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Virgin at 21! HELPP!


VirginHoe

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I had to repost this because of language infractions (very sorry!)

Hi, yeah, whats up everybody.

 

My name is Lizzie and here's my story:

I just turned 21 this past month and I am slowly dying inside. Why you ask? Because at 21 I am not just a virgin, I am an extreme virgin. I've never had a boyfriend, I've kissed a few people, and did not enjoy it AT ALL. I've never experienced any form of foreplay. I've never even known a person that I could see myself dating, or was strongly attracted to.

 

I am NOT asexual. I am extremely sensual, sexual. I have a fire inside me, but I am slowly turning into the most bitter, uptight, melancholy frustrated person because I've never had sex! I crave a man's touch, I crave body heat, I want my fire to burn! My desire for sex is only matched by the anger and repressed emotions I feel about my lack of it. Its not just psychological, its physical- a 21 year old woman so deprived of human touch is not healthy, it does not feel healthy.

 

Most of my male friends are gay, I never seem to meet guys that I like. I can't bring myself to make love to someone I'm not genuinely attracted to.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated. I am going to explode if I can't turn this situation around.

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Well first of all, do you live in USA and can you post a picture?

 

I know how you feel though. I haven't had a girlfriend in about a year and it just seems the most of the people around me I am genuinely not attracted to, and I cannot seem to be able to force myself into a relationship that there is no real attraction for me. Nor do I view that as fair for either me or the girl in question. The women I have been interested in, there is always some reason nothing can happen (not single, not interested in me).

 

I know the feeling. You crave it, but just not the "it" that surrounds you. I don't know if there is an easy fix. You are 21, so I assume you are in school. If that is true, try to be as friendly as possible this semester and get involved with various groups. Keep the people around you diverse to give you lots of opportunities. Easier said than done sometimes, but I'm not sure what alternatives you have.

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I was 23 before i lost mine. And i jumped in too quickly and picked a looser!

Before that i wasn't kissed, so yes, first kiss at 23. I dont like that fact at all.

 

I was extremely shy. Didn't go out much to know people. Felt uncomfortablea round a lot of people. What i learnt is that there is nothing wrong with you. . Dont just rush out there and find someone. You'll regret it. I did. Beaware of what some guys will say, and dont believe it all...i was incredibly naieve.

 

Ive always been told, that i must have had lots of guys chasing me etc etc. Wrong. I didn't have confidence in teh way i looked. Do you?

 

Even that being said, i didn't even like any one until i was 23. I had the crushes on celebreties but no one in real life. All 'sexual' acts with any one kind of grossed me out. I couldn't imagine doing that with any one. Then i met my first bf and it totally changed. I cant explain why.

 

Even tho its easy to say this hang in there. Dont let this control or ruin your life. It doens' thelp, trust me. Get out there, meet people, try online dating or something. Take it slow and dont rush, but for some people it takes longer. Even tho that sucks too!

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This might be a given but I'll check just to be sure.

I take it you're after a genuine relationship type of thing? Because if you're seriously just after the physical that isn't too hard for a young lady.

 

oh yeah another extreme virgin every sense too here. You can't claim to be one if you've kissed a few people j/k

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Yeah, it's a tough situation. You must feel pretty left out at times. But don't worry, your time will come. You're still young and have lots of time. As Esteller mentioned, getting out is a great idea. Whatever you are comfortable with, whether it's going to a club, or even a place like a recreation center. Somewhere where there are other people and where you can have fun. Take it one step at a time.

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The thing is, I'm pretty social. I go to art school. I attend alot of parties. I dress up really nicely, I'm attractive, lively, engaging, witty. I love talking to people. But guys just never seem to come up to me and want to have a chat. One of my girlfriends is the opposite- she's actually not as egaging and more of a demure type, but guys approach her constantly.

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Ok, so I am more old fashioned so take this advice for what its worth.

