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It's been over 6 months since I've seen him and I've done great progress. On the last 2-3 months I've had like maybe 2 relapses and they didn't last more than 1 day. I met a great guy and I'm just happy with my life in general. I REALLY would not want to get back together with my ex at all.

 

However, what he did to me tonight still REALLY hurt me.

 

Seriously, he's SO immature. He makes me feel SO worthless and like I meant nothing to him. It's just so bad what he does to me. I don't think I deserve to be treated like he treats me, really.

 

It was two of our mutual great friends graduation tonight and we were in the same party. At one time, ALL of his friends were passing through me and they ALL stopped to say hi to me and were amazingly sweet. I saw him coming with his girlfriend and I tried to have eye contact and then literally tried to pass by him and he looked the other way and completely ignored me. Even his girlfriend looked at me and he didn't.

 

What the heck? I cannot understand why someone does this. Do they think I want to get back together with him? Gosh, he's ALL hers I'm REALLY not a threat to them at all. I just wanted to be an adult and say "hi, how are you doing, we dated for 3 years, we were part of eachother's life for 3 years, can't you just have decency, manners and respect"?

 

No really, I just wanted to say hi!!

 

I am going to text him tomorrow and give him a piece of my mind because this REALLY bothered me. I don't care if I'm breaking NC or whatever, I have NO intentions of ever getting back together with this guy so couldn't care less if this message is good for his ego. I just need him to understand how this hurt me and how it's such an immature and cowardly thing to do. I know it might seem like oh, this means that you still like him, but I'm honestly NOT in love with him at all. He was just one of the biggest parts of my life and I don't understand how someone can be so indifferent?

 

Why does he act like this? I really cannot grasp why someone would do that!

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Crap. I have definitely done that. I guess it is pretty immature, but if I think something is going to be awkward, sometimes I just try to avoid it all together. I'll pretend I didn't see them, even though that is kind of impossible. I sort of figured, in the end, it is easier that way for both of us. Just pretend the other doesn't exist and I don't actually have to deal with anything.

 

In fact, I just did something similar to a girl the other day. I guess I was pretty selfish, it didn't even occur to think how she might feel about it. The worst part is she came over to me and kept trying to talk to me, and I did my best to avoid her... After reading your perspective, I feel pretty terrible about it.

 

And how come you took your picture down?! It was much better than your current avatar!

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You did that to someone? Seriously, how can you ignore a person you dated and loved for 3 years? It certainly just seems... very immature and selfish.

 

If you dated for a couple of months, yeah, fine. But if you have a long history together, it's just a courtesy you know? Just awknowledge the person...

 

PS. About the picture, I don't know, I guess I'm scared the guy I'm seeing read what I post... haha. A little paranoid!

 

BTW - I think it's not my place to send him a rude text right? Talk me out of it... haha

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Don't. What's it going to do? I don't think it'll make you feel any better either. He's most likely going to dismiss it and make you seem like the catty ex. People deal with things differently, and though it may seem immature, there's obviously some uncomfortableness on his side that he wants to avoid. Also he was with the new gf, that's gotta make things weird for him, even if it doesn't for you. I don't know many details of your whole situation but I really think you should just leave it be.

 

I don't doubt that it hurts, but things suck like that sometimes.

 

By the way I'm not taking sides or anything, just giving an outsider's perspective.

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hmm, I'm with Jpo, I'd likely do the same thing. Just avoid the drama.

 

Talus also made a good point he was with his new gf. maybe his gf wouldn't have liked him talking to an ex.

 

 

but I probably wouldn't care how mines would feel if I ignored him though, since he didn't really care how I felt when he was a jerk while we were dating.

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Simple. His new girlfriend was there. She probably told him, "I better not catch you even glancing at the little tramp!" so like the good little boy your ex is, he obeys her. But it can also be what the others said; You two have been together for 3 whole years. It may not hurt much to you now since you were the dumper, but he may still feel a little bit hurt by your rejection. Just a little.

 

Don't text him. You've come a long way. Just forget it. He's in the past where he rightfully belongs.

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Did you not dump him for no reason at all? He doesn't owe you anything. If I were in his position, I would have done the same exact thing. You didn't care for his feelings when you dumped him, so why should he be considerate of yours? If anyone's being selfish here, it's you.

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Hey brazilgirl! Sorry to hear this happened to you. But I wouldn't take it too personally if I were you. I do this to my ex, really, and I think I'm even more of an "immature" (if you want to call it that) person than your ex.

 

My reason? It's going to be awkward and forced and totally plastic if we interacted, and it would be so much better to avoid the situation all together.

 

I don't know if your ex has a good reason for avoiding you like that, but I'm with Jpo on this one. It's just that on my part, when we broke up I tried to maintain the friendship, I really did... and he was the one avoiding me. I finally got tired and told myself "no more".

 

And I always keep my word.

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Its only been six months....

 

It seems like forever when really its not...

 

You two had a lot of going back and forth if I remember correctly when he was with you then this girl and then chose the other girl...

 

The situation is still AWKWARD... no matter what your expectations were out of it. YES - you were very close for 3 yrs and he just isn't ready after 6months to try and act like friends... you may feel that you are ready but why does he have to be ready on your time schedule?

 

Honestly - it took two years before my ex and I could honestly be friendly and cordial in those circumstances and frankly there are times where it is still awkward. We both have moved on and are dating other people for some time now but sometimes I walk away thinking "wow... there were times we could stop talking to each other about anything the wind blew how could we have trouble keeping a convo going now???" but that's just life.

 

You need to give him the amount of time that he needs...

