of thing, I have yet to meet any woman my age (twenty-something) who appeared to be as open to sparking a conversation about "deep stuff" as I was (unless she was on the outs of a bad relationship and was vulnerable). Use your imagination as to why this may be, but from my own little universe, I can honestly say that much of it has to do with life experiences and understanding the difference between self-reflection and escape.

 

I see it like this: if you feel that impulse to back away from someone you wish to know more about, chances are that person is not for you.

 

An old psychologist I once use to have sessions with told me that relationships boil down to finding someone who is right for you and not finding someone in general. While nobody can say with true conviction that you are destined to find someone and live merrily ever-after, one can honestly believe without reservation that your own chances at finding that person increase the more you frequent places of like mind. So to that end, you would find it propelling to determine what sort of woman you wish to meet and begin doing things that will increase the likelihood of coming into contact with said woman.

 

Stop getting encumbered with the burden of social pressure and young-person expectations. There are no universal constants in this game and each situation is different. Tame yourself but control what you can and leave the rest to fate. You'll be okay.