 

Your virginity is not a race. There is no prize at the finish line. Once you have lost it, its gone for forever. I made the choice to not have sex with a lot of men. The way I saw it, everytime I did it was like I gave them a piece of me. I really didnt like how that felt. I wanted to be as whole as I could for the man I wanted to marry. Not in a religious way, just in a sharing what I have of me with him way.

 

You are 21, you have time. I know that is not what you want to hear. You are aching to have this experience, but I assure you it will happen in its own time. For now, just kick back, relax and enjoy the ride.

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UM yeahhhh, I'm not enjoying the 'ride'. There is no ride. I'm celibate. Its boring and lonely. I'm not trying to lose my virginity, I'm just trying to light a fire with someone. If it ends in sex, yay, if it doesnt, the attraction is what matters to me, not the sex.

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The thing is, I'm pretty social. I go to art school. I attend alot of parties. I dress up really nicely, I'm attractive, lively, engaging, witty. I love talking to people. But guys just never seem to come up to me and want to have a chat. One of my girlfriends is the opposite- she's actually not as egaging and more of a demure type, but guys approach her constantly.

 

ive been told that even tho im attractive etc etc, guys may not come up to me because they are intimidated.

 

I supose, im of 'model' height and with heels over 6ft, so some guys, maybe put off by that. In the sense of being able to come up to me. My current bf even said that. He find girls didn't come up to him, because he and his friends were more 'serious' than the idiots dancing around!

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UM yeahhhh, I'm not enjoying the 'ride'. There is no ride. I'm celibate. Its boring and lonely. I'm not trying to lose my virginity, I'm just trying to light a fire with someone. If it ends in sex, yay, if it doesnt, the attraction is what matters to me, not the sex.

 

Tried internet dating? For women it's a veritable buffet of men and you can browse till you find someone you like. Don't get on when you meet? Just go back and try someone else

 

Your comments about being 'lively, engaging and witty', and that you have several gay friends - could be at all possible that you're accross as one of those scary women who's very * * * * * y, very gossipy and appears to be assessing and judging everyone she meets? Stereotyping I know, but you also mention that your 'demure' friend has a lot more success - perhaps you intimidate men and she doesn't.

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UM yeahhhh, I'm not enjoying the 'ride'. There is no ride. I'm celibate. Its boring and lonely. I'm not trying to lose my virginity, I'm just trying to light a fire with someone. If it ends in sex, yay, if it doesnt, the attraction is what matters to me, not the sex.

 

I hate to say, the first few times you have sex are usually terrible. Obviously this isn't the case for everyone... but: you are expecting some sort of release or fulfillment and it's usually just really nerve wracking and a mess.

 

What OWB is saying has merit.

 

You have to be a little patient, I know it's frustrating. I waited until I was 21, myself and just finally did it but it wasn't really that great. I wish I had waited more, honestly and this means a lot coming from someone like me. I'm boy crazy and totally hyper-sexual.

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I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that is enough to keep you from wanting to have sex. Still I think it's good for you to try and get more realistic expectations.

 

You talk about a lot of passion and things like that, but it's hard to find. Just remember you're looking for something specific. Since you wouldn't just sleep with anyone, it's bound to take longer.

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Unless you want to just give it away to some poor loser or sell it for a million dollars to some rich loser... suck it up and be patient. It takes time to find a real connection with someone and it takes some effort on your part. Just keep meeting new people.

 

Honestly this seems pretty silly to me. You're a "healthy young female of breeding age" (to quote Terminator 3). For whatever reason you may seem unapproachable to guys. But so what? Find one you like and approach him -yourself-. It's NOT hard for a woman, virtually every man out there would kill to be approached by you. If you were a bit more proactive you could go out tonight and in the space of an hour collect -at least- ten male phone numbers.

 

That said, my advice is to not do that. Your virginity is yours and it's extremely valuable. Literally, girls your age sell their virginities all the time. Don't do that either though. Just be patient until you meet someone you connect with. Be a bit more proactive, you -will- meet a ton of guys and there's bound to be one or two good ones out of them.

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