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I hope I didn't do the wrong thing...


Ammy

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Hey guys,

 

So I'm seeing on guy (guy 1) from online dating - 4th date tomorrow... in the meantime I met another guy (guy 2) online and he asked for my number first chat conversation last Saturday (its a site where you add people to a contact list and chat rather than email). Anyway he started texting me A LOT... but it was sweet and friendly.. then he called me Tuesday (I told him to call me after a few days as I had assessments at uni Mon and Tues and was busy studying)... we had a good half hour convo lots of laughter and it was fun (however he did mention ex girlfriends and loopy girls he met online which was a bit of a yellow flag)... and then he said he'd like to speak again soon.

 

I am soooo busy with uni work.. and then had the additional issue that I have seen guy 1 a few times and as mentioned in my previous post am a bit funny about juggling guys, even though I KNOW we're not exclusive.

 

Anyway guy 2 texted me a few times and I couldn't always reply.. I am busy and I didn't want to encourage too much - firstly cos I am seeing the other guy and want one more date to make a decision there, and secondly because too much text communication etc is not good before we even met.

 

He called me again one evening and I didn't answer... I was at university... so he texted and said to call him when I'm free at the weekend. Saturday morning 9.30am, my phone is ringing and it's him guy 2... and I didn't answer.

 

Anyway I get a text today at 1.30pm (saturday) saying he doesn't think I'm interested in staying in touch and that he thought I was lovely and smart and interesting and pretty and therefore was excited after talking to me and maybe got ahead of himself and wishes me the best. He then deleted me from his online contacts. I texted back and said that I am very busy at the moment, but enjoyed talking to him too and think he's a lot of fun and would like to stay in touch as friends for now and if he would like to that is good otherwise good luck. No reply.

 

I feel bad, he was a lovely guy... but perhaps a bit too full on? I mean constant texts after we have only chatted once online and on the phone once... It just seemed too much too soon. We had only met last Saturday night online and within a few days I felt like he was invading my life completely!

 

I feel bad though, I think we could have been good friends, but he seemed very very full on and as much as I love that attention, I worry now that is a sign of someone who's not 100% secure?!

 

Anyway no advice needed really.. just wanted to get it off my chest.. and see if there was a better way I could have handled it!

 

Ammy

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Hey Ammy,

 

Well, by the sounds of things, I don't think you really did anything wrong. Obviously he took it hard, but it sure wasn't your fault...busy schedules, whether it be through uni or work, should always be taken into account. It does seem like Guy 2 was perhaps getting a little ahead of himself, and it's never a good sign when the contact is so full on so early on, especially if you'd only been communicating a matter of days. I think you definitely took the right action by explaining your current situation and your schedule, then giving him the choice of whether or not he wanted to keep in touch. I'm sorry he didn't respond, but in the meantime, I hope all things work out well with Guy 1, that's your main focus now. Best wishes!

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IMO, he was calling too much. Didn't he leave a message asking you to call back then call back? I think that's just too much frankly. He should have just waited for you to call him back when you had the chance. I find it odd that he asked you to call him back when you were free on the weekend, the barely waits for any time to pass on the weekend for you to call him back. On a side note, there should be a law against calling before noon on a weekend ( Sounds a bit overbearing for someone that does not even know you!

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Hey guys,

 

Yep too much too soon... Even the phone convo was very full on. I love depth and people who share and I don't mind a bit of full on, but for me to be backing away thinking it was too much, made me think it MUST be too much.

 

And yes 9.30am on Saturday...?!!! Esp after I have told him NUMEROUS times how sleep deprived and overworked I was this week.

 

Ammy

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As long as you are clear about how busy you are and when you are actually free to some potential new interest then I dont see a problem. Keep in mind a guy that is really listening is the one who always will. By this I mean,. the ones you talk with that sound nice, may seem interesting but are they really listening and interested in what YOu are telling them If I met a new guy and pointedly told him how tired and busy I was all week I would EXPECT him to take note of that, to have listened, and to have considered this and then suggest we meet at a time when I was more available and not so tied down/busy etc and vica versa. Guys that ignore all this are more often than not quite selfish and self serving, and more importantly they are not really listening to you... They want their needs met first..and you dont even have to meet them in person to work this out..

There is nothing wrong with going out with several of guys at once..it can be a good thing to do.. you are single free and not committed to anyone right now..

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yea it was to much.. he did apologize.. but what he was looking for was someone who he could chat and get to know and even possibly date. to tell you the truth.. there is no such thing as too busy. i bet if you like him alot you would of made time to call back but u already had a guy 1 and other stuff to do.. so it just didnt work out.. well just trying to come at it in a different angle

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Well he did reply 4 hours later... Saying he's happy to be friends and that is all he can offer right now (which is cool cos that is all I wanted... it was him pushing it!)... but that he doesn't like to have to chase for friendship and the ball is in my court now.

 

Too much drama?!!

 

Not sure if I will message him again or not. He is entertaining and I don't have many male friends who I hang out with - so it might be nice to have another friend, especially one who I enjoy talking to... So I will see.

 

Ammy

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For someone you haven't actually met yet, the you're certaintly getting more drama than you should be. Did i read correctly you only actually started speaking a week ago?.... way too much contact on his part too soon.

 

For the record, you didn't do anything wrong. If you would actually like to be his friend though, i don't see anything wrong with that. Providing you're sure he wont start wanting more.

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I can just see him on this forum complaining about how you gave mixed signals.

 

Don't worry about it. You were honest and upfront. His feelings were hurt and his pride was a little damaged. That has nothing to do with you really. It's all about him and his baggage. He was chasing too much and not listening to your needs.

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