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Please stop me from doing this.


Elena1607308080

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..because I don't see how it would benefit me in any way. But I feel like I'm exploding, I have to do it otherwise I will always wonder "what if?".

 

Maybe you guys remember my story with N. We'd be perfect together, but his fiancée is pregnant and ugh, it's all just so complicated. I just feel like calling him now and telling him all my feelings and that I do think it could work if we both were willing to.

 

I went flying with my Dad yesterday. We do this almost every Saturday (we both have pilots license). I mean, gliding and motor planes, and sometimes paraglyding. What he didn't tell me was that he had invited N this time as well (explained with "I wasn't sure you'd come if you knew he was coming too"). My Dad and him are good buddies. They do things together every couple of weeks. I was nice with N, tried to avoid speaking much to him though.

 

He got into my Dads plane and I was about to tell them I was gonna leave but then N told me to get into the plane too. That he wanted "to fly with me". After some hesitating I gave in.

 

 

 

It was wonderful. It was just like out of a movie. It was a realllly nice sunset and sky and me being next to him... I never wanted it to end. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he loves me, and finally wants to be with me.

 

Or maybe I'm just imagining that. Maybe it's just an illusion. Maybe he grew to love his fiancée (like he said in a fight of ours few weeks ago - "nothing says I can't grow to love her" ) and is happy with her and can't wait to start a family with her. Maybe he lost all his feelings for me and forgot about the amazing connection we have.

 

And that same fear is the reason I'm afraid of calling him and telling him I love him and want to make it work.

 

What do I do, what do I do. What do I doooooooo..

 

What do you think, guys?

 

(PS: I didn't see the weird stalker guy again. Luckily!)

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All I had to read was "pregnant fiancee".

 

The answer is "no". Walk away. Don't force yourself to endure needlessly painful situations. He evidently made his choice already.

 

lol, you took the words right out of my mouth!!! pregnant fiance!?!? yeah.......... hun, sorry, but you know you need to walk away.

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My heart goes out to you, even while you know you have no business meddling in this guy's life. His pregnant fiance has every right to try to make a go of their relationship, and without a peep from you.

 

This man knows full well how to reach you should he ever be free and clear. If you attempt to rush that, even if you think you've 'won' you'll never feel secure, and your karma will repay you instantly and constantly from that point forward. You'd spend the rest of your relationship in misery, always looking over your shoulder awaiting the next sexy thing he'd be willing to drop you for.

 

Don't set it up that way. Think.

 

In your corner.

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As I've said in your other threads, if you want something to happen with N you are going to have to be the one to initiate that conversation, since you basically pushed him away and into the arms of the woman who's now his fiancée. You were the one who couldn't handle being with him when another woman was going to have his child (for other posters, the background story isn't quite as cut-and-dry as it might seem; check out Elena's other threads).

 

If you want it enough to pursue it, then openly pursue it. If not, you should really let go of the idea entirely rather than torment yourself with thoughts of "what if." In that case, you should tell your dad that he's not helping you when he invites N along.

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I can sympathize with the fact that you're feeling down about liking him so much.

 

But you really gotta switch the roles.

 

If you were with him, loved him, got engaged to him, got pregnant with his child, and he left you for someone else...what kind of person would you think that other girl was? Probably not a very sensitive or kind person for being the enabler in that situation.

 

I'd walk away, and hold your head high with pride for not being a homewrecker.

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Just a note to those who are responding to this as if Elena is attempting to encroach on an established relationship: it apparently isn't like that at all. She was with N when his ex announced her pregnancy. Elena flipped out and broke up with N, who then "did the right thing" by getting back together with ex, asking her to marry him despite, apparently, the fact that he doesn't love her. This is all according to Elena, of course, but the outline of the story we're being ask to address isn't quite as cut-and-dry as it seems.

 

Anyway, Elena, you post about your angst periodically, but you're not willing to let go of your pride and tell N what you think. So I have a hard time believing that your feelings for N are as strong as you report. If I loved someone, if I believed that he was the one for me, you can be sure that he'd at least know it.

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Thank you everyone, especially uhoh~

 

I know you're right. But am I wrong in thinking that it might be too late now? Even if I declare all my feelings for him now (which I really want to do, deep inside..) - would it change anything? He has devoted himself now for her, or rather for the baby. He really wants to be there for his "family".

 

I could slap myself knowing that at one point he was ready to give up everything for me, and I ditched him... thinking it couldn't possibly work with him having a baby on his way, on top of that with a woman who's just.. ugh..!

 

uhoh, please don't doubt my feelings for N.

I know when I'm in love and when I'm not. And this, for sure, is the most intensive feeling I've had for anyone ever. And it's not just temporarily.. it's been like this ever since I met him. And hasn't stopped since.

 

I want to tell him, but I feel like I 'cant' and 'shouldnt' because he is busy with other things now. What would he do if I told him I changed my mind and do want to make it work? I think he'd tell me to go to hell... or something along those lines!

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I want to tell him, but I feel like I 'cant' and 'shouldnt' because he is busy with other things now. What would he do if I told him I changed my mind and do want to make it work? I think he'd tell me to go to hell... or something along those lines!

 

So he tells you to go to hell. So what? Your pride will sting but you'll get over that. And at least you'll have the comfort of knowing that you did all you could. What do you gain by suffering in silence? What's the worst that could come from an honest, humble, non-demanding statement of how you feel?

 

Throughout your posts it has seemed to me that the biggest obstacle you face is your own pride. It's bad enough when love is thwarted by external difficulties, but it's ridiculous to let your pride get in the way. I'm not trying to be harsh with you, Elena -- just telling you what it sounds like to me.

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I don't think your feelings are bad. Maybe he did or say something to you in order to make you feel that way, intended or not.I can sympathize with the feelings you have for him.

 

It's funny, because I made a topic about flirting with one's gf/bf not long ago.

 

In fact, nothing is holding back to give it a try. But can you face the consequances of your act ? Could your morale aloud this ?

 

Just imagine this situation:

 

Let's say that he left his fiancee for you.

 

Would you like to be with someone who did that, knowing that he could one day do the same thing to you ?

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Would you like to be with someone who did that, knowing that he could one day do the same thing to you ?

 

I have never agreed with this.

 

Of course he could do the same thing to me... but you can't be sure if you don't try, right?

 

It's the same thing with cheating..

When your current partner has cheated on someone in the past, of course they can and are capable of doing it again, but people change... once a cheater, not always a cheater, and once a "leaver", not always a leaver (of course there are exceptions) ... I know couples where one person has left their partner for to be with them, and they are really happy now, one of them going on 8 years now.

And for all you know I could be the one leaving him for someone else, no? (which I never would, by the way, but still...)

 

Sometimes, in order to be happier, you need to let go...

and, let's say he'd leave her for me, that does not automatically mean he will do it to me. Not if he truly loves me. And time will show if he does.

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