My ex keeps calling me...

[anya85]

I have a dilemma. My ex, who I have a very long history with, has started calling me again. We haven't spoken in several months--at which time, he told me he wasn't going to contact me any more because it was too painful for him. Basically, this was a guy I dated for 7 years, starting in high school when I was 13 years old and he was 16. I am now 24 and he is 27 if that gives you any idea of how long this has been going on for. We had a pretty nasty falling out during the breakup after the 7 years(I was around age 20) and did not speak for 2 years. Then about a year and half ago, we got back in contact, got back together for about 6 months, in which time he moved in with me. This, however, proved to be a mistake. This guy and I are plain and simply, not meant to be together. We don't get along, we have different likes and dislikes, and to be honest, I think he's controlling and very emotionally manipulative.

 

I haven't seen him in person since he moved out of my condo about a year and half ago, but every few months he'll start calling me up again. This always starts out the same way--he's happy to talk to me, he seems like a normal, balenced person. We talk, we catch up. Gradually, he'll start becoming emotional, asking to see me, asking me why it's been so long since we've spoken, he'll eventually start becoming very upset--asking why I don't want to be with him, why I don't care. He'll push me to visit him or to allow him to come to my house--I'll say no, because I know this isn't a good idea. Then it becomes messy and we'll stop talking again...only for him to contact me again in 6 months.

 

I have no interest in being with this person in that way. Ever. I've been there and done that too many times. I don't think any good will ever come from it. I am in a new relationship with someone else. I don't know what to do when he starts calling me. It seems so cruel to just not answer, but I know I'm opening a can of worms if I do. I've told him several times that there is no relationship-future between us, that I don't think we get along and that we aren't meant for each other. I'm not interested in seeing him in person because I KNOW he can't handle it. I KNOW he wants us to be together. I don't feel like I'm leading him on because I've been VERY clear that I'm not interested. What should I do?

[USARM]

You've answered the question yourself - you don't want to be with him, he does, he's emotionally manipulative.

 

I had a horrible breakup with a gf of 4.5yrs. We argued for 2-3 months, then no contact hardly for 2. Now we hang out with mutual friends and chat every now and then. We're fine. Unfortunately from what you have said, you will not be able to do this, sorry to say. You'll cause yourself problems if he cannot accept you don't want to get back together and just be civil. Either he does this or you don't speak to him again. You'll cause yourself problems. Don't try and please him or be "nice", while just making yourself unhappy.

 

Good luck with it.

[HeartGoesOn]

Since he's that bad, and you see no future together, why are you responding when he contacts you?

[loulee]

get an answer machine..screen your calls..ask him to stop calling you and then dont respond. If you want him to get over you... you need to make it happen.....stop responding...its like dragging things out indefinitely that you clearly have no interest in. It will Force him to let go...and that is what HE needs to do for himself. so take yourself out of the picture...for his own sake..look at it as a kind thing to do for him not cruel..