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advice needed, is my relationship past the point of no return?


helsbells
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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Hi all, I've just joined as i need some advice about my current relationship.

 

My girlfriend and i have been together on and off for about 2 1/2 years. we've more or less always had lots of problems and over time they have gotten worse. We get on really well together, loads in common, love talking to eachother and we totally love eachother. I broke up with her after the first year we had had lots of sexual problems and I moved out of the flat. Around the same time i also slept with a guy, just a one night thing which i told my girlfriend about. A month later moved back in as we got back together, but there were lots of arguements about me sleeping with that guy and her constantly telling me i was straight so why was i with her. 6 months went by and this time she broke up with me and again i moved out of the flat. we stayed in contact seeing eachother almost every day for the first 2 weeks then she told me she'd slept with a guy. Around the same time so had i and we talked about stuff and started to get really close again and decided to give it another go. I was round there most nights for a week, staying overnight and one evening she planned to meet up with somone that she works with after work, and sheld be back a little late. anyway she got home at midnight and ended up going over to this guys flat and had sex with him and when she came home insisted we wern't together and she could do what she liked. lots kicked off that evening and i left and we didn't talk for a few days. during which time i'd made plans to move 200 miles north to get away from her and the situation. I saw her the following weekend and she told me that she'd slept with another guy, who was the same guy i slept with a few weeks before and thats why she slept with him, just cos i did. anyway i moved away and we still talked by phone cos we missed easchother so much, the companionship i guess. Not long after i moved she called me up saying that she couldn't live without me, had made i big mistake breaking up with me and had taken an overdose, so i called the ambulance. anyway we're still together but haven't lived together in a year but i go and see her most weekends. Neither one of us can get over the past, me more so than her, and i don't see us living together again.

 

The problem is that we don't want to loose eachother, but we drive eachother nutts by controlling eachother cos of jelousey, I'm not allowed to have any male friends or spend time with who i want and she has a tendency to go nutts if i do. I feel that its gone to far to ever be a normal relationship and want to keep her as a friend but she says if we split up she'll never talk to me again and if we do i'm scared she might try and take an overdose again.

 

I'm not sure what to do.

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That is a very interesting situation, the only solution that comes to my mind, is leave each other alone for a long period of time, NO CONTACT. Time to heal and get over the past, nothing will help you forget about the things she did, and nothing will help her get over the things you did, except for a large amount of time. Thats my take on my current situation, give it time and start over fresh if it ever comes to it, if not, ITS ALL GOOD LIFE GOES ON.

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For me it would be very destructive if my partner would take overdose over relationship. I am not sure I would be able to stay though it would be extremely difficult to run away, especially if feelings are involved.

 

From what you are describing it seems as if your GF is the one who i more dependent on this relationship. See, you were the first who broke up with her; you was the dynamic one: to move in, to move out; you moved 200 miles away; even your post sounds like asking for a blessing to break up rather like a scream for help how to fix it...

 

All her behavior is a reaction to yours. All those guys with whom she slept seemed to be a reaction on your sex with them. Before you moved out the first time what exactly happened? I see it as if she was absolutely hurt by it and somehow your sex with the guy added to it a lot. You've mentioned that you had issues of sexual nature, I would assume that this issue was never resolved? When you moved away she took an overdose - the only way she could find to bring your attention closer, to show you how much she needs you. She is very focused on you.

 

However, I am not sure that this relationship creates a good environment for you both in terms being able to take responsibilities. Responsibilities for your selves and each other. When two people are solving their sexual problems by hurting each other is terrible. Practically both of you made these problems one hundred times deeper. May be both of you should go now together and seek professional help. An only after you both are capable of seeing life without a constant drama, you both can decide how to manage this relationship.

 

I think that it doesn't matter whether you break up with her now or not, there is so much damage involved on both parts that if you love each other, you should try to help each other. That would be fair.

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