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I know I should have left early but what is the point?


i miss her 2

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Alot of you know my story, but basically my ex and I broke up in June..lived together and technically we still do. She said we needed to be independent (this was our first time moving away from our rents) and she said that I should be the one to move out since I have less stuff. I thought that was a load of crap so I said no and continued to live there and wonder what the heck was wrong with her.

 

I even asked her if she was seeing somone else and that it was ok she could tell me. Well, she lied because I checked her phone a week or so later (not something I would have done in the past) and sure enough she is texing with this guy calling him her "angel". At first I flipped out and told her to leave and she said she lied because I'm "sensitive."

 

She said she didn't know what she wanted at this point and that she had seriously been thinking about me and her getting back together (we have a long history of 3 1/2 years).

 

We continued to be civil and yes I lived there for a while and we even got a bit closer and started to "date." She never mentioned this other guy again and I just ASSUMED she had gotten rid of him. I thought it would make me look insecure to demand or ask if she was still seeing him.

 

Turns out she was screwing me one day and then seeing him the next still and I found out because I checked her camera (again another thing I wouldn't normally do but I did not trust her anymore at this point and I could tell something was "off.") She was still lying to me about where she was going, etc.

 

So we REALLY broke up at that point and she claimed she wasn't cheating because techinically we were "broken up." SHe asked me if I thought we were getting back together and I said yes...you don't act affectionate with your partner of 3 1/2 years, go on dates, and plan trips together if you aren't "together."

 

So even after finding out she was REALLY still seeing this guy and lying to me because I'm "sensitive" I became a doormat and continued to be "nice" to her hoping she would make some kind of a decision because she would continue to say,"I think you're better for me in the long run but I'm too young to settle down."

 

Meanwhile, everyone in here is telling me to get out of there and go NC. I guess I was reluctant to do that for two reasons: A) I like having a place to live and B) I was an idiot and thought that by her being there with me she could see that I was a better bf than the other guy. Whatever.

 

She continued to give me a whole list of reasons why we are breaking up: I'm not motivated enough for her, I'm not aggressive enough for her in the bedroom (ouch really made me feel bad) she is too young to settle down, we need to live on our own, she's bored, etc.

 

Ok, so some of you say that if I had gone NC in the beginning I could have gotten her back...but from what I have told you about everything here do you really think it would have been worth it? If we have to go NC to get someone back are they really even worth it?

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I wouldnt go back there mate sounds like beating a dead horse to me. Its up to you of course but you need to get your self respect back and leave. Find somewhere else to live pronto and go. Make yourself feel better in the fact that once this relationship she is in has blown over (which wont be long if just based on lust) she will miss you and you will always be the one that got away. I've had allsorts happen in my life over the last couple of weeks got no where to live no job no car coz of my partner but i ve learned you should never be the doormat. Take control of your life mate and get out with some dignity. Your only young theres plenty of better more mature women out there trust me.

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I think that you're only running around in circles, and hitting the same brick wall.

 

I'm sure it hurts, and is not easy, but you're only punishing yourself by continuing to stay there with her. You have to accept the fact that this is "break-up", and move on. The longer you prolong this, the harder this will be.

 

Alll the best...

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Yes, I know. I haven't been there when she is there. I was there this weekend only because she was out of town and I love having my own place. I'm just saying reguardless of what I could have done or didn't do...does it even sound like she is even worth it?

 

I'm saying had I left early on and gotten her back...would it really have been worth it?? If you have to leave just to get someone to like you then they must not really like you.

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I'm saying had I left early on and gotten her back...would it really have been worth it?? If you have to leave just to get someone to like you then they must not really like you.

No one can answer this. We don't have crystal balls.

 

I can tell you this much, though. Semantic tip-toeing aside, I'm pretty sure she was unfaithful (a "cheater"), and, as hard as it would have been, you should have left her behind as soon as you found out. You should have started looking for somewhere else to live immediately and let her live with her decisions.

 

Time can overcome almost anything -- even infidelity -- but, in the near term, those circumstances called for walking away.

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Well I have been doing alot better. Most of my thoughts towards her lately have been of disgust and I have been enjoying being on my own.

 

I had a bit of a setback last night though. I know she stay's with her guy on the weekends so I crashed at the apartment last night. I was pretty drunk and decided to look at her camera and I saw the pictures of her with her guy and his parents and they went on some kind of boat trip together. I knew she was going out of town last weekend but I did not ask because I didn't want to know. They all look pretty happy I guess and I started to feel bad about never going on anything like that with her. So I felt kind of upset...just a minor setback is all.

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NC does not always work for reconciliation. You should use NC if being in contact with her makes you feel really bad. The NC is for you to heal and give you some space away from "the problem" (her).

 

I do think you should stop living together since she has moved on with another person. The fact that she is dating someone else makes the job of getting her back a lot harder. He's the shiny new toy right now. You probably need to find your own shiny new toy.

 

I'm really sorry for your pain.

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i miss her 2, you have to get of there. I know you want her back, but the conditions of the sitaution aren't conducive to that right now. Sure, getting out of there will make it easier for you to heal (and this has to be done if you ever do get another shot with her), it might even make her miss you, but that's not why you should go. Both of you need some time to let your emotions clear out -- like hitting the reset button, only it takes longer -- only then will you be able to approach this situation on the proper footing. People are naturally nostalgic, so use NC for a while to flush out the negative emotions, not nesessarily to create positive ones (the positive ones are already there, they're just being overridden by the negative).

 

She knows she's using you as a doormat, don't let her. She's telling you to be the one to move out because she knows you won't, and that just give her more power over you -- prove her wrong, and GO. Don't make a big deal out of it, either. You don't want her to think you're doing it to prove her wrong. If she needs a heads-up about you leaving (financial reasons, whatever), by all means let her know. If she's prepared to make the rent on her own (I imagine she's already said that she is), just find a place to go... and go. Don't sit her down for an 'I'm moving out' conversation. Don't expect her to have a change of heart the moment she hears you're leaving.

 

Think about it this way: if you're set on trying to get her back, when do you want to make that effort (and you can only make that effort so many times), when everything is still emotionally charged, or when the emotions have settled down? I know you want her back, but don't feel that continuing to live there is the only card you have left. The conditions need to change before the situation can change.

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That is a good attitude. I am sure there are other girls out there who would be happy to be with you. I know we get stuck on thinking the ex is the only one who will ever make us happy but deep down we all know that's not true. It can't be true. It just takes time to make the adjustment. You seem like you are on your way. I wish you luck.

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I'm the only one that can really make me happy. I know this is very true. It's just nice to have a companion I guess. Honestly I have thought about how there are alot of things I didn't like about her anyway and I would actually be better off alone but I would like to find the right girl eventually and I will.

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