 

Sending a * * * * * ing text about how awful it made you feel just shouts.... "I still need your attention and my life isn't complete without it"...

 

Put yourself in his shoes... perhaps he just isn't comfortable with this new type of relationship you have now. Forcing it will definitely kill it.

 

Hugs - I know it hurts... but if you have a great guy... focus on that... not your ex.

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Ignorning is not mature but I did it in the past. I admit. This is hard as everyone deals differently. The person that does the breaking up has all the power so its easier for them. I have been on both sides of the fence so I get it. All I can say is take care of yourself. Move on. You will find someone that loves you the way you deserve. It may take sometime but this too shall pass.

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He's probably still hurting, at least a bit. Or seeing you bought the hurt/anger/whatever back up for him. Just because he has a new girlfriend doesn't mean the emotions can't still be there for him. And/or he may have been clueless on how to act in the situation. There is also the chance his girlfriend said something to him, or he just knew she wouldn't really like him talking to you? There could be a number of reasons really. But, yeah, don't text him anything rude. Just think it probably did bring up some negative emotions for him, and he didn't know how else to react. It can be really akward seeing an ex, and if you dumped them there's usually more hurt on their end remember.

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AngryHeart - We both dumped eachother. I dumped him, then he didn't want to get back together and basically "dumped" me for this new girl. We didn't properly get back but we were seeing eachother.

 

I know his girlfriend is probably jealous of me because he left her for me once already, but at the same time, you've been with him for 6 months girl, trust your relationship.

 

My dad really liked him and was trying to defend him being like, he might be well educated, but what if his new girlfriend isn't and find it normal to ignore people? She might force that to him...

 

I guess whatever reason I still affect him in some way. I would DEFINETLY been fine with being nice and cordial to both him and his girlfriend. I really don't think a "hey, you ok" hurts anybody.

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AngryHeart - We both dumped eachother. I dumped him, then he didn't want to get back together and basically "dumped" me for this new girl. We didn't properly get back but we were seeing eachother.

 

I know his girlfriend is probably jealous of me because he left her for me once already, but at the same time, you've been with him for 6 months girl, trust your relationship.

 

My dad really liked him and was trying to defend him being like, he might be well educated, but what if his new girlfriend isn't and find it normal to ignore people? She might force that to him...

 

I guess whatever reason I still affect him in some way. I would DEFINETLY been fine with being nice and cordial to both him and his girlfriend. I really don't think a "hey, you ok" hurts anybody.

 

 

Wait a minute, are you seeing anyone new currently? Maybe he has heard and feel a bit uneasy seeing you now?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Brazilgirl,

 

I think it's best to leave it be... if you really do want to be friends with him in the future, then you really can't force it. If he's not ready, you need to respect that, even IF his relationship with the current girl is really secure and all, that doesn't mean he is ready to be friends with you yet...

 

Good job for not sending the text!

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He loved you and you dumped him. I've broken 4 bones, been on crutches, had a nail run through my thumb, been to the hospital over a nearly fatal allergic reaction to a deadly plant, and recovered from 2 curable "diseases". No pain came close, neither in length nor severity, to being dumped by the ones I loved. I'd ignore you too.

 

If the relationship failed, then it failed. You can't go back in time and he's got a new girl. If you want something from him, let it be known, otherwise let him live his new life.

 

Your paths may cross in the future, but for now just let him be and focus on you.

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  • 1 year later...

i must say i am extremely concerned with the general opinions/advice of people on this thread. there seems to be an assumption that it is ok to ignore and behaveimmaturely even though this is cruel and unforgivable emotional abuse. the girl was obviously behaving like a healthy mature adult, so why isnt her abuser being condemned for his actions? when two adults feel awkward, they talk about it to sort it out, not avoid each other like immature kids. and the general advice should focus on his wrong behaviour, not in re victimising her when she has just been abused. in this case since the guy isnt over her yet, its his duty to come forward to his ex and start communicating so that he can start healing and try to move on. he should not be in a relationship with another before this happens. if his current girlfriend is immature and possesive, (which she doesnt seem to be) then he should assess her according to his own values (ie. does he respect and want to be with an immature, possesive insecure greedy clingy jealous girl or not) and then decide whether to be with her or separate. and why is everyone in denial of the fact that brazilgirl is obviously justified to expect respect from her ex and rather advising her to not respond and basically feel hurt and be the victim without taking action? there is something seriously wrong with people today. communicating, behaving with honour, courtesy and respect are GOOD and RIGHT and should be applauded and encouraged, just as ignoring and avoiding is IMMATURE UNINTELLIGENT CRUEL ABUSIVE and WRONG and should be condemned unequivocally by all. Just to see more than half the males on this thread admit to behaving this way shows that they need to grow up. I just want to say shame on you boys. Yes it is true that ignoring and avoiding, is a cruel type of abuse which is accepted by society, its 'criminal' perpatrators go scot free, not just legally, but also morally. And it is this type of abuse that destroys women, and in fact constitutes emotional r*pe which is utterly violating to women both emotionally and psychologically. To behave in this way by ignoring and avoiding after a serious relationship,is in fact is a statement made by the male stating that "everything we shared together was meaningless and you are worthless, and you do not even deserve to be treated with the minimum human dignity let alone respect, even though you were willing to put your life on the line for me, possibly sacrifice your life for me and be the mother of my children at one point". How can anybody say that its just awkwardness and immaturity and excuse it as being ok? how DARE anyone say that if a woman cant handle emotional abuse and emotional r*ape that she isnt mature enough to handle a relationship?? Apologies for using strong language.

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